Household wealth in the U.S. reached a record high $80.7 Trillion. The bad news is that is pretty much the total just for the Zuckerberg, Gates and Buffett households.
Singapore has been named as the most expensive city in the world. That’s hard to believe by looking at how little Washington, D.C. has gotten for the $17 Trillion they have overspent.
Scientists in North Carolina have patented a machine that gives women orgasms at the touch of a button. Apparently it involves a vending machine and chocolate.
Donald Trump says the real U.S. unemployment rate is around 22%. Which is a strange complaint from someone who ends up firing 90% of his staff every season.
A poll says that John McCain is the most unpopular senator in the country. Which is about as meaningful as being selected as the worst player on the Cubs.
A study says that Alzheimer’s Disease kills six times more Americans than previous estimates. Apparently the scientists that keep track of that information knew it but forgot to write it down.
A Florida man removed a KKK flag from his home after neighbors complained and replaced it with one from the Confederacy. Which asks the question, what’s the difference?
A Florida man removed a KKK flag from his home after neighbors complained and replaced it with one from the Confederacy. Apparently he stopped just short of showing how radical his feelings are by flying a Florida state flag.
The U.S. has fallen to 31st place in the world for average Internet speed, coming in right behind Estonia. Which means even the Baltic states have become too advanced to settle on using AOL.
The U.S. has fallen to 31st place in the world for average Internet speed, coming in right behind Estonia. Which means there are 30 countries in the world that have happier men than the U.S. because they don’t have to wait as long to download their porn.
A new app can detect the emotions of people wearing Google Glass. The most common emotion is fear once people around them suspect they are being recorded by the person wearing Google Glass.
A Duke student is starring in porn movies in order to pay for her law school degree. The best part is that what she does on camera can be written off since she is a future lawyer as an education expense.
A study says that the ocean can clean smoggy air at night. Unless you live along the Gulf Coast and the ocean just trades in the smog for the crude still floating around from the BP oil spill.
A report says that college graduates are taking low paying jobs away from the less educated. Which is great for when you shop at Wal-Mart and the clerk can use their art history degree to tell if the dogs playing poker painting you want to buy is authentic.
The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff says it will take two years to overcome the document leaks by Edward Snowden. Although that isn’t an official estimate, that is just according to the latest information leaked by Snowden.
A report says that one million children have stopped buying school lunches after new nutrition standards were adopted. Education experts were shocked. There are a million kids who still go to school?
The Hawaiian legislature is debating a minimum wage hike for the state. Advocates say that a raise would allow the average family living in Hawaii to trade up from living in a washing machine cardboard box up to a refrigerator cardboard box.
The Pentagon is studying the body movements of Russian President Vladimir Putin and other world leaders to predict their future actions. They have already used the method on members of the U.S. Congress to accurately predict they won’t do anything.
The Pentagon is studying the body movements of Russian President Vladimir Putin and other world leaders to predict their future actions. The program is hard to predict Putin’s actions because it was developed to use on people who actually wear shirts.
The FCC is considering tougher rules for joint ad sales at local TV stations. Apparently that only pertains to stations in Colorado and Washington where it is legal to sell joints.
Two advocacy groups are asking the Girls Scouts to drop a partnership with Barbie, saying the deal harms young girls. Apparently the groups want to put out the message that not only girls who are sexually stereotyped with an unrealistic body type can be used for free labor selling cookies door to door to make millions of dollars for the organization.
A school in Washington is upset that Chrysler is planning to destroy a rare 1992 Dodge Viper that was donated to them. The car is considered rare in that it is a Chrysler product that is still roadworthy after more than just a couple of years.
Staples says it is going to close 225 stores in the U.S. and Canada in 2015. The ironic part is that the only sales increase they have been seeing is with employees buying up all the printer ink and resume paper.
Staples says it is going to close 225 stores in the U.S. and Canada in 2015. If they want to shut down an productive shop, how about closing the Staples Center where both the Lakers and Clippers play?
Boeing says it will end its pension plan for non-union workers. As opposed to the union workers who will keep their pension benefits which will just eventually be cut off and used for executive bonus money.
An artist has created an alternative to Barbie that uses the average measurements of a 19 year old woman. The only problem is finding a container that fits Post Office regulations and is still big enough to fit the doll inside.
An artist has created an alternative to Barbie that uses the average measurements of a 19 year old woman. To make it completely realistic with a typical 19 year old, it comes with a set of tattoos and body piercings as well as an unemployed, dropout boyfriend Ken doll.
A study says that some people just don’t like music. Those people are called “Beliebers.”
A study says that teenage use of e-cigarettes is associated with eventually using tobacco. Mostly because it sounds so much better to ask someone for a light rather than a AA battery.
People from Mississippi are attributing their high rate of obesity to the state culture. Which is the only time you will ever see “Mississippi” and “culture” used in the same sentence.
A report says that 19 women who went to the Dominican Republic for cheap plastic surgery came back with serious infections. Which was an additional bonus for the ones who went there trying to become transformed into Paris Hilton.
A study says that girls who play with Barbie dolls have their dreams crushed, while playing with Mrs. Potato Head empowers them. Especially when they accept the fact that their future husband will more than likely end up as a potato as well.
Martha Stewart gave a sex tip to always take a bath before and after. Who says you can’t pick up some useful hints when spending some time in prison?
Aaron Carter tweeted that he is still not over Hillary Duff and will spend the rest of his life trying to get her back. Apparently he has given up on the other things he left back in 2001, his career and his money.
A report says the NFL will not contribute to a $100 Million brain study at Harvard. Or as a $100 Million brain study at Harvard is also known as, “Harvard.”
A report says the NFL will not contribute to a $100 Million brain study at Harvard. Why should they give any money when they are providing all the subjects?
Tony Hawk says he believes that skateboarding will be a part of the 2020 Olympics. Unfortunately, at his age he is now lobbying for Olympic status for Extreme Rascal stunt riding.
A letter written to a WW II era U.S. soldier by Albert Einstein is on sale for $40,000. The letter was a reply to a soldier’s question and asks “What are you, some kind of Einstein?”
Apple says it will enter the wearable tech market with a hearing aid. Which is being designed for all the people who have gone deaf from using the ear buds Apple designed for their iPods.
March 7th and 8th have been designated as National Unplugged Day, where people are asked to go without their smartphone or tablet for 24 hours. Otherwise known as actually-notice-that-there-are-other-cars-on-the-road day.
March 7th and 8th have been designated as National Unplugged Day, where people are asked to go without their smartphone or tablet for 24 hours. Or as teenagers call that, Hell Freezes Over Day.
A study says that Facebook contributes to eating disorders. Mostly because people get so hungry when all they see is everyone’s posts of what they are eating all day.
Mitt Romney says that there should be a limit to the amount of money countries can spend on the Olympics. Although Olympic spending pales to the amount it cost him to run for President and all he got was the Silver.
A survey says that Vladimir Putin’s popularity was down before the Sochi Olympics. That was even before he planned the opening ceremonies to the invasion of the Ukraine.
Bill Whitaker has been named as a corespondent on “60 Minutes.” Or as the 62 year old reported is known by the rest of the staff, “Kid.”
The new NSA privacy chief says the protection of privacy is the agency’s top concern. Mostly keeping what they have been doing private so they all don’t wind up in prison.
New Jersey Governor Chris Christie gave a red meat speech to the conservative CPAC organization. His talk was described as red meat not because it was heavy on the issues, but because it was about what he had for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
The official in charge of the federal Obamacare exchanges is leaving his job. Apparently he has already been considered extremely qualified for a leadership position by NASA, the Post Office and Chrysler.
That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! It is finally Friday, which means two things. One, the weekend is here. Two, you get a two day respite from my jokes. Just because you get some time off is never an excuse to not remember to send the love!