Thursday, January 03, 2013

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!


A report says during World War II, the U.S. tested setting off as many as ten bombs to cause a tsunami that could destroy a coastal city. Why not just drop the ten bombs on the city?

A report says during World War II, the U.S. tested setting off as many as ten bombs to cause a tsunami that could destroy a coastal city. Apparently they reintroduced the plan during the run of “Jersey Shore”.

A brain image study says that fructose may cause overeating. Although it seems that pretty much waking up is enough to cause most people to start overeating.

A study says that smoking doesn’t relieve stress, but quitting does. Especially when you don’t have to figure out how to come up with $7 for each pack of smokes.

A study says that smoking doesn’t relieve stress, but quitting does. Especially when you try to light up around a group of militant non-smokers.

A report says that Alaska has cooled an average of 2.4 degrees since 2000. The question is, how can anyone tell?

A fossil older than oxygen has been found in Australia. Researchers were disappointed to find out someone had already named it. Rupert Murdoch.

The population of Japan has dropped a record 212,000 in the past year. Apparently Toyota wasn’t so quick to fix those sudden acceleration problems in their own country.

Doctors say that Hillary Clinton’s future with her health is about as good as with her past. And her health will stay good as long as she isn’t reminded about her husband’s past.

A Maryland first grader was suspended from school for pointing his finger at another child and saying “Pow!”. The boy says next time he will remember to use the silencer.

California drivers are being warned about high winds and flying debris from a Santa Ana condition. California motorists are used to flying debris, although it is usually referred to as “crossfire”.

A poll says that Americans are unsure if the best times are past us or still yet to come. Apparently that depends on whether or not you are a Cubs fan.

A poll says that Americans are unsure if the best times are past us or still yet to come. But pretty much everyone agrees it sure isn’t now.

A poll says that Americans are unsure if the best times are past us or still yet to come. Some people are still thinking they can some day afford a much bigger car to live in.

A review says a federal plan to help families save money for college overwhelmingly helps the wealthy. Mostly because everyone else’s college plan is “pray for a scholarship”.

Auto industry researchers say that U.S. auto sales could hit 15 Million this year. Many Americans are driving cars that need to be replaced. Especially the ones who bought a Chrysler last year.

The federal government levied a record number of fines against airlines in 2012.Which didn’t bother the airlines since they levied a record number of bogus fees and charges to their passengers in 2012.

Wendy’s is moving past the 99 cent value menu, offering choices that now range from 99 cents to $1.99. Is that still a value? How many $2 stores have you seen around lately?

Wendy’s is moving past the 99 cent value menu, offering choices that now range from 99 cents to $1.99. That’s still a deal. Even Las Vegas doesn’t have $2 tables anymore.

A study says that energy drinks inflate their benefits, offering only high doses of caffeine. Which people need to work the extra jobs it takes to pay the $2 or $3 for each can of energy drink.

A study says that newborns can recognize their native language just hours after birth. Even during birth when their mother is yelling at the father “You did this to me!”

A study says that newborns can recognize their native language just hours after birth. Which is amazing since no one else can understand what parents are saying to their kids when they speak that annoying baby talk.

“Hunger Games” actress Jennifer Lawrence says that acting is “stupid”. Of course, she said that after just coming back from a Keanu Reeves film festival.

Sources say that Kim Kardashian’s baby may appear on reality TV. Actually, producers have already signed the fetus to it’s own show and a follow up spin off.

Sources say that Kim Kardashian’s baby may appear on reality TV. The cameras will probably be rolling when the baby is born. Why not? After seeing her wedding on TV and buying her sex video, most people see a televised birth as the next logical sequel. 

Al Jazeera is reportedly taking over Current TV which was started by Al Gore. Apparently the arrangement was done for convenience so the sign on the building that says “Owned by Al” wouldn’t have to be changed.

Al Jazeera is reportedly taking over Current TV which was started by Al Gore. Asked if the deal was done through an auction or negotiation process, Gore said they really just took it over. It was actually more of a jihad. 

A report says that Lindsay Lohan was not evicted from her Beverly Hills home according to other reports. Apparently there was a rent dispute. Lohan didn’t want to pay full price for the house since most her spare time is divided between New York City and jail.

The NHL and the players’ union are discussing the possibility of a 20 team post season. Apparently the new plan calls for a season long lockout and then they will move right into the playoffs.

A 14 year old New Hampshire girl was chosen the nation’s Top Young Scientist for a simple device that could provide clean water for as many as 1.1 Billion people around the world. To which the people of New Jersey are asking “Hey, can we get one of those?”

An 11 year old Florida boy started his own social network after his parents wouldn’t let him on Facebook. Apparently to ensure success he copied the model for Facebook right up to the part where they tried their PIO.

HP says it may sell off its underperforming businesses. Which pretty much would have to include HP.

The “financial cliff” deal struck by Congress will mean smaller paychecks for most people as payroll taxes will go up. So it wasn’t really a cliff, it was more like getting pushed off a ladder.

 The Mayan Doomsday hype was chosen as the weirdest science story of 2012. Just to be sure, the award was handed out on December 20th.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is planning to postpone his plans for filibuster reform. Which means he pretty much filibustered himself.

Senator Mark Kirk from Illinois says he saw angels in his hospital room when he woke up from a stroke induced coma. However, the angels looked at his chart and said “Member of Congress? Boy are we in the wrong room!”

Senator Mark Kirk from Illinois says he saw angels in his hospital room when he woke up from a stroke induced coma. The bad part is his congressional hospital plan only covered Seraphim and Cherubim but Archangels were out of network.

That’s it for now. Oh Faithful Readers! Hope your 2013 is going well. If it is, that should last about another week. In the meantime, my year is always good as long as you remember to send the love!

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