Sunday, December 23, 2012

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!


A federal government employee in Baltimore was formally reprimanded for excessive flatulence on the job. Anyone making that much wind should instead be working in Congress.

Delta Airlines received 22,000 applications for 300 job openings for flight attendants. Mostly from all the flight attendants at American and United who are tired of spending half their time on the tarmac or getting flights canceled.

Delta Airlines received 22,000 applications for 300 job openings for flight attendants. Mostly from Southwest flight attendants who spend most their time on cocktail duty in the cockpit.

A California man was shot to death at an end of the world party on December 21st. At least it didn’t catch him by surprise.

The Iowa Supreme Court ruled that it is permissible to fire an employee who is too good looking. Or as they call that at Wal-Mart, job security.

The Iowa Supreme Court ruled that it is permissible to fire an employee who is too good looking. Otherwise known as “The boss’s wife’s rule”.

The Iowa Supreme Court ruled that it is permissible to fire an employee who is too good looking. Legal experts were shocked. Who in Iowa fits that description?

Pope Benedict XVI has pardoned his former butler who stole and leaked secret documents. It wasn’t like he molested young boys. That would have just gotten him transferred.

A New Mexico man is suing the USDA for the right to slaughter horses. Apparently he stands to make a fortune with the new Taco Bell Appaloosa Chalupa.

A Pop Warner football game in California erupted into a fight with parents that had to be broken up by police in riot gear. Although the police say it was nothing like what they have to go through when stores open up for Black Friday Christmas shopping.

The first gorilla born in a zoo has turned 56 in Ohio. Apparently the ape made a bad deal and negotiated to be released when the Cleveland Browns win the Super Bowl.

A woman blackjack dealer stabbed another in a Las Vegas casino. Apparently she didn’t realize she was just supposed to cut the deck.

A report says instances of shattering kitchen cookware are on the rise. Mostly from people diving across the table to get the last serving before anyone else.

A study says that TV chefs’ recipes are too high in fat and calories for WHO recommendations. So are the TV chefs.


A study says that TV chefs’ recipes are too high in fat and calories for WHO recommendations. Apparently it’s not just the TV camera that adds ten pounds.

12 students at a South Carolina boarding school lost a total of 756 pounds in four months. Who wouldn’t on a southern diet of chitterlings, scrapple and squirrel?

12 students at a South Carolina boarding school lost a total of 756 pounds in four months. Apparently they were made to wear clothes that said “I (heart) NY” and had to run through town so they wouldn’t get chased down and beaten every day.

Justin Bieber has caused a furor with the California Hamster Association by giving away his pet hamster to a fan. Apparently what really got the people in the association upset is that Bieber stole its hairstyle.

Justin Bieber has caused a furor with the California Hamster Association by giving away his pet hamster to a fan. People were shocked. There are actually people that would join a hamster association?

A report says one of the best post workout drinks is chocolate milk. Drinking it other times is the reason most people need to work out in the first place.

A “Wheel of Fortune” contestant lost thousands of dollars after being disqualified for dropping the “g” when solving the puzzle “Seven Swans a Swimming”. The sad part is she was going to use the money to buy five gold rings.

A “Wheel of Fortune” contestant lost thousands of dollars after being disqualified for dropping the “g” when solving the puzzle “Seven Swans a Swimming”. Just imagine how rough that would have been if she had a lisp.

Iron Butterfly bassist Lee Dorman has died at age 70. He spent the last 50 years of his life trying to answer people’s question of what “In-a Gadda-Da-Vida” means.

Ashton Kutcher has filed for divorce from Demi Moore. It finally took away her final hope that she was just being Punk’d.

The final episode of “Jersey Shore” saw its viewership drop to 3.1 Million people. Mostly viewers who wanted to make sure it wasn’t a joke and that the show finally was coming to an end.

The final episode of “Jersey Shore” saw its viewership drop to 3.1 Million people. If it weren’t for Jerry Springer and Honey Boo Boo there would be more than 3 Million people with absolutely nothing to look forward to every day.

The Acting CIA Director says the film “Zero Dark Thirty” is not a realistic portrayal of the facts. For one thing, Zero Dark Thirty officially refers to the time former CIA Director would usually get home after meeting up with his mistress.

The first animated Christmas TV special, “Mr. Magoo’s Christmas Carol” has turned 50. Which means the Baby Boomers who were kids when it premiered are now having to wear glasses thicker than Mr. Magoo’s.

65 year old Rolling Stone guitarist Ron Wood has married his 34 year old fiancee. Apparently being a Rolling Stone helped him attract her since he looks so much younger standing next to Keith Richards.

A British newspaper is suing Lance Armstrong for the money they had to pay him in a libel suit over saying he was using performance enhancing drugs. So first one side loses, then the other. You just can’t win anymore unless you are one of the lawyers.

A poll says the economy is still the top problem in the U.S., but less than in the past. Of course, the economy is the reason everyone has less than what they had in the past.

NRA CEO Wayne LaPierre says the NRA membership is standing behind him. Mostly because no one wants to stand in front of a crazy man with a gun.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Christmas is tomorrow...Hope you all have a wonderful holiday and make sure to send the love to everyone you know! I’ll be back on Wednesday with more jokes and of course, there is still a no return policy on this site!

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