Thursday, March 28, 2013

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!


A report says that more groups of adults are turning to cooperative households to save money. What’s worse is that groups of their kids are still living in their basement.

A report says that more groups of adults are turning to cooperative households to save money. Apparently they have seen how much money is wasted when there is no cooperation within a house. Mostly the House of Representatives.

A minor league team in Pennsylvania is introducing urine controlled video games in the stadium urinals. It just gets uncomfortable when one person asks another if they would like to take over the joy stick.

A minor league team in Pennsylvania is introducing urine controlled video games in the stadium urinals. And you thought men had trouble hitting the target in restrooms before.

A minor league team in Pennsylvania is introducing urine controlled video games in the stadium urinals. It’s a great marketing idea. When the team is playing poorly, beer sales will skyrocket in order to give the fans something to do.

A report says robots are predicted to take over many service jobs in the future. Which is finally good news for R2-D2 and C-3PO who have been out of work since 1978.

A report says robots are predicted to take over many service jobs in the future. To which people are asking what businesses even offer service anymore?

Researchers say that brain scans can predict which criminals will break the law again. Mostly the ones who still show any brain activity.

Some Indian tribes are seeking federal bailout money to offset losses in their casinos. They are basically asking the government to make up for bad gambling choices. Who do they think they are, Wall Street bankers?

Some Indian tribes are seeking federal bailout money to offset losses in their casinos. When it comes to repaying the loans, they will offer to go double or nothing.

A wheelchair bound man has been awarded $8,000 for becoming stuck on the “It’s A Small World” ride at Disneyland. The jury would have given him a lot more but the judge wouldn’t let them play the theme song because it would have been considered cruel and unusual punishment.

A study says that after weight loss surgery, most of the resulting weight loss is from new gut bacteria. Which means the patients would get the same results if they were just made to eat hospital food for awhile.

A Pennsylvania man has been charged for hunting deer with a handgun in the parking lot of a Wal-Mart. Or as rednecks call that, a full service store location.

A study says that fewer Americans are dying in hospitals and are dying at home instead. Apparently they figure why spend all that money when the results will be the same?

A study says that fewer Americans are dying in hospitals and are dying at home instead. Apparently dying in a hospital has become a status symbol reserved for people who can actually afford health insurance. 

Airlines filled a record 82.8% of all seats in 2012. Mostly because Southwest Airlines managed to cram people into 105% of all its available seats.

Airlines filled a record 82.8% of all seats in 2012. It would have been more but the other 17.2% are on JetBlue flights that are still sitting on the tarmac.

Pope Francis I has made his first appeal for peace since taking office. That’s a pretty cushy job. Two weeks in and all he’s done is ask people to try to get along.

The former chairman of the Republican Party in Florida has been sentenced to a year and a half in prison for stealing. The amazing thing is that it doesn’t even have anything to do with the 2000 election.

The handler of Punxsutawney Phil says he “goofed” when making the forecast for an early spring. The question is, why can’t we hold Congress as accountable as a guy who cleans the cage and feeds a woodchuck?

The Bank of America CEO says he would like to have his job for life. Account holders agree. Most people like the idea of bank executives serving a life sentence.

A bomb exploded near the Acropolis in Athens. Officials can’t say how much damage was caused by the blast. The question is how could anyone tell?

A bomb exploded near the Acropolis in Athens. Well, those terrorists were only about 2,500 years too late.

A poll says that nearly one in three Americans is angry at Washington, D.C. The other two are past angry and are now either furious, antagonized or enraged.

A Brazilian doctor is being suspected of killing patients with a drug cocktail. And you thought your HMO had a tough claims department.

A report says that self driving cars could solve the oil crisis. Not only would they use less gasoline, it would free up the driver to flip off gas stations with both hands.

A study says that women are better corporate leaders than men because they make fair decisions. While most men apparently make poor decisions.

A study says that 60% of college graduates are now women, mostly because of money. Mostly because women still have money left over for tuition since they don’t have to buy their own drinks at college bars.

Steve Jobs’ first boss says that very few companies would hire him even today. Mostly because he is dead.

A study in Scotland says that brain fatigue can be eased with a stroll through a leafy park. Or as most Scots prefer to ease brain fatigue, drinking pints of ale until you can’t sit upright on the bar stool any longer.

A study says that being on Facebook can bolster people’s self confidence. Mostly because anyone who already has self confidence doesn’t need to troll around to see what other people are doing on Facebook.

A non-profit group is distributing drugs to developing nations inside cases of Coca-Cola. The people need the drugs to offset the health problems they have contracted from drinking too much Coke.

A study says that organic food can lead to healthier lives for fruit flies. The question is, how can anyone tell?

A study says that organic food can lead to healthier lives for fruit flies. You can always tell which fruit flies have eaten the organic food. They are the judgmental and self-righteous ones who are driving the Prius to Whole Foods.

A study says that wheezing early in life is tied to a risk of asthma in children. Of course, they might be wheezing because they have asthma.

“Louie, Louie” singer Yank Berry has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. Apparently it has been found the best way to avoid war is serve the troops on both sides beer while playing a continuous loop of “Louie, Louie”.

Alex Baldwin has donated $2,500 to a Rhode Island high school chess team. Mostly because they answered his question of “What is there to do to keep from going insane in Rhode Island?”

Alex Baldwin has donated $2,500 to a Rhode Island high school chess team. He got the idea after seeing how well it worked to get his brother Stephen a ball and some jacks.

CBS has renewed 18 of its Prime Time shows. Entertainment experts were surprised. CBS has 18 shows in Prime Time?

A marketing company says that George Stephanopoulos is twice as popular as Matt Lauer. In fact, he is so popular that half the people asked took the trouble to learn how to spell his name.

Scientists say they are “close” to creating an invisibility cloak. Of course, they best way to become invisible is to work on a science project for years that no one really even cares about.

Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg is reportedly forming a political group. Apparently it is to lobby Congress for crop subsidies to be paid to Farmville.

Google glasses will reportedly be made in the U.S. by Foxconn. How bad is it that we are now outsourcing jobs to China who is outsourcing them back to us for cheap labor?

A study says that a quarter of all patents issued in the U.S. this year will be in mobile technology. The worst part is that most of those will be instructional apps on how to win at “Angry Birds”.

A study says that a quarter of all patents issued in the U.S. this year will be in mobile technology. The other three quarters will be for car safety to protect people who crash their cars while texting.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Thanks for reading the blog. It’s good to know some people out there like what I do, or at least have a few minutes to kill each day. I always appreciate any comments you have, but if you really want to get on my good side just click on the Great Strides icon on the page and donate what you can to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation in the memory of my wife, Karen. You send the money, I’ll send the love!

1 comment:

Sam said...

Keep it up, Jim! I read these a few times a week and ALWAYS enjoy them. No matter how small the audience, you do have a devout following. Thank you for doing what you do.