Thursday, April 04, 2013

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!


Jay Leno has reportedly given his blessing to the “Tonight Show” succession plan. Industry insiders were shocked. NBC has a plan?

The White House says immigration reform will be good for the middle class. Mostly because the only middle class people left in the U.S. are the ones moving in from other countries.

President Obama will give back 5% of his salary in a sign of solidarity over the sequester. Now if all the members of Congress would give back their entire salaries, it would only take 172 years to pay off the $16 Trillion debt they created.

A Massachusetts McDonald’s is asking for a bachelor’s degree for applicants for a cashier’s position. They have a pretty good chance of getting quite a few people with broadcast journalism degrees who are looking for something with better pay and stability.

A Massachusetts McDonald’s is asking for a bachelor’s degree for applicants for a cashier’s position. Ironically, if the position goes to someone with an economics degree they can explain exactly what happened with our economy to make them take a job at McDonald’s.

A Nebraska jail is holding a charity event where people can spend the night in jail for $30. Or they can do it for even less by drinking a cheap $5 bottle of wine and driving around town for awhile.

A Nebraska jail is holding a charity event where people can spend the night in jail for $30. To which the local Super 8 Motel is asking how are they going to compete with a deal like that?

Spain’s Princess Cristina is being charged with corruption. Apparently she is being accused in being part of an embezzlement scheme, taking money for doing nothing. Otherwise known as being a part of the Royal Family.

A region in Russia wants to be called the “Meteorite Capital of the World.” Mostly because other areas of Russia have already trademarked the “Alcoholism metropolis” and “Crossroads of unemployment and urban blight.”
  
Internet phone service Vonage is assigning the New York City area code 212 to customers who don’t even live in the state. New Yorkers say it takes away the mystique of the number. It would be the same empty feeling paying $15 for a hot dog in a ballpark other than Yankee Stadium.

Internet phone service Vonage is assigning the New York City area code 212 to customers who don’t even live in the state. Apparently people in other parts of the country say that being rude and nasty to customers carries more weight when they see a New York area code on their caller ID.

An 8 year old Tennessee girl has been suspended from school seven times for body odor. How bad do you smell when even people in Tennessee are noticing it?

An 8 year old Tennessee girl has been suspended from school seven times for body odor. Apparently her excuse is that she is a transfer student from Mississippi.

Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel is calling for a review on how to shrink the military with increasing budget cuts. Of course the most common suggestion is to start just fighting one unnecessary war at a time.

Seven dancers have defected from the Cuban National Ballet. One question. Do Cuban ballerinas wear a “dosdos”?

Seven dancers have defected from the Cuban National Ballet. Becoming accomplished dancers took a lot of time and effort, but was a lot more appealing than having to row a homemade boat through shark infested waters to get here.

The crippled Carnival cruise ship Triumph broke away from where it was docked in Alabama. The ship was drifting aimlessly for hours before being secured. In other words, it is ready to join the fleet again.

Allstate Insurance is set to raise homeowner policy rates in Illinois by as much as 8% in June. Mostly so they can get a little more income before the homes are foreclosed in July.

Interest rates on some student loans are set to double unless Congress takes action. That means the money coming into banks from student loan payments will soon be twice that of zero.

Apple is reportedly going to introduce a TV set that can be controlled with the wave of one finger. Which is pretty obvious which will be the finger of choice every time the Kardashians are on the air.

Porsche is set to unveil a plug in hybrid that will sell for $99,000. It will combine the style and luxury of Porsche along with the road handling and speed previously only found in a golf cart.

A survey says that Americans are more cautious with their money since the 2008 economic crash. Apparently they have learned to not be so careless with their money, like using it to buy a house or put it in the bank.

A survey says that Americans are more cautious with their money since the 2008 economic crash. Instead of carrying what’s left of their life savings around with them, they now keep it in a change jar by the door.

The mobile phone has now turned 40. Which is a lot older than some of the teenagers who like to text while driving will ever make it.

The mobile phone has now turned 40. It was four decades ago this week the first person was punched out for talking too loud on a cell phone in a movie theater.

A report says that federal leadership is declining. People are shocked. We used to have federal leadership?

A study says that meditation may boost test scores. Especially when people meditate right after reading their text books.

A study says that dementia costs the U.S. $215 Billion a year. And that’s just to hire people to look for all the lost car keys.

A study says that dementia costs the U.S. $215 Billion a year. Mostly the money that Congress just forgot what they did with.

A study says that smokers have a worse prognosis with colon cancer. Apparently those are the people who are always blowing smoke out their rear ends.

Prince William and Kate Middleton are trademarking products in their names. The most popular is the “Royal Clapper” where you just clap your hands and anything you want done is immediately taken care of.

Some schools in Norway are moving their midterm tests so that students can attend a Justin Bieber concert. Apparently they were afraid the students would miss school since the concert is scheduled for the afternoon so Bieber won’t miss his nap time.

Ryan Gosling has sent a letter to milk producers asking for better treatment for calves. A Gosling helping a calf? That sounds more like the premise for a fairy tale than an entertainment report.

The Lakers mistakenly hoisted a retired jersey of Shaquille O’Neal that had his name stitched on the front. The mistake was that they did it in a building where Kobe Bryant has to look at it.

Former Auburn football players are alleging the school altered grades and paid them to play. But then, why else would anyone want to play for Auburn?

Microsoft users spend a reported 2 Billion minutes a day on Skype. As much as 30 of those minutes are estimated to be spent with people who actually have their clothes on.

Verizon is starting a $10 Million Powerful Answers award contest. The competition will try to get solutions to healthcare, education and other problems that we are supposedly paying Congress to figure out with no luck.

A report says that companies experience malware every three minutes. Which is about the same rate that their employees use company computers to log into porn sites.

The Bitcoin went up in value to $123 this week. The only challenge is finding someone who will use Bitcoins for payment on anything besides land and equipment for Farmville.

Detroit Electric will be selling an electric sports car for $135,000. Which sounds about as practical as a push pedal luxury sedan.

Blackberry users will receive free Wi-Fi on all domestic Delta flights. Which is like getting free use of a VCR if you bring your own movies in Beta tape.

A survey says that most Republicans are seeking action on climate change. Apparently the survey didn’t involve any Republicans who are in Congress.

The five living American Presidents will get together on April 25th for the opening of the Bush Presidential Library in Dallas. The library will reportedly have several artifacts from the Bush Administration, including the actual eraser used by the Supreme Court to obliterate the Constitution and declare him President in 2000.

An audit shows that $700 Million for aid for Hurricane Katrina may have been misspent. Which is nothing, considering how Congress misspent $16 Trillion since 2000.

An audit shows that $700 Million for aid for Hurricane Katrina may have been misspent. What’s more amazing is that it only took someone in the government eight years to figure that out.

William Ginsburg, Monica Lewinsky’s first attorney has died at age 70. Apparently she fired him after he suggested she wear something business-like to court, like that nice little blue dress.

William Ginsburg, Monica Lewinsky’s first attorney has died at age 70. That made him the second person to file briefs with her in the case.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! A sad note: Today is the second anniversary of the passing of my wife Karen from Cystic Fibrosis. You can help remember her and help the next generation of people with the deadly disease by clicking on the Great Strides icon on the page and giving what you can. You send the money, I’ll send the love!

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