Thursday, October 22, 2015

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

Jet Propulsion Lab in California says it is almost a guarantee L.A. will have a 5.0 magnitude within the next 30 months. Or the next three weeks, whichever comes first.

Jet Propulsion Lab in California says it is almost a guarantee L.A. will have a 5.0 magnitude within the next 30 months. They also predicted the Sun will rise in the east, it will be cold during the winter and your relatives will overstay their welcome at Thanksgiving.

Bentley will offer custom cars based on technology that analyzes a customer’s face emotions. Especially the look they give when they are shown the price of the car.

“Star Wars” ticket resellers are asking $10,000 for tickets to the opening night on December 17th. The price would have been lower, but sellers know it’s not like any “Star Wars” fans will be buying any more than one ticket to go see a movie.

A couple from France has spent $320,000 on plastic surgery to make themselves look like Barbie and Ken. Which is too bad since people from France would be considered more desirable if they would spend a lot less money on hygiene products and etiquette lessons.

A study says that marijuana use has doubled in the U.S. in the past decade. Which finally explains why so many people have suddenly become morbidly obese the past few years.

Youtube has unveiled a paid subscription service that features no ads. Which is a good deal for the average Youtube customer who just doesn’t have time for commercial interruption of their daily dose of cat videos.

New smart jewelry puts out a call for help when the wearer is attacked. Which would be ironic if that jewelry calls the police when the trinkets are stolen but not when the buyer is paying for them at the mall jewelry store.

The CEO of Theranos defended the blood testing procedures of her company. She says after people deal with trying to get their health insurance plan to pay for their services, they are lucky to have any blood to test in the first place.

A report says that Chinese business travel expenses will overtake the U.S. next year. Mostly the people who want to come to America and see what they will own when we default on all the money they have loaned us.

A judge in Atlanta has thrown out a lawsuit claiming a sperm bank misrepresented the social and medical history of a donor. Apparently the judge ruled that if honesty were enforceable, it would also mean the end of car dealers, banks and dating sites.

A judge in Atlanta has thrown out a lawsuit claiming a sperm bank misrepresented the social and medical history of a donor. Apparently the judge ruled if the couple knew the donor was from Georgia, it’s their own fault they still went ahead with the deal.

Travelers at an airport in Portugal were subjected to an accidental showing of porn movies on screens at the baggage terminal. Although it turns out it wasn’t actually porn, just a technical glitch that hooked the monitors into the TSA’s naked body scanners.

A dog in the UK survived after eating an entire bag of Ecstasy pills. The dog recovered but now keeps hugging everyone, always has a pacifier in its mouth and stays out all night going to raves.

ESPN is planning to lay off 300 people, 4% of its global work force. The sports network felt the workers who were cut weren’t doing enough, as evidenced by them not being able to come up with a new catch phrase for Chris Berman since 1996.

ESPN is planning to lay off 300 people, 4% of its global work force. Which is bad news for insomniacs who will no longer be able to turn on the TV at 3:00 in the morning to watch championship horseshoes, demolition derby or Aussie Rules football.

A study says that 48% of male executives feel the media is too focused on equality for women and neglects mens’ career issues. Mostly their fear of being replaced on the job by a woman.

A study says that 48% of male executives feel the media is too focused on equality for women and neglects men's career issues. Mostly how to get the women on their staff to work for 72 cents on the dollar and keep their coffee cup filled.

Investors swept in to buy Ferrari stock in its IPO for $52 a share. Mostly people who want to say they own a piece of Ferrari but know the $52 they have to invest won’t even buy them a lug nut off a 550 Barchetta.

Google Photos says it now has 100 Million users, with the most popular background for pictures being mountains, beaches and the sky. With the most popular foreground for those pictures selfies of half dressed women making a duck face.

Google Photos says it now has 100 Million users. Apparently it is for people who can put pictures of all their meals because they like to use their space on Facebook more for the videos they post every day of their cats.

A survey says that Americans are planning to spend an average of $812 on Christmas presents, the most since 2007. Mostly because they are still buying gifts for Christmas 2007 which is the last time they had enough money to do any shopping.

A study says that a person’s credit score can indicate how long their relationship will last. Especially when the person realizes their credit score is so low because their partner is spending all their cash.

A study says the warmer it gets, the more the world’s economy suffers. Mostly because the warmer it gets, the more people are likely to go spend the day at the beach or the park and blow off going into work.

Uber says that China accounts for 30% of its rides. Mostly because so many Chinese workers need to get to the Nike factory every day but are still twelve years away from being able to get their driver’s license.

Joe Biden has announced he will not be running in the Democratic presidential primaries. Which is good news for the TV networks who were worried about having to plan for each of the Democratic debates to run an extra 10 hours.

A study says that lifting weights twice a week may aid the brain. Although that theory is being questioned by people who look at Arnold Schwarzenegger’s decisions to star in “Kindergarten Cop,” “Twins” and “Jingle All The Way.”

A study says that taking too many antibiotics may make children heavier. Apparently doctors feel it would be better to keep kids thinner like in the old days by letting their bodies be ravaged by each outbreak of bacteria and viral infections.

A study says that taking too many antibiotics may make children heavier. You know your kids are taking too many antibiotics when they are making them fatter than if they were just replacing them with placebo sugar pills.

The CDC says that 40% of Americans have hearts that are at least five years older than their actual age. The other 60% have it even worse with their hearts always showing them pictures of their grandchildren and complaining when their Social Security check is late.

Cory Wells of Three Dog Night has died at 74. The cause of death was reported to be a combination of distemper, Parvo and kennel cough.


Cory Wells of Three Dog Night has died. Although he was 74 years old, in human years that only works out to age 11.
 
Discover says their show “Mythbusters” is coming to an end after 14 seasons. To which most viewers are saying “Prove it.”

Jay Z has prevailed in a copyright lawsuit that claimed he borrowed the music for his song “Big Pimpin’.” Apparently the judge just wanted the plaintiff to save being embarrassed from being given a writer’s credit for a song called “Big Pimpin’.”

Chris Rock has been signed to host the 2016 Oscars. Apparently the Academy and Rock reached an agreement. He won’t bash Hollywood too much and they won’t point out that he starred in the movie “Pootie Tang.”

Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom have reportedly called off their divorce in the wake of his recent drug overdose. Apparently no Kardashian will get divorced as long as there is the chance of being able to collect on the life insurance policy.

Paula Deen has been voted off “Dancing With The Stars” after six weeks. She could have made it even further except for her dance choices of “Booty Call,” “The Humpty Dance” and “The Harlem Shake.”

A Massachusetts high school set a field hockey record of 154 straight games without a loss. Which is closing in on their other record of 187 straight games without a spectator.

The University of Florida football team had 216 people apply to be the team’s walk-on kicker. The coach will keep the top three and tell the other 213 to go get some seasoning by playing for the Jacksonville Jaguars.

New York Jets receiver Brandon Marshall says a referee threatened to penalize him for praying after a touchdown. Which was a surprise to most people who figure any Jets touchdowns are a result of praying before the play.

New York Jets receiver Brandon Marshall says a referee threatened to penalize him for praying after a touchdown. Apparently the referee assumed he was like all the other Jets players and was praying to get traded to another team.

Former Alabama running back Altee Tenpenny has reportedly died in a car crash. Authorities say that Tenpenny could have escaped serious injury if only his car could have stopped on a dime.

Researchers are warning that computer clocks can be easily scrambled. Isn’t it a little early to start preparing for Y3K?

The Secret Service has adopted a new policy where they can track cellphones without a warrant. Which will make it much easier for them when they are traveling on a detail to locate the hookers who stole their wallets.

Sprint has agreed to pay a $3 Million fine for charging low credit customers extra fees. Who does Sprint they think they are, an airline?

Alcatel OneTouch is looking to manufacture its smartphones in India. Which makes sense as that is the country where the owners will be calling for customer service when their phones start having problems.

Domino’s has designed a pizza delivery vehicle that comes with its own oven. Which means it would be even more practical for any companies that start making home deliveries of legalized marijuana.

Comcast is reportedly getting close to become a wireless carrier. Which if nothing else will give AT&T customers the chance to actually say they no longer have the worst cellphone service on Earth.

Comcast is reportedly getting close to become a wireless carrier. Calls will be able to made by appointment sometime between 8 and 5 on weekdays and will be completed after being put on hold for two to three hours.

Astronomers in Germany have produced the largest picture ever of the Milky Way. Americans say that is OK, but they won’t be completely impressed until they also come up with images of their other favorites including Snickers, Butterfinger and Almond Joy.



That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Well, it’s another year of wait til next year for the Cubs. Same as the Dodgers who have also been waiting since ’88 to get back in the World Series. Only with the Cubs it’s 1888. The Dodgers let a good opportunity slip to beat the Mets and after getting smoked by the Cardinals the past few years they could have played the Cubs who rolled over without a whimper. Oh, Well. Guess I am rooting for the Royals who I am assuming will make it to the ‘Series. At least the font on their uniforms is pretty much the same as the Dodgers. That’s about all I have for this year. At least I still have all of you out there who keep me going by always remembering to take the time to send the love!

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