Tim Tebow says he is still training in hopes of another chance in the NFL. Even the Ralph Nader for President campaign team is telling him that he is probably just wasting his time.
The U.S. is warning against traveling to Israel and Gaza. Not because of the violence, but because the only U.S. airline to serve those regions is United.
The U.S. is warning against traveling to Israel and Gaza. The way the world is going right now, they should have travel warnings for anywhere outside the U.S. and even a word of caution for anyone thinking of driving through Texas.
KISS bassist Gene Simmons says that everyone should “Try being nice to rich people.” Because self-absorbed, millionaire rock stars have just had it so rough and seldom get their way on anything.
KISS bassist Gene Simmons says that everyone should “Try being nice to rich people.” For instance, just because you are paid to shine the top of his boots doesn’t mean you can’t at the same time lick the bottom.
Sir Ian McKellen is calling for a living wage for actors. At least every actor besides Adam Sandler.
Sir Ian McKellen is calling for a living wage for actors. After all, how can Robert Downey, Jr. possibly pay for the Hollywood lifestyle on just $75 Million a year?
Time Warner is making defensive moves to stop a hostile bid by Rupert Murdoch. To which Democrats are saying you haven’t seen the hostile side of Rupert Murdoch until you make an appearance on Fox News.
Sleep scientists are saying that 7 hours of sleep may be better for people than 8. To which working parents are asking “What about 3 on a good night?”
A plastic surgery simulator is now available as a smartphone app. That way people can use their phone see how plastic surgery will repair their face after they slam into a tree because they were texting while driving.
Two U.S. courts have issued conflicting rulings on Obamacare. After already surviving several attacks from Republicans and judges, there is no better candidate for needing the benefits of Obamacare than Obamacare.
The Detroit bankruptcy plan is being overwhelmingly backed by current and retired city workers. There haven’t been so many people supporting a bankruptcy since Donald Trump filed for Chapter 11.
Sleep experts say that a lack of sleep can put “false memories” in a person’s brain. Although it’s tough to forget the reason they didn’t get any sleep because their wife caught them sneaking in at four in the morning.
A racehorse owned by Queen Elizabeth I has reportedly failed a dope test. As opposed to Charles testing as the biggest dope when he left Princess Diana for Camilla.
Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal is being sued over meddling with the implementation of Common Core. Apparently he feels education is overrated and points to the most successful people in the state are all from the “Duck Dynasty” family.
Russian President Vladimir Putin has criminalized repeated street protests. Repeated meaning more than none.
Russian President Vladimir Putin has criminalized repeated street protests. Apparently he is on a nostalgia trip, returning to the Cold War with the U.S. and silencing the opposition. All he needs now is to send a few tanks into the Czech Republic while listening to some Beatles tunes and it’s like 1968 all over again.
Malaysia Airlines Flight 17 investigators have finally reached the crash site. No wonder they haven’t found Flight 370 yet. It’s taken them a week to get to this wreckage even when they knew exactly where it is.
ExxonMobil says it will follow new anti-bas rules for gay and transgender people. Which means they will rip them off with excessive gasoline prices just like they would do with any other customers.
A study says that 1 in 25 New Yorkers is a millionaire. You can tell which people have the most money because they are the ones who can afford to live in a Viking Refrigerator box instead of the more middle class Kenmore.
A study says that 1 in 25 New Yorkers is a millionaire. As opposed to the other 24 who can actually afford to live there because they are billionaires.
A survey says that millionaires are more likely than others to work during their retirement. Especially CEOs and other executives who have jobs that made them millionaires and don’t require any actual work.
A survey says that millionaires are more likely than others to work during their retirement. Mostly because anyone who isn’t a millionaire will never be able to afford to retire.
Federal Reserve Chair Janet Yellen says that social media is overvalued. Mostly because anyone her age still has a flip phone and is still struggling to figure out how to send e-mails to the grandkids.
Federal Reserve Chair Janet Yellen says that social media is overvalued. Which she pretty much based on trying to figure out how Mark Zuckerberg could possibly be worth $30 Billion.
A study says that people are less honest during times when they are most tired. Which means that Washington, D.C. must be the most sleep deprived city on the planet.
A study says that people are less honest during times when they are most tired. Or in the case of Congress, they are only dishonest during the times they are awake.
A federal judge used pizza to explain the legalities of Obamacare. Which is ironic in that most people wouldn’t need the benefits of Obamacare if they would quit eating so much pizza.
A report says that hackers have been able to bypass security at 34 banks around the world. So far the only people who can’t get through bank security to get any money are the banks’ account holders.
China’s latest meat scandal has now spread to Burger King and Starbucks. The question is why are the Starbucks in China using meat in the first place?
California is limiting full contact youth football practice. Apparently they are following the lead of the Cleveland Browns who gave up full contact years ago.
The White House says it is “confident in the legal basis” of Obamacare. Which is good news considering they are having trouble finding a legal basis for just about everything else the administration is doing.
A study at MIT says that trying too hard can make learning a new language more difficult. As can be attested to by anyone trying to understand what the MIT professors were talking about through their Massachusetts accent.
Scientists say that humans have gotten taller, fatter and are living longer than ever which has all come about in the past 100 years. If you look around it also pretty much shows that Darwin had no idea what he was talking about.
A study shows that schizophrenia has been linked to 108 different genes. At least that is what the researchers say the voices in their heads told them.
A study shows that schizophrenia has been linked to 108 different genes. And as all schizophrenics know, every one of those genes is out to get them.
A study shows that schizophrenia has been linked to 108 different genes. Although it turns out it is really only five genes, the rest are just hallucinations.
A study says a high fat diet may affect a person’s sense of smell. Which doesn’t make sense if you have ever known any obese people who can all smell bacon cooking from a mile away.
A tree in Los Angeles planted in the memory of George Harrison was felled by beetles. That would be as ironic as a statue of Chris Christie being run over by an ice cream truck.
GLAAD says that movies don’t portray the LBGT community well. Which came as a complete surprise to the three straight people who are still working in Hollywood.
Beverly Hills Police have told Justin Bieber to tone down his parties. Apparently there have been some all night bashes which get pretty loud when it comes to Pin-The-Tail-On-The-Donkey time.
Leonardo DiCaprio was spotted partying with 25 models in Miami. Well, everyone needs to have a hobby.
The EPA accidentally tweeted about Kim Kardashian’s latest game app. Although what could be in more need of a toxic cleanup than the gene pool involved in “Keeping Up With The Kardashians”?
Snoop Dogg says he smoked pot in the White House. It immediately raised concerns about security at the Executive Residence. Like how was Snoop Dog able to get into the White House?
A report says that Indian mascots can hurt Native American children. Especially when they see that one of their own has been humiliated into serving as the symbol for the Cleveland Indians.
The Oakland As have agreed to a ten year lease to stay at the O.co Coliseum. The agreement calls for the stadium management to put the blame for the building’s smell on the Raiders.
Donald Sterling has filed a new lawsuit against the NBA, the league’s commissioner, the Clippers and his wife. And whomever stole his quart of frozen strawberries.
A survey says that Facebook is the most hated social media company. At least that’s is what has been trending all day on Twitter.
A survey says that Facebook is the most hated social media company. At least by people who have been having problems posting pictures of what they have eaten for breakfast every day for the past three months.
Samsung is selling a 105” TV for $120,000. It can be used to watch CNBC to find out how much sooner they could have paid off their home and retired if they hadn’t spent their life savings on a big screen TV.
Apple is facing a class action lawsuit by former employees who claim they missed breaks and meals and are owed unpaid wages. Or as they call those people at Nike, goldbrickers.
That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Just another day of slamming out the jokes. Kudos to anyone getting this far without becoming physically ill. Even more kudos for actually getting some of the jokes. Super kudos if you got the “Caine Mutiny” reference in the Donald Sterling joke. And the most kudos of all go to those of you who remember to send the love!