Thursday, October 09, 2014

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!


The World Bank issued a warning saying the Ebola epidemic could be catastrophic to the economies of Guinea, Liberia and Sierra Leone. A complete economic meltdown in those countries could total as much as $7.36.

A report says that China has overtaken the U.S. as the world’s largest economy. Which wasn’t too hard for them to do as winning in this economy is like being in a NASCAR race where you are pushing your car to the finish but everyone else is stuck in reverse.

A report says the risk of civil unrest disrupting business has gone up one fifth this year. Which is still four fifths less than the chance of businesses being disrupted because they are running their computers with Windows 8.

A government reports says that Americans are living longer than ever, at 78.8 years. Mostly because people no longer are dying early from the stress of having a job, a house or any investments to keep track of.

The average life expectancy in the U.S. is at a record high 78.8 years. Of course, expecting to live to 78.8 and dying at 45 from living the unhealthy American lifestyle are two different things.

A government reports says that Americans are living longer than ever, at 78.8 years as most death rates are falling. Although some people are mistakenly thought to have lived ten years longer than they did since no one knew they were dead since they hadn’t moved from their couch in the past decade.

Jay Leno is set to have a show on CNBC about cars. Apparently the business channel feels it can combine Leno’s humor and knowledge of cars with the latest updates on how much tax money we have lost in the government bailout of GM.

Jay Leno is set to have a show on CNBC about cars. Although it would have made more sense to sign him over at C-SPAN where he would have had enough material to tell jokes for eight hours a day.

The poverty rate in Orlando, Florida is nearing 20%. And that’s just the people who are leaving town after spending a week’s vacation with their family at a Disney resort.

A study says that multitasking can be dangerous for the brain. Especially when the brain goes through the windshield after crashing into a tree when the multitasking includes eating, putting on makeup and texting while driving.

A report says that young gamblers want skills involved in slot machines. As opposed to older people who always considered it a skill while playing slot machines to play while drunk and not fall off the stool while pulling the handle.

A report says that young gamblers want skills involved in slot machines. Apparently it’s not enough for young people to gamble their future earnings on a college degree that has only so far gotten them a part time minimum wage job.

A study says that vaginal orgasms don’t actually exist. Which comes as no surprise since the researchers conducted the study in Silicon Valley.

Tim Berners-Lee, the man who invented the web says that computers are getting smarter while we are not. Which is fine because isn’t that pretty much the entire reason we invented computers in the first place?

Disney says it will invest $1.3 Billion into Disneyland Paris to remedy complaints of poor maintenance, lousy food and mediocre attractions. Or as Disney calls that, their theme park business model.

Disney says it will invest $1.3 Billion into Disneyland Paris to remedy complaints of poor maintenance, lousy food and mediocre attractions. How bad is it when the attitude of the French workers there doesn’t even make the list of top complaints?

Scientists say they have identified the oldest rock art in history. At least besides the cover designs of early KISS albums.

The government says it is going to take temperatures of travelers coming in from west Africa. The good news is the way they are going to take it shouldn’t be a problem after what the airlines and TSA do to them before they even get on the plane.

A Chinese company has bought the Waldorf-Astoria in New York for $1.95 Billion, and has arranged for Hilton to run the hotel for the next 100 years. If you thought the terms on your subprime loan were rough, how bad is it to have to figure out how to keep making payments for the next century?

The government is predicting lower heating bills for most the country this winter. Not because it is going to be any warmer, but because people will have their gas and electricity cut off because they can’t afford to pay their bills.

The U.S. is predicting lower heating bills for most the country this winter. Which is what happens when the government ignores the National Weather Service and turns to Al Gore for its long term forecasts.

A new film documents the impact of technology on the fashion world. For one thing, technology and the Silicon Valley has singlehandedly brought back khaki pants. Polo shirts and Hush Puppy shoes.

Publix supermarkets in Florida is looking for a PR agency to help with crisis management in case their computers are hacked. Although they would probably be better off just changing all their passwords to something other than “password.”

The Supreme Court is considering whether Amazon employees should be paid for the time they spend in daily theft screenings. Amazon’s defense is that some people will pay good money to be personally violated on a daily basis where they are willing to do it for free.

The Supreme Court is considering whether Amazon employees should be paid for the time they spend in daily theft screenings. Amazon is claiming that this could set a dangerous precedent. If the workers win, next thing you know they will be asking to be paid a livable wage.

A company that manufactures a drug used to fight Ebola saw its stock dive after the Dallas Ebola victim died. It was the biggest stock drop based on one death since the Pets.com puppet was run over by a delivery truck in 1999.

Data says that employers are taking a record long average time of 26.5 working days to fill job openings. Mostly because they can make their other employees work an average of 26.5 days to cover the extra work before they start to look for another job.

Secretary of State John Kerry says the global fight against Ebola needs improvement. With 4,000 people dead so far from the disease, apparently there is also room for improvement in Kerry’s sense of the stating the obvious.

The IMF says that banks don’t have the strength to support a global recovery from the financial crisis. Mostly because the banks are pretty much the ones who created the crisis in the first place.

American Airlines says it will bring back meals on some flights for First Class passengers. It’s just their way of making sure their best customers aren’t hungry or weak after sitting eight hours on the tarmac waiting to take off.

A study says that restaurant chains have cut calories on their meals by an average of 12%. Mostly by charging the same price while cutting their servings by 12%.

HTC is debuting a new cellphone with a camera specifically made for selfies. Otherwise known as a cellphone camera.

AT&T will pay $105 Million for unauthorized charges on customers’ phone bills. Apparently they were charging the people under the guise of actually performing some kind of service.

The uninsured health rate in the U.S. is now at 13.4%. However, if you add the copays, high premiums and insurance companies that fight any claims, the rate is actually more up around 100%.

A study says that people who have had a stroke are at risk for another during the next five years. The good news is that only holds true for the stroke victims who actually live another five years.

Dallas schools are taking steps to combat the spread of the Ebola virus. Apparently school officials feel they have a better chance at succeeding with that since they pretty much have had no success with battling illiteracy.

A man in India who was complaining of an itch in his ear went to a doctor who discovered it was being caused by a live cricket. The medical team complained that having to remove insects from a person’s ear just wasn’t cricket.

Willie Nelson’s braids sold for $37,000 at an auction. The braids gave a whole new meaning to “smoke a rope.”

Willie Nelson’s braids sold for $37,000 at an auction. The hair will be donated to laboratories to train students at how to get positive drug readings off hair samples.

Mario Lopez says his marriage to Ali Landry lasted only two weeks because he “wasn’t in love with her.” Apparently she just couldn’t compete with the only person he has ever really been in love with, Mario Lopez.

Mario Lopez says his marriage to Ali Landry lasted only two weeks because he “wasn’t in love with her.” Although at least it gave Kim Kardashian a basis to say she really gave it her all in staying married to Kris Humphries for an entire 72 days.

Jennifer Lawrence says she is looking for a man who shares taste in reality shows. Although Jennifer Lawrence could pretty much have no trouble finding a man who will let hot tar be poured over him while watching her go through a four hour pedicure.

Nick Cannon has covered a tattoo of Mariah Carey’s name with a religious statement. Which upset Mariah Carey who pretty much thought her name was a religious statement.

The new “Ghostbusters” film will reportedly star women. Apparently it is based on women who are experts at finding ghosts, like the three women who were in the reality show where they lived with Hugh Hefner.

Brett Favre says he is glad that Peyton Manning will be breaking his all time touchdown record. If for no other reason than it gives him just another excuse to protect it by coming out of retirement again.

Forbes says that LeBron James is the most valuable brand in sports. It used to be Tiger Woods until the product got dinged a few times with a well placed 9 iron.

Forbes says that LeBron James is the most valuable brand in sports. Especially now that he is going back to Cleveland and will be able to brag he is worth three times more than the city he plays for.

A New Jersey high school football team has cancelled their season because of recurring hazing, bullying and intimidation by players. School officials say they went over the line, as those activities are strictly reserved for the coaching staff.

A New Jersey high school football team has cancelled their season because of recurring hazing, bullying and intimidation by players. Or as the NFL calls those traits, “family values.”

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Well, the Dodgers’ season is over already. Ugh. At least my interest in baseball continues in rooting against the Giants. It is hard for a real Dodgers fan to tell which emotion is stronger, love for the Dodgers or hate for the Giants. It’s a tossup. Well, that’s my life. It gets even worse when baseball season ends and winter arrives. There is only one cure for that kind of despondency, and that is when you all remember to send the love!

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