A study says that corn biofuel may be worse for climate change than gasoline in the short term. Corn would be better used in detecting global warming, like knowing it is getting a little too hot when the corn starts popping right on the stalk.
A forensic scientist says that fingerprints may not be unique. Especially in New York City where the rule is if you have seen one middle finger, you’ve pretty much seen them all.
Jimmy Carter’s grandson who is running for Governor of Georgia says he supports license plates sporting the Confederate flag. Not only that, he is planning to trade in the Governor’s limousine for a replica of the General Lee.
A report says Tax Day revenue was at an all-time record high of $1.4 Trillion this year. To which Congress is now wondering if there is a way to tax that amount.
A report says Tax Day revenue was at an all-time record high of $1.4 Trillion this year. The bad part is that Congress already spent that much by March 23rd.
A study says that humans will be competing with droids for jobs by 2040. Most people were optimistic. There will be jobs by 2040?
NBC has hired a psychological consultant to analyze host David Gregory and improve ratings on “Meet The Press.” It’s been getting so bad that the network is thinking about bringing back the show “Medium” so they can try to channel the spirit of Tim Russert.
NBC has hired a psychological consultant to analyze host David Gregory and improve ratings on “Meet The Press.” Although a psychologist would be better utilized to find out why anyone would still watch NBC in the first place.
A report says the average credit card interest rate is up to 21%. It’s getting so high that when customers fall behind in their payments, instead of a monthly statement the credit card companies send over a pair of goons to break their legs.
A report says that more Californians in their 50s and 60s are moving in with their parents. The only difference is that now their parents keep telling them to turn the volume up on the TV.
A report says that more Californians in their 50s and 60s are moving in with their parents. The worst part is when the grandchildren come back from college without a job and there is a fight to see who gets to move into the basement.
A report says that many Americans are finding temp work a way of life. Although in this economy, pretty much every job is now considered temp work.
A poll says that savers are outnumbering spenders by a record margin. Although the biggest group is still those who don’t have enough money to do either.
A poll says that savers are outnumbering spenders by a record margin. The worst part is that the savers are just trying to get enough money together so that they can spend some on food, clothing and a place to live.
Las Vegas is being pressured to try to save water. To which most of the people in Las Vegas casinos are asking “What’s water?”
Las Vegas is being pressured to try to save water. Which in Las Vegas is known as that stuff they use to put in pools so women can lay out around them topless.
Las Vegas is being pressured to try to save water. The city would go completely waterless if they could just figure out how to make a good Margarita without using any ice.
Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia says it was “foolish” to have the Supreme Court decide if the NSA wiretapping is unconstitutional. Mostly because the court shredded their last copy of the Constitution back in 2000.
A fungus is reportedly threatening the world’s banana supply. Which didn’t really bother any Americans until they realized those are the things that are used to make banana splits.
A teenage stowaway reportedly survived a flight from California to Hawaii inside the wheel well of a plane that reached an altitude of 38,000 feet. When asked how he was able to survive the flight that was cramped with temperatures as much as 80 degrees below zero, he said it was pretty much like flying economy without the peanuts.
Oscar Pistorius is denying he took acting lessons before the start of his murder trial. People thought the same about O.J. Simpson at his trial until they looked at his scenes from “The Towering Inferno” and “The Naked Gun.”
A paleontologist says he has found two mammals that have survived 23 Million years. He hasn’t said what the other one was besides Larry King.
An Ohio mom who overdosed at a McDonald’s play area has pleaded guilty to child endangerment. Not for the overdose, but for buying each of her kids a Happy Meal.
A poll says that young adults cite college costs as their top money problem. Until they get out of college and they find out their top money problem is not being able to find a job to pay off their college costs.
Air Canada is apologizing after luggage handlers were seen being tossing bags down a 20 foot drop. In the U.S. that would never be done until after passengers paid $25 up front for the rough handing fee.
A company has come up with alcohol in powdered form. It gives a whole new meaning to ordering a Martini very dry.
A company has come up with alcohol in powdered form. Which means if you drink enough, you are the one who is taken home in powdered form.
A survey says that 73% of Americans are not inclined to invest in stocks. Mostly because they saw the other 27% who could actually afford stocks go belly up in the market crash of 2007.
A survey says that 73% of Americans are not inclined to invest in stocks. Or a house, or a bank account or anything else that actually requires having some extra cash.
Apple is offering free recycling to all of its used products. Or as Microsoft calls that condition, “out of the box.”
A survey says that Americans enjoy saving money even though they actually aren’t. They mean just as soon as they get a job, pay off their bills and find a place to live that isn’t on four wheels.
The winner of the Boston Marathon was wearing Skechers shoes. No one even knew there was a division for 5 years old and under.
A study says that red plates make people eat less. Mostly because who would trust the cooking of someone who goes shopping at a place that offers red dishware?
A new smart pill bottle helps patients take their medications on time. Although if you are too spaced out to know what time it is, you have probably already taken all your meds and then some.
A survey says that 51% of Americans question the Big Bang Theory. The sad part is what they are confused about is whether “The Big Bang Theory” is on CBS or ABC.
A study says that language problems are common with children who have ADHD. But then let’s see you try to string together a coherent sentence after being given simultaneous doses of Ritalin, Adderall and Dexedrine.
A study says that too much Codeine is being prescribed to children who are brought to the Emergency Room. Although it isn’t really for the kids, it’s for the parents who have had to sit for five hours and listen to all the other patients in the Emergency Room.
Researchers in New York City have found thousands of bacteria living on cash. Fortunately, most of that bacteria is killed by all the cocaine that is snorted through the rolled up bills that make it into the offices of the Wall Street banks.
Researchers in New York City have found thousands of bacteria living on cash. Which still isn’t anywhere near as germy as what is found in the boardrooms at any of the Wall Street investment firms.
A study says that laughing makes the brain work better. In other words, you won’t see Dane Cook being booked any time soon to perform at any upcoming Mensa conventions.
A study says that thinking problems could be tied to blockages in the carotid artery. Which is why it is so hard for men to come up with a good excuse for why they are coming home at 3:00 in the morning when their wife has both her hands around their neck.
A study says that the antibiotic resistant superbug MRSA is being found in homes. Although it still is nowhere dangerous as what they found living inside Paris Hilton’s underwear drawer.
Billy Bob Thornton says that there is a prejudice against the South in Hollywood. Except for when it comes time for studio executives to negotiate union salaries and they always recreate that one scene from “Deliverance.”
Billy Bob Thornton says that there is a prejudice against the South in Hollywood. Except for when they know they can make money by making a film that exploits the prejudice in the South.
England celebrated the 88th birthday of Queen Elizabeth II. The worst part is that it looks like another year where Prince Charles has to sit at the kiddy’s table.
England celebrated the 88th birthday of Queen Elizabeth II. She says she isn’t ready to retire yet, mostly because she really has no idea what she does all day at work.
Comic book hero Flash Gordon has turned 80 years old. Now the only time he flashes is when his robe comes undone when he goes out to pick up the morning newspaper.
Students at Purdue University have outlined a plan to colonize the Moon for $550 Billion. Apparently the students are even willing to volunteer for the mission in order to live somewhere more exciting than West Lafayette, Indiana.
Researchers in South Korea say that renewable energy can be harvested from flushing toilets. Which apparently makes it just another attempt at harnessing energy from the wind.
The Supreme Court will hear a dispute about TV programming shown over the Internet. Is that really the right group to make that decision? Not to say they are all pretty old, but every Justice on the Court still has a VCR at home that is still flashing “12:00.”
Microsoft is introducing a new Start menu in the fall. That means if you are lucky, your Windows 8 operated system may actually be up and running by winter.
A poll says that Americans see made to order body parts, teleportation and robot care givers in the next 50 years. How about just inventing a cell phone that people don’t feel the need to have to shout into it like it is across the room?
It has been 20 years since the first spam advertising was sent out online. It was so long ago that three of the Nigerian princes sending it out have already been elevated to king.
That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Hope you like this batch of jokes. It took a little longer than usual to type them out with all the Easter chocolate still stuck to the keyboard. Hazard of the business. Feel free to give me your props, because you are my peeps. But don’t send me any peeps, I prefer the aforementioned chocolate. And of course, I really prefer it when you all remember to take the time to send the love!