A North Carolina man had his $10,000 collection of Air Jordan sneakers stolen from his house. He is upset, saying they were the five best pairs of shoes he ever had.
Jon Huntsman is dropping out of the race for GOP presidential candidate. Political experts were shocked. Huntsman was still running?
A cruise ship that ran aground off the coast of Italy is being called an “ecological time bomb”. Especially when the fish start eating the buffet food that has fallen into the water.
A New York hospital has mistakenly billed patients for millions of dollars because of a computer error. The bills were supposed to have amounted to billions of dollars.
An L.A. woman was arrested outside a McDonald’s for offering sex in exchange for chicken mcnuggets. Which is better than the woman standing outside Red Lobster offering to trade sex for crabs.
“The Senator”, the world’s fifth oldest tree in Florida has fallen, destroyed by fire. When people heard a 3,500 year old Senator had collapsed they immediately called to make sure John McCain was OK.
“The Senator”, the world’s fifth oldest tree in Florida has fallen, destroyed by fire. George W. Bush was saddened by the news. Just one more tree that would never know the joy of being taken down by a chain saw.
A Princess Cruise ship has been turned away from the Falkland Islands because of illness. Apparently the crew made the mistake of putting up the buffet tables right before the ship made it to port.
A Princess Cruise ship has been turned away from the Falkland Islands because of illness. Passengers were disappointed because they didn’t get to see all the sites the Falklands has to offer, like the...and the...and that other thing.
A study says that the taste for fat may be in a person’s genes. And they can tell when they can no longer fit into their jeans.
The FDA has fined the Red Cross $9.6 Million for unsafe blood management practices. Apparently the Red Cross took their guidance on how to handle blood from the film “Twilight”.
Ireland’s former richest man has filed for bankruptcy. At one time he was worth as much as 374 Euros.
Ireland’s former richest man has filed for bankruptcy. Apparently he blames it on the making it to the end of the rainbow and finding that the Leprechauns beat him to it.
Jon Huntsman won the endorsement from South Carolina’s largest newspaper. Unfortunately, no one at the paper actually read through any of the articles to find out that Huntsman had already pulled out of the race.
Cracker Barrel restaurant founder Dan Evins has died at age 76. The restaurant became more popular once he changed the original name of “Honkey Bucket”.
Researchers say that bored office workers are turning to chocolate, coffee and booze to fight their boredom. Which bored office workers are these. Most office workers are having to do the jobs of all the rest of their company who have been laid off.
A study says that babies learn to speak through lip reading. Which is exactly the way a young Britney Spears learned how to sing.
A study says that people who want to be hip quit liking a type of music or clothes when the styles become popular with their friends. Which means that people who like Justin Bieber can always be hip since no one over age 9 would admit to liking his music.
Researchers say that going through tough times can benefit people in the long run. Which is the only way anyone can actually find something good about the current economic and political situations in the country.
A Rhode Island hospital is studying the benefits of playing video games. For one thing, the entire hospital cardiac unit is occupied by people who have done nothing but played video games the past 40 years.
Iran’s “morality police” are cracking down on Barbie dolls as being anti-Islam. Wait until they find out that Ken is the real infidel now that he has come out of the closet.
Kia is readying a male fantasy Super Bowl ad featuring a supermodel, rock band and martial arts expert. The only part of the commercial that doesn’t involve a male fantasy is owning a Kia.
The proposed lifelike Steve Jobs action figure has been canceled by the manufacturer. Apparently the builder realized that Steve Jobs would only have approved it himself if it had Wi-Fi capability along with texting and a video camera.
Web users in China have increased by 12% to more than 500 Million people. The half billion Internet users sometimes have to wait a bit to log on to the five government approved web sites online in China.
A study says that a scarcity of women causes men to borrow more, save less and make impulse purchases. Which means the concession prices go through the roof at Star Wars conventions.
Analysts say that gas could go up to $5 a gallon in some places during the summer months. Mostly anywhere BP is drilling and having to charge extra to clean up the mess.
A report says there has been an increase in the number of deaths and injuries from people wearing headphones. Apparently it’s hard to listen to music while trying to text and watch a movie on your phone at the same time.
A report says that drowning rates have dropped for kids in the U.S. Mostly because it’s a lot harder to drown in the backseat of your Hyundai which is where you live since being foreclosed on the house with the backyard pool.
A female singer’s 3,000 year old tomb has been discovered in Egypt. No one knew Cher was even shopping for a burial plot.
A study says that 56% of employers check prospective workers’ profiles on Facebook and Twitter sites. The other 44% are just happy if the applicant hasn’t served any hard time.
That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! I am not working my regular job today which gives me no excuse to be so late. I know you are all surprised to find out that I actually have a job. And fortunately it doesn’t involve having to be funny to make a living. You don’t have to be funny, either. Just keep on sending the love!
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