Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

Protesters shut down I-580 in Oakland, California. People upset with the situation in Ferguson, Missouri were also thinking about stopping traffic on the 405 Freeway in Los Angeles except that no one would have even noticed.

Schools in Boston and Philadelphia are endorsing Meatless Monday. The only problem is that the kids are supporting bookless Tuesday and test-free Wednesday.

A French man says he has developed a pill that makes flatulence smell sweeter. Which means people will now be asking “Who cut the cheese cake?”

A French man says he has developed a pill that makes flatulence smell sweeter. Now all someone has to do is tell the rest of the French that there is something new that can also help with offensive odors. It’s called a shower.

A report says the U.S. will leave more troops in Afghanistan than was first planned. Military experts were surprised. When have we ever had a plan for Afghanistan?

A fitness guru says that it is OK for people to pig out on Thanksgiving. Mostly because any holiday overindulgence brings fitness gurus all kinds of new business by the New Year.

A fitness guru says that it is OK for people to pig out on Thanksgiving. Which for many Americans is just another reason to give thanks.

A report says that 3 Billion people are now using the Internet. If you include the people still subscribing to AOL dial up, that pushes the number up to 3 Billion and 3.

A report says that 3 Billion people are now using the Internet. To which the NSA says it is actually 2,999,988,743 but who is keeping track?

A report says that 3 Billion people are now using the Internet. The number will go up when world hunger is solved and those people will then be able to have a decent breakfast to take pictures of to post on Facebook.

Denmark has beaten out South Korea as the most connected country based on mobile phone and Internet use. Mostly people searching online in hopes of someday finding a recipe that makes it possible to actually enjoy eating eel.

Google has developed a spoon that steadies tremors. Ironically, spoons have long been associated with causing tremors, especially the ones that are used to snort cocaine.

DNA pioneer James Watson is reportedly going to sell his Nobel Prize which could go for more than $3 Million. It is the most famous item associated with DNA other than Monica Lewinsky’s blue dress.

A study says that most immigrant children don’t have lawyers, but the ones who do are most likely to get to stay in the country. Which is a valuable lesson for all immigrants who want to assimilate into American culture. Whenever there is trouble, lawyer up.

A medical panel has decided not to recommend the sternest federal warning on steroid injections. The panel was made up of Sammy Sosa, Mark McGwire and Barry Bonds.

The Mayor of Ferguson, Missouri criticized Governor Jay Nixon for a delay in deploying the National Guard in the wake of protests. In the Governor’s defense, it is always a scary proposition when someone named Nixon sends out the National Guard.

A noted psychiatrist is seeking to make a rating scale for the level of evil associated with different crimes. So far the most heinous crime that can be committed in this country is sitting down at the CEO’s desk at a bank on Wall Street.

A survey says that internships improve a college graduate’s chances at finding full time work. The only problem is that the full time work is continuing along as an unpaid intern.

“Frozen” toys have topped Barbie dolls as the most popular girls’ toys for the first time in 11 years. Apparently their parents figure if they buy a toy that is “Frozen” it will just be even more fun when it thaws out from the effects of global warming.

Analysts say that while airlines’ costs are going down, air fares continue to rise. Although the only expense that is going down is the cost of fuel, as saving any money on customer service departments isn’t possible since all of the major airlines did away with theirs back in 1978.

A group calling themselves “the McMass Project” is looking to put a McDonald’s inside a church. Apparently the group is trying to really put the “Service” into the service industry.

A group calling themselves “the McMass Project” is looking to put a McDonald’s inside a church. The group is hoping for a miracle that will feed 4,000 people with a loaf and five Filet-O-Fish sandwiches.

A report says that one quarter of all Americans will work on Thanksgiving. Mostly because they are afraid of losing their job to the other three quarters who are off for the holiday because they are unemployed.

A report says that the economy grew more in the third quarter than was first reported. Although to most Americans a good third quarter just means they now have 75 cents worth of money in their pocket.

A GMC dealer in Chicago is offering a money back deal if it snows 6” at O’Hare International Airport on Christmas Day. Now there is someone who is really not afraid of putting his money down on his belief in global warming.

A GMC dealer in Chicago is offering a money back deal if it snows 6” at O’Hare International Airport on Christmas Day. Apparently he feels it will be worth it if it snows enough to shut down the airport and cancel his in-laws holiday visit.

A study says that 93% of stores are offering year old items for the same special holiday prices they did last year. Which is really bad news for anyone who has already bought their family gifts from the Hickory Farms kiosk at the mall.

A court says the Washington Redskins can sue several Indian tribes responsible for the team losing its trademark protection. In a related case, the same court allowed Scrooge to go ahead with his lawsuit against Tiny Tim for leaving crutch marks across his lawn.

The University of Virginia says it will ban all fraternity activities into January in the wake of allegations of sex crimes. Apparently the ban will last that long in the hopes that it will give fraternity members enough time to actually sober up.

Microsoft will pay China $140 Million for tax evasion. Company officials say they thought since it was a communist country that they didn’t actually have to pay for anything.

Microsoft will pay China $140 Million for tax evasion. Company officials apologized, saying that since they are wealthy and are based in the U.S., they aren’t used to having to ever pay any taxes.

A survey says that 82% of small business owners say the best part of their job is being the boss. The other 18% are just mad that before the recession they used to be a big business.

NYU is being accused of exploiting student interns as cheap labor for startups. The school is defending its actions, saying that having students work as cheap labor is just giving them an idea of what life will be like the first 20 years after graduation.

A study says that people tend to weigh more on Sunday and Monday and less on Friday. Mostly because anyone who still has a job is actually allowed to leave work long enough after Friday to go home and get something to eat.

A study says that people tend to weigh more on Sunday and Monday and less on Friday. Mostly because there are no NFL games on Friday night to park in front of on the couch while eating three bags of chips and downing a case of beer.

A study says that babies filter out negative memories and remember the positive ones. Which is why none of us can remember a thing before about five when we are finally able to get out of the house for awhile.

A study says that babies filter out negative memories and remember the positive ones. Which means Alec Baldwin’s kids will have their first memories sometime after reaching 17.

A study says that babies filter out negative memories and remember the positive ones. Which means most of Woody Allen’s kids just remember being glad they weren’t the one he was marrying.

A study says that eating yogurt every day may lower the risk of developing type 2 diabetes. Except for people who go to the frozen yogurt shop and top it off with a shovel full of M&Ms, Heath bars and Reese’s Pieces.

Nutrition experts say that Thanksgiving dinner contains as many calories as three sticks of butter. Which coincidentally is what most people are saving room for as dessert.

Nutrition experts say that the average American eats 3,000 calories at Thanksgiving dinner. Which means people who don’t have a family dinner to attend can get the same feeling by ordering an appetizer at TGI Friday’s.

Nutrition experts say that Thanksgiving dinner contains a full day’s calories at one meal. Which is OK with most people because they usually start eating before noon and are still polishing off dessert by the time the night time football games are over.

A study says that early puberty can increase the risk of depression among teens. Especially early developing girls in 5th grade who know that all their teachers will be hitting on them all the way through high school.

Katherine Heigl says she has “no idea” what she is talking about on her new show “State of Affairs.” Which shows that she really did her homework when she got the part of playing a CIA analyst.

Kobe Bryant commented on the unrest in Ferguson, Missouri saying that until the legal system is changed, “it’s going to keep on happening.” Apparently his solution is to buy everyone on the street a nice piece of jewelry.

Kobe Bryant commented on the unrest in Ferguson, Missouri saying that until the legal system is changed, “it’s going to keep on happening.” The good news for Kobe is that until the legal system is changed, he can still keep going to Colorado.

Google engineers say that renewable energy won’t solve climate change. Apparently they came to their conclusions after doing more than just googling “Al Gore.”

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! This is it for me until Monday. I will be taking a couple of days off to enjoy the Thanksgiving Holiday as I hope you will be doing as well. Today I will be serving lunch at the Union Mission Crossroads Homeless Shelter in Charleston. There is nothing better than helping out those in need and appreciating the blessings I have been given. Especially my family, friends and all my great readers who I will wish a very happy Thanksgiving. I give thanks you make it through the blog every day and so I will make today my turn to send the love to all of you!

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