Wednesday, March 09, 2016

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

A drone degree program in unmanned aircrafts is underway at LeTourneau University in east Texas. Although students won’t really know the meaning of the word “drone” until the graduating class has to sit through the valedictorian speech.

Facebook has patented software to scan social media sites to predict which words will become popular slang. The only problem is with most younger people on social media who have no idea what words are and communicate with abbreviations and emojis.

A report says that Internet fame often comes with hate and harassment from others. Apparently the study was pretty much centered around the experiences of Taylor Swift, Justin Bieber and the Kardashians.

A study says that birds use a system of grammar just like humans. Apparently it was discovered after scientists went through and examined millions of messages the birds sent out with tweets.

The U.S. Navy says it will give overweight sailors a second chance to pass an easier physical fitness test. The sad part is the ones who fail the second exam are then reassigned to be used in harpooning practice.

A study says that too many carbs can be bad for people’s lungs. You know that when your lungs are being affected by your diet it may be time to stop actually inhaling your food.

A study says that chocolate is good for the memory and other cognitive skills. Mostly for the fact that your wife will never forget the time you get into her Hershey’s stash.

A study says that people suffering from anxiety can’t distinguish between neutral and threatening stimuli. The amazing part was that people with anxiety were able to actually able to sit through an entire scientific study.

A study says that companies are seeking information to find out which of their employees are gay. The easiest way so far is to access their credit card accounts and see how many receipts they have from Abercrombie & Fitch.

A report says that whistleblowers fear the government won’t protect them. Which makes sense since when it comes to reporting incompetence and corruption, most people are usually blowing the whistle on government agencies.

Scientists have demonstrated a computer that can pick who is more likely to commit a violent crime. Apparently the program just looks for people whose names online are preceded by the word “rapper.”

Scientists have demonstrated a computer that can pick who is more likely to commit a violent crime. Apparently the program is trained to immediately go to the roster of players who are currently playing for the Cincinnati Bengals.

A brawl in an Ohio high school cafeteria caused classes to be canceled. Peace wasn’t able to be restored to the campus until the students were moved back into their classrooms where they could resume their usual behavior and get back to sleep.

Serena Williams says that Maria Sharapova showed courage for accepting responsibility for her failed drug test. Although right now it isn’t known if it was really a matter of courage or if she was just too stoned to deny it.

A report says that Wall Street bonuses last year totaled $25 Billion. To which executives are saying it is justified since they stole it all fair and square.

Charges against Trump University in a civil suit include “financial elder abuse” of seniors who enrolled in the courses. Plaintiffs are claiming it is unconscionable to treat the elderly like younger students since they won’t be around for another 40 years to pay off their tuition.

Albania is auctioning off several Soviet-era fighter jets starting at $9,000. The good news for any buyers is that being part of the Albanian military means that none of the jets has actually ever seen any use.

A report says that Donald Trump took advantage of a tax break for people who make less than $500,000 a year. Apparently Trump was able to lower his income by taking his overinflated salary and subtracting the losses suffered by all the businesses he runs.

A report says that some Trump label clothes are made in China. Especially the line’s gloves which are given to people who are more experienced in dealing with very small hands.

A report says that U.S. pedestrian deaths from car crashes surged last year. People in Los Angeles were surprised at the news. What are pedestrians?

A report says that U.S. pedestrian deaths from car crashes surged last year. Which is true irony when someone who is crossing the street is texting with the person driving the car that actually runs them over.

Chevron is cutting its spending budget by 40% through 2018 because of plunging oil prices. The bad part is the part of the budget they are cutting is the amount they set aside to clean up all their oil spills.

A report says the gun industry wants looser rules on silencers. Although most Second Amendment supporters will argue it isn’t necessary because a gun used on the right person pretty much already is a silencer.

A report says the gun industry wants looser rules on silencers. Although it isn’t being requested to protect the hearing of gun users since Second Amendment supports aren’t used to ever actually listening to anyone else.

A study says that kids who skip lunch may not be getting enough vitamins and minerals. Although the good news is at least they are missing out on the fat, sugar and salt that makes up most of what they eat for lunch in the first place.

A study says that workers who don’t get paid sick days are more likely to work when they are ill and skip getting health care. Which most businesses that deny the sick days are saying “See? it works!”

A tattoo artist in Australia is giving free tattoos to people to cover their self-harm scars. No word on if he will also give free tattoos to cover the scars from all the IV needle marks for their treatment of Hepatitis C.

A study says that pot smokers are five times as likely as others to develop problems with alcohol. Mostly because it’s hard to take a few bong hits without ordering a couple of large pizzas and washing them down with a six pack of beer.

A study says that one of children’s main concerns is for their parents to not post anything about them on social media. Which has become the digital age equivalent of telling their kids’ friends embarrassing stories like how they used to wet the bed.

Steve Harvey says he has “too many shows now.” To which the Miss Universe pageant contestants are saying “Tell us about it.”

Intimate details of Hulk Hogan’s sex life were revealed in testimony in a civil court case in Florida. The details were so private that he was immediately added to the lineup for the next Republican presidential debate.

AC/DC has rescheduled some shows to save the hearing of singer Brian Johnson. The other band members when given the news said “What?”

AC/DC has rescheduled some shows to save the hearing of singer Brian Johnson. People were shocked. What took it so long?

AC/DC has rescheduled some shows to save the hearing of singer Brian Johnson. Which disappointed most fans who just see it as a reason to turn up the volume even higher.

A study says that body fat and not just weight is more of a risk in dying early. Although anyone who is tipping the scales at 450 pounds or more can pretty much assume it’s a good chance that most of that isn’t muscle.

Peyton Manning says one of the first calls he made about his retirement was to Tom Brady. Which most football fans are just glad it wasn’t to Brett Favre.

A report says one in three software developers fear they will be replaced by Artificial Intelligence. They are worried that they will no longer be able to design the programs that take away other people’s jobs.

A report says one in three software developers fear they will be replaced by Artificial Intelligence. Which is different from everyone else who is worried that their jobs will soon be taken over by immigrants.

A survey says that the public perception of Apple’s brand has not been altered by their feud with the Department of Justice. People still think that Apple is overrated, control a market monopoly and are way too expensive.

Four startups have been chosen to pitch themselves in front of Sacramento Kings fans during an NBA game. So far the most popular sites have to do with programs that could teach the Kings players how to shoot the ball better.

Bangladesh says the Federal Reserve is responsible for $100 Million that was stolen from their account. Apparently it had to do with someone allowing a transfer of the funds  based on e-mails from a very convincing Nigerian prince.

An algorithm reads tweets to figure out which restaurants are making people sick. Although it would be a lot easier to check and see which people have apps to order from McDonald’s, Taco Bell and Chipotle.

MIT researchers have developed technology that lets people make their browsing history public. Or as most men call that, grounds for divorce.

MIT researchers have developed technology that lets people make their browsing history public. Or as most people already know that, the NSA.

A study shows that it may be possible to outrun a supervolcano eruption. Apparently they did their testing using people who managed to get away from an angry Mel Gibson.

The camp of John Kasich says he is “ahead of schedule” even though he has won no primaries yet. Apparently what they mean is that he is ahead of schedule for when they thought it would be time to throw in the towel.

The camp of John Kasich says he is “ahead of schedule” even though he has won no primaries yet. Which may mean they are talking about his plans to get into the race for the 2020 election.

Attorney General Loretta Lynch has asked to not be considered as a nominee to the Supreme Court. To which Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is saying “Already taken care of.”

President Obama had his last White House physical which showed he has lost weight, has a slower resting heartbeat and lower blood pressure than last year. Which means  he has finally just decided to quit trying to push any meaningful legislation past the Republican Congress.


Beatles' producer George Martin has passed away at age 90. His obituary says that he also produced for Celine Dion, Kenny Rogers and Neil Sedaka. Is it really necessary to try to add anything to someone's accomplishments that can match up to working with the Beatles?

That’s it for now, Oh faithful Readers! A sad day in the world of music as iconic Beatles’ producer George Martin has passed away at 90. The first album I ever bought was “Introducing the Beatles” and I still have it. The Beatles will go down as the greatest music group in history, no question about it. And Martin is the one who gave them their sound. Without him, they still would have been the Beatles and would have written all the great songs and made the greatest records of all time. But he added the extra flavor that separated them even more from everyone else. I am asking you to think about the Beatles and George Martin when you take the time and remember to send the “All You Need Is Love”!

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