Thursday, March 26, 2015

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

A survey says that employees are working fewer hours because of Obamacare. Mostly because now that they have health insurance they don’t need to work three jobs to pay off any medical bills.

Mariel Hemingway says that she had to rebuff advances from Woody Allen when she was 18. People were shocked. They had no idea she was his daughter.

Researchers say “robots on reins” that could help people navigate using sensors may someday replace guide dogs. Not only that, but if the robots learn to call balls and strikes they might also replace the umpires who are using the dogs.

A record setting 95 mph roller coaster was unveiled in Charlotte, North Carolina. The ride is named the Fury 325 although most people are calling it “the economy.”

Oprah Winfrey’s OWN has gotten its own network anthem written by Dianne Warren. Or as people who work there know it, the Oprah opera.

Xavier basketball star Matt Stainbrook works for the ride share company Uber to make extra money. Which seems a natural for someone who spends the rest of his time driving the lane.

Xavier basketball star Matt Stainbrook works for the ride share company Uber to make extra money. Which could make it tougher for the school to recruit players when the word gets out about how little the alumni association must be paying everyone.

The Army has announced it is charging Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl with desertion and misbehavior. Which sounds redundant as how much more can you misbehave than to go AWOL?

The Army has announced it is charging Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl with desertion and misbehavior. The last person who left the military without completing his obligations was sentenced to eight years in the White House.

President Obama says he will leave nearly 10,000 troops in Afghanistan at least until the end of the year. Apparently his strategy is to have enough troops left in the Middle East until he leaves office which will make everyone blame the wars on the next President.

Two weeks into a five month flight around the world, the pilot of a solar plane says doubters said it was not possible. Especially United Airlines, who can’t complete a simple flight across the country in five months.

The former CFO of a medical supply company who lost his job with an online video rant against Chick-fil-A says he is now on food stamps. He lost so much money from a video rant he was nearly offered a bit part on “Two and a Half Men.”

The White House estimates that 401(k) clients lose $17 Billion a year through management fees of their accounts. Which is deceptive in that people used to think that 401(k) plans were retirement plans for workers, not the executives of the investment companies.

A bidding war is on to determine the future of RadioShack. Anyone trying to save RadioShack is like a lifeboat trying to lasso the Titanic to think that will keep it from sinking.

Warren Buffett has made $4.1 Million from his investment in Kraft Foods. It was the biggest gain from Kraft other than the expanded waist size from anyone regularly eating their Macaroni & Cheese.

UPS has lost a pregnancy discrimination case filed against them. How ironic that a package service couldn’t figure out how to successfully complete a delivery.

A report says that auto title loans are riskier than payday loans. Which is like saying the casino will eventually end up with all your money, but it will just take a little longer if you play Blackjack instead of Roulette.

A report says that auto title loans are riskier than payday loans. That’s because they can take your car right now but it might be months before most people actually have another work payday.

Zayn Malik has reportedly left One Direction. Which for most people who have left boy bands find out, their career after leaving also goes in one direction, usually straight down.

RadioShack says it is trying to sell data for more than 100 Million of its customers. Business leaders were shocked. 100 Million people actually went to RadioShack?

A report says that medical costs will eat up about 67% of most retirees’ Social Security benefits. That still leaves 33% to cover monthly expenses for Polgrip, Metamucil and Sunday Bingo.

A report says that 40% of workers have less than $10,000 in their 401(k) plans. The other 60% have already taken out loans against it and will spend their retirement working to pay off what would have been their retirement.

Questions are being raised as to whether medical marijuana can be an income tax deduction since the federal government still considers pot illegal. In the meantime, people using it are just wondering if they can at least deduct the pizza, Oreos and Doritos that are listed as the drug’s side effects.

A study says that alcohol ads have increased 400% in the past 40 years, with no increase in how much people drink. Which means many of the orders to advertising companies from alcohol distributors are a result of drunk dialing.

Walgreens says it will no longer require cashiers to say “Be well” to customers who are leaving the store. Instead, anyone using the pharmacy will be told to “come back some time if that stuff actually works.”

Walgreens says it will no longer require cashiers to say “Be well” to customers who are leaving the store. Instead, anyone using the pharmacy will be told “Let me remember you just as you are today.”

Walgreens says it will no longer require cashiers to say “Be well” to customers who are leaving the store. Instead, when people pay with plastic the cashiers will call their doctors to see if they will be around long enough to pay their next credit statement.

Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s have announced what they call fast food’s hottest burger, the Thickburger El Diablo. Which means people who eat one will have their intestines cleaned out at the same time their arteries are being stopped up.

Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s have announced what they call fast food’s hottest burger, the Thickburger El Diablo. Which means for convenience, the restaurant will start putting a Tums dispenser right next to where they keep the defibrillator.

A new FDA approved device will lower the risk of strokes in people with atrial fibrillation. At least until they get the bill that tells them how much of the expense they will have to cover.

Researchers say they have found evidence of breast cancer in a 4,200 year old set of bones found in Egypt. And you thought your HMO was slow in getting back with your diagnosis.

A study says that phones and friends are the biggest distractions for teen drivers. In other words, the biggest distraction for teen drivers is being a teen who is driving.

A study says that distractions are a factor in 58% of car crashes involving teens. The other 42% are from the usual driving out of control like a teenager.

A county in South Dakota has been listed as the most likely place for residents to die before the age of 75. Although that still isn’t as bad as rap concerts where people are more likely to die before the age of 25.

A county in South Dakota has been listed as the most likely place for residents to die before the age of 75. which is OK with most the people there who figure that is still better than living in South Dakota.

The MIND diet, the “Mediterranean-DASH Intervention for Neurodegenerative Delay” is being given credit for lowering the risk of getting Alzheimer’s Disease by 53%. Mostly because only someone with a fully functioning brain is going to remember how to say the diet’s name in the first place.

A study says that people who take frequent antibiotics are more at risk for Type 2 Diabetes. Especially people who like the way the pills taste when they wash them down with a dozen doughnuts and a two liter bottle of Coke.

Researchers in Iceland have announced a compilation of the DNA makeup of the entire nation. For one thing, they have found a gene that has mutated to allow them to survive while eating fried haddock for every meal of their entire life.

Researchers in Iceland have announced a compilation of the DNA makeup of the entire nation. The genes for skin color for the entire group of people range from pale, to ashen all the way to pasty.

A study says that people with lower back pain who are obese and also smoke and drink and are depressed should make some lifestyle changes. The only problem is if you have back pain and are obese and depressed while smoking and drinking, you don’t have a lifestyle in the first place.

A study says that people with lower back pain who are obese and also smoke and drink and are depressed should make some lifestyle changes. Like starting with pretty much everything.

A study says that people with lower back pain who are obese and also smoke and drink and are depressed should make some lifestyle changes. The question is why do they think those people might be depressed?

A study says that death from high blood pressure has increased by 62% in the past 13 years. Which is no surprise as that was right around the time that banks came up with the concept of subprime mortgages.

“Teen Mom” star Farrah Abraham says she wants to become a plastic surgeon someday. Mostly so she can work on herself and make it so no one recognizes her from being on “Teen Mom.”

A UK woman has fallen love with a poplar tree named Tim. Apparently she likes the fact that he has some roots but thinks his personality is a bit wooden.

Vin Diesel says he thinks “Furious 7” will win an Oscar. That won’t happen, but making that statement with a straight face could qualify Diesel for Best Performance by an Actor.

Kylie Jenner reportedly spends 40 minutes a day on her lips. Which is the same amount of time that her brother-in-law Kanye West spends on his lips every morning kissing himself in the mirror.

Rob Kardashian is reportedly bitter, depressed and has rejected family attempts at intervention. How bad off are you when the entire Kardashian family feels you have issues that need to be professionally addressed?


The NFL says there is momentum building to change extra points for 2015. If that works, other exciting changes to rules in sports could include altering the process for intentional walks in baseball and speeding up marking the ball on the greens in PGA tournaments.

SafeBoda, which is being called Uber for motorcycles is gaining popularity in some countries. Although the last thing people in the U.S. want is to call for a ride and find out they will be taken where they are going on a Harley driven by some guy named "Snake."

Republican Representative Louie Gohmert from Texas accuse the FCC of "Playing God with the Internet" with their proposed rules changes. If they were playing God, would it take 11 years to figure out what caused a simple wardrobe malfunction during the Super Bowl?

Republican Representative Louie Gohmert from Texas accuse the FCC of "Playing God with the Internet" with their proposed rules changes. To which the FCC says "You must have us confused with Google."

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! A sad day in the world of local TV news. Long time L.A. Meteorologist Dr. George Fischbeck has died at the age of 92. He was really the first person to bring a knowledge of science along with a quirky personality to the small screen. I remember my mom used to watch KNBC for news but at 6:15 would change channels to KABC just to watch Dr. George. He was one of my inspirations to get into TV weather, and I will never forgive him. Just kidding. Anyone who could make TV weather watchable in L.A. by actually talking about the weather and not being a sideshow comedian must have been pretty good. We will miss you, Dr. George!

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