Thursday, July 06, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

A study says Millennials are not ready for “the reality of life” and suffer anxiety problems because of it. To which Millennials claim that is nonsense, and what better way to prepare for reality than growing up watching nothing but reality TV shows?

A study says Millennials are not ready for “the reality of life” and suffer anxiety problems because of it. To which Millennials are asking who needs reality when you can spend all day posting on Facebook, playing video games and watching YouTube?

A study says Millennials are not ready for “the reality of life” and suffer anxiety problems because of it. To which Millennials say the only thing they have to worry about is when their Baby Boomer parents’ inheritance runs out.

Federal agents grilled Kathy Griffin for an hour over the picture of her with the bloodied head of Donald Trump. Although Griffin didn’t apparently seem to mind as it is the only time in recent memory she actually kept an audience an entire hour.

An Iraqi male model was reportedly killed in Baghdad because he was too good looking. Just another reason I will not be traveling to Iraq anytime soon.

The U.S. has warned North Korea we are ready to fight if provoked. Which has pretty much not been a secret to anyone around the world since, say about January 20th.

Wildfires have gotten within two miles of ancient Olympia in Greece, the home of the Olympics. They should have known that was a possibility when they left the flame burning without extinguishing it for the past thousand years.

An iceberg the size of Delaware is reportedly about ready to break off Antarctica. The sad part is it wouldn’t have gotten as much attention if Delaware were about ready to break off of the North American coast.

A postal worker in Florida is being accused of taking bribes for delivering packages containing drugs. People were shocked. If they knew that was the case, they would have bribed their letter carrier to make sure all their mail got delivered.

The Pentagon says the missile launched by North Korea is new and has not been seen before. Especially for North Korea in that it didn’t have a fuse that had to be lit by hand and wasn’t held in place by a stick placed in the ground.

Americans will reportedly spend $100 Billion on summer vacations this year. And that’s just the cost of tickets, food and souvenirs at any of the Disney theme parks.

Americans will reportedly spend $100 Billion on summer vacations this year. That doesn’t even include the cost of the hospital bills for being dragged off the flight they booked on United Airlines.

The bikini bathing suit is turning 71 years old this year. Which is not a valid reason that because she is also 71 that Cher should continue to wear them in public.

Mark Zuckerberg is speaking out in support of a universal basic income. He thinks people should be paid enough to be able to support themselves while they do nothing else but sit in front of a computer and post on Facebook all day.

Mark Zuckerberg is speaking out in support of a guaranteed universal basic income. Sort of like what he has, except not enough to amount to $62.7 Billion.

VW is reportedly building a Virtual Reality app. The goal is to make it real enough so that users actually believe the company is meeting environmental standards for their diesel emissions.

A study says the lowest income families spend 40% of their income on luxuries. Which apparently to the people complaining about it is spending on anything other than a cave for shelter and a bow and arrow to hunt down the family dinner.

A new product allows people to snort chocolate for an energy boost. Apparently the idea came after seeing how toddlers who never seem to slow down always seem to have a Hershey bar stuck up their nose.

DeVry has agreed to pay $49 Million to students for misleading ads about the chances of finding a job in their chosen field. DeVry says they got the idea from all the colleges in the SEC who have been doing pretty much the same thing for years.

A pregnant woman in Florida gave birth after being struck by lightning. Ironically the hospital she was taken to decided to write it off as a no charge.

A pregnant woman in Florida gave birth after being struck by lightning. Her husband was upset, saying if he had known that was going to happen he wouldn’t have wasted all that time and money on Lamaze classes.

A teenage fast food restaurant worker in Ohio saved the life of a customer on his second day on the job. He could have saved even more on the first if he had told them not to eat anything on the menu.

A study says having too much confidence can hurt a person’s performance at work. Which may give at least a partial reason why Donald Trump’s popularity numbers are stagnating around 35%.

Christie Brinkley recently gave her secrets to aging gracefully. The first is being born to look like Christie Brinkley.

Christie Brinkley recently gave her secrets to aging gracefully. One of them is to get married to someone like Billy Joel who always makes you look so much better by comparison.

Scientists say that looking at cute photos can rekindle couples’ love life. At least until the wives catch their husbands looking at online pictures of cute women who are naked.

Studies show that the hunter-gatherers’ diet can be healthy for people. Except for the people who take that to mean hunting for desserts that end up gathering right around their midsection.

Cowboy quarterback Dak Prescott is being accused of using an autograph machine to sign photos. Apparently he wants to prevent any arm injuries that would keep him from signing the only thing that really matters, a multi-million dollar contract.

Robert Downey, Jr. says he will give up the “Iron Man” gig if it becomes embarrassing. Which is fortunate for him they never made a series of “The Pickup Artist.”

Robert Downey, Jr. says he will give up the “Iron Man” gig if it becomes embarrassing. Which is a rule that apparently only applies to him and not Johnny Depp for all the “Pirates of the Caribbean” films.

Lindsay Lohan is defending Donald Trump, telling people to “stop bullying him.” What has he ever done to pick on anyone other than threatening nuclear war, take away people’s health care, eliminate Social Security, banish Medicaid…

Model Emily Ratajkowski says people don’t want to work with her because she is “too sexy.” There is a word to describe people who feel that way. Other women.

Kris Jenner says Kim Kardashian is the “queen of thick skin.” Apparently she was referring to the skin that covers her skull.

Tennis pro Daniil Medvedev threw coins at the chair umpire following a loss at Wimbledon. The worst part is he threw pennies, dimes and nickels but like in the tournament wasn’t able to make it to the quarters.

Tennis pro Daniil Medvedev threw coins at the chair umpire following a loss at Wimbledon. The sad part is afterwards he had to pick up all the coins because he will need them to pay the fine he will be slapped with.

Russell Wilson has launched an “Elite QB” training academy for quarterbacks of all ages. It’s the course where the worst grade possible is an incomplete.

Russell Wilson has launched an “Elite QB” training academy for quarterbacks of all ages. The first lesson is no matter how good your arm, when you need one yard to win the Super Bowl just hand the ball to Marshawn Lynch.

Nick Young has signed with the Golden State Warriors after previously saying he hates their fans. Which he just proved by signing a one year contract that gives him $5.2 Million of their cash.

Former NBA guard Russ Smith scored 81 points in a Chinese league game. Which almost made it a penny a point take from the game with his 84 cent a day salary.

Facebook is set to do a reality show featuring the Ball family. Which will mostly be based on sons Lonzo, LaMelo, and LiAngelo trying to get a word in edgewise and any camera time away from dad LaVar.

Manny Pacquiao’s trainer told him he needs to make up his mind and be either a Senator or a boxer. Although Pacquiao says it can be done, just look at California where there is also a Senator Boxer.

Hawaiian state attorneys are saying it is “preposterous” the federal government is not including grandmothers close family relationships in the travel ban. Who do they think takes care of the kids when their parents go on vacation in Hawaii?

Donald Trump’s first paycheck as President will be used on restoration projects at Antietam battlefield. Which means sometime in the future, another President may donate money to restore the battlefields left from the Civil War started by Trump.

Hobby Lobby has agreed to pay a $3 Million fine and forfeit thousands of smuggled Iraqi relics. Which is OK with the company as it wasn’t like the money was going to be used for anything like paying for birth control for its workers.

Hobby Lobby has agreed to pay a $3 Million fine and forfeit thousands of smuggled Iraqi relics. No one even knew one of the hobbies the store was involved in was the illegal trade of priceless artifacts from Middle Eastern countries.

A report says veteran Washington, D.C. attorneys are reluctant to join Donald Trump’s legal team. Mostly because if his testimony in court is anything like his speeches, they would have to go back to school to learn how to defend for perjury.

A report says veteran Washington, D.C. attorneys are reluctant to join Donald Trump’s legal team. Not because of his personality or ethics, but because as lawyers they will never deal with someone who has a reputation of not paying their bills.

Donald Trump has arrived in Poland amid U.S. tension with Russia and North Korea. Although Trump is popular in Poland, possibly because it is one of three countries in the world he hasn’t yet threatened with a nuclear missile attack.

The top American General in South Korea says “self restraint” is the only thing preventing war with North Korea. To which everyone around the world hearing the words “self restraint” and “Donald Trump” together are saying “3…2…1…”

A 6’9” Russian woman is claiming to be the tallest model in the world. Unfortunately, at 6’9” she is the only person around who can buy any of the clothes she is modeling.

A study says how fast a person walks can predict the onset of dementia. If nothing else, people who walk briskly and have Alzheimer’s Disease can get lost faster and be found by their family a lot sooner than those who just slowly wander around.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Today is a great day in American history. It is July 6th, the second day after declaring independence where our Forefathers had plenty of time to enjoy their bravado because it would take six weeks for the news to reach England and another two years to mobilize their troops to come across the Atlantic. Not like today where war can be declared and finished in about three hours if enough nuclear missiles are launched. Everything is so much easier these days. I just know I always feel more at peace when all of you check out the blog and remember to always keep on sending the love!


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