Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

A new shade of the color blue has been discovered. Apparently it is just a shade lighter than Royal and Oxford blue but it a little darker than Dodger or baby blue but lighter than Navy blue and lighter than cobalt blue to be specific.

Mike Huckabee owes the group Survivor $25,000 after being sued for unauthorized use of the song “Eye of the Tiger” at a political event. Apparently his legal team lost the case because they just weren’t focused enough under pressure.

San Francisco media will be giving a full week of coverage on the area’s homeless crisis. Which in the Bay Area pretty much covers anyone who is making less than $150,000 a year.

A study says texting changes the rhythm of a person’s brain. Especially when they are knocked out when their car veers off the road into a tree because they are texting behind the wheel.

A report says the super rich are training on how to survive the apocalypse at a five star resort. Although if they really want to see what life will be like after an economic and social meltdown, they should just book a weekend getaway in Detroit.

A teenage girl was reportedly pricked by a hypodermic needle on a beach in New York. The good news is that she is now officially inoculated for any trips she has planned to the Jersey Shore.

A report says a list of the 50 worst cities to live in is topped by Miami. The news was immediately met with a huge celebration in Mississippi by officials cheering that “It wasn’t one of ours!”

A report says a list of the 50 worst cities to live in is topped by Miami. They really are taking the whole LeBron James moving back to Cleveland and winning the NBA Title thing pretty hard.

A study says that smoking may damage a man’s sperm. If that has become a problem, then those men really need to change exactly where they are holding their cigarettes.

A study says that smoking may damage a man’s sperm. Mostly from the knee to the groin when they light up a little too close to a militant non-smoker.

A Los Angeles man married his cellphone at a chapel in Las Vegas. The worst part is that his wedding night sex was pretty much a selfie.

A report says that U.S. middle income households are more likely to fall lower than move up. The only good news is that the households that are now middle income are the ones that before 2008 were below the poverty line.

Taylor Swift fans in China are now using an online site to bet on her relationships. The only problem is getting a bet down in time while she is still seeing the same person.

Taylor Swift fans in China are now using an online site to bet on her relationships. The trick is to wait until there is an announcement that she is releasing a new album to assume it is full of songs about the guy she is about to break up with.

A report says gluten triggers strange delusions in a woman with celiac disease. As opposed to the usual delusion in people from gluten that there actually is such a thing as celiac disease.

A report says 5,000 water systems in the U.S. are violating rules meant to keep lead out of drinking water. To which a spokesperson for water companies says it shows an amazing consistency in the way the industry protects everyone in the same way.

The American Heart Association says smartphones may help get better and faster treatment for people suffering heart attacks or strokes. Which is ironic for the people who have heart attacks and strokes because their boss keeps texting them about work on their cellphone 24 hours a day.

A new drug has been developed that helps dogs cope with the noise from thunder and fireworks. Now all they need to do is develop a drug that stops dogs from sniffing crotches, humping legs and chewing up a $200 pair of Air Jordans.

A new drug has been developed that helps dogs cope with the noise from thunder and fireworks. Now all they need is something to help dogs deal with the anxiety they get when their owner watches reruns of “The Price Is Right” with Bob Barker.

Actor Billy Zane says he takes issue with the way the movie “Titanic” ended. Someone needs to tell him that it would be a tough sell to make a movie about the disaster where the ship doesn’t end up sinking.

Actor Billy Zane says he takes issue with the way the movie “Titanic” ended. Not only did the ship sink, but the film was also pretty much the last time anyone ever heard of Billy Zane.

Suge Knight is suing Chris Brown for his involvement in a party where Knight was shot seven times. Apparently Knight wants a refund on his cover charge because it really isn’t a party until Suge Knight leaves with at least eight bullet holes in him.

A “Real Housewives of Orange County” star is comparing her husband to Hitler. Which may be a sign that the series may be switched from Bravo over to The History Channel.

A “Real Housewives of Orange County” star is comparing her husband to Hitler. Which is now getting some rumblings of plagiarism from the German reality show “Real Housewives of Nuremberg.”

Wrestler CM Punk says the WWE treats all its wrestlers like “indentured servants.” Which could be a bit of an exaggeration. When is the last time anyone has had a servant who hit them over the back with a folding chair?

Syracuse University is offering a degree in sports analytics. Which means the term “Moneyball” will now be used to describe the amount of cash the students will need to come up with every month for the next 40 years to pay off their tuition loans.

Syracuse University is offering a degree in sports analytics. The easiest math course in the curriculum is the one that figures out the microscopic odds of one of the athletes playing at Syracuse who will actually ever graduate.

Golfer Billy Hurley III will miss the British Open in order to attend his sister’s wedding. Does his sister even know he’s a professional golfer? She didn’t originally plan the wedding for that date but she couldn’t book during the first full week of April, Father’s Day or the third weekend before Labor Day.

Golfer Billy Hurley III will miss the British Open in order to attend his sister’s wedding. Does his sister even know he’s a professional golfer? That’s like the Pope’s family planning a holiday get together and asking him if he has any plans around December 25th.

Las Vegas NHL franchise owner Bill Foley says he is looking to field a younger oriented team. Especially since being in Las Vegas he isn’t sure if any veterans will be able to deal with the games that are scheduled to start at 4:00 in the morning.

Las Vegas NHL franchise owner Bill Foley says he is looking to field a younger oriented team. Which could mean an extra expense for the organization if the players haven’t played long enough to still require the presence of a team dentist.

A report by Al Jazeera claims that several NFL players are using PEDs. Which is big news for anyone just coming out of a coma they went into back in 1995.

Spirit Airlines, rated the most hated carrier is reportedly working on improving its on-time performance. Mostly because the service is so bad, the only way to cut back on complaints is to get passengers on and off the planes as fast as possible.

Spirit Airlines, rated the most hated carrier is reportedly working on improving its on-time performance. How bad is it when an airline’s goal is trying to get its reputation back up around the level of United?

Boxer Floyd Mayweather has billed a Las Vegas club for taxes on the $20,000 he made “rain” on the dancers. It was such an expensive “rainfall” that the cleanup after the event had to be handled by FEMA.

Boxer Floyd Mayweather has billed a Las Vegas club for taxes on the $20,000 he made “rain” on the dancers. It was such a major event that the National Weather Service Doppler Radar reported picking up precipitation the size of $1 Bills.

The U.S. says it may start screening foreign travelers’ social media accounts when they try to enter the country. Apparently they will be singling out people who signed up to play the game “Jihadville” and have cat videos that only feature felines wearing suicide bomber vests.

Hillary Clinton says she wants to have all home in the U.S. connected to high speed broadband Internet service. The idea is to then allow her to direct the entire country to run their e-mails through her private home server.

An Apple patent could prevent “illegal” iPhone recording of classified events. Fortunately for Kim Kardashian that wasn’t in effect years ago when she became a big star after her boyfriend made their sex tape.

An Apple patent could prevent “illegal” iPhone recording of classified events. Which could make life completely different for all the people who only know how to watch the world around them through the lens of their cellphone camera.

The original Spock ears used by Leonard Nimoy in “Star Trek” are up for auction. They aren’t expected to get a very high bid as most sci-fi geeks are saving their money for the Holy Grail of when William Shatner finally decides to put his hairpiece up under the gavel.

A report says the oil industry could fall $2 Trillion short of cash within the next five years. Which means that to make up the difference, executive bonuses could be slashed by as much as half.

A report says the oil industry could fall $2 Trillion short of cash within the next five years. Although a fund to help the oil companies get through the rough patch in their time of need has already gotten pledges totaling 7 cents.

Researchers in the Netherlands say they are growing tomatoes in soil similar to that found on Mars. Which means the astronauts there will at least be able to make ketchup to pour over the others they end up cannibalizing after getting tired of eating tomatoes every day of their five year mission.

Researchers in the Netherlands say they are growing tomatoes in soil similar to that found on Mars. Which was even bigger news in that it is the first time the Netherlands has been able to grow anything other than tulips.

A rare huge helium gas field has been found in Tanzania. The discovery was made when researchers finally realized that it wasn’t the difficulty of the language that made people speaking Swahili talk in such a high voice.

A rare huge helium gas field has been found in Tanzania. The good news is that people will be able to celebrate their birthdays by receiving balloon bouquets well into the next century.

Scientists say an ancient Greek “computer” found in a shipwreck can be read more clearly than before. It turns out the captain who was using it caused the ship to wreck because he was distracted while texting while at the helm.

Former Donald Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski lost a $1.2 Million book deal when he refused to show the publisher his non-disclosure agreement. Apparently his editor felt if he couldn’t say anything negative about Trump the book would only fill about three pages.

Donald Trump says the U.S. has been robbed by the “financial elite” he used to be a part of. Apparently he lost that status by spending all his own money funding his campaign when he couldn’t find anyone willing to make a donation.

Donald Trump says the U.S. has been robbed by the “financial elite” he used to be a part of. Which finally makes sense why he keeps getting that same bad haircut, as a way to show Americans he really is just as broke as the rest of us.

Donald Trump has hired the former digital director for Rand Paul and Mitch McConnell. Apparently he feels he can use the expertise of someone so persuasive on social media he got three people in Kentucky to actually start using Twitter.

The House of Representatives has warned its office water is tainted with lead. Which is no big deal for most members of Congress who when in session still only drink magnums of Champagne send over by all their lobbyists.

The House of Representatives has warned its office water is tainted with lead. Just when we thought the upcoming election might actually get a few members of Congress to finally start getting the lead out.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Parts of my state of West Virginia are still underwater from last week’s flooding. Yesterday I was able to make a donation to one of the groups collecting food and supplies for the victims. Once again I would like to ask any of you who can chip in a few dollars to go to my station’s web page at wchstv.com and it will direct you to some legitimate places where you can send money to help those who have been devastated by the waters from the thousand year flood. It is the best way possible to make the effort to send the love!


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