Sunday, October 15, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

Hillary Clinton has been in talks with Columbia University for a role as professor. Apparently the Math Department wants her to explain how you get 3 Million more votes than your opponent and still lose.

The NFL says it won’t rule to make players stand during the National Anthem. They can now take a knee or use it any other way they want until it is snapped in two during the game.

England’s chief medical officer is warning of a “post antibiotic apocalypse” from overuse. Which isn’t a problem in the U.S. now that Donald Trump is doing everything he can to prevent Americans from getting any kind of healthcare.

California has declared a State of Emergency over an outbreak of Hepatitis A. Mostly from celebrities who are trying to catch it because it sounds so much better than only getting Hepatitis C.

A British man’s heart stopped after accidentally swallowing a 6” fish. Which means that will go into some study that now claims a seafood diet is unhealthy.

Steve Mnuchin says parts of the income tax overhaul will be temporary. Like the part that assumes most Americans will still actually have an income.

A report says that Americans are fatter than ever, with 40% now obese. Which at least means we can now back it up when people start chanting “We’re Number One!”

A report says that Americans are fatter than ever, with 70% now obese or overweight. The good news is that at least we aren’t wasting as much food as before.

A report says that Americans are fatter than ever, with 70% now obese or overweight. That just means the other 30% aren’t trying hard enough.

A report says that Americans are fatter than ever, with 70% now obese or overweight. How bad is it when being healthy classifies you as a minority?

A naked man using a massage chair at a New Jersey mall punched a security guard. Apparently he didn’t understand those chairs didn’t offer the same service expected at a massage parlor.

A Florida photographer has started posting cute pictures of pit bulls to change people’s perception. So far the favorite is a pit bull that appears to be winking and smiling while holding a severed human arm in its mouth.

An Arkansas festival sparked controversy by dropping live turkeys out of an airplane. Didn’t the organizers ever watch any reruns of “WKRP in Cincinnati”?

An Arkansas festival sparked controversy by dropping live turkeys out of an airplane. They should have gone with the more traditional Arkansas custom of throwing ham hocks and grits out of the back of a moving pickup truck.

A 2-Star Army general was fired after sending flirty messages on Facebook to a soldier’s wife. The good news is now that he is out of the military, he has a new career waiting for him as a Hollywood producer.

Steve Mnuchin is calling for the World Bank to become financially self-sustaining. The best way to do that would be to take a cue from Wells Fargo and make a fortune swindling people with fake bank accounts.

Prison inmates in Texas have pooled $53,000 to help victims of Hurricane Harvey. The ironic part being most the money raised by those convicted of looting during the storm.

Prison inmates in Texas have pooled $53,000 to help victims of Hurricane Harvey. The only problem is that the donations consist of just candy bars and cigarettes.

Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke has vowed to end a culture of harassment and intimidation at the National Parks Service. And also that one employee who keeps getting away with stealing all kinds of pic-a-nic baskets.

Qualcomm is suing to ban iPhones from being made in China. Which in effect means they are suing to just ban all iPhones.

Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey says they are not doing enough to restrict abusive and harassing content. Mostly because they are still too afraid to try deleting the account of Donald Trump.

A study says that companies with CEOs who mangle the English language have poor stock performance. Which means if that applies to the leader of the government, get ready for our national debt to go through the roof.

The federal government is cracking down on student loan forgiveness scams. The only problem is that shouldn’t people with a college education be able to spot those scams by themselves?

Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak is starting his own online university. Apparently he was inspired by the story of a many who even after starting a fake university was able to be elected President.

Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak is starting his own online university. Mostly for people over 30 who have absolutely no chance of ever being hired by Apple.

A report says thousands of acres of legalized pot are being burned by fires in California. The problem is if firefighters inhale any of those fumes it will take them weeks before they get motivated to even think about getting back to work.

California wildfires are putting out as much pollution as in a year from cars. Which pretty much has put an end to Chrysler’s plan to develop wood burning vehicles.

An 85 year old doctor in New Hampshire could lose her license because she doesn’t use a computer needed to monitor prescriptions. To which she says what’s next, taking away her mercury sphygmomanometer?

An 85 year old doctor in New Hampshire could lose her license because she doesn’t use a computer needed to monitor prescriptions. Mostly because she says she doesn’t need a computer to keep track of the levels of her patients four humours.

Wildfires have destroyed the home of Peanuts creator Charles Schulz. All firefighters could say was “Good grief!”

A report says Harvey Weinstein is fighting to keep his job, saying there is a clause in his contract about sexual harassment judgments. The question is, didn’t someone think there might be a problem hiring someone who even asked for those terms?

Olympic bronze medalist Gracie Gold has been receiving treatment for an eating disorder. Which means bronze winner Gold needs to use the silverware more. (Yes, it is insensitive but just too irresistible to get in the gold, silver and bronze bit.)

Astros Game 1 hero Marwin Gonzalez had to leave right after the game to be with his wife as she delivered their third child. The problem is the league was hoping to go all the way through the playoffs without dealing with any labor issues.

Jets punter Lachlan Edwards says he is having a better year after fixing a bad habit. Which apparently was not getting enough rest by playing for the Jets and having to come back into the game after every three plays.

The NBA has picked a retired Air Force Lieutenant General to head their referee operations. One change fans might not get used to is after six fouls, instead of being sent to the locker room players will be court-martialed.

Greg Norman has made a “Rocky” style training montage video to announce his return to golf. It was the first time “Greg Norman” and “rocky” have been used together since his marriage to Chris Evert.

Pinterest head Tim Kendall takes a daily ice bath. It’s just too bad that Anthony Weiner didn’t try the same thing before he got onto any social media sites.

Video game enthusiasts are celebrating the 40th anniversary of the Atari 2600. Which coincides with many of them marking four decades of not leaving the couch in their parents’ basement.

Microsoft employees can now work in tree houses on the company’s campus. Which is ironic in that most people growing up with video games and smartphones will finally have their first experience to see an actual tree.

Facebook has introduced a food delivery service. Which means users can now order and receive the same meals their friends post online every day.

Microsoft has enabled its digital assistant Cortana to collect and organize users’ favorite web pages. The only problem is for some people it’s embarrassing to ask a woman to look up all the best online porn sites.

Amazon Studios is cutting ties with Harvey Weinstein’s company even though the head of Amazon Studios was also suspended for sexual harassment. Apparently Weinstein crossed the line by not keeping his harassment to under 30 women.

A British official says UK mobile phone coverage is “deplorable.” And this is from a government that is satisfied with the country’s national dental plan.

A 4,000 year old bow and arrow and lunchbox were discovered in the Swiss Alps. Which is the caveman version of what would have been a high tech soldier equipped with an MRE.

A 4,000 year old bow and arrow and lunchbox were discovered in the Swiss Alps. Although if the soldier was any good at using a bow and arrow, he wouldn’t have needed a lunch box in the first place.

A 4,000 year old bow and arrow and lunchbox were discovered in the Swiss Alps. Although some scientists are skeptical as the lunchbox came with a Thermos and was decorated with pictures of Batman.

Astronomers are searching for a hypothetical “Planet 9” that could be ten times bigger than the Earth. Which brings up the question why can’t scientists find a super planet in their own backyard but can identify space dust 14 Billion light years away?

Ariana Huffington says tech addiction is more of a problem than people realize. Unfortunately for her, it didn’t seem to be an issue over at the Huffington Post.

Harvey Weinstein has been expelled from the Motion Picture Academy. Which is really embarrassing to be kicked out for his behavior by a group that still recognizes the abilities of Adam Sandler.

Steve Bannon has vowed to replace GOP Senators who have gone against Donald Trump. The problem will be finding any voters who will support candidates who are going along with Donald Trump.

Steve Bannon has vowed to replace GOP Senators who have gone against Donald Trump, saying he wants to unite the party. Which sounds like a strange strategy to unify a party by beating all their incumbents.

The acting EPA science adviser is retiring. Apparently he felt that position has about as much job security in the Trump Administration as being appointed Ambassador to North Korea.

The acting EPA science adviser is retiring. He will be replaced by someone who acts like the EPA under Donald Trump actually wants a science adviser.

Steve Bannon says Donald Trump will win with 400 electoral votes in 2020, days after he was quoted saying Trump has a 30% chance of finishing his first term. The sad part is, in this political climate that makes perfect sense.

Steve Bannon says Donald Trump will win with 400 electoral votes in 2020, days after he said Trump has a 30% chance of finishing his first term. Which shows the only fake news comes from organizations printing exactly what everyone says.

Donald Trump’s pick to lead NOAA is pushing for privatization of weather information. Which is good with Trump who doesn’t like to see numbers go public, especially when they are written on his tax returns.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! As of this writing, the Dodgers won the first game in their series with the Cubs. I don’t want to jinx it by saying anything more. But then how much can you jinx a team that hasn’t even been to the ‘Series in 29 years? Although you could ask the Cubs, I guess. Anyway, I hope you all root for my team to finally hoist the championship pennant again. I can’t think of many things that would make me any happier. Almost as happy as I get when you all remember to always keep on sending the love!

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Friday, October 13, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

Speaker Paul Ryan is threatening to keep House members in for Christmas to finish a tax overhaul. Which would cut right into the usual congressional vacation that runs from Thanksgiving through New Year’s.

A report says Equifax may have been breached again. To which even the Secret Service is saying “Don’t you guys know how to lock anything up?”

A report says the security guard who was shot by the Las Vegas killer may not have been registered I Nevada. People were surprised. Security guards are registered?

Flooded homes in Houston are reportedly selling for 40 cents on the dollar. Which gives a new meaning to the term of homeowners being underwater.

Flooded homes in Houston are reportedly selling for 40 cents on the dollar. Which for some brings back a nostalgia that puts them right back in 2008.

A report says the NFL is one of the most divisive brands in the U.S. If it gets any worse, Roger Goodell can just reclassify the league as a political party.

Paris is planning to ban the combustion engine by 2030. The only problem is that having clean air in the city will finally expose all the Parisians who long ago banned soap and deodorant.

The Czech Republic is looking to Billionaire Andrej Babis to use his business knowledge to fix the country. To which people in the U.S. are saying “Don’t hold your breath.”

A study says men find “bromances” more emotionally rewarding than their romantic relationships with their wives or girlfriends. Especially at the point when their wives find out about the girlfriends.

A study says men find “bromances” more emotionally rewarding than their romantic relationships with women. Mostly because other men will never criticize them for sitting around drinking beer and watching football for 18 hours on Sunday.

A study says men find “bromances” more emotionally rewarding than their romantic relationships with women. The news surprised women. Men have emotions?

A study says men find “bromances” more emotionally rewarding than their romantic relationships with women. Mostly because men never have to explain to another man why they are 40 and still living in their parents’ basement.

Author Dan Brown says Artificial Intelligence will create a collective consciousness that will replace God. Don’t we already have that? It’s called “social media.”

California wildfires have produces as much pollution in two days as the state’s cars do in one year. To which the Trump Administration is saying the EPA is now justified in repealing all the regulations for auto emissions.

A report says the “casting couch” culture may have contributed to Harvey Weinstein’s behavior. Which isn’t a problem for younger people who have only ever experienced the video game couch.

The ACLU is suing the Customs Department for making passengers show ID before leaving an aircraft. Although travelers say it was still better than being escorted off the plane by United Airlines security.

The Bitcoin has passed a new milestone, going past the $5,000 mark. Which is good on paper, but anyone looking to actually use Bitcoin to pay for something knows they have a street value more like $3.50.

Donald Trump says the U.S. “can’t aid Puerto Rico forever.” To which people are saying why not? We’ve been taking care of Alabama pretty much since 1819.

A subscription service lets users drive a different Porsche every day for $2,000 a month. The sad part is when customers finally go through all their money, they have to go back to riding a different bus every day.

A federal court turned down an industry group’s bid challenging Berkeley’s warning that cellphones expose users to radiation. The court ruled it makes no difference since the phones also cause users to not have friends, a career or a life.

GM says it is planning to shut down a Detroit factory for five weeks to control inventory. Meaning they can use workers instead to catch up on all the recalls they still have to repair.

California wildfires have caused numerous delays and cancellations with airlines. To which United Airlines is saying “There are wildfires?”

Google has pledged $1 Billion to help people land tech jobs. Now if they will only do something to help the people over 30 who have no chance at being hired by Google.

A report says a new worry for CEOs is career ending cyberattacks. Which is devastating for a top executive to be fired and have to walk out the door with a $40 Million golden parachute severance package.

Amazon says it will add 120,000 temp workers over the holidays. As opposed to all the other Amazon employees who are praying their jobs there are just temporary.

Amazon says it will add 120,000 temp workers over the holidays. Most of the employees are just taking the jobs for extra Christmas money to give their relatives the cheap crap they can only afford on Amazon.

Researchers say that taking birth control doesn’t cause people to have riskier sex. Mostly because what is more risky about sex than the chances of getting pregnant?

Experts say there is no such thing as sex addiction as Harvey Weinstein is claiming. Meaning he is undergoing rehab mostly because he was caught.

Experts say there is no such thing as sex addiction as Harvey Weinstein is claiming. Although there is an actual medical designation for people addicted to sex. They are called “men.”

A robotic masseuse is being tested in Singapore. It specializes in massaging people’s backs and knees, which surprised many male customers. People go to massage parlors to actually get a massage?

A report says more Americans are living without partners, especially young adults. Mostly because nothing makes someone feel more like a loser than the thought of living in someone else’s parents’ basement.

A report says more Americans are living without partners, especially young adults. Mostly because they figure who needs anyone else around when they already have an iPhone, video console and Netflix subscription?

Demi Lovato says she is open to dating both men and women. That revelation means she has just picked up a new fan base called every man on the planet.

Former One Direction singer Harry Styles says he wanted his music “to be honest.” Which is probably not exactly what he meant when people tell him it honestly makes their heads explode.

A court has cleared the way for the six game suspension of the Cowboys Ezekiel Elliott. The good news is that he will have six weeks to take a knee as many times as he likes.

A court has cleared the way for the six game suspension of the Cowboys Ezekiel Elliott. The only question is whether by the time the issue is resolved, will anyone remember what he was suspended for in the first place?

Michael Jordan says the superteam era will result in two good teams with 28 teams that will “be garbage.” Which is good news in that his Charlotte Hornets will in effect be tied for third place.

Michael Jordan told Cigar Aficionado that the superteam era will result in two good teams with 28 teams that will “be garbage.” The question is, will anyone take that magazine seriously about sports when they don’t even have a swimsuit issue?

U.S. Men’s soccer team coach Jurgen Klinsmann had said before failing to qualify for the World Cup they could make the semifinals. No one knew he meant they could make it to Buffalo Wild Wings to watch the match on TV.

Eagles wide receiver Marcus Johnson was baptized in a hotel swimming pool before playing the Panthers. The good news is that the league gave their permission for him to drop to a knee to genuflect.

Eagles wide receiver Marcus Johnson was baptized in a hotel swimming pool before playing the Panthers. Although some people thought it was a bit awkward after the ceremony when he celebrated by dumping a bucket of holy water on the minister.

Eagles wide receiver Marcus Johnson was baptized in a hotel swimming pool before playing the Panthers. As opposed to players with the Cleveland Browns who before each game are administered their last rites.

Roger Goodell’s wife admits she had a fake Twitter account she used to defend him. So she’s the one.

Roger Goodell’s wife admits she had a fake Twitter account she used to defend him. And so that she could actually have friends on social media because they didn’t know she was married to Roger Goodell.

Heavy smoke from wildfires forced the Raiders to alter their practice schedule. That and because they want to work out where they won’t be recognized by anyone after starting out the season 2-3.

The Raiders game on Sunday is still set to be played in Oakland against the Chargers. Which is bad for the Raiders because the poor air quality will give a home field advantage for their opponent from L.A.

Michael Jordan is defending Tiger Woods, saying he doesn’t know if he could have survived “in this Twitter time.” The question being what did Twitter have to do with crashing into a tree, being chased by Elin with a 9 iron or having 15 mistresses?

GE says ideas generated by their workforce will produce $5 Billion in production cost savings. Mostly because GE will say the ideas came on company time and not have to pay the workers for them.

Researchers say a supervolcano in Yellowstone National Park could blow faster than thought, wiping out mankind. The only question is will it be beaten to the punch by Donald Trump?

Astronomers have located a distant region of newly forming stars on the far side of the Milky Way Galaxy. To which Donald Trump says that will all be taken care of just as soon as he eliminates DACA.

A special flag flies over the Interior Department whenever Secretary Ryan Zinke is in the building. Which if that were to be the policy for Congress, the Capitol Building would always be overlooked by an empty pole.

The USDA expects a 21% drop in Florida orange production following Hurricane Irma. Even worse is that the news got local residents’ hopes up when they saw the headline “No O.J. in Florida.”

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! It’s time for a well-deserved weekend for everyone. I just have to say it is nice to see a total douchebag like Harvey Weinstein get his comeuppance. Seriously, here is a guy with more money and power than anyone and he has to harass his workers like the shift manager at Hardee’s? Couldn’t he have just paid for a different hooker every night like Charley Sheen? And then get AIDS? Then he jets out of the country so he can be treated for sex addiction. To which Roman Polanski is saying “Hey, I thought of that first!” It’s going to be fun to see the other big players in Hollywood shaking in their boots wondering when all the women they harassed are going to get their revenge. We just live in a culture where the wealthy and powerful are protected no matter what they do. Every company has its douchebags who get away with everything because they are considered “too important.” Although that feeling disappears when the business has to drop a few hundred thousand dollars on court settlements. That’s just my rant for the day. It’s time to get out and enjoy the autumn and get ready to root for my Dodgers over the Cubs. They got us last year so it’s time for a little revenge. That series starts tomorrow, so I hope you will be rooting along with me. No matter what, it is still good enough if you just remember to always keep on sending the love!



Thursday, October 12, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

North Korea says Donald Trump has “lit the wick of war” with his insults and threats. If they think those are bad, they should have been here for his presidential campaign.

The Boy Scouts says they will start to admit girls and allow them to become Eagle Scouts. Although it’s going to be hard to find any girls who will consent to be seen wearing those dorky khaki shorts and a kerchief out in public.

Experts are warning the U.S. is not prepared for a flu pandemic. Which brings up the question, who really is?

Experts are warning the U.S. is not prepared for a flu pandemic. Which is bad news because it means we have a population that is old and obese with bad hearts.

Ben Affleck has apologized for groping an MTV host on the air in 2004. Now all he needs to do is apologize to the people who forked out $8 years ago to see “Gigli.”

Harvey Weinstein has flown to Europe to undergo rehab for sex addiction. Apparently the way to cure him will be making him spend a couple of weeks with a French woman who hasn’t had a razor or bar of soap in her hands since March.

Harvey Weinstein’s wife says she is leaving him after allegations of sexual harassment. Which is sad to see he is losing the only woman who actually ever had consensual sex with him.

Pope Francis I is calling for outright condemnation of the death penalty in all circumstances. Which is being argued by some in the Church who are asking what is so bad about pushing some people a little early into the afterlife?

Pope Francis I is calling for outright condemnation of the death penalty in all circumstances. Which some priests don’t really care about as long as it isn’t the sentence for being caught groping an altar boy.

Pope Francis I is calling for outright condemnation of capital punishment in all circumstances. Which is ironic for a Church that wouldn’t even exist if it weren’t for a death sentence that happened 2,000 years ago.

California will permit the testing of cars on roads without a human behind the wheel. Which is really no different than every other car on the road that is being operated by someone behind the wheel with a smartphone.

A hot new workout consists of people stretching. Don’t we already have that? It’s called “yoga.”

 A hot new workout consists of people stretching. Which means most people are already doing it, especially if it is accompanied by a resounding yawn.

A hot new workout consists of people stretching. Which is what used to be called a workout only now without the part where people then actually work out.

A report says fans are not supporting California’s football teams. Which could be turned around in an instant if the 49ers, Rams or Chargers could maybe try having a winning record.

A report says fans are not supporting California’s football teams. Mostly because people there feel the obligation to stay for the whole game, instead of like baseball where they arrive in the 3rd inning and leave after the 6th.

A slavery simulation game has caused outrage in a Phoenix elementary school. To which the school is defending, saying they are just preparing the kids for their eventual move into the work force.

A study says one quarter of seniors say retirement is worse than they expected. Although it still beats the alternative of death.

A study says one quarter of seniors say retirement is worse than they expected. The other three quarters say they won’t have an opinion until they actually make it to their calculated retirement age of 93.

A report says wildfires have made for the worst air quality ever in the Bay Area. Which means San Francisco’s China Town is now actually like a real town in China.

Donald Trump is denying he said he wants to increase the nation’s nuclear weapons force by ten times. He says he barely has plans to use all the ones we have now.

A study says the childhood obesity rates has peaked in rich countries but developing countries are catching up. In other words, having fat kids is now the world’s newest status symbol.

A report says job openings were near record highs in August. Mostly from all the people who were hired in June but laid off in July.

A report says job openings were near record highs in August. No one had any idea there was that much expansion going on with 7-Eleven, Wal-Mart and Taco Bell.

A study says eleven times more children and adolescents are obese now than there were 40 years ago. The change is attributed to less activity, more electronic devices and the fact that in that time frame, McDonald’s has gone global.

Amazon is allowing teens to buy items themselves online. Mostly so the kids can show their parents how to use an app so they, too one day will be able to buy something on the Internet.

Facebook and Instagram shut down briefly earlier this week. Which meant for two hours, millions of people had the strange sensation of looking up from their smartphones and actually noticing the world is made up of other humans.

A report says the GOP plan to simplify taxes could put charitable giving at risk. Although if the reason you are giving to charities is for the tax deduction, it isn’t really a charitable donation in the first place.

A poll says 45% of Americans say there is too much government regulation of business. The other 55% lost their home and life savings when the banks caused the mortgage meltdown.

Ferrari says it will bow to market pressure and start making an SUV. The question is where are the soccer moms demanding the option for a 12 cylinder $750,000 SUV?

Ferrari says it will bow to market pressure and start making an SUV. What’s next, designing a motor home that can go 280 miles an hour?

Ferrari says it will bow to market pressure and start making an SUV. What’s next, a Kenmore tractor-trailer built to race on the Formula One circuit?

Researchers say that the features that make people beautiful have been changing. For one thing, being model-thin now pretty much applies to any woman whose size is still in the single digits.

Researchers say that the features that make people beautiful have been changing. Although one thing that hasn’t changed in the last 25 years on being beautiful is Jennifer Aniston.

Researchers say that the features that make people beautiful have been changing. For one thing, back in the 1970s a plus size model was a woman who wore a size that had a positive sigh in front of it.

A One Direction fan suffered a collapsed lung from screaming too loudly at a concert. To which most music fans are saying it would have been better for everyone if instead it happened to the band members.

A study says women with high blood pressure in middle age are at a later risk for dementia. Which helps them try to forget their ex-husband who caused their high blood pressure when they were younger.

A study says women who have experienced at least three tragedies are more likely to have signs of heart trouble. Which could be bad news for Hillary Clinton who has already had Bill and the 2016 election.

EPA head Scott Pruitt has ended the Obama Administration’s Clean Power Plan. Which means they can pretty much drop the “Environmental” and “Protection” from their name and now just call it the Agency.

A study says childhood obesity rates may have peaked in rich countries. To which kids who sit on the couch playing video games all day are saying “That’s what you think!”

Researchers say women make better surgeons than men. Mostly because men have no idea in the difference between using a scalpel or a steak knife.

Researchers say women make better surgeons than men. Mostly because when the surgery is done, the women are very nimble with closing a wound with a needle and thread, while men are good with just keeping it together with duct tape.

Miley Cyrus says she was high when she made the video for “Wrecking Ball.” Apparently so was her wardrobe assistant.

Harvey Weinstein’s accusers slammed Hollywood for claiming ignorance over his behavior with women. In their defense, it was actually more the usual Hollywood principles of greed, cowardice and gutlessness.

Celtic Kyrie Irving says there are “vast differences” between Boston and Cleveland. For one thing, Boston teams try to not make their fans wait 60 years between titles.

Celtic Kyrie Irving says there are “vast differences” between Boston and Cleveland. For instance, one is known as the birthplace of the nation. The other gets the claim as the birthplace of Drew Carey.

Wildfires have forced the Raiders to change their practice schedule. Which is ironic as the Bay Area is going up in flames at exactly the same time as the Raiders playoff hopes.

A Division III college football player in Pennsylvania was kicked off the team for kneeling during the National Anthem. Or as Division III is known in the NFL, playing for the Cleveland Browns.

A Division III college football player in Pennsylvania was kicked off the team for kneeling during the National Anthem. There’s a Division III? What’s that, playing flag football in the student union parking lot?

Tennis player Fabio Fognini was suspended and fined for abusive language at the U.S. Open. The irony is saying “Fabio Fognini” fast enough is considered abusive language in seven different countries.

Australian Open officials say they expect Serena Williams to defend her title next year. Which is hard enough to defend any major title even without going through a distraction like giving birth in between.

Australian Open officials say they expect Serena Williams to defend her title next year. Not to say that baby has some good genes behind her, but by then she will already probably be mom’s hitting partner.

Google shut down a YouTube channel was shut down over airing Russian sponsored election propaganda. To which nervous executives at Fox News are saying “They can do that?”

An unsent text message was accepted as a valid will from a dead man by an Australian court. The worst part for his family is that he left everything in a return message to Anthony Weiner.

Vanity Fair says Steve Bannon thinks Donald Trump has only a 30% chance of finishing his full term as President. Which is better than the rest of the planet that because of Trump’s policies has a 20% chance of making it that long.

Donald Trump says it “would be wonderful” to solve the DACA problem. So he is telling all the foreigners here to be wonderful and just go back home.

Donald Trump says the NFL should have suspended Colin Kaepernick for protesting the National Anthem. Which would have actually been better for Kaepernick than having all the team owners instead conspire to end his career.

The EPA reports Puerto Ricans are scrambling to get drinking water, even using wells at toxic waste sites. To which the EPA says knowing that they may just move all the people off the island and let them live in Flint, Michigan.

The EPA reports Puerto Ricans are scrambling to get drinking water, using wells at toxic waste sites. Which wouldn’t be a problem if there was maybe some agency that actually had the power to clean up those toxic waste sites in the first place.

Joe Biden says Harvey Weinstein showed a “disgusting, immoral” abuse of power. Which means when the movie thing goes away he still has a career waiting for him in Washington, D.C.

Hillary Clinton says she will give her political donations from Harvey Weinstein to charity. To which Weinstein says whatever he did that night he spent with Charity was completely consensual.


That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Tonight is Game 5 between the Cubs and Nats. The winner takes on the Dodgers, which the winner of that takes on the winner of the Yankees and Astros series. That means a Dodger-Yankee World Series is a possibility. As is a Nats-Astros ‘Series. How much of a scary scenario is that for network executives at Fox? Let’s go for Dodgers and Yankees with the Dodgers bringing home the pennant for the first time since 1988. That would be so sweet. The only thing that gives me even a hint of that much excitement is when you all remember to always keep on sending the love!