Tuesday, July 21, 2015

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

A poll says that most Americans favor term limits for the Supreme Court. Which is already pretty much in effect. How long can anyone serve when they aren’t even nominated until they are at least 85 years old?

A simulated city on the campus of the University of Michigan that will test how self-driving cars perform without the danger of running over pedestrians or causing pileups. They could do the same thing in L.A. where there haven’t been pedestrians since the 1950s and traffic on the 405 doesn’t move for weeks at a time.

A simulated city on the campus of the University of Michigan that will test how self-driving cars perform without the danger of running over pedestrians or causing pileups. They would have used a real city but couldn’t find one in Michigan that still actually had any pedestrians or traffic left after everyone moved away.

An air traffic controller in Arkansas was found passed out with his shirt off on the floor of the control tower. Which means it might not be such a bad idea to go back to the days when it was OK to let them get away with taking a nap on the job once in awhile.

Ashley Madison, a website that promotes affairs between married people was hacked with information of 37 Million users compromised. The site’s motto is “Life is short. Have an affair.” Although the best way to make life even shorter is when your wife catches you having the affair.

Ashley Madison, a website that promotes affairs between married people was hacked with information of 37 Million users compromised. The site’s motto is “Life is short. Have an affair.” Although it could also be “Have an affair. You can still get by with half of what you own.”

Appliance manufacturers are railing against the Obama Administration for proposed new efficiency rules on dishwashers. Although most people thought when the dishwasher industry was upset about the President’s policies that could hurt them most, they were talking about his immigration plan.

Scientists say that astronauts’ skin gets thinner while they are in space. Which is not to be confused from them becoming thin skinned after hearing nothing but jokes about “a probe of Uranus” while on the space station for six months.

Scientists say that astronauts’ skin gets thinner while they are in space. Although what really makes them thin skinned is constantly being asked if the space station supply of diapers is running low.

A Russian billionaire has teamed with Stephen Hawking to offer $100 Million to find intelligent life in space. Which is a bit different than Donald Trump’s plan for aliens which is to spend $100 Million to send them all back home.

A Russian billionaire has teamed with Stephen Hawking to offer $100 Million to find intelligent life in space. Which is ironic in that spending $100 Million to find non-existent space aliens pretty much takes him off the list of locating intelligent life on Earth.

Doctors in China have saved a hand severed in an industrial accident by grafting it onto the man’s ankle for a month before reattaching it to his arm. Although the man says he does miss being able to play “This little piggy” without having to bend over.

Doctors in China have saved a hand severed in an industrial accident by grafting it onto the man’s ankle for a month before reattaching it to his arm. The weird part was hearing the man walk around singing “The wrist bone’s connected to the ankle bone...”

A legal expert is warning that robots need to be regulated before they multiply and demand voting rights. Although if they really want to make it impossible for them to cast ballots they should do it the legal way that is currently in use. Move them to the South and register them as Democrats.

IBM’s profit in the second quarter beat all forecasts. Mostly because they actually had a profit in the second quarter.

The GOP is fearing that an unapologetic Donald Trump will alienate crucial voters. What else did they expect from a man who has already alienated the entire population of 8 Million people who live in New York City?

The GOP is fearing that an unapologetic Donald Trump will alienate crucial voters. Which is no surprise from someone who thinks “alienation” is his fear of what the U.S. is becoming.

Budget experts say there is a low chance of a government shutdown this fall. Other than the usual shutdown of Washington, D.C. from Thursday through Tuesday on the two weeks of each month that Congress is actually in town.

Budget experts say there is a low chance of a government shutdown this fall. Which is too bad because shutting the government down is always our best opportunity to ever actually erase some of our national debt.

A report says that Donald Trump considered buying the New England Patriots back in 1988. If that had happened, the only team controversy involving inflation would have been about the size of his ego.

A report says that Donald Trump considered buying the New England Patriots back in 1988. For one thing, he could have completely eliminated the issue of concussions if he made all the players adopt his hair style.

A report says that Donald Trump considered buying the New England Patriots back in 1988. That was so long ago that Tom Brady was still only old enough to be deflating balloons.

The owner of the WNBA’s Tulsa Shock says he is considering moving the team to Dallas-Ft. Worth. The team got its name from the shock of people in Tulsa finding out that they even had a WNBA team.

A poll says that 38% of Americans say this is a good time to find a “quality” job. The other 62% say they would like to know where they are looking since they are still searching for the one they lost back in 2007.

Harper Lee’s “Go Set A Watchman” has sold a million copies in just one week, 55 years after her first novel “To Kill A Mockingbird.” People were confused. Why did it take more than a half century for that sequel when it only took a couple of years for “Grownups 2”?

A study says the effects of poverty on the brain may explain why poor students score lower on standardized testing. Mostly because they don’t have enough money like the wealthy kids to pay someone else to sit in and take the test for them.

A study says that good students have the best chance of avoiding Alzheimer’s Disease when they get older. As opposed to students in Alabama who get held back enough to where they are showing symptoms of Alzheimer’s before they get through third grade.

A new government calculator tells how many calories should be eaten to lose weight. Now all the government needs to do is make itself a calculator that shows them how much money they can spend to start reducing the national debt.

A study says that many parents don’t know when antibiotics should be used or what they even do. Although most do know that it’s a good idea to take a few right after checking out of a Super 8 Motel.

A study says the best age to get married to cut down the chances of divorce are between 27 and 29. Most men agree with marrying someone between 27 and 29 particularly when the men are somewhere in their 60s.

A study says that birth order has no meaningful effect on personality or IQ. Which means the 19th Duggar child has just as good a chance to be as equally screwed up emotionally as the 1st.

A report says that Alzheimer’s Disease may show up in a saliva test. One sure way to tell is if the saliva of the patient is always drooling down their chin.

Growing evidence is linking sleep problems with Alzheimer’s Disease. Especially when the person has problems falling asleep because they keep getting chased down the street after ending up in the wrong bedroom.

Leah Messer attended a reunion of “Teen Mom 2” after being released from rehab. Like the chicken and the egg, people are never sure which one of those usually comes before the other.

Adam Sandler says his movie “The Ridiculous Six” doesn’t mock Indians. He then said he hopes all Indians spend their wampum to see the film.

Adam Sandler says his movie “The Ridiculous Six” doesn’t mock Indians. He says if he wanted to do that he would have made a remake of “The Waterboy” where he worked for the Washington Redskins.

New England Patriots Tight End Rob Gronkowski says he has read “80%” of his own book. The hard part is that he did it by skipping every fifth word.

New England Patriots Tight End Rob Gronkowski says he has read “80%” of his own book. Which coincidentally, 80% is the amount of air that Tom Brady left in all the game balls.

Shaquille O’Neal says an all-time Lakers team would beat an all-time team of Chicago Bulls by 50 points. Mostly because an all-time team of the Bulls would only consist of Michael Jordan and maybe a couple of other players.

A knee injury may help identify what may be the remains of Philip II, father of Alexander the Great. You know your HMO is bad when they do such poor work that everyone still identifies you by it 2,000 years later.

A knee injury may help identify what may be the remains of Philip II, father of Alexander the Great. Apparently it wasn’t just the knee injury but the fact that he was buried along with his Rascal scooter.

Political advertising on TV is expected to reach a record $4.4 Billion for the 2016 election cycle, a 16% increase. The hard part is for the candidates to be able to fill up that commercial time with 16% more lies.

Political advertising on TV is expected to reach a record $4.4 Billion for the 2016 election cycle, a 16% increase. Most of that will come from Donald Trump commercials aired on Univision where he tells everyone watching that they had better start packing their bags.

A report says that only 25% of workers in Silicon Valley can afford to rent or buy a home at the average price. Which is fine because the other 75% don’t mind commuting every day from the closest place they can afford to live in Boise.

A report from the GAO says the Department of Defense wastes millions of dollars overpaying for satellite communications. To which everyone who has DirecTV is saying “Tell us about it.”

A report from the GAO says the Department of Defense wastes millions of dollars overpaying for satellite communications. Which is good news for taxpayers when compared with all the other programs on which the Defense Department wastes billions of dollars.

Archaeologists in Ohio say they have found a “very significant” 4,000 year old home near Cleveland. It was apparent how old it was when it was discovered to have an empty wall that was set aside for championship pennants for any local teams.

A study says that Apple watch owners are pleased with the devices. Especially when they find out just as they did that their iPhone can make calls that the watch can actually tell the time.

A 14,000 year old tooth found in Italy shows the first signs of dentistry. Which was still missing from a similar tooth from three days ago found in England.

The Smithsonian Institution is launching a crowdfund to save the space suit worn by Neil Armstrong on the first Moon walk. Although they may have gotten the wrong Moon walking suit because they describe it as coming with black shoes and white socks.

The Smithsonian Institution is launching a crowdfund to save the space suit worn by Neil Armstrong on the first Moon walk. Apparently it’s hard to find anyone to work on it  because no one bothered to take out that last astronaut diaper he was wearing.

The Smithsonian Institution is launching a crowdfund to save the space suit worn by Neil Armstrong on the first Moon walk. Apparently the Smithsonian ran out of money by using their own to preserve more important pieces of Americana, like the jacket Henry Winkler wore when he was “The Fonz.”

A report says Internet addiction could be the next mental illness. The good news is that anyone suffering from it can look up the symptoms and treatments on Google.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Jordan Spieth came up just a shot short of a playoff and a chance to continue his quest for the golfing Grand Slam. Now he can be like the rest of us golfers who have a Grand Slam every Saturday after our morning round over at Denny’s. The Brits at St. Andrews were so overcome by the emotion of Spieth’s great effort that they burst out in a tremendous round of polite applause. Of course, you don’t even have to go that far to make me happy for my efforts here every day. All I ever ask from you is to remember once in awhile to make sure to send the love!

No comments: