Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

Experts say the economy picked up its pace at the end of 2011 with the fastest growth in the past year and a half. That’s like saying a turtle was able to walk three feet farther than normal in an hour.

An investigation says that CEOs of bankrupt companies make more money than they do before the filing. Which is great news for just about every corporate executive in the U.S.

Facebook will file for an IPO next week that could raise as much as $10 Billion. That means that Mark Zuckerberg will be able to buy another 50 million acres of fake farm land.

Facebook will file for an IPO next week that could raise as much as $10 Billion. That’s about the same as saying Bill Gates found a nickel on the sidewalk.

President Obama’s 2005 Chrysler is for sale on eBay for $1 Million. Which means Obama could have saved the government that whole bailout if he would have just bought all their cars himself.

A report says that almost half of all young Spaniards are unemployed. The other half just say they are on extended siesta.

A report says that almost half of all young Spaniards are unemployed. The only group that is fully employed there are bulls but there is a pretty high turnover rate.

The Spice Girls are reuniting for the Queen’s Jubilee. Apparently the wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton pretty much shot the Royal Family’s entertainment budget for the year.

The Spice Girls are reuniting for the Queen’s Jubilee. Even Rick Astley is asking who is in charge of booking for the Royals these days.

Non-stop hiccuping is being blamed for a New York man suffering a heart attack. Apparently it wasn’t really the hiccups, but all the people sneaking up behind him to scare them away that did it.

The biggest blackout ever in the U.S. in 2003 is being blamed for 90 deaths in New York City. Although thousands more lives were saved from people not having a heart attack after getting their monthly power bill.

Twitter’s new censorship policy led to a boycott of the service Saturday. The first thing Twitter censored was any tweets telling people to boycott Twitter.

Twitter’s new censorship policy led to a boycott of the service Saturday. The censorship meant that some tweets were cut all the way back to 110 characters.

Twitter’s new censorship policy led to a boycott of the service Saturday. Which meant millions of people couldn’t tell their followers what they had for breakfast or which video game they were playing.

The Google doodle this week paid homage to the world’s largest snowflake. Next week it’s the world’s largest cornflake and the week after that it will be Donald Trump.

A foldable electric car has debuted in Europe. The next electric car to fold will be the Chevy Volt.

Passengers on the cruise ship that wrecked off the coast of Italy have been offered $14,000 in compensation by the company. They weren’t going to offer anything, claiming the sinking was a bonus excursion in the Mediterranean.

A survey says that air travel for most passengers is frustrating, stressful and exhausting. Mostly just for the ones who are taking trips to visit relatives.

Virginia may stop requiring 3rd graders to take standardized testing in history and science. Mostly because they want there to be some kids who make it into the 4th grade.

Police arrested 300 people in Occupy Oakland on Saturday. What do you call 300 people in Oakland on Saturday? Lost.

North Korea has outlawed cellphones. To which everyone in North Korea is asking, “What’s a phone?”

North Korea has outlawed cellphones. Either that or they will allow the only carrier in the country to be AT&T.

Newt Gingrich says his campaign is down to $600,000 for the upcoming Florida Primary. Or as his wife calls that, a campaign stop at Tiffany.

A study says that caffeine may elevate a woman’s estrogen levels. It can also elevate blood pressure when the woman realizes she just spent $5 on a small cup of coffee at Starbucks.

Congress may pass a bill prohibiting members from using private information for their personal benefit. Apparently the first person who found that doesn’t always work out is Anthony Wiener.

John Boehner says that Congress has done its job. Of course, most Congressmen see their job as bringing pork spending back to their home district and getting reelected.

President Obama tried his hand at a comedy routine at the exclusive Alfalfa Club annual banquet. How exclusive can the Alfalfa Club be? What’s next, clubs named for Buckwheat, Stymie and Spanky?

President Obama inspired a revival of Al Green’s music when he sang a bit of “Let’s Stay Together”. Sales of Green’s tunes went up 490%. Let’s just be thankful he didn’t sing any of Rebecca Black’s “Friday”.

Donald Trump says he has still not ruled out a bid for the presidency. What’s worse is that since he’s running on the strength of his reality show, he is considering his running mate to be either Kim Kardashian or Snooki.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Slow news day. Well, you can’t win them all. I salute you for getting this far and that means it is my turn to send the love!