Thursday, June 22, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

Yesterday was National Selfie Day. Or as the Kardashians call that, “Wednesday.”

Tennis great Boris Becker has declared bankruptcy. The sad part is that he has been invited back to Wimbledon this year to mow the courts.

Tennis great Boris Becker has declared bankruptcy. He has won six Grand Slam titles, which ironically he reminisces about when he can afford to have breakfast at Denny’s.

The Illinois Comptroller says the state “can no longer function.” The worst part is getting a sympathy card saying “thanks for making us look so good!” from Arkansas.

A dog meat festival in China that was threatened to be banned has decided to open after all. The event is otherwise known there as “lunch.”

A report says crowds at the Glastonbury music festival in the UK will be facing security lines and searches that could last hours. Or Brits could get the same experience just buying a plane ticket into the U.S.

A poll says the number one thing most Americans want to do on summer vacation is nothing. Which defeats the whole purpose of time off since doing nothing for most is like never leaving the office.

A poll says the number one thing most Americans want to do on vacation is nothing. Which by the time they buy airline tickets and pay for a hotel room, “nothing” is about all they can do with the money they have left.

Alibaba CEO Jack Ma says in 30 years people will work 4 hours a day, 4 days a week. Which is really about what they do now if you take away the time at work they spend posting on Facebook, tweeting on Twitter and looking at Internet porn.

A study says olive oil can preserve people’s memory. Which doesn’t explain why Popeye didn’t call her the next morning.

Denmark has been named the best place to live on the planet. Mostly because people there are full of appreciation and happiness when the three days arrive each year where the temperature makes it to 70 degrees.

A report says adjustable rate mortgages are making a comeback. Apparently the banking industry feels that they can get away with something that caused the housing crash ten years ago because Americans can’t even remember how badly they screw things up every four years.

A report says adjustable rate mortgages are making a comeback. Even the banking industry realizes what they are doing as the logo for the loan program is Lucy holding the football for Charlie Brown.

A study says breast implants may block tests showing heart attack symptoms in women. Which is different than the heart attack symptoms breast implants cause in men when they are size D or larger.

A study says opioids are given to 1 in 4 Medicaid patients. The other 3 are satisfied with being given morphine, methamphetamines or tranquilizers.

A study says opioids are given to 1 in 4 Medicaid patients. Which is fewer than the 3 in 4 patients with private insurance who need pain killers just for when they open their monthly premium statement.

A report says the murder rate has spiked in Mexico with May being the deadliest month in a decade. Even Chicago is telling the people there they need to relax a little.

The King of Saudi Arabia has reshuffled the line of succession, making his son the next in line to the throne. To which Donald Trump says “You can do that?”

Liquor makers are marketing alcohol brands as “experiences.” The only problem is that the experiences most people associate with alcohol are hangovers, waking up with a complete stranger and DUIs.

Uber CEO Travis Kalanick has resigned his position under pressure from investors. Now if he wants to verbally abuse one of the company’s drivers, he will have to pay for it like everyone else.

Uber CEO Travis Kalanick has resigned his position under pressure from investors. His next move is still a mystery but one clue to his plans is that he just bought himself a brand new Prius.

A survey says incivility is so intense in the U.S. that Americans feel safest when they are at work. Mostly because that is the place where they have always had the feeling of hating each other.

A study says that Americans take on an average debt of $1,100 with their yearly vacation. Which is ironic since the point of most vacations is to give people a chance to forget how deep they are in the red.

A study says that Americans take on an average debt of $1,100 with their yearly vacation. Which is even worse when they plan a trip to Las Vegas so they can have a chance at winning it all back.

A survey says Google Fiber is the best Internet service in the U.S. Although the results are being questioned as researchers got their data by googling it.

A survey says Google Fiber is the best Internet service in the U.S. Which means that if the survey participants were men, it was based on how many porn sites could be accessed the fastest.

J.D. Power has ranked Kia as the highest quality car for 2017. Apparently they won based on the fact that the car just seems to keep going with no problems no matter how hard you pedal.

J.D. Power has ranked Kia as the highest quality car for 2017 based on the fewest customer complaints. Apparently the car is dependable, durable and when it comes to problems most owners say “Eh. It’s a Kia.”

Home Depot and Menards are facing lawsuits over selling 4x4 lumber that is actually 3 ½ x 3 ½. Which is just so like men to be exaggerating the size of their wood.

A survey says 62% of Americans identify themselves as middle class, which is back to pre-recession levels. The other 38% of Americans are still saying “The recession ended?”

A survey says 62% of Americans identify themselves as middle class, which is back to pre-recession levels. Those people are actually now in the lower class but feel good that they are at least doing better than the other 38% who are flat broke.

A report says top health care groups were not consulted by Republicans for their health care bill. Mostly because the new health care plan will only be bringing in more business to funeral directors, morticians and grave diggers.

An EU court says vaccines can be blamed for illnesses even if there is no scientific evidence. But it helps if any plaintiffs bring along their Medicine Man, Shaman or Witch Doctor.

An EU court says vaccines can be blamed for illnesses even if there is no scientific evidence. The good news is if any of the judges retire, they have a standing job offer from Donald Trump to work for the EPA.

Experts say too much texting could cause wrist problems. Especially for the people who combine it with using touch screens, video games and constantly eating snack foods.

Experts say too much texting could cause wrist problems. Especially when combined with the force on their hands from holding too tightly to the steering wheel when they crash into a tree because they were texting while driving.

A study says older dads produce geeky sons. Although it helps them bond better when they both stand on the porch yelling at the other kids to get off their lawn.

A “Downton Abbey” movie is reportedly going into production next year. The biggest action scene is the flare up caused when an irate scowl is delivered at a soiree carouser who doesn’t properly raise their pinky at afternoon tea.

A report says contestants on “Bachelor in Paradise” must sign a contract saying the show is not responsible if they are injured, suffer emotional trauma or are filmed while naked. And that’s just what they can expect during the first episode.

A report says contestants on “Bachelor in Paradise” must sign a contract saying the show is not responsible if they are injured, suffer emotional trauma or are filmed while naked. Which are otherwise known as the show’s plot lines.

A couple from Ecuador claims they have lived on almost no food for nine years. Which caused almost as much shock around the world as the news that an Alabama couple went without a full meal for nearly three hours.

A couple from Ecuador claims they have lived on almost no food for nine years. The couple’s secret is simple, saying “Have you ever eaten at an Ecuadorian restaurant?”

A couple from Ecuador claims they have lived without eating food for nine years, saying they live on just air. Which is easy when they travel to Mexico City, Los Angeles and Beijing where the air is always “chewy and somewhat filling.”

Prince Philip was hospitalized for an illness caused by a “preexisting condition.” At age 96 in England, that could range from scurvy to smallpox to the Plague.

Prince Philip was hospitalized for an illness caused by a “preexisting condition.” Which at age 96 is pretty much called being 96.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have hired a surrogate to carry their third child. Apparently the couple wants another child but Kim Kardashian says why go to all that trouble when it’s so much easier to just outsource.

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have hired a surrogate to carry their third child. Apparently Kim Kardashian just doesn’t have time to carry a third child while she is busy making sure she has enough nannies to take care of the other two.

Syracuse basketball coach Jim Boeheim says he doesn’t believe Rick Pitino knew about the escort scandal at Louisville while it was going on. And Joe Paterno just thought Jerry Sandusky had the kids in the showers to teach them proper hygiene.

Michael Vick’s father has been charged with dealing heroin and money laundering. Some dads will do whatever it takes to make their kids look better by comparison.

The Foo Fighters will release a new album In September called “Concrete and Gold.” Which sounds more like the name of a residency they are thinking about signing up for in Las Vegas.

A U.S. official says Russia “hacked” 21 states during last year’s election campaign. They didn’t need to mess with the other 29 figuring who needs to interfere with an election when there are millions of uninformed voters who can do it for you?

A survey says 60% of Americans prefer to watch TV and movies in bed rather than on the couch. Mostly because the couch is reserved for the other activities of the day like playing video games, meals and napping.

Etsy is planning to cut 15% of its workforce. Which is sad news for the workers who will find it tough going to get new jobs knitting booties, making artificial flowers and engraving personal wood picture frames.

Etsy is planning to cut 15% of its workforce. Mostly the people who just don’t have the patience to sit through a 45 minute phone session with an 80 year old trying to order a silver knot bracelet.

A study says how people move a computer mouse while answering questions can reveal if they are lying. Especially when they are using the mouse to help complete their dating profile on Tinder.

Donald Trump admits he is not making it easy to get support from Democrats. That’s true, but looking at his popularity numbers it’s not any easier getting support from the Republicans, Independents, Libertarians, Progressives, Socialists, Whigs…

Donald Trump says that immigrants should be banned from getting welfare for five years after they enter the country. After they reach that point he feels the ban should then become permanent.

Donald Trump says that immigrants should be banned from getting welfare for five years after they enter the country. He feels why should we give our money to people from outside the country when his policies are making it so necessary for Americans right here at home to need public assistance.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Today is the first full day of the summer season. Which is not a big deal since the season actually now starts in mid-March and goes through November because of global warming. I love the warm weather, but nothing is as good when you all remember to always keep on sending the love!


Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

Amazon is launching its own fashion service allowing people to try clothes for a week before buying. How can they go wrong by combining the clothing style of Wal-Mart along with all the glamour of a Home Depot?

Amazon is launching a “try before you buy” clothing line where people can wear items for a week before deciding to buy. Which will be nice to have a closet full of clothes worn out by the hundreds of perfect strangers who already sent them back.

The special congressional election in Georgia was the most expensive House race in history at more than $50 Million. Even the top lobbyists in the country were shocked at the price, knowing they can buy any representative for a fraction of that.

Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner says the state is becoming a “banana republic.” To which Donald Trump says if everything goes right, the other 49 should also be there in a matter of months.

Illinois Governor Bruce Rauner says the state is in a financial crisis and not even the lottery is safe. Which is sad as the state legislature’s plan to become solvent again is based on winning the Powerball jackpot the next three weeks in a row.

Boeing is reportedly working on self-flying planes. Which would be great for United Airlines as it would free up the pilots to help airport police officers when they drag passengers off any planes.

The studio behind “Bachelor in Paradise” has concluded there was no sexual misconduct on the set. Mostly because everyone involved with the show has no idea what sexual misconduct is in the first place.

The studio behind “Bachelor in Paradise” has concluded there was no sexual misconduct on the set. Mostly because anything that was inappropriate will be justified anyway by all the publicity the show is getting.

The studio behind “Bachelor in Paradise” has concluded there was no sexual misconduct on the set. Which by Hollywood standards pretty much means everything is fine as long as nobody died.

A survey says 24% of all Americans don’t have a single dollar set aside for an emergency. The other 76% say they have exactly one dollar set aside in case of an emergency.

Thousands of people flocked to Stonehenge for the Summer Solstice on Wednesday. Mostly so they could take part in a celebration with others and enjoy the ten minutes of summer weather they get each year in England.

The U.S. is weighing a travel ban for North Korea following the death of an American student. Which could turn out to be a real inconvenience for Dennis Rodman and the other two people who even think it’s a good idea to go there.

Burglars got away with $30,000 in gems from a museum in New Jersey, leaving behind damage and bloodstains. Which now gives a whole new meaning to the term “blood diamonds.”

A report says a record number of people around the world were displaced from their homes in 2016. No one had any idea that other countries were picking up on the idea of using subprime loans.

The government in India is being criticized for telling pregnant women to avoid meat, eggs and lusty thoughts. The first two were confusing but they might be a little bit late when it comes to the lusty thoughts.

Burger King is serving Lucky Charms milkshakes made with ice cream, syrup, marshmallows and Lucky Charms cereal. The shake may bring the customer luck, but it is also a good idea to not take chances and make sure to be sitting by the nearest defibrillator.

Burger King is serving Lucky Charms milkshakes made with ice cream, syrup, marshmallows and Lucky Charms cereal. The worst part is the shake is healthier than just eating a bowl of Lucky Charms.

The Uber app now accepts tips. However, insulting, arguing with and beating the drivers must still be done by customers in person.

A 79 year old New Jersey doctor has been sentenced to three years in prison for his role in a $200 Million fraud scheme. Ironically, he would have been fine if he would have just accepted older patients and become part of the $595 Billion fraud scheme called Medicare.

House Speaker Paul Ryan vows a once-in-a-generation makeover of the tax code. Mostly because the Republican economic plan will make it so the next several generations will not have an income to pay taxes on.

Qatar Airlines has been picked by Skytrax as the best airline in the world. Apparently business travelers were very satisfied with the schedule, fares and being served inflight by 72 virgins.

Qatar Airlines has been picked by Skytrax as the best airline in the world. Especially for the people who love using the airline because it takes them out of Qatar.

Qatar Airlines has been picked by Skytrax as the best airline in the world. Although most travelers are not as picky, citing the best airline as any one that gets them where they are going that isn’t United.

Phil Mickelson and his caddy Jim “Bones” Mackay have parted ways after 25 years. Apparently Mickelson found out his caddy’s nickname came from having too many skeletons in the closet.

Phil Mickelson and his caddy Jim “Bones” Mackay have parted ways after 25 years. Mostly because the last thing someone with psoriatic arthritis wants to keep having to say all day is the word “Bones.”

Phil Mickelson and his caddy Jim “Bones” Mackay have parted ways after 25 years. The worst part is that if Mackay picks up a right handed golfer he will have to completely relearn calling a left to right shot a “fade” and right to left a “draw.”

Phil Mickelson and his caddy Jim “Bones” Mackay have parted ways after 25 years. Apparently Mickelson caught Mackay with a set of right handed clubs and accused him of cheating on him.

A report says L.A. County has the most clean energy jobs in California. Which make clean energy products which are apparently used just about everywhere but Los Angeles.

Human resources software startup Zenefits has been hit with a $3.4 Million bill for failing to pay overtime to its workers. Which can’t be good for business for an HR company that has an HR department that doesn’t understand HR.

A study says Facebook and Twitter bots are influencing politics. Mostly because even malware bots are more trustworthy anymore than politicians or journalists.

Lawmakers in Vermont will try again to pass a measure legalizing marijuana. Mostly just to give people there a reason to want to stay in Vermont.

Several colleges are awarding e-sports scholarships for kids who excel in video games. It used to be assumed that a 350 pound student athlete was a football lineman instead of getting that way from sitting on a couch with a PlayStation 4 console and a bag of Doritos.

Barclay’s former CEO has been charged with fraud over a rescue deal made with Qatar during the 2008 economic meltdown. He should have made his fraudulent deals instead in the U.S. where everyone else so far has gotten away with it.

A Pennsylvania hospital has a fresh food pharmacy that prescribes food instead of pills. Which is ironic as most the people in the hospital got there because of their morbid obesity.

Sean Spicer says Donald Trump wants a health care bill “with heart.” Unfortunately, while the plan will have heart, it doesn’t cover the lungs, kidneys, liver, spleen or digestive tract.

Senate Democrats are trying to gum up the works over the Republican health care bill. And if anyone can gum up health care, it’s the party that was able to pass Obamacare.

Daniel Day-Lewis is reportedly going to retire from acting. How messed up is Hollywood when we lose a three time Oscar winner but still have Tom Cruise making yet another remake of “The Mummy”?

Demi Lovato says if she could do it all over again, she wouldn’t have started acting at 8 years old. If only she had heard that advice from the 750 other screwed up child stars who have been saying that since 1937.

Mattel’s Ken has gotten a makeover that includes options like a man bun along with different skin tones and body types. In other words, they have removed any doubts that people still may have had about the doll’s sexual orientation.

Umpire Joe West has worked his 5,000th career game. Not to say he has been around a while, but when he started behind the plate Jamie Moyer was still middle aged.

Umpire Joe West has worked his 5,000th career game. To mark the milestone, the Hall of Fame has already asked for his white cane and sunglasses.

A report says 5 Billion people worldwide use mobile devices. Which at least is good news in that there are still 2 Billion people left on the planet who actually know how to talk face to face with another person.

Netflix is launching interactive TV shows that allow kids to determine the on-screen action. Which is good news in that our kids will finally get some kind of physical activity pushing another kind of button besides the ones on the remote.

A Google study says Virtual Reality viewers barely turn their heads to view the full 360 degree experience. Apparently that is just too much work for people who are asking if there is a way to make a couch that can rotate all the way around.

Experts in machine learning say it will be 120 years before all human jobs are automated. Which works out fine as it will take another 120 years before most workers today will have enough saved up to give up their job and retire.

Apple is offering Apple Camp at Apple Stores. Apparently it allows children to use Virtual Reality to see what it used to be like when kids went to real camps that actually had trees, lakes and blue skies.

Chris Christie on his 15% approval rating as New Jersey Governor says “I don’t care.” Which may be the reason why his approval ratings are down to 15%.

Chris Christie on his 15% approval rating as New Jersey Governor says “I don’t care.” Mostly because the way things are going, in another year they will look good compared to those of Donald Trump.

Chris Christie on his 15% approval rating as New Jersey Governor says “I don’t care.” Mostly because anyone who can make 15% of the people of New Jersey think things are good has to be doing something right.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions has hired his own private lawyer over the investigations of collusion with Russia. How bad is it with this administration when even the nation’s top attorney has to lawyer up?

A poll says 7 out of 10 Americans trust the U.S. government to protect against terrorists. The other three are worried about who is going to protect us against the U.S. government?

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Another day of hilarity and hijinks. As opposed to my usual lowjinks. I just want to say I love to get feedback from you and don’t always get the chance to read your comments. Feel free to e-mail me with any comments, complaints and compliments. Except complaints. Send them to jimbarach@hotmail.com and I will make sure to read them and reply. Always good to hear from you readers whom I am trying to entertain. Or at least keep busy for a few minutes. It’s good to know what you are thinking about what I do. My biggest reward, though is still when you all remember to always keep on sending the love!



Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

An airline in India is giving lifetime flights to a baby born inflight. The same flight also had births resulting in the same offer for a goat, donkey and two chickens.

 An airline in India is giving lifetime flights to a baby born inflight. The same offer has been given on flights on United Airlines, the difference being by the time the flight reaches its destination the child is a teenager.

A Starbucks customer in Chicago stabbed another over an argument about a wrong order. Witnesses say when the customer did the stabbing he yelled out “Et tu, latte!”

The NFL has settled a charity lawsuit to keep Commissioner Roger Goodell from testifying about the league’s gambling policy. What gambling policy? They run the Super Bowl where people bet on the length of the National Anthem, wardrobe malfunctions and missed extra points.

The NFL has settled a charity lawsuit to keep Commissioner Roger Goodell from testifying about the league’s gambling policy. Which is to keep Las Vegas solvent through the winter months with the $4.7 Billion bet every year on the Super Bowl.

The NFL has settled a charity lawsuit to keep Commissioner Roger Goodell from testifying about the league’s gambling policy. Which for now is betting that someone signing an NFL contract today will be able to recognize that name in ten years.

The NFL has settled a charity lawsuit to keep Commissioner Roger Goodell from testifying about the league’s gambling policy. Which for now is whether an individual player will be arrested for domestic violence, drug abuse or DUI.

The GOP is reportedly considering cancelling the August recess to try and salvage their agenda. That and they would actually rather be working in Washington, D.C. than have to go back and face any more constituents at a town hall meeting.

The GOP is reportedly considering cancelling the August recess to try and salvage their agenda. They will just have to do with their time off with the recesses in September, October, November, December…

A Colorado group wants to ban the sale of smartphones to kids under 13. Some parents think it’s a good idea, although they will miss the ability to ever communicate with their children from ages 6 to 12.

Uber drivers in Miami are being fined for not speaking English. To which the people of Miami are asking in every other language “What’s English?”

Uber drivers in Miami are being fined for not speaking English. Which is an interesting policy for a company that’s name is a word in German.

A report says driverless cars may eventually become a living room on wheels. Which for many people has already been the case since they lost their jobs in 2008.

The Supreme Court has struck down a North Carolina law banning sex offenders from using social media. Which is finally some good news for the people at Myspace.

An Illinois man riding his bike across the country for charity has been hit by a car. The good news is nothing has changed, only the charity is now his medical bills.

Conservative talker Tomi Lahren says being conservative is tougher than being a woman. To which Caitlyn Jenner says “Tell me about it!”

A NASA expert says accidental deaths are on the rise. Mostly since NASA started launching people back into space again.

A NASA expert says accidental deaths are on the rise, blaming people’s lack of focus. Which is no coincidence the accidental death rate has risen since 1992, the same year of the invention of the smartphone.

John McCain has slammed Donald Trump for having no strategy in Afghanistan. To which Trump’s people are saying they are just staying the course set by the Bush Administration there in 2001.

Newt Gingrich says Donald Trump told him he thought running for President would cost as much as buying a new yacht. The only problem is, when he went shopping for a boat he ended up buying the Titanic.

The FTC says it wants to block the merger of fantasy sports sites FanDuel and DraftKings. How lazy have we gotten that a real trade between the Patriots and Cowboys takes a back seat to two pretend sports leagues?

A study says New York City will have between 20 and 50 days of deadly heat by 2100. That will send a real wake-up message to the people who think the inside of a taxi smells bad on a hot July day now.

A study says New York City will have between 20 and 50 days of deadly heat by 2100. Which means in another few years the only performer annoying passersby in Manhattan during the summer will be the Naked Cowboy.

A survey says Americans are optimistic about the economy but not Donald Trump. Although they know that given enough time, one will eventually take down the other.

Seattle has voted for a 1.75 cent an ounce tax on sodas to help the poor. Who won’t benefit from the deal because all they want is to have enough money to be able to afford to buy a Coke once in awhile.

Airbag maker Takata is reportedly headed towards filing for bankruptcy. It’s so bad there they even got a sympathy card from Tom Brady for making everyone else forget about his issues with deflation.

The movie “A Dog’s Purpose” has become a huge hit in China. Mostly because it was marketed to the people there as an exciting new cooking show.

Donald Trump will reportedly tighten but not end travel to Cuba. The problem is that all travel allowed will be from the U.S. to Cuba but not back.

A Pennsylvania man was awarded $870,000 by a jury after doctors removed the wrong testicle. To which the legal team for the hospital said “Nuts!”

A Pennsylvania man was awarded $870,000 by a jury after doctors removed the wrong testicle. The defense team thought it would never go to trial, saying the patient just didn’t have the balls to sue.

A Pennsylvania man was awarded $870,000 by a jury after doctors removed the wrong testicle. The worst part was after the patient was given the news and the doctors had to remove the other testicle from his throat.

The Democrats say they are planning to slow the Republicans’ secretive work on the health care bill. People were surprised at the news. Is it even possible for Congress to move even slower?

A study says drones carrying defibrillators can arrive to help heart attack victims faster than ambulances. Which is ironic for the people who are having a heart attack because of all the drone-delivered pizzas they eat every night.

A lawsuit says inmates in Tennessee were threatened with solitary confinement if they talked about a scabies outbreak. The inmates were just excited anytime someone is able to break out.

A lawsuit says inmates in Tennessee were threatened with solitary confinement if they talked about a scabies outbreak. Which most inmates were good with as solitary takes away the chance of getting shivved while in the general population.

A lawsuit says inmates in Tennessee were threatened with solitary confinement if they talked about a scabies outbreak. The good news is they could still talk about the beatings, stabbings and murders taking place inside the walls all they want.

Researchers have started “The Human Project” which seeks 10,000 people to share personal data of their health, finances and more. Or they could just do the same thing by signing up for a credit card with Target.

A report says New Hampshire is the best state to raise a child, followed by Massachusetts, Vermont, and Minnesota. Mostly because kids are always hugged there, not out of love but from people trying to steal their body warmth.

A report says New Hampshire is the best state to raise a child, followed by Massachusetts, Vermont, and Minnesota. Or any other state that isn’t Mississippi, Alabama or Louisiana.

A study says putting indulgent words like “dynamite,” “rich” or “tangy” in front of vegetable names make it more likely they will be eaten. Although it is a guarantee they will be consumed when the words chosen are “fat,” “sugar” or “salt.”

A new book marks the tenth anniversary of the iPhone, how it was built and how it has changed life. Ironically, the biggest change the author will notice is that thanks to the iPhone people no longer read books.

A Hollywood industry veteran in an interview tells conservatives to “be a Democrat in public.” In other words, act like Joe Lieberman.

A Hollywood industry veteran in an interview tells conservatives to “be a Democrat in public.” The only problem is that is impossible for many stars who find that to do that they will actually need to learn how to act.

A TLC special features Amy Duggar and her husband Dillon King with the secrets of how they have been married one year. Although the only people who really need tips on staying married a year are Britney Spears, Drew Barrymore and Kim Kardashian.

A TLC special features Amy Duggar and her husband Dillon King with the secrets of how they have been married one year. Apparently they just gutted it out and did whatever it takes to make it through a whole 12 months.

A TLC special features Amy Duggar and her husband Dillon King with the secrets of how they have been married one year. Apparently the secret according to Amy Duggar is to not marry a complete douche bag like her brother Josh.

Tiger Woods says he is getting “professional help” on managing his meds. Forget that, how about putting the number for Uber in his phone directory?

Tiger Woods says he is getting “professional help” on managing his meds. Hopefully it will be someone other than the person who was in charge of managing his girlfriends back when he was still married.

Jerry West says he is going back to Los Angeles because “he wants to win.” How bad have things gotten when just five years ago if the all-time Laker great had said that it would have been assumed he meant the Lakers and not the Clippers?

Redskins owner Daniel Snyder says he is “Thrilled!” over the Supreme Court ruling saying trademarks are protected by free speech. He says he hasn’t been this happy about a Supreme Court case since their decision about that Dred Scott guy.

120 degree heat in Phoenix led to several cancelled airline flights. Apparently it was so hot, the gate guards at United were afraid of getting blisters on their feet while dragging passengers across the tarmac.

The federal government explained why it is only suing Lance Armstrong over doping violations. Apparently it had to do with Armstrong’s net worth of $100 Million versus the combined assets of all other bicyclists of $47.98.

Donald Trump told tech industry leaders that the federal government has to catch up to the industry. Which is no surprise coming from the man who just now ordered government workers to stop preparations for Y2K.

Sprint and Verizon customers experienced Internet and phone outages on Monday. Apparently it was just a promotional event to get people to switch over by seeing what it would be like to sign up with AT&T.

198 Million Americans were hit with the “biggest ever” voter records leak. People were shocked at the news. There are actually 198 Million Americans who could figure out how to register to vote?

198 Million Americans were hit with the “biggest ever” voter records leak. Although it was really only 193 Million if you take into consideration Donald Trump’s claim there are 5 Million fraudulent voters out there.

The Chief Technology Officer for Woolworths is leaving to go to a health care company. Apparently there just wasn’t enough of a challenge considering the most advanced technology at Woolworths is a cash register.

The Chief Technology Officer for Woolworths is leaving to go to a health care company. Which is ironic because if Woolworths were taken to a hospital, it would be pretty much be considered DOA.

A Swiss supercomputer has knocked the top U.S. computer out of the top three for only the second time in 24 years. The Swiss designed the system to figure out why in the past 800 years they have never been able to make anything other than cheese, chocolate and wristwatches.

A poll says Americans feel U.S. political debate is becoming increasingly uncivil. Which is no surprise since they elected their president based on which person during the political debates was the most uncivil on stage.

A poll says most Americans still like George W. Bush and President Obama. Which doesn’t say much for Donald Trump when the people are longing to go back to the good old days of Afghanistan, Iraq and the economic crash.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Sad news from the entertainment world. Comedian Bill Dana has died at age 92 and Steven Furst has passed away at 63. Both were known better as characters, Dana the iconic Jose Jimenez and Furst as Flounder from “Animal House." Bill Dana was not just a comedian but also a writer who wrote the famous “All in the Family” episode where Sammy Davis, Jr. kisses Archie Bunker. He played a Hispanic astronaut in a skit with the great line of when being asked if that was his crash helmet saying “I hope not!” Furst was not as well known but will always be remembered for his role in the aforementioned “Animal House.” He was the subject of one of the greatest lines from any movie when Dean Wormer tells him “Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.” Both will be missed. It is always sad to lose people who made so many people laugh. Think about them when you take the time today to remember as usual to always send the love!