Sunday, July 12, 2015

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

Scientists are warning the Sun will “go to sleep” around 2030 with reduced activity. Apparently once you reach four and a half billion years old, things just start slowing down.

Scientists are warning the Sun will “go to sleep” around 2030 with reduced activity. The only problem will be trying to get some shuteye with that bright light on all the time.

Scientists are warning the Sun will “go to sleep” around 2030 with reduced activity. How bad has the economy gotten when even the Sun is being downsized?

Royal Astronomer Martin Rees says we are in the dawn of a post-human future with the advancements in Artificial Intelligence. Although things are still looking good for humans if no one has even found a way yet to find machines that can perform the duties of the Royal Family.

A Catholic newspaper is suggesting the U.S. may need a nationwide exorcism. We will know if one has been successful when Donald Trump pulls out of the presidential race.

A study says that the use of antipsychotics is up among teens and young adults. To which most older adults are saying it’s about time.

A report says that robots will soon be picking fruit and driving tractors. Although the worst part for Donald Trump will be when he discovers even the automated farm workers are made in Mexico.

Scientists are proposing a five day forecast for space weather to warn people of the effects. The worst part will be when Weather Channel meteorologists say that it is time to take a close up look at Uranus. (It’s old, it’s juvenile, it’s predictable. But always funny!)

Scientists are proposing a five day forecast for space weather to warn people of the effects. The only bad part about giving space weather is when Al Roker says once again the forecast for the Sun is still hot.

Wal-Mart says it will melt down any class rings that feature the Confederate flag. People were surprised. There are Wal-Mart customers supporting the Rebel flag who are graduating high school?

A New Jersey Shore town is refusing to rebuild dunes that were ravaged by Hurricane Sandy. Apparently they feel their area has already suffered enough irreparable damage with the presence of Snookie, JWoww and Pauly D.

Delta pilots have reportedly rejected a contract offer that included large pay raises. Apparently they feel they would rather work at United where they will get less money but not have to be at the controls of a plane that ever actually takes off.

U.S. regulators have proposed rules that will make carriers like AT&T and Verizon keep the same level of service when they replace copper lines with fiber. Although AT&T could pretty much keep their same level of service is they replaced their current lines with string connected to tin cans.

A report says hackers who stole millions of federal personnel files also got away with 1.1 Million fingerprints. Although if they really wanted to get a lot of fingerprints they could just take the steering wheel off any car coming out of any GM dealer repair shop.

GM is recalling 780,000 crossover utility vehicles that have rear lift gates that fall off. Which is why they are called crossovers, as the cars behind them have to cross over into oncoming traffic to avoid all the road debris.

GM is recalling 780,000 crossover utility vehicles that have rear lift gates that fall off. Which dealers are now raising the price as they can officially be marketed as convertibles.

Researchers at MIT have devised a way to restore old poorly performing software to fresh code. Or as Microsoft calls that, the next Windows upgrade.

Researchers at MIT have devised a way to restore old poorly performing software to fresh code. Which is great news for people who still don’t want to shell out any money to replace their original Atari video game console.

A proposed new airline seating arrangement called the “economy class hexagon” features seats that face different directions. Although it may cause problems for people who have claustrophobia and feel it is a trapezoid.

A proposed new airline seating arrangement called the “economy class hexagon” features seats that face different directions. Which means seat selection will be based on whether passengers prefer the drink cart to hit them in the knee or the back of the head.

Russian President Vladimir Putin called the U.S. debt a “serious problem” while defending Greece. The good news is for Russia is that it is only a serious problem for China because they are the only ones dumb enough to still be lending us money.

The House has voted to fund speedier FDA approval times for drugs and medical devices. The health care industry supported the measure as it will mean an increase in treatment options, more research projects and less time to wait for the profits to roll in.

A New Jersey family is trying to figure out a mysterious illness that is leading to muscle waste in their children. Which could just mean that the parents only recently bought their first video game console.

A report says that psychologists outside the CIA protected the U.S. torture program. Mostly because the word “torture” is a word most psychologists are comfortable with. The prefer the term “therapy.”

A study says that most elderly people want control of the health information their families see. Although it’s probably more than they really want to know when they see all the discarded boxes of Depends adult diapers.

A study says that most elderly people want control of the health information their families see. Although they already probably have a pretty good idea what is going on when they see them take their 45 pills before each meal.

A study says that high blood pressure deaths should plummet because of Obamacare. With the exceptions of all the Republicans in Congress who still won’t give up after voting more than 50 times to repeal it.

A study says that smoking is linked to schizophrenia. Which is really bad for the people who have to go to the funerals for their different personalities that have died from emphysema and lung cancer.

A study says there is a link between people’s ability to imagine pleasant scents and their weight. Especially people who get the saying wrong and stop to eat the roses.

A study says there is a link between people’s ability to imagine pleasant scents and their weight. Especially the people who are so good at it they can imagine pleasant scents even when they are eating at Taco Bell.

A study says medical websites have a 58% chance of getting most diagnoses right in their first 20 suggestions. The hard part is for the person looking up the information to decide between the malaria, arthritis or tape worm.

Candy sickened more than a thousand children in the Philippines. Or as we call that in the U.S., “breakfast.”

A study says that marijuana is not a gateway to other drugs. It is a gateway to habitual unemployment, lack of personal hygiene and morbid obesity.

A study says that naps may improve people’s frustration tolerance. Especially from the frustration of never getting a full night’s sleep once they become parents.

A former mistress of Bill Cosby says she doesn’t believe half the women who are accusing him. Which apparently means she thinks he is only guilty of drugging the other half for sex.

A report says that Rory McIlroy sought the advice of Tiger Woods over his recent ankle injury. Which could point to his recent breakup with girlfriend Caroline Wozniacki being a result of Tiger giving him advice on his relationships as well.

Brett Favre says he will “wing it” at his speech when he is inducted into the Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame this month. Which has odds makers figuring out the over an under for how many times he says the words “comeback” and “unretire.”

A poll says that two thirds of Americans go to bed with their smartphones by their side. The other one third go to bed with a partner because they have learned how to put the phone away once in awhile.

A court has ruled that AT&T can punish workers who wear T-shirts that say “prisoner” on them. However, they have no say on AT&T customers who wear shirts emblazoned with the word “idiot.”

A court has ruled that AT&T can punish workers who wear T-shirts that say “prisoner” on them. Mostly because it might cause animosity between those employees and customers as even prisoners are guaranteed one phone call.

A 17 year old Connecticut girl has been found safe after flying to Morocco to be with her boyfriend she met on the Internet. Her parents were bewildered. Why did she have to travel half way around the world when other teenage girls are online meeting 45 year old men just down the road in New Jersey?

Japan’s Mount Fuji now has free available Wi-Fi service. Actually it isn’t part of the mountain. It is just inside the Starbucks that is being built halfway up the peak.

Hillary Clinton will reportedly campaign on raising wages for the middle class. Which shouldn’t be too hard since anyone that still has any wages at all is now considered to be middle class.

Arizona Republicans were divided ahead of Donald Trump’s visit to the state. They weren’t sure whether they should hate what he stands for or just simply ignore him and hope he goes away.

President Obama says he will use the federal government to pressure communities to integrate low income minority families into affluent areas. The program actually started a long time ago. In fact, it’s been more than seven years since he was able to move a minority family into a very nice house at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

President Obama will become the first sitting President to visit a federal prison. Although he would have been the second if Nixon would have tried to delay his resignation just a few more weeks.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! A sad news in the world of sports, especially for a Raiders fan like myself. The Snake, quarterback Kenny Stabler recently died at age 69. He was typical of the Raiders back in the great days of the 1970s. He didn’t win pretty, he just won. At the same time he was always low key and a gentleman about things which was pretty much the antithesis of being a Raider. He won a Super Bowl in 1977 and was the NFL MVP in 1974, yet he isn’t in the Hall of Fame. The Raiders captured my attention back in 1970 and I am still a fan to this day, even though they have lost a little of their luster. Kind of like a 1947 Buick, but in true Raiders fashion I will always be loyal. I hope the NFL sees fit to put him in the Hall where he belongs, as opposed to the hall closet where these jokes belong. Just make sure you think about the Snake when you take the time to remember to send the love!

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