Sunday, June 21, 2015

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

A study says that sitting down for too long is linked to anxiety. That amount of time can be for as little as five minutes if the person happens to be sitting in a seat on a United Airlines jet.

The number of pools built in California during the drought is the highest it has been in a decade. Although the reason they have been built is because of the drought, not for swimming but to have a place to hoard more water than their neighbors.

A study says the sixth mass extinction is already underway, and man is behind it. Although if you have looked at the lines at fast food restaurants, the only species involved are beef, chickens and whatever it is they put in their fish sandwiches.

A report says that the new iPhone will be thicker than the last. Which is ironic as the generation of people who sit around staring at their iPhone all day have found that has made them a little wider than the last.

Audi will be giving away a new pair of shoes with every car sale. The shoe manufacturer will also give some shoes away to the needy. Mostly GM vehicle owners who find they will need to do a lot more walking while their car is constantly in the shop for recalls.

A report says half of all distracted walking accidents involving a cellphone happen inside the home. The other half are from people walking around more outside because they don’t have a car since they wrecked it while texting behind the wheel.

A report says half of all distracted walking accidents involving a cellphone happen inside the home. Mostly men who are hit over the head with a frying pan when their wife finds out who the are texting.

Uber says it is changing its policy and will now ban drivers and passengers from carrying guns. The only question is why did Uber think it was ever a good idea to have a policy to allow it in the first place?

Uber says it is changing its policy and will now ban drivers and passengers from carrying guns. Apparently Uber saw the policy as a way to get an advantage over their  taxi cabs whose drivers still are limited to solving disputes with their middle finger.

46 doctors and nurses around the country have been arrested in a $712 Million Medicare fraud. It is the biggest health care fraud scheme ever uncovered since Medicare.

Honda is reporting its eighth death associated with faulty Takata airbags. Motorists are urged to get the airbags replaced immediately, unless they own a Prius that can’t go fast enough to ever cause the airbags to deploy in the first place.

The EPA is proposing tougher mileage standards for medium and heavy duty trucks. The changes could save millions of gallons of fuel, especially for the fact that the trucks with better mileage won’t have enough power to actually be able to carry any freight anywhere.

A report says that conservatives are frustrated with a recent drop in GOP votes from working women. Mostly because Republican economic policies mean women don’t have time to go to the polls now that they need three jobs to make ends meet.

A report says that conservatives are frustrated with a recent drop in GOP votes from working women. No matter what they do to try to get back working women, thanks to Bill Clinton the Democrats will always have the support of the working girls.

The Justice Department is suing BAE Systems for overcharging the Army millions of dollars for a fleet of trucks. To which the company says it should have instead sold them military jets which would have allowed them to overcharge for billions without being questioned.

The Justice Department is suing BAE Systems for overcharging the Army millions of dollars for a fleet of trucks. Whatever happened to the days when military suppliers were happy to just get away with charging $600 for a hammer?

A survey says that dads consider Band-Aid the number one perceived brand. Mostly because nothing keeps kids occupied better while dad watches football on TV all day than giving the kids a box of bandages to play with.

A report says that an appeal of Obamacare would raise the deficit and cost millions their  health insurance. The only positive point of the attempt to repeal the law is that it has given Republican members of Congress something to do the past five years.

Federal officials have slammed Fiat Chrysler for their lax safety efforts. To which Chrysler says it’s just nice to hear someone criticizing them for something other than their lack of quality control, value and dependability.

Comcast founder Ralph Roberts has died at age 95. His funeral is scheduled for between 8 and 5 Monday through Friday sometime during the next two weeks.

Hillary Clinton made a strong plea for gun control in a speech over the weekend. She has shown that firearms are unnecessary to keep the peace just as long as you have good aim at throwing pieces of China.

A report says the new movie “Inside Out” reflects the realities and fantasies of neuroscience. Which has never been done with movies before, except for trying to figure out what makes some people pay $8 to see an Adam Sandler film.

Hawaii has become the first state to raise the legal smoking age to 21. Now all they have to do is come up with a law to ban men from wearing Speedos on the beach.

Hawaii has become the first state to raise the legal smoking age to 21. Although that is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to health issues for the state that has the world’s largest consumption rate of Spam.

Scientists say the human body contains around 37.2 Trillion cells. Apparently it used to be just a few billion but today’s modern body just needs more space to store all the fat.

Scientists say the human body contains around 37.2 Trillion cells. The only difference is that in past generations there were actually more brain cells than fat cells.

A new study predicts the rate of starvation that would take place during a pandemic. Which is ironic since a widespread outbreak of disease would get started in the first place because of our lack of resistance to illness from becoming so obese.

A study says that preschoolers’ sense of justice is more developed than previously thought. Other than the continuing practice of social banishment for even being suspected of being a carrier of Cooties.

The FDA has approved a device that lets the blind “see” with their tongues. This is not the first case of people being able to see with their tongue. Just ask any woman who has dated Gene Simmons.

17 people were hospitalized after possible chemical exposure at a California water park. Or as chemically polluted water is called in California, “water.”

17 people were hospitalized after possible chemical exposure at a California water park. People were shocked. Who would have thought there would be any injury sustained at a water park in California during a serious drought other than friction burns?

New York is planning to require all seventh graders to receive meningitis shots. A similar measure was considered in Alabama until they realized it’s not necessary since the only people in the state who ever make it to seventh grade are already in their mid 20s.

A study says that six hours of sleep a night or less is associated with heart attacks, strokes and obesity. Mostly when the people get only six hours of sleep because they are spending the other 18 hours of the day eating.

Radio listeners were angered when an NPR radio program had Kim Kardashian on as a guest. Media experts were surprised. People who listen to NPR know who Kim Kardashian is?

Radio listeners were angered when an NPR radio program had Kim Kardashian on as a guest. The program is now worried that it may lose donations from both its subscribers.

Radio listeners were angered when an NPR radio program had Kim Kardashian on as a guest for a segment called “Not my job.” Mostly because the answer to the question of what is not Kim Kardashian’s job was too easy. The harder question would be what IS Kim Kardashian’s job?

Brian Williams apologized to viewers on “Today” but would not say the words “I lied.” Although it was a little awkward when Matt Lauer had to grab the studio fire extinguisher to put out the flames coming out of Williams’ pants.

Sergio Garcia says playing the U.S. Open on a course with greens like those at Chambers Bay would be like playing the NBA Finals on a court with holes and slopes. Which hasn’t happened since 2010, the last time they were played at Boston Garden.

The Pac-12 may become the first conference where schools will pay for post college medical expenses for sports injuries. Which wouldn’t be necessary if some of the college athletes would actually graduate once in awhile so they could get a job that pays for health insurance.

The Pac-12 may become the first conference where schools will pay for post college medical expenses for sports injuries. Mostly because they don’t need insurance for any accidents that might happen while going to or being inside a classroom.

Jaguar Land Rover is researching NASA technology to use the steering wheel to monitor people’s brain waves to determine when people are distracted. Mostly when they completely let go of the wheel to talk and send text messages on their cellphone.

A Samsung ad is calling selfie stick users “cave people.” Especially people who are taking selfies while they are waiting in line for “Jurassic World” thinking they are about to see some sort of documentary.

Ancient graffiti found in Turkey reveals details what life was like, including gladiator fights. As opposed to modern society, which has evolved enough to be able to take the same sports-related messages and make them visible to many more people through the technology known as T-shirts and bumper stickers.

A study says that one in three data servers are using energy while putting out no useful information. No one had any idea there was that much equipment still in operation over at AOL.

A report says the most popular channels on TV are the major networks and the Discovery Channel. Although Discovery may be in trouble now that “Shark Week” is being taken over by the Travel Channel with their vacation tours of North Carolina.

A survey says that most cable TV viewers want only 17 channels for a monthly fee of $38. For the elderly, those 17 channels include CBS, CSPAN and the other 15 settings programmed for Fox News.

A survey says that most cable TV viewers want only 17 channels for a monthly fee of $38. Which for cable companies means for that price will offer 16 infomercial and home shopping networks along with the TV Guide Channel.

A report says the government has tested facial recognition technology on thousands of passengers at Washington, D.C.’s Dulles International Airport. It hasn’t helped identify any terrorists, but they do know that people with sour or pained facial expressions are usually a lock to be the ones who have just flown United.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Happy Fathers’ Day to all you dads out there. And to all you moms who take care of them and do everything for them while they sit around and do nothing to help around the house on their special day. Otherwise known as “every day.” It’s nice to know that all the sacrifice and financial burdens that come from raising a family are returned on this special day when you open the box and see all your efforts were worth a gag tie with featuring the Simpsons. However, one thing your kids are always there for is what I just ask for once in awhile, that you remember to take some time to send the love!

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