Thursday, August 20, 2015

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

The State Department says that Blackberrys that were issued to Hillary Clinton’s aides were either destroyed or reissued. The question is, when did government officials start taking advice on how to handle controversies from Tom Brady?

The Navy’s elite SEALs teams are set to open to women. The will follow in the footsteps of the most widely known woman associated with a Seal, Heidi Klum.

The U.S. has dropped four spots to 20th place in world freedom rankings. Which is mostly a result of Donald Trump leading the polls and other countries fearing what will happen to their citizens who are in the U.S. if he actually becomes President.

Hamas has arrested a dolphin that they accuse of being a spy for Israel. Apparently the dolphin’s Israeli loyalty was given away when Hamas officials saw it was circumcised.

A study says that commercials with sex and violence are less effective than neutral ads. Although the commercials aren’t using sex and violence to actually sell products, it’s just the best way to get the attention of any men who happen to be watching TV.

A study says that commercials with sex and violence are less effective than neutral ads. Except in the South where every man goes to bed with a bottle of Viagra on the nightstand and a .44 under the pillow.

A study says that commercials with sex and violence are less effective than neutral ads. Although if that isn’t true, how does that explain the sudden popularity of Ronda Rousey?

The Mexican government has dismissed Donald Trump’s border and migration plans. The only way his ideas will work is if he doesn’t kick all the Mexican laborers out of the country before he tries to build his border wall.

A report says the NFL’s TV ratings have been flat over the past few years. To which Tom Brady is saying “Don’t look at me.”

A sports management expert says that Michael Jordan’s identity for an unauthorized ad for steak that he is suing for $10 Million is worth closer to $126,000. To which Jordan is saying “What am I, chopped liver?”

Mister Softee ice cream trucks are suing a competitor over stealing its jingle. So far the police have been just treating it as another cold case.

Mister Softee ice cream trucks are suing a competitor over stealing its jingle. Mister Softee sales have been down ever since men think that doing business with them might result in them needing to take Viagra.

Mister Softee ice cream trucks are suing a competitor over stealing its jingle. Although legal experts say the lawsuit may be taking the company down a rocky road.

A report says that one quarter of new moms who are working were back on the job within two weeks of giving birth. To which even women rice paddy workers are asking what’s the hurry?

Former Subway spokesman Jared Fogle will plead guilty to having sex with minors and child pornography charges. The only people who were actually relieved to hear news like that were the endorsement agents for Paula Deen, Lance Armstrong and Tiger Woods.

A poll says that 37% of U.S. workers say they have telecommuted. Although the one person who now says it was a big mistake to stay at home and work from the computer is Jared Fogle.

A report says scientists have figured out how an obesity gene makes people fat. Apparently it has something to do with making them eat a lot and sit on the couch all day.

A study says that teens are less likely to smoke or drink if their friends have gone through substance abuse prevention programs. Mostly because they figure it’s bad enough to get lectured by your parents let alone the people you used to party with.

Scientists have invented a machine that vomits on command. Apparently it was put together for research on sea travel that simulates a cruise on Carnival.

Scientists say they have identified the region of the brain that deciphers between old and new memories. Which is found only in women’s brains which helps them remember which mistakes their husband has made recently and which ones they did in the past.

Critics are asking the FDA if low sex drive in women should be considered a medical condition. Apparently many women feel it can be traced more to their making some poor life choices at the altar.

A study says that certain moods are contagious. Mostly for people whose feelings can be swayed by the attitude of their spouse, boss or the IRS agent who is conducting their audit.

A poll says that most Americans back healthy school lunches. Mostly because they feel if their kids are in class all day and still not learning anything, they might as well get some nutrition out of the deal.

A study says that working more than 55 hours a week can be bad for a person’s heart. Mostly from the fact they still have to find the time to work their two other minimum wage jobs they need to make ends meet.

An Ohio boy born with no ears got a new pair through a rare surgery. He was able to get the work done because sometime around last December he decided to make it his New Ear’s Resolution.

Family values activist Josh Duggar reportedly had two accounts with Ashley Madison. The worst part is that Ashley and Madison are his sisters.

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo says he wants topless performers run out of Times Square. Apparently he wants them back where they belong, in Eliot Spitzer’s hotel room.

Regal Theaters says it may start searching bags at the door. The move is to prevent any moviegoers from bringing in any guns, knives or more importantly, their own snacks.

Yvonne Craig, who played Batgirl on the TV show “Batman” has died at age 78. No cause of death has been given yet, but so far authorities say they suspect it could be rabies.

Former NBA Commissioner David Stern is being pushed to run for Mayor of New York City. He has shown his savvy in having the foresight to get out of the NBA before the whole Donald Sterling thing came unglued.

Former NBA Commissioner David Stern is being pushed to run for Mayor of New York City. Although the first question most voters have is how can they be sure with him in charge how the rest of the city isn’t going to end up like the Knicks?

LeBron James reportedly is worth $140,000 for every product he tweets about on Twitter. That works out to $1,000 per character. To which Michael Jordan says he won’t open a Twitter account until they allow 10,000 characters.

LeBron James reportedly is worth $140,000 for every product he tweets about on Twitter. Although that is still not the record, which is the amount of a whole career that went down the drain after Anthony Weiner went on Twitter.

MIT researchers say they have developed batteries that could last a lifetime. In fact, they say they could even be around longer than the time it takes most MIT graduates to pay off their college loans.

A survey says that tech workers make more money but are less happy than other workers. Mostly just the ones who are tired of sitting in the lunch room surrounded by a bunch of other men who constantly talk about when the next “Star Wars” movie will be coming out.

Major League Baseball has told Kansas City Royals Manager Ned Yost not to wear an Apple Watch while on the field. Although it’s obvious to anyone who has been to a Major League game in the last few years that no one has any idea what a watch is for.

A Confederate warship was recovered from a river in Georgia. At least they think it was a Confederate warship. Locals think it might just be a discarded pickup with a gun rack in the back that was sporting a rebel flag.

A report says that 1 of 12 birthdays listed on extra-marital affairs website Ashley Madison were January 1st. Although after being exposed by hackers, the divorce attorneys of their wives are listing their birthday as April 1st.

A report says that 1 of 12 birthdays listed on extra-marital affairs website Ashley Madison were January 1st. The other 11 for some reason listed their birthday as August 19th, the exact same date as Bill Clinton.

A report says that most of the men who had accounts on extra-marital website Ashley Madison say they were born in 1978. Which is confusing to people familiar with the site as that would make them 37, which is too young to be a CEO and too old for the NBA.

Ohio Governor Dennis Kucinich says he would ban teachers’ lounges if he could. Which would be fine for most teachers as long as they could just move their kegs, liquor cabinets and pill dispensers that get them through the day into their classrooms.

A report says that 15,000 accounts on extra-marital affairs site Ashley Madison were using federal e-mail addresses. Even more interesting is that they all went through the private server at the Clintons’ house.

Divorce lawyers say they are bracing for a “tsunami” of new clients following the information released about clients of Ashley Madison. To which all the site’s members had no idea that their monthly fees would include half of everything they own.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! While I am getting a lot of material from what has been going on lately, sometimes I just have to shake my head at people. Subway’s popular spokesman Jared Fogle is a pedophile and Josh Duggar from the self righteous Duggar family is a hard core member of Ashley Madison. I really have my doubts about this country when I see that Donald Trump is being looked up to for moral guidance. All I can do is shrug and at least know things are good in my world as long as most of you out there are still taking some time to remember to send the love!

No comments: