Friday, December 12, 2014

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

Texas Governor Rick Perry says running for President “Is not an IQ test.” Apparently neither is Congress, Governor, state legislatures, city councils or school boards.

Texas Governor Rick Perry says running for President “Is not an IQ test.” More obvious is the fact that neither is being qualified to go to the polls and cast a ballot.

A photo of Antelope Canyon in Arizona has sold for a record $6.5 Million. Apparently the person who bought it was unaware they could have pretty much done the same thing if they just had a cellphone.

A photo of Antelope Canyon in Arizona has sold for a record $6.5 Million. It was the most money ever generated from a picture of a large crevasse since Kim Kardashian’s backside.

Ryan Seacrest is set to produce a reality series which revolves around a main character  who is a transgender. Which is pretty much what people were saying all those years about “American Idol.”

A Wisconsin man claims that eating beer battered fish for lunch caused him to get his tenth DUI. That and the fact that he washed the lunch down with three bottles of wine.

A Wisconsin man claims that eating beer battered fish for lunch caused him to get his tenth DUI. Apparently his other favorite dishes are tequila chicken, bourbon beef tenderloin and rum cake.

A report says that more American families are going cashless. Not because they are into using credit cards and pay-by-phone, they just don’t have any money left.

A survey says that more Internet users than ever see online efforts as key to political campaigns. The hard part is getting their attention to political information and away from watching videos of a cat playing the piano or a hamster eating a cracker.

A poll says that 17% of Americans will not be buying any Christmas gifts. Those people are called your boss.

A poll says that 17% of Americans will not be buying any Christmas gifts. Mostly because they were too seriously injured by other shoppers when they tried to pick up some hot sale items on Black Friday.

CIA Director John Brennan says the agency was “unprepared” to run the enhanced interrogation program. Of course, the CIA was also not prepared for 9/11, the Bay of Pigs, the fall of the Soviet Union, no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq...

A restaurant worker in New York was awarded $13,000 in restitution after losing part of his arm cleaning a pasta machine. The jury was stunned by the case. There is a restaurant that cleans its pasta machine?

A restaurant worker in New York was awarded $13,000 in restitution after losing part of his arm cleaning a pasta machine. The worker says the accident turned his arm into spaghetti.

A restaurant worker in New York was awarded $13,000 in restitution after losing part of his arm cleaning a pasta machine. The restaurant is just glad it didn’t cost them an arm and a leg.

A vanity plate with a gay slur has been recalled in Alabama. State laws in Alabama say that license plates are only permitted to have racial slurs.

A Detroit financial adviser says the city’s post-bankruptcy plan is to be normal again. Which means in about another two months they will go right back into bankruptcy.

A Harvard professor has apologized for sending nasty e-mails to a Chinese restaurant that overcharged him by $4 on a $53 order. This coming from a man who works at a university that charges graduates $200,000 to get a piece of paper.

Discover Card is spending $35 Million on new credit cards that contain computer chips. The computer chips can be used to scan through a massive database to find the few businesses that actually still accept Discover.

A judge has refused to allow Donald Trump to go ahead with a fight in bankruptcy court to regain his luxury brand from the company that bought his Atlantic City casino. Apparently the judge figures any company dumb enough to use Trump’s name was going to end up in bankrupt sooner or later.

CBS has extended CEO Les Moonves’ contract through 2019. He is 65 now, which means when the contract expires he will still be about 15 years younger than the age of the average CBS viewer.

CBS has extended CEO Les Moonves’ contract through 2019. That will give Moonves time to achieve his goal of extending the “NCIS” franchise to New York, San Francisco, Miami, Seattle and Poughkeepsie.

A report says that salaries around the world will go up an average of 5.4% in 2015. Meaning that executive salaries will be going up 3,000% while the rest of us will be taking another pay cut.

A study says that non-mortgage debt is the biggest drag to home ownership. Mostly the tuition loans that people will take 30 years to pay off before they can get the job they always wanted that would pay enough for them to be able to buy a house.

Boeing is at risk for missing the delivery goal for their 787 jets because of a delay in getting luxury seats. These days, a luxury seat on a jetliner means one that the average passenger can fit into without using a shoe horn or needing a stick of butter.

A startup company has devised technology that allows parents to control their children’s Internet usage. Don’t we already have that? It’s called the “off” switch.

SeaWorld CEO Jim Atchison is stepping down from his post. His severance package will include his pension plan, stock options and a bucket of fish every day for life.

An early Apple 1 computer sold by Steve Jobs was auctioned for $365,000. Apparently the buyer thought it was worth it to have a computer that didn’t operate with Windows.

Scientists say they understand why bad memories tend to linger. For men it is mostly because their wives are always there to make sure to constantly remind them of anything they have ever done wrong.

Scientists say they understand why bad memories tend to linger. For people in Chicago, it is the fact that it’s hard to go anywhere in the city without being able to catch a glimpse of Wrigley Field.

A study says that 84% of vegetarians go back to eating meat, most within a year. The other 16% say their trips to Taco Bell and McDonald’s don’t count until someone can actually identify what they are serving as actual meat.

A study says that virtually all U.S. high school students are sleep deprived. Kids know there is always one way to catch up on at least one hour of lost sleep. Math class.

A report says that superbugs could kill 10 Million people by 2050. That’s assuming that the obesity epidemic will leave that many people alive by 2050.

A report says that 16 Million kids in the U.S. can buy e-cigarettes even though they are not safe. Which isn’t that much of a concern since they are also able to find ways to buy beer, tobacco, marijuana and pharmaceutical drugs.

Churches in Maryland are helping spread the word about the Obamacare signup deadline. Churches are involved mostly because before the ACA most people’s only available health insurance policy was to pray they didn’t get sick.

An actor who appeared on “Sons of Anarchy” has been charged with killing and eating his ex’s pet rabbit. His defense is that he was getting ready to rehearse for the show and accidentally grabbed a copy of the script for “Fatal Attraction.”

Pop singer Ariana Grande reportedly demands her staff carry her like a baby when she is tired. Adele reportedly tried that but OSHA said only if she supplied her entire staff with hernia belts.

Felony weapons charges have been dropped against rapper Young Jeezy. Apparently Young Jeezy was able to convince prosecutors that for rappers, firearms are to be considered part of the creative process.

A NASCAR fan who climbed the fence at a race in Richmond was sentenced to a year in prison. Who did he think was running NASCAR, Roger Goodell?

Former Phoenix Suns forward Richard Dumas has pleaded guilty to robbery. At least he finally achieved his goal of leading the league in steals.

A study says that 74% of the world’s countries do not protect women from online harassment. The other 26% apparently don’t have Internet dating sites.

Microsoft is set to reveal its new Windows 10 on January 21st. Which means that people with Windows Vista will be able to see the presentation when their computers reboot sometime in March.

Researchers say that the Internet was less free and equal in 2014. Especially for the people who are still paying money for AOL and are waiting for downloads they started in 2012.

Researchers say that the U.S. has fallen to 6th place in the world for Internet freedom. Most Americans are not afraid whether anything they are doing online is seen by the NSA. They know the trouble only starts when they are caught by their wife.

Japanese automakers have expanded their passenger airbag recalls. Which means that after all these years, GM has finally met their goal of achieving the same quality standards of foreign cars.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg is asking parents not to ban their kids from Facebook. What he doesn’t understand is that kids left Facebook long ago when their parents finally figured out how to sign up.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! It’s Friday, and there are only two more shopping weekends to go before Christmas. Or as men call Christmas shopping, racing through the mall on December 24th. When you are getting ready to shop for me, just remember it is easy to buy for the man who has nothing. At least when it comes to clever punchlines. But you will always have the right gift in mind when you take the time to just send the love!

1 comment:

Catherine Bostic said...

aending love your way, as I do every day... But consider it a Christmas gift since I couldn't find a punch line, lol! Love you!