Thursday, February 07, 2013

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!


A study says that opinions on climate change rise and fall with the temperature. Or what you personally think of Al Gore.

A study says that opinions on climate change rise and fall with the temperature. It always seems to get hotter in the room when people start arguing about global warming.

MTV has renewed “Buckwild” for another season. It’s a show that basically moves “Jersey Shore” to Appalachia.

A California company has been fined for paying its Mexican workers in Pesos. The complaint was filed by the other workers being paid in U.S. dollars who felt they were getting the bad end of the deal.

Labor unions are seeing some relief in the marijuana industry as they are starting to organize workers at pot dispensaries. And you thought it was hard to get a union person to show some initiative before.

CBS is telling performers to adequately cover their breasts and buttocks at the Grammys this year. In other words, Madonna and Lady Gaga will not be performing.

CBS is telling performers to adequately cover their breasts and buttocks at the Grammys this year. And that was just in case Prince and Marilyn Manson took the stage.

The Post Office says it will end Saturday mail delivery in August. That means a letter sent in November will arrive next March but on the following Monday.

An airline flight attendant was fired for being photographed flipping off the passengers. To which all airlines agreed with the punishment, saying that was their job.

An airline flight attendant was fired for being photographed flipping off the passengers. The passengers didn’t care, saying what she did with her finger was better than what the TSA agents did with theirs.

Virginia lawmakers are considering minting their own currency to save the commonwealth during a financial apocalypse. Which means that they are already five years too late.

Virginia lawmakers are considering minting their own currency to save the commonwealth during a financial apocalypse. In fact, they got a deal on some coins that were already minted. They will feature the great Virginia statesman Chuck E. Cheese.

A new policy says that all dogs in England will have to have a microchip by 2016. The same policy won’t be enforced everywhere. For instance, any dogs in Korea pretty much don’t have much of a chance of making it to 2016.

A new policy says that all dogs in England will have to have a microchip by 2016. In fact, if the idea works they will put implant one in Prince Harry next time he goes to Las Vegas.

Belgium has launched a new postage stamp that has glue that tastes like chocolate. If they would do that in the U.S. the Post Office would erase its $15 Billion debt in about three days.

Scientists say they have found bacteria deep under the ice in Antarctica. Apparently they came across Roald Amundsen’s discarded gym socks.

Scientists say they have found bacteria deep under the ice in Antarctica. Apparently they are pretty much running out of things to look for there.

Scientists say they have found bacteria deep under the ice in Antarctica. Which means anyone going to Antarctica for their vacation should pack lots of hand sanitizer.

A report says an Alzheimer’s “epidemic” could hit the U.S. by 2050. Which means if you are reading this now you won’t remember it by then anyway.

A report says an Alzheimer’s “epidemic” could hit the U.S. by 2050. The only problem will be all the parking lots full of cars that people just gave up remembering where they were parked.

The State Department has issued a new Travel Alert for Egypt through May. They need to be commended for their optimism that things are going to get better by June.

The State Department has issued a new Travel Alert for Egypt through May. And for the rest of the Middle East through forever.

A sports insurance company says it will sue Lance Armstrong to get back millions of dollars in bonus prizes they paid him. Pretty soon the only reason Armstrong will be riding his bicycle is because that will be the only transportation he will be able to afford.

A sports insurance company says it will sue Lance Armstrong to get back millions of dollars in bonus prizes they paid him. Pretty soon he is going to have to go back to dating the Olsen twins because they will be the only dinner date he will be able to afford.

Visa profits went up 25% in the Fourth Quarter of 2012. Mostly because that’s the same amount their interest rates went up.

A study says that traffic congestion in the U.S. remains steady. In fact, traffic in L.A. on the 405 hasn’t actually moved since 2011.

The new Monopoly piece was introduced as the cat. It replaces the iron which was voted out. Apparently in this day of two income families, no one even knows what an iron is anymore.

The new Monopoly piece was introduced as the cat. It replaces the iron which was voted out. Although in reality when it comes to Monopoly, the banks have just beaten out the oil companies.

A study says that end of life care for the elderly is still hectic and aggressive. Apparently hospitals are doing everything they can to use up the patient’s insurance while they still can.

A study says that heavy drinking and incompatible drinking is tied to divorce. Apparently the study was done at Charlie Sheen’s house.

A study says that heavy drinking and incompatible drinking is tied to divorce. The real question is who actually put out money because they felt this study really needed to be done?

A study says that heavy drinking and incompatible drinking is tied to divorce. Which means that divorce is usually the fault of the spouse who just isn’t drinking enough.

A study says that air pollution may be tied to lower birth weight. Apparently the fetus can’t get enough nourishment when it spends half the time in the womb coughing.

A study says that smoking marijuana may raise the risk of strokes in young adults. The only question is how do you tell?

A study says that smoking marijuana may raise the risk of strokes in young adults. Not from the pot. From eating all the fatty junk food after getting high.

A 9 year old girl gave birth in Mexico. No one even knew that R. Kelly had moved south of the border.

Leah Messer of “Teen Mom 2” has had her third child at age 20. Apparently her uterus is already in syndication.

Kim Kardashian says that Kris Humphries is endangering her unborn child with all the stress around their divorce. Apparently it is even more stressful than traveling around the world while shooting four different reality shows at the same time.

Kim Kardashian says that Kris Humphries is endangering her unborn child with all the stress around their divorce. Remember when people got married, and then had a baby that actually belonged to the husband?

A rare 1865 baseball card was sold for $92,000. However, the person who bought the card says the bubblegum that came with it tasted horrible.

Porn star Coco Brown hopes to become the first adult film actor to go into space. Apparently she wants to shoot a film while in orbit called “Probing Uranus”. (Yes...old, juvenile and dumb but always funny!)

Porn star Coco Brown hopes to become the first adult film actor to go into space. Wouldn’t you know her seat assignment is right in between a pool boy and pizza delivery man.

A Massachusetts man is paying his 14 year old daughter $200 to stay off Facebook for five months. Which she then sent out several Tweets about how dumb her dad is.

A Massachusetts man is paying his 14 year old daughter $200 to stay off Facebook for five months. The bad news is that she is now meeting middle aged men on Myspace.

A survey says that half of all former employees have walked off the job with confidential corporate data. The other half are just happy to leave with office supplies.

A report says that Jeb Bush was part of a group that tried to buy the Miami Marlins baseball team. Apparently he figures that George W. Bush must have become President because he was an owner of the Texas Rangers, because it wasn’t from his record as an oil man or Governor.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Football season is finally over. The season runs during winter so men have an excuse not to mow the lawn for 20 straight weekends. No matter how high the grass out front is getting, you always have time to send the love!

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