Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

TSA officers at JFK Airport have been arrested for stealing $40,000 in cash from a passengers bag. The traveler was happy because that was the money he budgeted for all the extra airline fees.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg wants to limit the sale of alcohol in the city. That means for next New Year’s Eve ball drop, Times Square could be crowded with as many as seven people.

A toddler on the ABC show “Modern Family” will blurt out the F-bomb on next week’s show. But will stay out of trouble with the FCC by “Tebowing” immediately after.

A toddler on the ABC show “Modern Family” will blurt out the F-bomb on next week’s show. Apparently it happens right after finding out the show is going to be moved and will now follow “Celebrity Wife Swap”.

A study says that owning a car and a TV set is linked to an increased heart attack risk. Especially when you see on your TV that your car is being recalled for the 17th time.

A study says that owning a car and a TV set is linked to an increased heart attack risk. Mostly when people get angry that they have lost their home and can’t watch their TV because cable isn’t available in their car.

A survey says that 66% of Americans see a “serious conflict” between the rich and poor. The other 34% can’t see anything from behind their private community fence.

A report correlates between the building of skyscrapers and financial crashes. At least that way the stockbrokers have something high enough to jump from.

An analysis says there are 160 Billion planets in the Milky Way Galaxy. And just our luck the Kardashians had to end up on this one.

Homicides are not one of the top causes of death in the U.S. for the first time in 45 years. Apparently it’s been pushed off the list because there are so many new ways to die by using your cell phone while driving.

Homicides are not one of the top causes of death in the U.S. for the first time in 45 years. Apparently the economy is so bad, criminals just can’t afford to buy bullets anymore.

A heart researcher is being accused of falsifying a study concerning the health benefits of red wine. Suspicions were raised when he announced his next project was discovering the health benefits of pork fat.

A heart researcher is being accused of falsifying a study concerning the health benefits of red wine. The mistakes were apparently made as it turns out he was the only one doing all the drinking for the experiments.

A study explains the science of why drinking beer makes people feel good. Apparently it has something to do with the fact that when you drink enough beer, all the women around you actually start to look like the girls in the beer commercials.

Chinese applications to U.S. colleges have skyrocketed recently. The only students who are afraid to study in the U.S. are the ones interested in learning economics.

Chinese applications to U.S. colleges have skyrocketed recently. Mostly because the only way Americans can get into a university anymore is by being able to hit a 30 foot jump shot.

Mitt Romney concedes it will be an “uphill climb” in the South Carolina primary. The last politician who got beat by an uphill climb in South Carolina was Mark Sanford when he said he was hiking the Appalachian Trail. 

President Obama says he wants to reward companies that invest in the U.S. Of course, in this economy those are mostly repo firms.

The TSA says it found an average of four guns per day last year at airports. They also found 80 Million liquid containers with more than four ounces and several cases of very bad athlete’s foot.

The TSA says it found an average of four guns per day last year at airports. And that was just when the Cincinnati Bengals were traveling.

A report says the population of needy college students is exploding. Just wait until they graduate and are looking for a way to pay off their tuition loans.

A report says the population of needy college students is exploding. If they can’t find work and have no money, a college diploma isn’t going to do anything to change that.

A famed Puerto Rican astrologer was hospitalized from stress after making his 2012 predictions. Apparently instead of making his predictions based on the zodiac calendar he mistakenly used the Mayan Calendar.

A famed Puerto Rican astrologer was hospitalized from stress after making his 2012 predictions. Apparently one of his predictions was that he will soon be investigated for fraud.

2011 saw the fewest lightning related deaths on record in the U.S. Apparently that is the one good result of so many people sitting on a couch all day watching TV and playing video games.

A proposal for NRA sponsored license plates in Washington State is causing controversy. Apparently the idea is to have drivers take gun safety courses so they don’t shoot the wrong driver during road rage episodes.

Fewer Americans are camping, saying they just don’t have time for camping trips. Mostly because it is so difficult to tear down the campsite in the public park they have lived in since being foreclosed and moving it somewhere else.

An angry CEO reportedly broke a waiter’s finger at a Florida restaurant. The waiter can’t work in the meantime because he can’t communicate with the customers as it was his middle finger that was broken.

An angry CEO reportedly broke a waiter’s finger at a Florida restaurant. The waiter is just lucky he didn’t grab any of the piercings he had on his tongue, lip and nose.

Researchers at UC San Francisco have developed interactive online tools to assess older patients’ likelihood of death within a certain time frame. It turns out the greatest chance is when their medical insurance runs out.

The CDC says Americans are living longer as the death rate drops. Otherwise known to third grade math students as the commutative property.

Pippa Middleton is photographed 300 to 400 times a day. Kim Kardashian has at least that many pictures taken of her each day. Some of them even with her clothes on.

Pippa Middleton is photographed 300 to 400 times a day.  That’s about the same as Lindsay Lohan. But enough about Lohan’s mug shots.

Tim Finchem has signed on for four more years as PGA Tour Commissioner. His only responsibility is to make sure Tiger Woods never gets behind the wheel of any vehicle ever again.

Nevada’s gambling revenue was up 7% in November. Apparently people are feeling just about as safe with the chips as they do with the stocks.

The TSA says that $400,000 in coins were forgotten at TSA checkpoints in 2010. Apparently travelers left their money as a distraction so they could get through security before being strip searched.

A report says that 1% of Americans accounted for 22% of health care costs in 2009. Apparently that is the 1% of Americans who still have health insurance.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Don’t forget to tell your friends about this blog. You get all the humor of late night TV without the commercials or celebrity interviews. Plus, all you ever need to do is send the love!