Friday, March 22, 2013

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!


Arizona could become the second state to recognize gold and silver as legal tender. Which is still just a bit different than Mississippi where debts can still be paid off with chickens and mules.

Arizona could become the second state to recognize gold and silver as legal tender. Which isn’t a bad deal when you consider that with $16 Trillion of debt, U.S. currency is now pretty much just paper.

Experts are warning people around the world about a deadly bat virus. Up until now the most deadly disease for bats was found in the Los Angeles Dodgers’ dugout.

National Weather Service chief Louis Uccellini says global warming means we will be facing a “new normal” of weather extremes. Which is really just an excuse to be wrong on forecasts more often.

A Kentucky teenager has been sentenced to not say “Bingo” for six months after being convicted of yelling it out at a bingo hall to cause commotion. Apparently the only thing worse would be going to a chess tournament and yelling out “Checkmate!”

A Kentucky teenager has been sentenced to not say “Bingo” for six months after being convicted of yelling it out at a bingo hall to cause commotion. What’s worse is that after he was taken to the police station he yelled out “All the doughnuts are gone!”

A Kentucky teenager has been sentenced to not say “Bingo” for six months after being convicted of yelling it out at a bingo hall to cause commotion. The only worse thing would be to say the car in the handicap parking space left their lights on.

Seven people were shot at a Chicago club at a rap album release party. The only good news is that the shooting provided enough material for the rapper’s next album.

Seven people were shot at a Chicago club at a rap album release party. It was the most people wounded at a Chicago music event since three people were shot during an argument over Beethoven versus Bach during a concert by the Chicago Philharmonic.

A “rat like animal” is being blamed for a power loss at a nuclear power plant in Japan. It was the biggest power outage caused by rat like animals since the whole Enron crisis.

“Die Hard” director John McTiernan was ordered to start a one year prison term on April 3rd for lying to the FBI. The real injustice is that the director of “Here Comes The Boom” is still walking around free.

Nancy Pelosi says she has “March Madness” but isn’t rooting for any team because she doesn’t want anyone to lose. Which is different in the way that Congress runs in that when they make a policy everybody ends up losing.

Researchers say a space telescope has given us a virtual “baby picture” of the universe. The only problem was getting the universe to sit still long enough to take the photo.

A new picture of the universe shows that it is 100 Million years older than scientists previously thought. Apparently researchers mistakenly believed it was younger because it has been going to the same plastic surgeon who has done all the work on Cher.

Some K-9 dogs in Washington State are having to be trained to ignore the scent of marijuana now that it is legal there. That means they are also going to have to learn to ignore people who smell like pizza, cookies and snack cakes.

Drivers are paying high gasoline prices despite a U.S. oil boom. Or as oil company executives refer to that, a “win win” situation.

Apple claims that it gets 75% of its power from renewable energy sources. The other 25% is from an extension cord that is stealing electricity from an outlet at Google Headquarters.

A judge has ruled that AP news content can’t be used for free, saying companies can’t simply redistribute the news of others. Unless you are Fox News and are pretty much run by the Republican Party’s publicity department.

A judge has ruled that AP news content can’t be used for free, saying companies can’t simply redistribute the news of others. Unless you are a TV news station which will have pretty much nothing but dead air without a copy of the local newspaper.

A new study using IRS tax data shows that the rich are becoming permanently richer and the poor permanently poorer. Financial experts were shocked. Since when did the rich ever fill out any IRS forms?

A study says that high salt consumption is tied to 2.3 Million heart deaths world wide each year. And that’s just people using the salt to take away the after taste of all the sugar they are eating.

Nike profits topped estimates for the second quarter. The profits would have been even higher if it weren’t for the $27 they had to pay out for total labor.

A Massachusetts clinic is offering a free pizza to anyone having a vasectomy. It’s their way of giving a slice to make up for a cut.

A survey has found that 77% of British doctors prescribe fake treatments weekly. Apparently they were found out after 77% of their patients kept dying.

A survey has found that 77% of British doctors prescribe fake treatments weekly. Apparently that number is up to 100% with British dentists.

U.S. pediatricians are backing gay marriage. Which is especially interesting since it’s not like gay marriages would be providing them with any new business.

A study says that caffeine may boost driving safety. Especially when people are tired from texting so much while they are behind the wheel.

A study says that caffeine may boost driving safety. Mostly because after people get their coffee at Starbucks, they don’t have enough money to buy gas to drive anywhere.

IKEA is bringing back meatballs in its stores after a horsemeat scare. The only scarier thing is actually trying to assemble any of the furniture you bought at IKEA.

A study says that one in ten U.S. deaths are linked to salt. The other nine are caused by all the food people are eating that they put the salt on.

Bobby Brown was released from jail eight hours into a 55 day sentence for DUI. Even Lindsay Lohan was complaining about how easy he got off.

Bobby Brown was released from jail eight hours into a 55 day sentence for DUI. How bad is it when they kick you out of jail because the guards feel you are a bad influence on the other inmates?

The MPAA says that two thirds of Americans went to the movies last year. Three of those people actually paid to see “John Carter”.

The MPAA says that two thirds of Americans went to the movies last year. The other third is waiting until they save up to be able to afford a ticket, popcorn and soda.

Tennis great Jennifer Capriati has been charged with stalking and punching her ex-boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. Which may be why he is her ex-boyfriend.

Tennis great Jennifer Capriati has been charged with stalking and punching her ex-boyfriend on Valentine’s Day. Apparently that is the last time she takes romantic advice from John McEnroe.

FCC Chairman Julius Genachowski is reportedly going to resign. Broadcasters were shocked. There is still an FCC?

A Fox News poll says that a majority of Americans say the U.S. is safer because of military actions in Iraq. Mostly the people who have listened to Fox News tell them for ten years the War in Iraq is making us safer.

A poll says that Hillary Clinton is leading Jeb Bush and Marco Rubio with Florida voters in the 2016 election. And that two people who have not been born yet are already taking the lead in early polling for the 2056 presidential race.

A state tax credit has been provided to NBC if they move the “Tonight Show” to New York City. Although no one is quite sure why NBC wanted a tax credit since it’s not like they are actually pulling in any income.

Youtube says it now has 1 Billion monthly active viewers. No one knew there were that many people who would keep tuning in to watch cats play the piano.

A representative is denying that there is a sex tape of Joe Jonas. Most of Hollywood believes there isn’t such a tape. Who would have sex with Joe Jonas?

A representative is denying that there is a sex tape of Joe Jonas. The good news is there is a big demand for the tape if it exists. The bad news is that it is from his brothers. 

A representative is denying that there is a sex tape of Joe Jonas. Apparently this means that Hollywood has completely run out of people who have already put out a sex tape.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! I know you are all into March Madness, so I am going to ask that during one of the commercial breaks in the 400 games broadcast this weekend if you could quickly log onto this site and click on the Great Strides icon and donate money in the memory of my wife, Karen. Then you can get back to your game, and I will make sure to send the love!

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