Friday, October 12, 2012

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!


The unemployment rate in Greece is up to 25%. Economists were shocked. 75% of the people in Greece actually have jobs?

The Rolling Stones are set to tour again with a new song called “Doom and Gloom”. Apparently the title was based on one of Keith Richards’ X-Rays.

The least popular color for cars in the U.S. is green. At least those people can brag about going “green” without having to put out all the money for a hybrid or electric car.

Data shows a growing number of high school graduates are putting off college for a year. Students haven’t been in a hurry to get into college since the draft ended.

Data shows a growing number of high school graduates are putting off college for a year. What’s the rush? They will have the rest of their lives to pay off their tuition loans.

Officials say that Chinese spies have targeted every sector of the U.S. economy. We’re $16 Trillion in debt and have high unemployment. Are we really the best economy to be spying on?

A study says that uninsured people have a 31% higher death rate from heart attacks than people who do have medical insurance. Apparently it’s not the original heart attack that does them in. It’s the second shock they have when they get their hospital bill.

Wal-Mart, KMart and Target are all celebrating their 50th anniversaries this year. Coincidentally, China is celebrating the 50th anniversary of their beginning of their takeover of the U.S. economy.

A report says that low priced homes in California are becoming more scarce. That is, if you consider a two bedroom fixer upper in Pacoima for $300,000 a low priced home.

A study says that free returns can increase online spending by 357%. Which means the stores will have to pay 600% more for the extra people needed to keep exchanging purchases and their UPS bill.

Wendy’s is changing its logo for the first time since 1983. Apparently they want Wendy to represent the average customer so they have beefed her up to 280 pounds.

A report says that beer consumption in the U.S. has fallen for the third straight year. Apparently the economy has driven people past the kid stuff and right back into the hard booze.

The Post Office is planning on raising stamps another penny to 46 cents for a first class stamp and 33 cents to send a post card. They are also waiting for someone to actually send a postcard for the first time since 1962.

The Post Office is proposing a global forever stamp. It will cost $1.10 to send a letter anywhere on the globe. And will take forever to get there.

A Christian straight man has written a book after living for a year pretending to be gay. Wasn’t that pretty much the plot line behind “THree’s Company”?

A Christian straight man has written a book after living for a year pretending to be gay. At least that’s what he’s telling his family after they found season tickets to Broadway and a Pottery Barn catalogue in his room.

A Christian straight man has written a book after living for a year pretending to be gay. Which is pretty much just the opposite of being a Catholic Priest.

Kellogg’s Mini-Wheats have been recalled for metal pieces found in the cereal. Although it was discovered the metal still wasn’t as bad for you as the sugar frosting.

Kellogg’s Mini-Wheats have been recalled for metal pieces found in the cereal. The company almost sent it out anyway with a new advertising slogan “Now a great source of iron!”

A study links living near livestock to being more at risk for a drug-resistant infection. But the real question is why is anyone living near livestock?

A study links living near livestock to being more at risk for a drug-resistant infection. They are also extremely gullible for being talked into buying a place located near livestock.

A study links living near livestock to being more at risk for a drug-resistant infection. People who choose to live near livestock also make for some very nervous sheep.

A study says that women who are child free by choice are happy with their decision. Mostly for the fact they won’t have to work to 85 to pay off all their kids’ college loans.

A study says that eating plenty of fruits and vegetables boosts life satisfaction, mental well-being and happiness. Then why is a cheeseburger, fries and a coke with a toy the one that gets called a “Happy Meal”?

Research indicates that impulse shopping contributes to the obesity rate. Mostly because no one has ever compulsively bought a bushel of celery, but a sheet full of cupcakes is a different story.

Radio host Glenn Beck flipped a car down a hill at his daughter’s wedding. Which pretty much ruined the reception as spent the whole time outlining on a chalkboard how the accident was a conspiracy designed by the Obama Administration.

Rick Springfield led an impromptu sing along on a New York subway. The word is he sang several songs, and even collected enough donations in his hat to pay for a coffee and bagel.

Teen bride Courtney Stodden, the 18 year old who married 52 year old actor Doug Hutchison says she sometimes mistakenly calls him “Dad”. To which Woody Allen says “Just wait a few years until she starts calling you Gramps.”

TiVo research shows that Republicans like to watch golf, while Democrats like to watch cartoons. And that’s just when John Boehner and Joe Biden are fighting over the remote.

Michael Vick says he is a dog owner again. In fact, he just took the dog along on a shopping trip to help Plaxico Burress buy a new gun.

Convicted former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky will be able to keep $900,000 he has received from his university pension. Where he is headed, he is asking that he get it all in cigarettes and candy bars.

Researchers say a giant, sombrero shaped rock formation is growing in the Andes. Is that a stereotype?

Researchers think they have found the spot where Julius Caesar was stabbed. Apparently they are pretty sure since they also found the grassy knoll where Brutus was hiding.

A robot has been built to find water on the moon. I’m sure there are some people in Ethiopia who would maybe like to borrow that for a few days before we send it out into space.

More than 20 Million U.S. voters have been classified as “ineffective”. Apparently those are the people who support the Green Party, Libertarian Party and Constitution Party.

More than 20 Million U.S. voters have been classified as “ineffective”. Apparently those are the people who aren’t smart enough to work the voting machines and end up with overvotes, undervotes or hanging chads.

Researchers say that thousands of gallons of deadly mustard gas are lying off the New Jersey coast. Which makes it still safer than breathing the air in Newark.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Well, the Vice presidential debate was last night. Better than propofol for putting me out. The only thing I learned was that no matter who wins as president, we are really screwed if something happens to them before their term ends. In the meantime, make sure you take the time to send some of the love!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey Friendsthe biggest site of jokes www.jokemaza.com has all new jokes and itupdates 4 times in a day So plz visit www.jokemaza.com

Anonymous said...

Hey Friendsthe biggest site of jokes www.jokemaza.com has all new jokes and itupdates 4 times in a day So plz visit www.jokemaza.com