Friday, July 17, 2015

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

A six month outlook of McDonald’s franchisees is at an all time low. The only growth that is still forecast in the entire restaurant chain is for the waistline of their customers.

A report says that Google distorts people’s view of the world. Which means it is your computer’s version of the Fox News Channel.

John McCain says that Donald Trump is “firing up the crazies.” And who would know more about that than the man who nominated Sarah Palin to be his running mate?

John McCain says that Donald Trump is “firing up the crazies.” Namely anyone who would actually consider voting for Donald Trump for President.

A mayor in Spain is instituting a nap time from 2 to 5 PM for his entire city. Or as the rest of Spain has been calling that for centuries, the siesta.

A mayor in Spain is instituting a nap time from 2 to 5 PM for his entire city. Which means he could be up for a lawsuit for copyright infringement from all of southern Florida.

Apple Stores’ “demoralizing” worker searches are driving a lawsuit for more pay. The searches to prevent merchandise from being stolen are said to be almost as demoralizing as only being able to find work at an Apple Store.

Australia has declared “war” on feral cats and says it will destroy 2 Million of them by 2020. Feral cats are those that are indifferent to people and can’t be tamed or adopted. Otherwise known as “cats.”

A study says the disapproval rate for marijuana among Millennials is down. Especially the ones who find it helps pass the time of day when sitting around playing video games all day in the parents’ basement.

A New Jersey bill proposes a lottery to pay off student college loan debt. Although winning the lottery is already the strategy for most college students for their dreams of paying off their debt, buying a home and some day being able to retire.

A New Jersey bill proposes a lottery to pay off student college loan debt. Which apparently is easier than coming up with a way for college to be more affordable where people don’t have to mortgage their entire future just to get a bachelor’s degree.

A New Jersey bill proposes a lottery to pay off student college loan debt. Although most people in New Jersey dream of winning the lottery so they can use the money to get out of New Jersey.

An analysis says the California drought is the worst in more than a century. In fact, it is already worst than the droughts of 2014, 2013, 2012, 2011...

An analysis says the California drought is the worst in more than a century. Actually, it turns out that it is just the worst part of the same drought that has been going on since the state was settled in 1849.

An analysis says the California drought is the worst in more than a century. Which makes it the most prolonged dry spell in the state other than the Los Angeles Clippers.

Los Angeles is set to become the largest city to allow ride sharing businesses like Uber to service airports. Which will bring more choices to airline passengers into LAX who have to follow a five hour flight with a six hour ride through rush hour traffic.

Two hackers were rewarded with 1 Million frequent flier miles each for finding holes in the computer security of United Airlines. That means they will soon begin to experience the flaws actually getting a flight on United that isn’t delayed, rerouted or canceled.

German engineering company Bosch says that cars will be driving themselves on freeways by 2020. Which is already being done on the 405 in L.A. during rush hour when drivers simply put the car in “park” and wait for rush hour to end.

Shares in Garmin dropped on a disappointing outlook. It appears the GPS manufacturer is losing investor interest because it just has no direction.

A survey says that 41% of people want cars that are partially self-driving. Those are the people who just like now need someone to take the wheel just long enough so they can send out a few texts and open another bottle of beer.

TLC has canceled “19 Kids and Counting.” Although fans of the show can still see reruns played over the Internet on Myspace.com.

TLC has canceled “19 Kids and Counting.” The Duggar family was hoping the show could be continued and aired as educational programming, because the whole point of the series was to show people how to multiply.

A study says that contaminated sand on beaches can make beachgoers sick. Especially the ones who went to lay out right after the shooting of an episode of “Jersey Shore.”

A study says that more very young women are taking up light smoking, five or fewer cigarettes a day. Which sounds about right for after a meal or with a drink, but men are warned to stay away from women who go through that many cigarettes who say they just like to smoke after having sex.

A study says that second hand smoke is tied to a raised risk of stroke. Especially for people who keep getting hit over the head after lighting up too close to militant non-smokers.

A study says that 54% of cultures around the world do not partake in romantic kissing. Those cultures are called “men.”

A study says that 54% of cultures around the world do not partake in romantic kissing. Especially in the UK, Alabama and Georgia because it’s hard to get romantic when you are about to kiss a mouth that is all gums and tongue.

Scientists say that screams jolt the brain’s fear-response center. Which is still not as rough on the nervous system as turning on the radio and hearing a Justin Bieber song.

A UK man says a dental procedure led him to lose his memory. Either that or he is really carrying his excuse a bit far that he keeps forgetting to pay his dental bill.

A study says that 1 in 4 dogs in the world’s biggest dog show are overweight. Or as that is called in Korea, “market ready.”

A study says that kids are more likely to partake in obesity related behavior when school is out. Mostly because at least during the school year they also just sit around all day but at least aren’t given any food that they are actually willing to eat.

A study says that people who use their smartphones the most are more likely to be depressed. Especially when they realize they don’t have any friends because they haven’t looked up from their cellphone screen since February.

A report says that the Tom Brady “deflategate” ruling could come in late July. Which means at this rate, there could actually be some sort of decision on the Super Bowl wardrobe malfunction before this is ever resolved.

Golf announcer Paul Azinger called Tiger Woods a “middle of the pack hack” after he shot an opening round 76 at the British Open. Although that wasn’t quite accurate. Woods finished the first round tied for 139th out of 156 which means he would have to move up about 60 more spots to be near the middle.

Tiger Woods put off any talk about retiring, saying he wasn’t in AARP yet, to which the AARP slammed Woods saying “it is better to be over 50 than over par.” Although the 39 year old Woods had to feel pretty old when he couldn’t even break his age at the British Open with a front nine 40.

Lance Armstrong returned to the Tour de France for a charity event. Although the way Armstrong cheated to make millions of dollars from the race, to him the entire Tour de France was pretty much a charity event.

A report says that as many as ten NBA teams are losing money. That is no surprise. What would be amazing is if the teams making a profit included the Clippers, Knicks or Timberwolves.

Australian tennis player Bernard Tomic was arrested at a Miami hotel for refusing to turn down the music in his room. Which is ironic in that a tennis player would be arrested for making a racket.

Starbucks is set to open stores in 15 poor and middle class inner city locations. Which to Starbucks, poor and middle class means areas where customers can only afford to drive a Lexus or BMW.

Starbucks is set to open stores in 15 poor and middle class inner city locations. Which will give the middle class people in those areas the opportunity to go to Starbucks every day work their way down to being poor.

Public Wi-Fi is now available in 35 locations in Cuba for a flat fee of $2 a hour. Which is going to be a disappointment when they get online to chat with their friends in the U.S. who tell them that even AOL is a better deal than that.

Netflix says it now has 65 Million subscribers, which is more people than live in England. Which isn’t hard to imagine when the programming option is for the 63 Million people living there is 18 straight hours of “Downton Abbey.”

Federal Reserve Chair Janet Yellen says she is open to changing the definition of a big bank. Which at this point is any bank that still has customers with net deposits of more than $10.

A report says that U.S. voter turnout is at its lowest percentage since 1978. Which shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone when you consider the two frontrunners for the next presidential election are Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton.

A report from the Federal Reserve blames foreign teens for taking jobs from native born teens. Mostly because the foreign teens are able to actually put down the video game console and roll off the couch long enough to actually fill out some job applications.

A report from the Federal Reserve blames foreign teens for taking jobs from native born teens. The sad part is that they are both being beaten out for the minimum wage part time jobs by the American kids’ parents who need the extra work to make ends meet.

A report says that $377 Million has already been donated to those running for President. Which would create more jobs if it were just given in cash to Americans than any of the employment plans that are being pushed by all the candidates combined.

A report says that $377 Million has already been donated to those running for President.  Which is good because the candidate who does become President will have to be just as good at asking for money from the countries who are still loaning us cash to offset our $17 Trillion national debt.

Hillary Clinton says she wanted to be an astronaut when she was a teen. As opposed to Bernie Sanders who is a bit older and says when he was a teen he wanted to be a barnstorming wing walker.

Hillary Clinton says she wanted to be an astronaut when she was a teen. As opposed to Donald Trump who says when he was a teen he was already building a fence around his parents’ property to keep out any neighbors who spoke with an accent.

Jeb Bush hailed a ride with Uber in San Francisco, although his driver says he will vote for Hillary Clinton. Mostly because if Bush wanted to get a ride from someone more likely to vote for him he would have just held up a jar of Grey Poupon.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Finally back into my regular routine after taking a few days off the job. Went to Cincinnati where I had lunch with Bill Jaquay, whom I met along with his wife on my honeymoon cruise back in 1994. I then had dinner with Larry Handley, with whom I worked at WFTV in Orlando from 1996-99. Two great people I haven’t seen in forever, Bill since the cruise and Larry since about 2008. Which shows that the longer I am away from people, the more likely they are to still be friends. It is good to get together with people you haven’t seen in awhile because it sure is easier to stay on good terms than with people who have to put up with you every day. I am just glad you put up with me and my jokes, and it never gets old to me when you remember to take the time to send the love!

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