Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

The Doomsday Clock has been moved one minute closet to midnight, to 11:55 as scientists agreed a nuclear cataclysm is more likely today. Which means we’re in real trouble in spring when we move the clocks forward an hour.

The Doomsday Clock has been moved one minute closet to midnight, to 11:55 as scientists agreed a nuclear cataclysm is more likely today. Not only that, but they moved the date to December 20th on the Mayan calendar.

The Doomsday Clock has been moved one minute closet to midnight, to 11:55 as scientists agreed a nuclear cataclysm is more likely today. Iran’s nuclear plans push us closer to midnight, but at least it’s still somewhere in the 15th century.

The U.S. says the goal of sanctions against Iran is regime collapse. To which Iran says if you want to see a regime collapse, just wait until they cut off oil to the U.S.

The U.S. says the goal of sanctions against Iran is regime collapse. Although we’ve been pretty much been waiting for a regime collapse since the Shah was overthrown back in 1979.

Fidel Castro says a “robot” would be better in the White House than President Obama or any of the Republican presidential candidates. To which Al Gore says “I knew I should have run again.”

A Florida woman was arrested after attacking her husband with a hammer because he was watching “Judge Judy” on TV. Although after thinking about it, the husband said he liked the hammer better.

The Supreme Court is debating the government policy of censoring TV. When they are done with that they will take a scissors and marking pen and finish their own work on the Constitution.

A gay news magazine says that the gayest city in the country is Salt Lake City. Mostly because they have only one professional sports team in the city and its name is the “Jazz”.

A gay news magazine says that the gayest city in the country is Salt Lake City. There must be a lot of gay men in Utah. Why else are so many women ending up married to the same guy?

A study says that people tend to overestimate what other people are willing to pay for something. Like Cubs fans who pay full price for season tickets.

A study says that people tend to overestimate what other people are willing to pay for something. Except for anything made by Apple.

Automakers are starting to eliminate CD players as an option in new cars. Between sending texts, talking on the cell phone and eating, changing a CD while driving could be a dangerous distraction.

An increasing number of U.S. companies are paying no income tax. Mostly because an increasing number of U.S. companies have no income.

A report says there are four job seekers for every opening posted. Labor experts were shocked. There are people out there still looking for jobs?

Van Halen has premiered the video for their new song “Tattoo”. Apparently it’s a reference to David Lee Roth. No matter what you do or how long you wait, you can never completely get rid of him.

Lindsay Lohan is reportedly in talks to do a movie about Elizabeth Taylor. To gear up for the part, she is getting acting tips from Whitney Houston about being in bad health and Britney Spears is coaching her about getting married every other year.

A study says that smoking marijuana doesn’t hurt lung function. Apparently it doesn’t decrease stomach capacity, either.

A study says that stress can actually shrink the brain. No wonder politicians seem to get dumber the longer they are in office.

A study says that 17% of adults in the U.S. binge drink. The other 83% either didn’t go or have graduated college.

Coors Light has passed Budweiser as the second biggest selling beer in the country. Mostly because you have to drink three times as many to keep up with people drinking any other kind of beer.

ABC is test screening its new show “The River” at movie theaters to get more people to watch. In a related move, NBC is screening “Are You There, Chelsea?” at homeless shelters to try to get anyone to watch.

Kim Kardashian has been replaced by a dog on a Skechers shoe commercial to be aired during the Super Bowl. Apparently there was a time issue and they needed someone who could learn their lines a little faster.

Toyota wants to make North America a big export base. They’ve been using us as an export base for years. But enough about all our jobs.

Commercial shoots on the streets of Los Angeles are at a record level. Apparently with all the foreclosed houses, crews never have to worry about neighbors getting in any of their scenes.

A study says that college age binge drinkers average nine drinks when they get drunk. Apparently that’s as many as it takes to make the other person look good enough to go home with.

A German woman gave birth to four identical girl quadruplets. To which the Octomom says “Amateur!”

A German woman gave birth to four identical girl quadruplets. Now German tabloids are going to be filled with stories of the “Quadromom”.

Jennifer Aniston was chosen to have Hollywood’s most desired body at age 42. Apparently the winner is the person with the fewest plastic surgery scars.

Political experts say that foul weather can turn an election. Which means the best thing that could happen for the country is to have the weather get so bad that nobody can go out to vote.

A study says that binge drinking affects all ages. Mostly because it’s the only way that older men can get younger women to go home with them.

Researchers say they have found traces of nicotine on a 1,300 year old Mayan flask. Apparently there was also a warning on the flask from the Mayan Surgeon General saying smoking could cause the world to end on December 21, 2012.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Another batch of hilarious jokes for your reading pleasure. Or mild discomfort. Remember, this is a labor of love. Which means I do the labor, you send the love!