Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!


New Jersey Governor Chris Christie says he will keep an eye on Prince Harry when he comes to visit the state in May. Apparently the Prince wants to see what damage Sandy did to the area and see if it’s any worse than what he did in Las Vegas.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie says he will keep an eye on Prince Harry when he comes to visit the state in May. The Prince wants to inspect damage from Sandy. The hardest part will be convincing him Newark already looked like that before the storm hit.

Eurozone officials say that bank accounts in Spain, Italy and other countries could be raided to save the Euro. Fortunately, that won’t happen in the U.S. since the dollar is pretty much beyond saving.

William Shatner says he is “appalled” that the IRS made a training film parody of “Star Trek”. What really made him mad is that the actors in the training film were asked to do the next “Star Trek” movie because they are better actors than the original cast.

The FBI is investigating the death of an American while aboard a Royal Caribbean cruise ship. Apparently they are investigating it because it was unexpected, unlike any deaths that happen on a Carnival cruise ship.

Student loan defaults were up to $3 Billion in the first two months of the year, up 36% from last year. Apparently the problem is that student’s are pretty much treating tuition loans like “loans” from their parents.

Student loan defaults were up to $3 Billion in the first two months of the year, up 36% from last year. Why do they even call them student loans? Aren’t the only “loans” if someone actually tries to pay them back?

Chocolate flavored stamps are on sale in Belgium. If the U.S. had thought of that, the Post Office would have wiped out its $16 Billion debt in about three days.

China is being called on to calm North Korea in their threats against the U.S. Apparently China doesn’t want anything to happen to the U.S. since they have to protect their investment.

A food fight prompted UK school officials to call for a ban on triangle shaped cookies that could cause injuries if thrown. The worst part is that it is healthier to be hit with one of the cookies than it is to eat one.

A study says that health claims will jump 32% when the Affordable Health Care Act goes into effect. Mostly because when that happens, 32% of Americans will actually have health insurance.

A study says that health claims will jump 32% when the Affordable Health Care Act goes into effect. That will cost a lot of money to have the insurance companies have to do all the paper work needed to deny those claims.

An aspiring model in the UK will get her breast implants covered by government health care as it was determined her flat chest was causing her emotional distress. Apparently she feels much better now that her D cups runneth over.

Tiger Woods is urging Rory McIlroy to win the Houston Open this week. Mostly because Tiger isn’t in the field.

Tiger Woods is urging Rory McIlroy to win the Houston Open this week. Apparently he wants him to get it out of his system so he has a let down at the Masters.

Chinese officials are now reporting 1,000 dead ducks in a river following cleaning up 16,000 dead pigs in another river. Interestingly, you will never find a discarded cat or dog carcass over there.

Chinese officials are now reporting 1,000 dead ducks in a river following cleaning up 16,000 dead pigs in another river. Even the Chinese mob is having trouble finding a river where there is any room to dispose of dead bodies.

A Charles Manson follower was caught trying to smuggle him a cell phone in jail. Not that Manson has been out of society a long time, but his first question was “Where do you put the dime?”

A Charles Manson follower was caught trying to smuggle him a cell phone in jail. Fortunately, the provider was AT&T so none of the hundreds of calls Manson tried before he was caught could be completed.

Scientists say an earthquake in Oklahoma in 2011 may have been man made. It shook the state so hard, it actually knocked the book off its shelf.

Court records show there have been 339 complaints by students at a Kansas military school over beatings and hazing. The school says it is just trying to train the students for a future in military interrogation.

Wharton has been picked as the nation’s best executive MBA program for the third straight year. Apparently they have the lowest number of graduates who have been caught and are serving time for what they learned in school.

Nike’s latest ad featuring Tiger Woods has drawn criticism for its “Winning is everything” tag line. Woods has pretty much lived up to that motto, winning everywhere except in the tabloids and divorce court.

The CEO of Mattel was paid $11.9 Million last year. Which has upset women’s groups as Barbie holds a similar position and was only paid $28,000.

President Obama has signed a bill to avoid a government shutdown. The question is, if he didn’t sign it how would anyone even know?

CBS has reportedly bought half of the TV Guide Network for $100 Million. CBS was tired of only being featured in the “jeers” half of the magazine.

CBS has reportedly bought half of the TV Guide Network for $100 Million. Industry experts were shocked. Where did CBS come up with $100 Million?

A study says that spending too much time in saunas could lead to a lower sperm count. Especially when your wife catches you in the sauna with another woman.

A study says that kids who do poorly in math tend to be unable to perform similar problems later in life, like figuring out tips. What’s worse is that kids who do poorly in math usually end up doing jobs that rely on tips.

A study says that kids who do poorly in math tend to be unable to perform similar problems later in life, like figuring out tips. Possibly because figuring out tips requires doing math.

A study says that a breath test may show it isn’t a person’s fault for being overweight. Unless the person has trouble taking the breathalyzer test because there is a doughnut obstructing their airway.

A study says that spending too much time in front of the TV for kids age five can lead to bad behavior by the time they are seven. Which means the worst influence in your child’s life has turned out to be SpongeBob Squarepants.

Experts are saying that junk food may not be addictive after all. People can stop any time they want. Usually not until after they have hit the 350 pound mark, though.

Experts are saying that junk food may not be addictive after all. Although taking a bear claw from the hands of an overweight, middle aged American is more dangerous than taking a bear claw out of the grip of a real bear claw.

Dionne Warwick has filed for bankruptcy in New Jersey. People were shocked at how far she has fallen. Imagine, a big star like that having to live in New Jersey.

Dionne Warwick has filed for bankruptcy in New Jersey. Apparently her financial adviser’s method was to pick a stock and say a little prayer.

Hugh Hefner says he has slept with more than 1,000 women, but has never cheated on any of his wives. Apparently when he got tired of them he would just divorce them instead.

Hugh Hefner says he has slept with more than 1,000 women, but has never cheated on any of his wives.It’s nice to see there are still men around who live by a strict moral code.

Justin Bieber’s California neighbor claims he was attacked by the pop star. The neighbor says he would have fought back, but couldn’t get his wheelchair over by his oxygen tank to put on his glasses to be able to pick up his cane and swing it at him.

Reality TV star Omarosa is suing LaToya Jackson for defamation. The only problem will be proving that anyone listens to what LaToya Jackson says, or that anyone knows who Omarosa is.

Reality TV star Omarosa is suing LaToya Jackson for defamation. Apparently destroying her reputation could get her a verdict of as much as $7.35.

GM is making a push to try to sell Buicks to younger buyers. Apparently they think they can redesign the cars to appeal to those in their 60s and 70s.

Accu Weather and The Weather Channel are in a battle over who should have access to use the “.weather” domain name. They should just settle it by both being able to use the more generic but fitting “.geek” domain.

A study says that one in six U.S. children have a parent who is unemployed or underemployed. The other five were too busy to take time off any of their three jobs to take part in the study.

A study says that one in six U.S. children have a parent who is unemployed or underemployed. Those kids are referred to as the privileged class.

A poll says that 80% of Americans are unhappy with what is going on in Washington, D.C. The other 20% were unaware anyone in Washington is actually doing anything.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Thanks to all who have donated money to the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation in the memory of my wife, Karen. Just click on the Great Strides icon on the page and give what you can to help fight this terrible affliction. Send them the money, and I will send you the love!

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