Tuesday, August 04, 2015

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz is being urged by supporters to challenge Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nomination. He says before making any decisions he wants to let the idea first percolate for awhile among the voters.

Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz is being urged by supporters to challenge Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nomination. Which may not be a bad idea as who better to eliminate the national debt than a man who made billions selling coffee?

A poll says that 36% of GOP voters would support Donald Trump as a third party candidate. Which is impressive considering that none of the other candidates can get more than about 12% of the voters to support them for the Republican nomination.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was booed by a crowd of about 60,000 at an appearance at a horse racing track. Which was nothing compared to the horses who were scared to death he was thinking of trying to saddle up on one of them.

India has blocked more than 800 adult websites to prevent what the government calls a “social nuisance.” Which means the people of India have to be satisfied with only being able to access the web’s other 300 Million porn sites.

India has blocked more than 800 adult websites to prevent what the government calls a “social nuisance.” Or as American men call viewing 800 adult websites, “breakfast.”

A brain training game available on iPhones is said to help people who suffer from schizophrenia. Which will be good for people who think their mind is being controlled by others, especially those using their iPhone to look at Facebook for 16 hours a day.

The U.N. has set a goal to try to end poverty and hunger over the next 15 years. Which means the first order may be to take away membership status from Italy, Spain and Greece.

The U.S. Treasury says it estimates it will borrow $552 Billion this year, the lowest total in the past eight. How bad is it when you are improving your spending habits to the point where you are only having to borrow a half trillion a year?

The U.S. Treasury says it estimates it will borrow $552 Billion this year, the lowest total in the past eight. The bad news is that they were going to get most of that by hitting up Puerto Rico for the cash.

A survey says that six years after the Great Recession ended, only about a quarter of Americans have a positive outlook of the economy. Mostly because the other three quarters are still trying to figure out who says the Great Recession has ended?

A survey says that six years after the Great Recession ended, only about a quarter of Americans have a positive outlook of the economy. The rest are reserving judgment for when they can actually think about moving out of their car and into a house again.

Insurance experts say that self-driving cars will cut insurance rates down by 60% in the next 15 years. Which will pretty much offset the 60% car insurance increase that has been caused by the invention of cellphone texting.

A survey says that women prefer Coach handbags to others, but don’t want to pay the price. Mostly because they figure what’s the point of having a handbag if you don’t have any cash left to put in it?

A report explains why some women are always cold at work. Although it’s no mystery for the women who work at Hooter’s who never get to wear more than tight shorts and a skimpy top.

A report explains why some women are always cold at work. Apparently it is mostly because of men in the office who always turn the air conditioner up to see who isn’t wearing a bra.

A former trader in London has been sentenced to 14 years in prison for manipulating interest rates on loans. Who did he think he was, some kind of bank?

Kraft has recalled 36,000 cases of cheese slices after complaints by consumers over choking. Apparently they accidentally substituted the sliced cheese with their Velveeta.

President Obama has unveiled a major climate change proposal aimed at greenhouse gas emissions, saying how L.A. was able to recover from the smog he remembers while there in the 1970s. Although Californians would like the smog back so they wouldn’t have to see the dead lawns, dirty cars and rampant wildfires caused by the drought.

Car experts say that collectors will not be going to Cuba to buy the vintage autos still used there because many are held together with “duct tape and bailing wire.” If people wanted cars like that they could just go and buy a new Chrysler.

Vincent Marotta, the co-founder of Mr. Coffee has died at age 91. Instead of being cremated he will by his request be lightly roasted.

The Commerce Department says that consumer spending has cooled despite a growth in personal incomes. Mostly because no one has the time or energy to do any shopping after finishing work at the three jobs they have taken to make more money.

A new Bic commercial touts the benefits of writing by hand, saying it increases creativity, boosts self confidence and makes for better critical thinking. But more importantly, while writing something stupid on paper can be thrown away just ask Charlie Sheen about writing something dumb and putting it online.

A poll says 60% of Americans try to avoid drinking soda. Mostly because they have to drink so many to take the place of the five energy drinks they down every morning.

A study says that head injuries are tied to long-term attention issues in kids. The only bigger cause of long-term attention issues is being a kid.

A study says that picky eaters in preschool are more likely to grow up being depressed or anxious. Although judging by the way kids look today, a picky eater in preschool is someone who only goes back at lunch time for thirds.

A government proposal calls for screening pregnant women for depression. Although for most women who are pregnant, the depression doesn’t really start until their child becomes a teenager.

A company called Soylent is marketing what it calls complete meals ready to drink from a bottle. That’s nothing new, Ozzie Osbourne has been doing that for years.

A movie is reportedly being made with Pez candy. Apparently film executives got the idea after watching people going into an Ben Affleck movie with Pez dispensers full of caffeine pills.

Italian finance police reportedly confiscated more than $200,000 in cash from Snoop Dogg at an airport. Although Snoop says he needed the cash because he booked a flight on United and needed enough money for a couple of drinks and a pillow.

Italian finance police reportedly confiscated more than $200,000 in cash from Snoop Dogg at an airport. Mostly because he is a foreigner there and found out the local pot dealers won’t honor his American Express card.

Pete Rose says he believes he has a chance at being reinstated into baseball. Apparently he now believes anything is possible after seeing this far into the presidential race that some people are still taking Donald Trump’s campaign seriously.

The fiancee of imprisoned football player Aaron Hernandez says she wants to take his name to be the same as that of their daughter. People thought it was so romantic that she wants to be known as “Mrs. 293578.”

Delta Airlines is banning shipping hunting “trophies” on any of their flights. If you thought it was rough being seated next to a fat guy on a cross country flight, imagine flying non-stop from Africa back to the U.S. while sharing an armrest with a stuffed giraffe.

Delta Airlines is banning shipping hunting “trophies” on any of their flights. Although to the relief of millionaire passengers, Delta quickly explained that the ban does not include any of their wives.

KFC has come out with a “memories” bucket that doubles as an instant photo printer. It’s for people who want to remember what they used to look before eating at KFC turned them morbidly obese.
 

KFC has come out with a “memories” bucket that doubles as an instant photo printer. Which will come in handy for the medical examiners who are taking pictures at the scene of all the KFC customers who die from clogged arteries.

KFC has come out with a “memories” bucket that doubles as an instant photo printer. The only problem is seeing what is in the photos through all the greasy fingerprints.

A report says that Apple is going to allow Siri to transcribe voicemail messages. Which really magnifies the gender issues in Silicon Valley. Even the woman chosen to be the voice of Apple is being relegated to secretarial duties.

A report says that Apple is going to allow Siri to transcribe voicemail messages. To which Siri says she doesn’t mind doing a little dictation work on the side, but she is gone the minute anyone asks her to get coffee.

A report says that Apple is going to allow Siri to transcribe voicemail messages. Not only is she being asked to take dictation, she found out she is making only 78% of what they are paying the Mario Brothers.

A hitchhiking robot that made it across Europe and Canada was beheaded soon after it arrived in Philadelphia. People were shocked. How did it ever make it all way out of New York?

A hitchhiking robot that made it across Europe and Canada was beheaded soon after it arrived in Philadelphia. Unfortunately, that’s what happens when an out-of-towner thinks it’s a good idea to try to take in a Phillies game.

The CFO of Twitter is telling investors to not expect sustained, meaningful growth. The first sign things were getting tight at Twitter was when it was announced messages now have a maximum length of 93 characters.

DirecTV will now be available with an app on all AT&T phones. Which is great news for all AT&T customers who will be able to watch TV to kill time for the half hour it takes to actually have a phone call go through.

Levi Strauss is starting a clothing recycling program. Don’t they already have that? When a pair of Levi’s jeans are worn to the point where they have holes in them they are then sold in high end stores as haute couture.

A study is trying to find out if hamsters can be happy. Apparently the question has come up as it has been years since anyone has seen any of them still doing that dance.

Pennsylvania Representative Chaka Fattah is running for re-election despite being indicted for bribery, fraud and money laundering. Otherwise known as a re-election campaign.

Pennsylvania Representative Chaka Fattah is running for re-election despite being indicted for bribery, fraud and money laundering. Most people keep confusing Chaka Fattah with the opening line of Alan Sherman’s “A Letter From Camp.”

Republican presidential candidate Scott Walker revealed he has thousands of dollars of debt on a credit card charging 27% interest. Mostly so he could show he is by far and away the best qualified to take over as leader of a country with an $18 Trillion deficit.

A poll says that half of all Republicans feel that Donald Trump is hurting the image of the GOP. Which may not be a bad thing when your party’s image is being formed by Ted Cruz, Rand Paul and Chris Christie.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! The GOP presidential debate is this week. Even the hosts of “The View” are going to be shocked at how many people will be trying to talk over each other. At least the debates will give us a head start to figure out which country we want to move to depending on which candidate wins the chance of becoming our next President. In the meantime, you can still reach me here with my e-mail to drop a line to show that you are remembering to send the love!

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