Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

Mexico’s Grand Warlock has predicted President Obama will lose in 2012. He was immediately signed as the newest political analyst on Fox News.

An Illinois man is suing Comcast Cable alleging the company installed a cable box full of cockroaches. Although he says the roaches were nothing compared to the other infestation from the cable box, “Jersey Shore” and “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”.

Michelle Bachmann has dropped out of the GOP presidential race. To which Buddy Roemer is saying “Two down, six to go!”

Michelle Bachmann has dropped out of the GOP presidential race, saying she was not motivated for the White House by vanity, glory or the quest for power. Those were the reasons she ran for Congress.

The top price paid for a Super Bowl ad this year on NBC was $4 Million. NBC would have also taken the same money to replace “Are You There, Chelsea?” with a series of infomercials.

The top price paid for a Super Bowl ad this year on NBC was $4 Million. The spot will air right before Madonna starts performing her half time show and everyone changes the channel.

The U.S. ended 2011 with a national debt of $15 Trillion. 2012 could be even worse since it’s a leap year and that gives Congress an extra day to spend even more money.

Drug shortages in 2011 set a new record. The reasons given for the lack of prescription medicines are legal issues, regulatory factors and Charlie Sheen.

John McCain has endorsed Mitt Romney for President. Romney says he will ask McCain for advice on everything except how to pick a running mate.

A Catholic assistant bishop in Los Angeles has resigned after admitting to having two children. To which several priests are saying what’s the big deal, they have had way more than two kids.

The IRS has extended the tax deadline this year to April 17th. Apparently they are giving everyone another two days in the hope that in that time they might actually get some income.

The Detroit Police Department is planning to end 24 hour public access to police stations. They are instead offering a guarantee of answering all homicide calls within a half hour or $3 off.

Kodak is reportedly working on filing for bankruptcy. Apparently they realized they were in trouble when it was pointed out they haven’t sold a roll of film since 2005.

Joe Torre has resigned his post with Major League Baseball to join a group bidding on buying the Dodgers. Although no one was suggesting it was a conflict to work with Major League Baseball and be involved with the Dodgers at the same time.

Montana’s population has reached a million for the first time. The Census Bureau calls it significant in that there are now 1 Million people who can’t afford to live anywhere besides Montana.

Montana’s population has reached a million for the first time. If enough people move into the state, it will be only a matter of time before it will go from Big Sky to Brown Sky.

Peter Frampton was reunited with a guitar that had been lost since 1980. The only thing missing from his act now is his hair which disappeared sometime in the mid 1990s.

The Kardashian Family may have their own magazine, just like Oprah. While Oprah’s is called O, everyone will refer to the Kardashian’s as Oh, No!

A study says that men with deep voices can actually have weaker sperm than other men. Hey, even Michael Jackson managed to father a couple of kids.

A woman who was shot in the head outside a Nevada casino managed to drive herself to help. That will teach her to cut in line at the buffet.

Bank of America rejected personal checks from a bride who kept her maiden name. Apparently the checks needed to be pre-dated to 1955.

Cuba is criticizing Twitter for spreading rumors of the death of Fidel Castro. It’s nice to see that even 21st Century technology still sometimes gets stuck back in 1962.

A study says that children in preschool are sedentary 70-83% of the time. The study also says the preschool teachers are happy 70-83% of their time at work.

The world’s oldest set of twins celebrated their 102nd birthday in Wales. Even after all these years, they are identical in many ways. They still wear exactly the same design of Depends.

The world’s oldest set of twins celebrated their 102nd birthday in Wales. They had cake and ice cream and each said it was nice to meet the other.

Twin births in the U.S. have doubled in the last 30 years. That sounds like the beginning of a word problem that has no chance of me figuring out the right answer.

A study says that neck pain is better handled through exercise than with medication. Mostly because the pain in the neck is most often caused from people getting their prescription drug bills.

Kanye West’s ex-girlfriend is calling Kim Kardashian a “homewrecker”. To which Kardashian’s ex-husband Kris Humphries says “tell me about it.”

U.S. album sales rose 3% in 2011, their first gain in 7 years. To which everyone under 30 is asking “What’s an album?”

Facebook says it blocks 200 Million malicious actions daily. And that doesn’t even include being tagged by all your drunk friends.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Well, how many of you have already broken all your new year’s resolutions? Me, too. These jokes were supposed to get funny this year. Oh, well...something to work on for 2013. Meanwhile, just make sure to keep your resolution to always send the love!