Uber plans to launch a fleet of autonomous flying taxis in
two years. The question is how does the company expect to go from customers
being assaulted by drivers while just going across town to being magically
flown through the air?
Pedestrian fatalities have increased 46% in the U.S. from
2009-2016. So much for that campaign that walking is good for your health.
Pedestrian fatalities have increased 46% in the U.S. from
2009-2016. To which the people in Southern California are saying “what’s a
pedestrian?”
A report says more U.S. workers are testing positive for
illicit drugs. Mostly because it’s no fun to just smoke pot anymore now that
it’s legal and everyone can do it.
The University of Cincinnati has revoked the honorary degree
it awarded to Bill Cosby. Which is too bad because now there will be a big
space left empty on his refrigerator door.
A report says many teens are not even looking for summer
jobs. Why go through all that trouble to make a few hundred dollars when they
know it won’t even put a dent in their college loan debt of $100,000.
The number of Social Security beneficiaries has risen to
more than 62 Million for the first time. The amazing part is that many
Americans are able to live long enough to collect Social Security.
A rumor says Hillary Clinton is wearing a back brace. Mostly
from the whiplash she suffered on election night looking at the results from
Michigan, Ohio and Wisconsin.
Hillary Clinton joked that she thought about leaving the
country after the election. To which many Democrats are wishing she had left
before the election.
Chinese banks have reportedly grown to twice as big as U.S.
banks. Mostly because people in China actually have money they can put away in
bank accounts.
Chinese banks have reportedly grown twice as big as U.S.
banks. The U.S. banks have more accounts, it’s just that half of them are at
Wells Fargo and are fake.
Chinese banks have reportedly grown to twice as big as U.S.
banks. They need to be to keep track of all the money they keep loaning our
government to keep us afloat.
A company wants to put Starbucks baristas out of business with
a $25,000 robot. Which may not be cost effective in replacing the baristas as
it takes five years for them to make
that much money.
A company wants to put Starbucks baristas out of business
with a $25,000 robot. The inventor must have had his name misspelled on a cup
one time too many.
A study says Donald Trump’s TV coverage is 90% negative.
With Stormy Daniels, Rudy Giuliani and Robert Mueller constantly in the
headlines, the question is where is there even 10% of anything positive?
A study says Donald Trump’s TV coverage is 90% negative.
People were surprised. Fox News represents only 10% of news programming?
Hawaii residents are leaving offerings to the volcano
goddess Pele. The sad part is with the non-natives who want to get involved and
leave a soccer ball.
Hawaii residents are leaving offerings to the volcano
goddess Pele. Which is different than in California where to prevent
earthquakes they leave offerings to Charles Barkley.
Utah has implemented a “free range” parenting law. Otherwise
known as the “Mommy’s had too much to drink, you kids go out and play” law.
Federal legislators are grilling officials as to why
electricity has not been fully restored to Puerto Rico. To which the people
there are saying “Electricity?”
Federal legislators are grilling officials as to why
electricity has not been fully restored to Puerto Rico. Which is fine as long
as they aren’t using an electric grill.
Japanese officials were offended when Prime Minister Abe was
served dessert in a shoe at a dinner with Benjamin Netanyahu. Apparently the
chef was told to get the dessert out fast and step on it.
Japanese officials were offended when Prime Minister Abe was
served dessert in a shoe at a dinner with Benjamin Netanyahu. Somebody really
stepped in it.
Japanese officials were offended when Prime Minister Abe was
served dessert in a shoe at a dinner with Benjamin Netanyahu. Apparently the
chef thought no one would notice when the kitchen ran out of bowls.
Melania Trump is being accused of plagiarism over a cyber
safety booklet. Apparently she forgot to include the chapter about how to
prevent online copying.
A couple in Zimbabwe were married just days after a
crocodile bit off the bride’s arm. There was nothing humerus about that.
A couple in Zimbabwe were married just days after a
crocodile bit off the bride’s arm. The only thing is they had to skip the part
where the bride throws the bouquet.
The Highlands Bar & Grill in Birmingham was named the
nation’s top restaurant. People were surprised. There are places to eat in
Alabama besides Waffle House?
Sky News will ID celebrities at the Royal Wedding using AI.
It’s already been programmed to recognize Duchess Camilla by the saddle she
will be wearing.
Sky News will ID celebrities at the Royal Wedding using AI.
The program recognizes the biggest celebrities as the ones who always look the
most bored and withdrawn.
The EPA is dropping plans for U.S. vehicles to be rated at
54.5 mpg, stopping at 42 mpg. Mostly because there isn’t an engine yet invented
that can haul around four fat Americans in a car getting that mileage that can
go more than 3 miles an hour.
Starbucks is trying to attract afternoon customers. They’ll
start by appealing to people who need to get caffeinated after lunch to make it
through the two other jobs they are working to make ends meet.
A report says tourists pumped $22.7 Billion into the L.A.
County economy in 2017. Which is exactly how much it costs for a family of four
to stay in a hotel, rent a car buy Disneyland passes for a week.
The highest percentage of Americans since 2005 expect house
prices to rise. Which in 2005, those same people who thought home prices would
continue to rise are the ones who took out subprime loans and have been
homeless ever since.
A Nebraska woman whose nose constantly ran turned out to be
leaking fluid from her brain. Which means when she sneezed, she literally blew
her brains out.
A U.S. panel says to leave prostate screening up to men and
their doctor. And for the benefit of all concerned, no one else.
A “deodorant challenge” left a UK teen with second degree
burns on her arm. Until now, the “deodorant challenge” meant how it smelled
when visiting France.
A “deodorant
challenge” left a UK teen with second degree burns on her arm. From now on,
people taking part in the deodorant challenge, Tide Pod challenge or any other
challenge need to be regarded as mentally challenged.
The fertility rate in China has fallen to the point where it
is considered a national problem. Although the country didn’t get a population
of 1.4 Billion because all the women are barren.
A report estimates children bear 88% of the burden of
diseases linked to climate change. No one even knew that global warming had
anything to do with cooties.
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from “Jersey Shore” says he
is celebrating 28 months of sobriety. Which is impressive as with that crew, it
usually is a result of a 28 month jail term.
Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from “Jersey Shore” says he
is celebrating 28 months of sobriety. The real test will be when he quits
showing up on the reunion shows of “Jersey Shore.”
The TV show “Lethal Weapon” has fired its main star for the
start of Season 3. Which is amazing in that even the movie series was able to
keep Mel Gibson through episode number 4.
Keanu Reeves and Alex Winter are reuniting for a third “Bill
& Ted” movie. Apparently the plot has them saving the world by going back
in time to 1989 to stop them from making the first one.
A pair of twins born in Utah on May 4th, Star
Wars Day were named Rowan Luke and Kai Leia after the movie’s characters. Those
kids will someday consider themselves lucky their parents weren’t fans of Jar
Jar Binks.
The NFLPA says the league can’t make players stand for the
National Anthem. Instead they should be more concerned about the players just
being able to remember the song by the time they are 50.
The U.S. Olympic gold medal winning curling team is
shuffling its lineup as vice skip Tyler George is taking a break from
competition. Apparently he developed a wicked case of “broom elbow.”
Kurt Warner says he thought about returning to the NFL at
age 47. To which even Brett Favre is saying “Is he serious?”
Joe Namath gave some advice to new Jets quarterback Sam
Darnold. The former Jets great wanted to impress on the rookie that he still
has “dibs” on Suzy Kolber.
Dustin Johnson has reportedly angered Paulina Gretzky by
hitting golf balls in the house. Which shouldn’t be a problem, as long as their
living room stretches out more than 350 yards.
Tiger Woods says he learned to hit the low stinger when he
stole his dad’s 1-iron. To which everyone under 40 is saying “what’s a 1-iron?”
Tiger Woods says he learned to hit the low stinger when he
stole his dad’s 1-iron. Although an even better move would have been if he had
thought ahead to steal Elin Nordegren’s 9-iron.
A former CIA officer has been charged with espionage. Wait a
minute, isn’t that pretty much their job?
Rudy Giuliani is firing back at allegations of erratic
behavior. The biggest clue that he accepted a job working as Donald Trump’s
lawyer.
Rudy Giuliani is firing back at allegations of erratic
behavior. Are they serious? Does no one remember what he was like even back
when he was Mayor of New York City?
CIA Director nominee Gina Haspel has vowed she won’t restart
the enhanced interrogation program. To which Donald Trump was disappointed,
saying “Not even for James Comey?”
An EPA memo claims “lashing out from passengers” prompted
first class flights for Scott Pruitt. The funny part is that the EPA expects us
to believe people flying coach have any idea who is in charge at the EPA.
The Senate Intelligence Committee says Russia is preparing
to undermine confidence in the American voting process. To which everyone is
saying what do they mean “preparing”?
The Senate Intelligence Committee says Russia is preparing
to undermine confidence in the American voting process. To which they need to
be told the Republicans already did that back in 2000.
AT&T says it paid Michael Cohen $200,000 in 2017 for
insight into understanding the Trump Administration. That insight being that
for $200,000 you can get one and a half Stormy Daniels.
Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is making a surprise visit to
North Korea. Mostly because the only way to get most people to go to North
Korea is telling them they are going to China and when the plane lands, yell “Surprise!”
Donald Trump is reportedly considering pulling Rudy Giuliani
from any more TV interviews. How bad is it when a member of the Trump
Administration can’t even get their message out on Fox News?
That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Well, the primary
elections are over. We had a crazy one in West Virginia where three Republicans
were at each others’ throats to try to take on sitting Senator Joe Manchin.
Things got so nasty, you would have thought they were running against Hillary
Clinton. Now at least we get a bit of a break until November. Then the ads will
start for 2020. And right after that, 2024. And of course, both parties are
already grooming some third graders for a possible run at the White House in
2056. All I know is that I feel like I won an election every time you all
remember to always keep on sending the love!
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