A New York State Senator has proposed a $250 fine for anyone caught eating on the subway. Apparently he doesn't want the aroma of the food to get in the way of passengers being able to enjoy the usual stench of urine.
A New York State Senator has proposed a $250 fine for anyone caught eating on the subway. Apparently there have been complaints about food stains getting on the hands and clothing of all the gropers.
The CBO says that federal workers are paid about 16% more than people doing comparable work in the private sector. Of course, anyone in the private sector doing comparable work to the government is unemployed.
Snoop Dogg has endorsed Ron Paul for President. Apparently his suggested slogan is "Rahizzle Pahizzle Fashizzle!"
Snoop Dogg has endorsed Ron Paul for President. If all Snoop Dogg's fans who vote take his advice that could bring Paul as many as three extra votes.
Uggs brand boots are being banned from a Pennsylvania high school because of fears that students will smuggle banned cellphones inside them. Although most students find there just isn't enough room in their boots for both their guns and cellphones.
Workers' wages were up in December but people were not spending any more money during the month. Of course, most people don't have anything to spend on now that they have had their home foreclosed and their car repossessed.
A study says that women are better at parking cars than men. The study was obviously done at a valet service.
The horror movie V/H/S caused two people to become ill at the Sundance Film Festival. The movie is about supernatural VHS tapes. Apparently it brought back memories to the stricken about seeing the flashing 12:00 on their old VHS machine.
The horror movie V/H/S caused two people to become ill at the Sundance Film Festival. The movie is about supernatural VHS tapes. To which everyone under age 30 is asking "What's VHS?"
The White House is criticizing Republicans who compared President Obama to the captain of the Italian cruise liner who left the sinking ship. A more realistic comparison would be Congressmen acting like the people who insisted at staying in the buffet line while the ship was going down.
Union membership in the U.S. has stopped its slide that has been going on since 2008. Which is good news for the three union members who still have jobs.
A survey says that more than half of all shoppers take their cellphones to look up prices or ask friends for advice. Or to find out if there husband is away from the house and they can sneak in their purchases before he gets back home.
Guns N' Roses has announced a club tour. Now the only time anyone mentions “Slash” with the group it’s about their income.
A Massachusetts dentist who used paper clips in root canal procedures has been sentenced to two and a half years in prison. Apparently prison officials are anxious to get a man with his skills in to help the interrogation unit.
A study says that fat and carbs aren’t that important, that only total calories count for losing weight. With more fast food restaurants offering breakfast, that means most people’s chances of cutting any weight are gone before 9:00 AM.
A Florida state senator wants to restrict people from using food stamps to buy junk food with them. To which the people are saying as long as politicians use their campaign donations for ads that actually tell the truth.
Salvation Army kettles collected a record $147.6 Million at Christmas. Apparently people will pay whatever it takes to stop that constant bell ringing even for a few seconds.
London officials are telling people who will be affected by traffic during the Olympics to relax and have a beer. If that’s the solution they should have given the Olympics to Ireland.
Google says that one hour worth of videos are loaded onto Youtube every second. Which means there is now unlimited opportunities to watch cats playing the piano and hamsters eating crackers.
A new Atlantic City casino says it will put “term limits” on employees who will have to reapply for their jobs every four to six years. The only problem is that if they are like politicians, they will stop doing work and start campaigning three months into their job.
Carnival Cruise Lines says the crash off the Italian coast will cause the company to lose money. Apparently there was no way they could recover from losing an entire buffet that was set up at the time of the sinking.
A survey says that only 42% of U.S. adults use apps with their cellphones. The other 58% are AT&T customers who are still just trying to make a phone call that doesn’t get dropped.
The L.A. School Districts new healthy lunches are being called “inedible” by some. Apparently the schools had the gall to have the lunches prepared by a chef who isn’t even a celebrity.
A study says that 55% of all nurses are overweight or obese. The other 45% want to get married to a doctor.
An Iowa woman delivered a 14 pound baby with no painkillers. Apparently her husband hid all the painkillers for his own use when she goes after him for “doing this to her.”
An Iowa woman delivered a 14 pound baby with no painkillers. How much worse can it be to birth a 14 pound baby than to have to live in Iowa?
Jennifer Lopez says it took a long time to commit to another season of “American Idol” because she is “tired”. Mostly tired of Steven Tyler, Ryan Seacrest and having to listen to a bunch of mediocre singers.
A music company is suing New Gingrich for using “Eye of the Tiger” for his campaign theme song. Apparently he is considering to change to the theme from “Diamonds Are Forever”.
“Jersey Shore” is considering trips to Las Vegas and Australia for filming. Apparently their trip to Italy pretty much got them banned off the entire continent of Europe.
“Jersey Shore” is considering trips to Las Vegas and Australia for filming. Both are remote locations in the desert. Perfect surroundings to make any reptiles feel right at home.
The U.S. Women’s Soccer League has suspended their 2012 season. Sports experts were shocked. There is a women’s soccer league?
A Georgia judge has ordered Allen Iverson’s wages to be garnished to pay a jewelry bill. Basketball experts were surprised. Iverson has wages?
A Georgia judge has ordered Allen Iverson’s wages to be garnished to pay a jewelry bill. He wouldn’t need to be buying jewelry if he had played a little harder against the Lakers in the 2001 Finals and gotten himself a championship ring.
The Houston Astros say they are not changing the name of their team. They may as well leave it since they have about the same success record as NASA.
Kobe Bryant passed Kareem Abdul Jabbar and Jerry West for all time Lakers records. He passed records for scoring and free throws, mainly because he never passed.
A study says that the motion of the ocean could provide the U.S. with 9% of its energy. For the other 91% we’ll just have to wait for that occasional tsunami.
That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Today is the last day of January. Which means that most of us have already spend our February paychecks. Or March. But the only legal tender you will ever need to spend here is the love!
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