Sunday, September 25, 2016

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

Kim Kardashian says she is “on the fence” about her vote for President after previously endorsing Hillary Clinton. That could change when Donald Trump demands she pays for the fence.

Kim Kardashian says she is “on the fence” about her vote for President after previously endorsing Hillary Clinton. Although it is going to have to be one strong fence if it will have to support that backside.

Kim Kardashian says she is “on the fence” about her vote for President after previously endorsing Hillary Clinton. The question remains is it more of a sign of the Apocalypse with Clinton running against Trump or that anyone cares how Kim Kardashian will be voting?

A lawyer is suing Emirates Airlines after a 9 hour flight where he was forced to sit next to an obese passenger. He had better be prepared that on any flights he takes with them in the future that he will be seated right next to a screaming baby.

A lawyer is suing Emirates Airlines after a 9 hour flight where he was forced to sit next to an obese passenger. Apparently the problem was that for 8 hours of the flight the passenger kept asking “Are you going to finish that bag of peanuts?”

A report from a White House Advisory Council says forensic evidence could be flawed. To which Bill Clinton is saying “Why couldn’t that council have figured that out when I was still President?”

A report from a White House Advisory Council says forensic evidence could be flawed. Which means Hollywood can be expected to come out with a new series titled “CSI…Oops!”

A report from a White House Advisory Council says forensic evidence could be flawed. Which means the title "CSI" really stands for “Categorically Sorry for your Incarceration.”

An Arkansas teenager has been charged with giving his 3 year old nephew marijuana to smoke. People in Arkansas were shocked. That teenager should have checked with his sister before he did anything like that to their baby.

North Korea has threatened the U.S. with “consequences beyond imagination.” Mostly because the nuclear stockpile they will supposedly unleash on us is all pretty much a figment of Kim Jong-un’s imagination.

Saturday was National Punctuation Day. Which for many people, anything grammatical is as enjoyable as getting a colon-oscopy.

Saturday was National Punctuation Day. Most! People? Had, no; “idea” what. That: even? Means.

A U.N. conference on endangered species is meeting in South Africa with deep divisions on how to go about protecting endangered elephants. Their main focus will be on the person who is the most likely to make the elephants in North America a thing of the past, Donald Trump.

Mexico Foreign Minister Claudia Ruiz Massieu says she will work with whomever becomes the next U.S. President. Donald Trump says he will also work with her, as long as that means she will pick up a shovel and some bricks to help build the wall.

The Trump Hotel chain has been fined $50,000 over a data breach involving 70,000 accounts. No one knows who is behind the hacking, but authorities are investigating the possibility it came from a private e-mail server in Chappaqua, New York.

The Trump Hotel chain has been fined $50,000 over a data breach involving 70,000 accounts. Although there is still no explanation why the breach involved every one of those 70,000 accounts making a donation to the Trump Foundation.

The recent price increase of the EpiPen is leading some people to try to make their own devices. The only problem is when it doesn’t work, doing the follow up surgery on themselves using the DIY instructions for a mirror and X-Acto knife.

A study says 88% of couples claim they don’t fight over money. Mostly because it’s only the other 12% who still actually have any cash.

Iran has begun their first web-based national census. The only problem is that authorities didn’t take into account the number of people with Internet access in Iran, which is why so far the national population estimate has come in at 3.

The Backstreet Boys have announced a Las Vegas residency at the AXIS at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino. The word is three of them will be assigned to the hotel’s wait staff with the other two interning at the front desk.

The Backstreet Boys have announced a Las Vegas residency at the AXIS at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino. Their performance will be called “Larger Than Life,” which takes its title from the band members spending the last three months at the hotel rehearsing with full access to the casino buffet.

The Backstreet Boys have announced a Las Vegas residency at the AXIS at Planet Hollywood Resort & Casino. Who would have thought a boy band would end up as this generation’s version of Wayne Newton?

Moody’s has downgraded the credit rating of Turkey to junk status. Some economists were confused. “Junk status” for Turkey is a downgrade?

Snapchat is working to help register its users to vote in November. The only problem will be getting users to stop taking selfies and looking at videos of their friends long enough to actually go to the polls and vote.

Snapchat is working to help register its users to vote in November. The only problem is that followers aren’t sure if they should vote for Britney Spears, Justin Bieber or Kim Kardashian.

Yahoo is being sued for gross negligence by users over the hacking of a half billion of their accounts. Although they are more worried that their investors will sue for missing their chances to buy Google and Facebook when they were startups and instead deciding to create Flickr.

A city in China is urging families to procreate now as part of the government’s new two-child policy. Although it is tough to believe that a country with a billion people already is in any danger of having its population disappear any time soon.

A city in China is urging families to procreate now as part of the government’s new two-child policy. Apparently as it is they just can’t meet the need for the stream of new 6 year olds to keep up with the shift work at all the new Nike factories.

A Wisconsin teacher donated a kidney to one of her 2nd grade students. Mostly as a reward for being the only student in the class who could correctly spell “kidney.”

British researcher David Nutt says he has developed a compound called “Alcosynth” that can get people drunk without the hangover. Which means the only headache men will get following a night out at the bars will be from getting hit in the head with a frying pan by their wives when they catch them sneaking in at 4am.

Researchers say medical “tattoos” can be used to hide patients’ surgical scars. Which would be ironic when the reason for the surgery is complications from Hepatitis C caused from getting a real tattoo.
 
Several states are suing the maker of heroin addiction treatment drug Suboxone over trying to over-extend its monopoly. Which means the people trying to cure the addicts are using the same business model as the people who got them hooked.

Several states are suing the maker of heroin addiction treatment drug Suboxone over trying to over-extend its monopoly. The first clue something was wrong was when the company’s top executive went from being called “CEO” to “Kingpin.”

A study says chronic sleep problems are lined to disabilities later in life. Which is fine because when they are disabled they will have nothing to do all day and finally have the time to catch up on all that lost sleep.

An elementary school student in California has been diagnosed with leprosy. The other students were just relieved to find out the child also tested negative for cooties.

An elementary school student in California has been diagnosed with leprosy. The discovery was made when another student gave them a wedgie and literally had their ass handed to them.

An elementary school student in California has been diagnosed with leprosy. It was discovered when all the other kids kept mistaking them for one of the monsters they were trying to catch while playing Pokemon Go.

A study compared the proposed health care plans of Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump. Researchers had only one question at the end of the study. Trump has a health care plan?

A study says heavy drinking can harm aging brains, affecting memory, attention and learning. Which is fine for most seniors who are saying once you reach a certain age who wants to remember the past, have to pay attention or learn anything new?

A study says heavy drinking can harm aging brains, affecting memory, attention and learning. As opposed to seniors who don’t drink who say what’s the difference?

Whoopi Goldberg says she will “probably not” return to “The View” after this season. People were surprised. “The View” is still on the air?

Whoopi Goldberg says she will “probably not” return to “The View” after this season. Mostly so she can finally look for a group to hang out with where she can get in a word edgewise.

FXX will run a 13 day marathon starting on Thanksgiving Day where they will show all 600 episodes of “The Simpsons” in chronological order. Which is fitting as for most viewers anything after about season five are pretty much just leftovers.

Writer James Patterson has canceled the release of his book “The Murder of Stephen King.” Apparently the novel dealt with when critics sat down to write their reviews of “The Tommyknockers.”

Farrah Abraham says she would be interested in a spinoff of “Teen Mom.” She thinks it would be nostalgic for MTV viewers, would keep people updated on what she is doing and would be a lot better than her current job waitressing at Hooters.

Farrah Abraham says she would be interested in a spinoff of “Teen Mom.” Apparently she figures it’s only a matter of time before her own daughter helps launch her into being “Teen Grandma.”

Joe Giudice from “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” is reportedly “miserable” behind bars after his fraud conviction. Although it can’t possibly be any worse than being surrounded for hours at a time during filming by the cast of “The Real Housewives of New Jersey.”

Joe Giudice from “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” is reportedly “miserable” behind bars after his fraud conviction. How can any of those people live without having a camera in their face every time they turn around?

Joe Giudice from “The Real Housewives of New Jersey” is reportedly “miserable” behind bars after his fraud conviction. Apparently he had no idea that when he was paired with a 6’4” 250 pound cellmate that he would be the one who is now the real housewife.

Kevin Garnett says he is retiring from the NBA’s Minnesota Timberwolves. He reportedly then turned down an offer to play with the L.A. Clippers, saying “what’s the difference?”

Dodger Manager Dave Roberts says some of his players are frustrated with the playing time they are given. Mostly because they know once they reach the playoffs, their season will pretty much last just through the first three games.

The Navy has given Florida Atlantic University a $258,000 grant to study how fish swim to mimic their movements to enhance the motion of underwater vehicles and robot systems. Or they could take a shortcut and just watch all the videos from every one of Michael Phelps’ Olympic races.

The Navy has given Florida Atlantic University a $258,000 grant to study how fish swim to mimic their movements to enhance the motion of underwater vehicles and robot systems. Which was exactly the same amount of money it cost Ryan Lochte to wriggle his way out and get unhooked by the Brazilian justice system.

Facebook has apologized for exaggerating the number of view times of its videos. The good news is it means people spend only half their days instead of 90% of their time staring at videos of a cat playing the piano and a hamster eating a cracker.

Don King says Donald Trump is the only candidate who can fix the corrupt, racist, sexist, rigged system. King also admires Trump for being the one person who has no problem in going out in public with an even worse looking haircut.

Don King says Donald Trump is the only candidate who can fix the corrupt, racist, sexist, rigged system. Which is interesting coming from one person involved in boxing about the other who runs beauty pageants.

Cast members from “The West Wing” campaigned for Hillary Clinton in Ohio. That’s the problem with this election. People are taking their cues on how to vote based on whether they watch prime time TV dramas or reality shows.

A poll says that more than half of all Americans fear a Donald Trump presidency. The rest couldn’t take the survey because they were busy getting their passports in preparation for their move to another country.

A poll says that more than half of all Americans fear a Donald Trump presidency. Which is why he leads in the polls because the rest are terrified at the idea of President Hillary Clinton.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Monday night is the first presidential debate. Or as it is also going to be known one day, the beginning of the demise of the human race. There has already been a rumor that the first question that Donald Trump will ask of Hillary Clinton is “Can I get you a cough drop?” The question from Hillary Clinton’s side will be whether Trump realizes that this is the actual definition of reality TV. No matter how either of them does, all I am hoping for is that you all remember to make sure to always keep on sending the love!


Friday, September 23, 2016

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

A bomb threat closed down a part of West Point this week. It’s just too bad there was no one around who might have been trained to deal with some sort of military style attack.

A report says in five years there will be freeways that don’t allow cars with drivers. Only then the meaning of “freeway” will be a highway free of road rage, confrontations and gunfire.

Stephen Hawking says we need to find aliens before they find us. To which Donald Trump says “too late.”

Scientists have discovered horses can communicate with people by pointing at signs. To which the horses are saying “What, do you think we were born in a barn?”

Scientists have discovered horses can communicate with people by pointing at signs. Usually the sign that says “…and the one of us you rode in on.”

A study says some people are genetically programmed to get depressed when they feel neglected. Apparently the study was based on the entire reason Donald Trump decided to make a run for President.

Pope Francis I says journalism based on gossip or rumors is a form of “terrorism.” Which explains why Bill O’Reilly was seen on the air last week having to say three Our Fathers and two Hail Marys.

Yahoo says 500 Million of its accounts were hacked in 2014. People were shocked at the news. There are 500 Million people who actually still have e-mail accounts with Yahoo?

Gerard Depardieu says France is populated with “imbeciles making wine and stinky cheese for tourists.” As opposed to when Depardieu still lived there when it had one more whiner who made stinky movies for filmgoers.

Gerard Depardieu says France is populated with “imbeciles making wine and stinky cheese for tourists.” To which he was immediately corrected in that it isn’t the cheese they are making that is stinky.

A report says ISIS wives are given suicide vests and machine guns as wedding gifts. Those weddings are the one where the bride wears something old, something new, something borrowed and something “Kaboom!”

A blackout in Puerto Rico left 1.5 Million customers without power. Or as the people of Puerto Rico know that, “Tuesday.”

A blackout in Puerto Rico left 1.5 Million customers without power. People were surprised. Usually a widespread blackout in Puerto Rico isn’t caused by the power company as much as the rum distilleries.

A study says the ice in Greenland is melting 7% faster than previously thought. People were surprised as the news. There is someone who actually thinks about how fast the ice is melting in Greenland?

A study says the ice in Greenland is melting 7% faster than previously thought. Now if they could just speed it up the other 93%, there might be something they could actually do with Greenland.

The Dali Lama did an impression of Donald Trump where he made fun of Trump’s hair and mouth. So at least now Trump has that going for him.

A study says that immigrants will contribute $2 Trillion to the U.S. GDP this year. Which ironically is exactly the same amount that Trump is planning to spend to send them all back across the border.

The IRS is warning of a scam where people are e-mailed to send an Obamacare-related payment. The IRS is telling people to ignore the requests as they are illegal, fraudulent and because the IRS wishes they had thought of it first.

The IRS is warning of a scam where people are e-mailed to send an Obamacare-related payment. That makes it almost as big a scam as Obamacare.

A survey says that atheists and agnostics don’t bother to go to the polls. That’s fine with Donald Trump who figures he isn’t going to get any votes from the people who don’t believe in him anyway.

The presidential debates are expected to pull in some of the biggest TV audiences ever. Imagine an event that will at one time attract the same kinds of crowds who faithfully watch "WWE Raw," “The Kardashians” and “Jerry Springer.”

A report says that falls are the number one cause of death and injury for people over age 65. Which is not good news for Hillary Clinton who is 68 and has seen her poll numbers go in a virtual free fall since the conventions.

A study says jumping on small trampolines is as good an exercise as running. Although others are not as convinced, saying that it has its up and downs.

A study says jumping on small trampolines is as good an exercise as running. To which runners defended their activity, saying when is the last time you saw someone out for a jog going to the ER after hitting their head on the ceiling?

Doctors are set to operate on a Chinese boy who was born with 15 fingers and 16 toes. The surgery is more for the benefit of his parents, who say they are exhausted just from going through one round of “This Little Piggy.”

Doctors are set to operate on a Chinese boy who was born with 15 fingers and 16 toes. Local school administrators asked for the procedure to keep him from having an unfair advantage all the way through the 3rd grade in arithmetic.

Scientists say an arthritis drug may help with a certain type of hair loss. The only problem is that the medication will give arthritis sufferers the flexibility to be able to pull their hair out after they get their monthly prescription bill.

A report says climate change may threaten the world’s coffee supply. To which people who are addicted to their morning cup say that is grounds for complete panic.

A report says climate change may threaten the world’s coffee supply. The good news is that is enough to make coffee addicts jittery enough even without getting their daily dose of caffeine.

A report says climate change may threaten the world’s coffee supply. The good news is it could make the price go up so much that even people who are brewing a cup at home will be able to have the same feeling of what it’s like to go to Starbucks.

The CDC says 12,000 Americans are infected each year for cat scratch disease. The CDC followed up the report by immediately putting Ted Nugent under quarantine.

A spider dropping from a rear view mirror caused an Oregon woman to run her car off the road and crash. Next time maybe she should just try stepping on it.

Doctors say that a drug-resistant strain of gonorrhea has shown up in Hawaii. Which was good news for the paparazzi who then immediately knew where Paris Hilton was spending her vacation.

Netflix says it wants 50% of its content to be made up of original programming. Not by making any more new shows but by cutting back the rest of their content to three episodes each of “Two Broke Girls,” “ALF” and “Mister Ed.”

J. Geils was arrested in Boston for DUI following an accident. The worst part was that the police kept playing “Freeze Frame” over and over while taking his mug shot.

A report says the four highest paid actors on TV are all on “The Big Bang Theory.” Which shows CBS is finally getting the most bang for their bucks.

A Twins relief pitcher allowed a run to score with a wild pitch during an intentional walk. It’s getting so bad there that the team is looking at offering a bullpen tryout to 50 Cent.

L.A.’s bid for the 20204 Olympics has expanded to include Anaheim and Long Beach. Although some people say the move reeks of tourism, especially with the proposed Triathlon starting with a run from the Matterhorn and finishing with a swim to the Queen Mary.

A study says children’s fingerprints don’t change from birth to 5 years of age. Which is really useful for people who are sparing no expense to find out who has been taking all the Oreos out of the cookie jar.

IBM is developing a computer chip that will reportedly be as decisive and intelligent as humans. Which sort of takes away the entire reason we saw the need to have computers in the first place.

IBM is developing a computer chip that will reportedly be as decisive and intelligent as humans. Although researchers say the only problem is that the chip only works for a few minutes before guiding the computer back to an Internet porn site.

Top Senate Democrats are saying that Russia’s intelligence agencies are trying to interfere with the November election. That’s absurd. What could they possibly do that would make our presidential election any more of a disaster than it is now?

The Yahoo hack of 500 Million accounts is said to be the largest in history. Which is what happens when you have a half billion people who are all lazy enough to keep their password “12345.”

Facebook and Twitter will both stream the upcoming presidential debate. The only problem is for people watching it on their smartphones who might find their devices might see Donald Trump’s hair and think they just captured Charizard.

A company is planning to release copies of the “golden record” launched into space on Voyager I and II 40 years ago. The recordings included Bach and Chuck Berry, sent to aliens as a “gift from humanity.” It’s just a good thing we avoided the risk of starting an intergalactic war by not being able to include anything from Kanye West.

The U.S. could demand a “black box” style crash recorders in driverless cars. Especially when there are accidents caused from the onboard computer being distracted after being sexted by Watson.

The U.S. could demand a “black box” style crash recorders in driverless cars. Although it might be a bit much. When is the last time you have ever heard of a Kia falling 30,000 feet out of the sky?

A study says pigeons can be taught to “read.” Which if true means we can immediately start posting signs on statues saying “Not here!”

Donald Trump is telling Hillary Clinton to give back the $550 she was donated by Anthony Weiner. To which Clinton claims the money was not a campaign donation but payment for her to look at all the pictures he sent along with it.

Donald Trump, Jr. defended his tweet which included a picture of Skittles. He should just let it go because using candy in a political statement leads to a comparison with the person who said “Life is like a box of chocolates…”

A poll says the number of Americans closely following politics has spiked. Mostly for the people who are trying to decide which country they will be moving to right after the election.

A poll says the number of Americans closely following politics has spiked. Mostly because it’s a lot more interesting, funny and easy to follow than even an episode of “The Kardashians.”

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! It’s Friday. That means the world is safe for only three more days and then it is the first presidential debate. The only question is which candidate will try to use a folding chair to hit the other one first? They should have just gone with the obvious and made the moderator for all the debates Geraldo Rivera. All I know is I will be watching, and I hope that you will have enough sanity left when it is done to remember to keep on sending the love!


Thursday, September 22, 2016

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers!

An employee of the Royal Canadian Mint is being accused of smuggling out $180,000 worth of gold in his rectum. Which is ironic as now that gold smells like anything but “mint.”

An employee of the Royal Canadian Mint is being accused of smuggling out $180,000 worth of gold in his rectum. Apparently the idea was to protect himself in the event the national currency wasn’t the only thing to bottom out.

A report says some colleges are turning to coloring books to help students relieve stress. Which still isn’t as effective as the old way of just throwing another weekend keg party.

A report says some colleges are turning to coloring books to help students relieve stress. Which is ironic in that most of the students’ stress is from having to pay out $2,000 each semester for the books they are forced to buy for all their classes.

A report says young people are quitting social media and say they are happier for doing it. Mostly so their parents who are also on Facebook can’t see the posts that show what their kids are doing while they are home alone every afternoon.

A report says young people are quitting social media and say they are happier for doing it. The best part is when they went outside and actually noticed for the first time there is a Sun, trees and even other people they can look at.

TV ratings for the NFL have dropped this season, which some are blaming on protests over the National Anthem. Most people feel the anthem should be respected, although they were unaware of the protests because that’s the part of the game they are using the bathroom or fixing a plate of nachos.

Airbus has been licensed to sell jets to Iran. The only difference is that in an Iranian airport, the way to draw attention to yourself is being the one person whose luggage doesn’t contain a bomb.

Scientists say a single migration from Africa populated the entire world 200,000 years ago. Mostly because that was the last time that someone wasn’t building a wall somewhere to try to keep everyone out.

Virginia Raggi, the Mayor of Rome has vetoed the city’s bid to host the 2024 Olympics. Mostly because she just didn’t want to see the inevitable concessions to the IOC, especially the one calling for luxury boxes and Astroturf to be installed in the Coliseum.

A government report says climate change will pose a challenge to U.S. national security. The biggest being the fact that the planet warmed three degrees after cutting down all the trees to make enough paper for the 30,000 page report.

The Yankees have been given the go ahead to refinance $1 Billion for their new stadium. Which will be paid off once they sell the first eight hot dogs and dozen beers at their next home game.

Mark Zuckerberg and his wife have committed to donating $3 Billion to cure the world’s diseases. Which is only fitting as most illnesses are related to people just sitting in front of a computer screen eight hours a day posting on Facebook.

Mylan CEO Heather Bresch was grilled before Congress and blamed the high price of the EpiPen on a “broken health care system that incentivizes higher prices.” Which before now just used to be known by its other name, “greed.”

Whole Foods has been hit with a $3.5 Million fine by the EPA for violating environmental hazardous waste disposal laws. Which brings up the question for most people, just what are they putting in that potato salad?

Whole Foods has been hit with a $3.5 Million fine by the EPA for violating environmental hazardous waste disposal laws. The good news is the fine will be covered by the first person buying an emu egg, truffles and camel’s milk.

Pokemon Go has been replaced as the top selling app at Apple after 74 days. Apparently two and a half months was enough time for people to get tired of moving around and go back to playing video games that allow them to stay within an arm’s reach of the refrigerator.

Panera says it will start using “clean” bacon with no artificial preservatives, colors or flavors. It will be much healthier, with 90% of the product now just made up of  its natural saturated fat.

 A survey says there are two times during the day when people are most likely to break their diet. Which are the three hours they spend snacking between breakfast and lunch and the four hours they are snacking between lunch and dinner.

A study says the financial impact of hacking breaches on most companies is small. Mostly when the hackers keep finding out that the personal information they get about most the customers is usually for credit cards of people who had them canceled when they filed for their third bankruptcy.

Experts say the number of requests by men for Botox injections into their scrotum has doubled recently. Which even Cher says if she were a man, she would really have to think before thinking that sounded like a good idea.

Experts say the number of requests by men for Botox injections into their scrotum has doubled recently. Which sounds like it might be necessary but only if your scrotum keeps getting mistaken for Steven Tyler.

A study says a child’s metabolism temporarily slows down during puberty which can lead to teen obesity. But not to worry, it starts picking up again sometime in their early 70s.

A study says a child’s metabolism temporarily slows down during puberty which can lead to teen obesity. Mostly because that’s about the time kids get less interested in running around playing Pokemon Go and spend more time sitting in front of the computer after discovering Internet porn.

A study says obese children and teens have a different type of bacteria in their digestive systems than kids who are thin. Especially when the word gets out to all the bacteria of the banquet of junk food and deserts the obese kids have going on in their stomachs every day.

A Texas school district is posting signs saying their teachers may be packing weapons. To which people who went through the Catholic school system are still more afraid at the thought of a nun approaching them with a ruler in her hand.

A Texas school district is posting signs saying their teachers may be packing weapons. Instead of the having to wear a dunce cap, the kids ordered to stand in the corner now just keep their hands up.

A study says that smoking can cause permanent damage to a person’s DNA. Those people need to be told they should exhale that smoke once in a while.

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are set to divorce after 12 years together. Rumors are that it had something to do with personal hygiene. In the meantime, she is washing her hands of the relationship which might have still worked if he would have done the same thing once in awhile.

Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum has separated the figures of Brad Pitt and Angelina in the wake of their filing for divorce. If Pitt thinks if his likeness was the only thing that was waxed, wait until Jolie’s lawyers are done with him.

Kendall Jenner is being slammed on the Internet for posing for a photo shoot pretending to be a ballerina. Apparently she isn’t concerned, and says to her critics that is just tutu bad.

Kendall Jenner is being slammed on the Internet for posing for a photo shoot pretending to be a ballerina. Which hasn’t stopped any of the other Kardashians from posing for pictures pretending to be real celebrities.

Emma Watson gave a speech to the U.N. calling for universities to do a better job to ensure women’s safety. Which could be pretty much achieved the day women make an agreement to stop attending frat parties.

AC/DC bassist Cliff Williams has announced he is quitting the band. Apparently he wants to pursue other interests, like finding a group playing music that requires him to know more than three notes per song.

AC/DC bassist Cliff Williams has announced he is quitting the band. Fans were shocked at the announcement. It was the first time they ever heard anything coming from a member of AC/DC that was at less than 140 decibels.

Ralph Lauren says he is planning on writing his memoirs. The working title is “I Came, I Sewed, I Conquered.”

Marilyn Manson says he will sit out the November election because he doesn’t support either candidate. At least that means there is some good that has finally resulted from the presidential campaigns.

A poll says that Colin Kaepernick is the most disliked player in the NFL. Which means there has never been a player who has supported the National Anthem and what it means more than Tom Brady.

Canadian researchers say they have teleported a photon 3.5 miles over a fiber optics cable. Or as most people know that, turning on the light switch.

A report says renewable energy makes up nearly one third of the world’s electrical capacity. Meaning that if we were only left with wind, solar and geothermal power, it would almost be enough to keep us all online looking at Internet porn.

New legislation is seeking to keep U.S. voting machines from being hacked. Although the bad part is that the proposed legislation was revealed in a post by Wikileaks.

The WHO says drug resistant superbugs are a “fundamental threat” to humans. To which Donald Trump says that is an overstatement, and the only time he uses the term “fundamental threat” is when the bacteria are seen wearing a hijab.

A report says North Korea has only 28 websites available online. Which is pretty much being blamed on Kim Jong-un signing that market exclusivity deal for Internet service years ago with AOL.

A report says North Korea has only 28 websites available online. Which is fine, because that is about all that can be handled by the national search engine “Ask Jeeves.”

A report says North Korea has only 28 websites available online. What’s worse is that 23 of them are just sites where people can log on to play a version of “Pong.”

China’s spacelab Tiangong 1 is set to fall out of orbit and crash into Earth sometime next year. Which confirms suspicions that hackers have been stealing top secret plans for building spacecraft from NASA.

Brazil’s IT industry is reportedly growing faster than the world average. Mostly from all the interest from people going online to search for any available gas station security camera video featuring Ryan Lochte.

A survey says even people making $150,000 a year are having trouble saving money. Especially the ones who have the app on their smartphone that allows them to make mobile payments at Starbucks.

Elon Musk the new SpaceX rocket has the capability to go “well beyond Mars.” Where it will then promptly explode.

Elon Musk the new SpaceX rocket has the capability to go “well beyond Mars.” Which is even better than NASA which brags that its latest rocket has the capability to go well beyond Cape Canaveral.

A study says immigrants are not taking Americans’ jobs. Mostly because even Americans are having to take the low paying, unskilled manual labor jobs even immigrants used to have to think twice about working.

President Obama has ordered intelligence agencies to study climate change. Mostly because he wants to give them an assignment more suited to their abilities since they have shown they can’t even successfully open an iPhone.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! I just read an interesting take of an analysis of the entire set of issues of this presidential election. It was called “Blah, Blah, Blah.” Which makes me mad because that was exactly the same title I was considering to start calling this blog. Oh, well. The election is good for some material but overall, the only thing that really matters is when you all remember to take the time to keep on sending the love!