Sunday, May 08, 2016

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

Donald Trump says Hillary Clinton was an enabler of her husband’s affairs who destroyed the lives of his mistresses. As opposed to Trump, who never gave his wives the chance as when he was having an affair would already make sure to file for divorce.

Saudi Arabia has ousted its longtime oil minister. Losing that job is pretty big. That’s like being the guy in Ireland who messes up the recipe for Guinness stout.

Scientists say data from a smartphone app shows there is a global sleep crisis. Mostly from people who stay up all night using all the different apps on their smartphones.

A study says being around trees makes people less stressed. Which is why lumberjacks when they aren’t deforesting an entire hillside can be seen meditating and doing yoga while sipping on some chamomile tea.

Dick Cheney says he will support Donald Trump for President. Which means he won’t be sending him any invitations to come along on a hunting trip.

Dick Cheney says he will support Donald Trump for President. Mostly because Trump is the one person whose presidency could actually make the George W. Bush Administration look like a success.

A British couple is suing a donor firm saying the sperm they used to have their baby was not as claimed from a genius who spoke five languages but a schizophrenic criminal. Apparently the five languages were the ones spoken by each of his personalities.

A British couple is suing a donor firm saying the sperm they used to have their baby was not as claimed from a genius with a 160 IQ but a schizophrenic criminal. It turns out it was really two different personalities who each shared an IQ of 80.

A British couple is suing a donor firm saying the sperm they used to have their baby was not as claimed from a genius with a 160 IQ but a schizophrenic criminal. The good news is that it is like waking up with a different child every day of the week.

A record breaking roller coaster in Ohio drops 200 feet at a speed of 75 mph while going upside down three times. Which is exactly the same sensation that riders already experienced who took tried to flip a house with a subprime mortgage back in 2007.

The Department of Homeland Security will conduct a bioterrorism drill by releasing a harmless gas in the New York City subway system. The only question is how will anyone even be able to tell?

Several social media superstar moms are telling people to get offline and live their life. Which is really good advice. Who needs to go online to be nagged by someone else’s mom when you have one who can do the same thing right at home?

Denmark says it may start taxing beef to fight climate change. Which the people there are happy to pay just to have something on their plate other than another helping of fermented herring.

Denmark says it may start taxing beef to fight climate change. Which is more good news for the accountants of all the Danish McDonald’s who can prove their clients don’t have to pay a dime on that one.

A report says tuition loans are forcing college graduates to live paycheck to paycheck. At least when their degree finally helps them someday actually get a paycheck.

A report says tuition loans are forcing college graduates to live paycheck to paycheck. In other words, they will pretty much be like every other person who has ever walked the planet.

An Ivy League professor says his American Airlines flight from Philadelphia was delayed when another passenger thought the math problems he was working on was a sign he was a terrorist. It turns out he was just running some differential equations to calculate the airline’s profit margin for charging $8 for a three ounce bottle of water.

President Obama told Republicans that like it or not, they are stuck with Donald Trump. Obama mostly said that to make them realize that no matter how much they may hate him, if Trump is elected President the Obama years will end up looking pretty good.

A Colombian man survived two months being adrift on a crippled boat in the Pacific. He would have been rescued but actually turned down three offers to be picked up by Passing Carnival cruise ships, saying he liked his odds better where he was.

A report says the peach crop in the northeastern U.S. was decimated by subzero temperatures in February in New Hampshire, Connecticut, Rhode Island and Maine. Which may be bad for peaches but for the people who live there is usually heralded as a heat wave.

A report says the peach crop in the northeastern U.S. was decimated by subzero temperatures in February in New Hampshire, Connecticut, Rhode Island and Maine. The peach industry there is having it almost as bad as the banana farmers in Wyoming.

A company is launching a study to rejuvenate patients with inactive brains. Although they may be too late as it has already happened, as evidenced by all the people who are going to the polls to vote for Donald Trump.

A computing company has devised a formula to let travelers know if they are being ripped off by an airline. Apparently the formula simply says the answer is yes if the boarding pass says “United Airlines.”

A computing company has devised a formula to let travelers know if they are being ripped off by an airline. Which is a no brainer for anyone to figure after they have just paid $120 for their luggage fee, seat reassignment and bottle of water.

A court says Donald Trump won’t have to testify in the fraud lawsuit against Trump University until after the November election, as his lawyers say it would be “a zoo.” Although they didn’t say if they were referring to the trial or the election.

Donald Trump’s proposal on dealing with an economic crash would be to pay less than the full value on U.S. Treasury bonds. In other words, he would treat the entire national economy like one of his businesses and just declare bankruptcy.

Donald Trump’s proposal on dealing with an economic crash would be to pay less than the full value on U.S. Treasury bonds.  Which is ironic in that most economists say his policies will be what causes the economy will crash in the first place.

United Airlines employees have been offered cheaper hip and knee replacements if they go to the hospital the airline chooses. Which is only fair, considering that most of the knee and hip replacements are a result of sitting in the cramped seats on United flights.

The FCC has approved Charter’s acquisition of Time Warner Cable. The idea of two cable giants combining their forces drove stock prices through the roof. For Netflix.

A poll says that Americans’ views of socialism and capitalism haven’t changed since 2010. Which means that Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump will both pretty much be back to what they were doing before after the November election.

A poll says that Americans’ views of socialism and capitalism haven’t changed since 2010. The only problem is telling which one they hate more between the results of Obamacare and the Wall Street crash.

A study says that women can be as competitive as men when it comes to helping their children. Mostly in doing anything they can to keep their kids from ending up just like their dad.

An FDA report says false claims that Oxycontin gives 12 hours of pain relief were motivated by profit. Or in other words, the pills are made by the pharmaceutical industry.

An FDA report says false claims that Oxycontin gives 12 hours of pain relief were motivated by profit. To which the makers of the drug say the claims are accurate, it’s just that the patient needs to take six pills to get that effect.

Legalized marijuana companies in New York are trying to get their pot certified kosher. Although it will be a much bigger help to their business if the rabbis would give kosher status to Little Caesar’s, Oreos and Doritos.

The CDC says that 1.3 Million people 65 and older with poor eyesight fell at least once last year. Especially the ones who were looking for their glasses where they left them in a drawer near the stairs.

A report says drug addicts are turning to the anti-diarrhea medicine Imodium A-D to get high. Especially pot users who get a double high from smoking marijuana and then need the Imodium A-D after they get the munchies and end up at Taco Bell.

The most popular boys’ name in 2015 was Noah. Apparently people really are getting serious about the threat of global warming raising the sea level.

A study says a popular heart medication is being linked to dementia. The good news is that the condition cures itself when they keep forgetting to take their pills.

A report says that group doctor visits are growing in popularity among seniors as a way to save money. Although it does get a bit uncomfortable for everyone in the room when the doctor decides one of the patients needs to have a prostate exam.

A study says people in the normal weight range live longer than people who are even a little bit overweight. Which is interesting news for the seven people in the country who are normal to a little overweight that the study actually pertains to.

Victoria Beckham says when she was a Spice Girl her microphone was usually turned off. The only question is what do we have to do to keep from hearing her now?

Michael Phelps has a new son he named Boomer. Which pretty much answers the question as to whether he is still smoking pot.

Michael Phelps has a new son he named Boomer. Apparently he wanted to name the child after his father, because he was told his dad was also a Baby Boomer.

Michael Phelps has a new son he named Boomer. It’s just unfortunate that a natural connection will be missed out since the University of Oklahoma hasn’t had a swim team since 1971.

A Ford GT driver is recovering after a vicious crash at the Six Hours of Spa. Which sounds less of a car race than an episode of “The Kardashians.”

Vin Scully gave an interview where he remembered Ebbets Field and the Dodgers 1955 World Series win. The sad part is that it’s hard to find fans who can even remember back to the Dodgers’ last World Series win back in 1988.

Marathon world record holder Dennis Kimetto will not be on the Kenyan Olympic Team. Mostly because he is now considered out of shape as he hasn’t won a Marathon in nearly three weeks.

Marathon world record holder Dennis Kimetto will not be on the Kenyan Olympic Team. Mostly because the national track coach is saying “But what have you done for us lately?”

The head of Fiat Chrysler says self-driving cars will be a reality in five years instead of 20. To which other car makers are saying it will actually be three years since they all were predicting five years two years ago.

A study says that a quarter of all residential electricity is used by devices that are powered off. People were amazed. There are devices that are actually turned off?

A report says the state of Pennsylvania has made $157 Million since 2010 selling driver’s license information. Which is bought by blackmailers who threaten to use the information on dating sites to show people’s real age and what they actually look like.

An economic adviser to Hillary Clinton says Donald Trump’s proposed policy on how to handle the country’s debt would risk a “global financial meltdown.” Which is almost as big of a risk as the U.S. failing to do anything about its $18 Trillion national debt.

Ted Cruz played the ponies at the Kentucky Derby just days after pulling out of the presidential race. Which was symbolic as the runner-up in the Derby was looking at exactly the same thing that Cruz saw being behind Donald Trump.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Speaking of the Kentucky Derby, the new champion of the Run for the Roses is Nyquist. Which now gives sportscasters something to speculate on to whether we will have our first Triple Crown winner in one year. The Derby is called the most exciting two minutes in sports, other than the time it takes for the Cleveland Indians to be mathematically eliminated from the baseball playoffs. The most excitement I ever get is when all of you remember to take the time to always make sure and send the love!

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Được đặt theo tên của một con sông có chiều dài lớn nhất thế giới, ban đầu Amazon chỉ được biết đến là một địa chỉ cung cấp sách điện tử về sau nó phát triển thành địa chỉ bán lẻ trực tuyến. Hiện nay, cùng với sự phát triển tối cao của công nghệ Amazon được nâng cấp thành một trong những tập đoàn đa quốc gia trong lĩnh vực thương mại điện tử. cách ship hàng từ amazon về việt nam