Wednesday, December 07, 2016

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

The GOP says it is getting ready to cut the government workforce under Donald Trump. All except the department that will be working double overtime shifts dealing with the crisis backlash from all of Trumps posts on Twitter.

Donald Trump has criticized Boeing for being “out of control” on costs of building new Air Force One jets. With his anger over the expense, and dislike of traveling with a press crew, that means he could be traveling while President on Cessna One.

A new dating app sets up air travelers for mile high hookups while traveling. Although it’s not like anyone is going to impress any potential future mates while only forking out for a ticket on basic economy with United.

A new dating app sets up air travelers for mile high hookups while traveling. How ironic is it that it took so long to go on an airplane and finally not have to bring along your own wing man?

A new dating app sets up air travelers for mile high hookups while traveling. Now every seat on the airplane is potentially located in the “tail” section.

A survey says that older Americans are happiest in Hawaii. Not because they particularly like Hawaii, but that they know they can afford to live there.

A survey says that older Americans are happiest in Hawaii. Especially the ones who have moved there after spending their previous years in just about any other state.

A report says hunger is becoming a problem on many college campuses. Most the students who figure if they don’t spend any money on food, they will have saved enough to make it so paying off their tuition loans will only take another 30 years.

A report says hunger is becoming a problem on many college campuses. Mostly the ones who when budgeting for football tickets, food and alcohol find they only have enough money to pay for two of those.

Egypt has broken up a ring trafficking organs for transplants. The worst part was the patient who received a new kidney only to find out the original donor was King Tut.

A police officer in Iowa will not be charged in a case where he shot a man who is now paralyzed. Mostly because right before he shot he yelled “Freeze!”

New York City says the presence of the United Nations generates $3.69 Billion for the local economy. Mostly from the cost for all the additional security from the risk of terrorism because of the inability for the U.N. to get anything done.

Donald Trump says he sold all his stocks in June. Mostly so he doesn’t get wiped out when he becomes President and his policies cause all the world markets to crash.

Apple will pay a $450,000 fine over hazardous waste violations. The only question is how much Samsung will eventually have to pay for the waste of what is left over from everything that was destroyed when their Galaxy Note 7 phones exploded.

Sears has lost several top executives right in the middle of the crucial holiday season. Mostly because they were tired of their official job description including cleaning out dressing rooms and refolding sale clothing items.

The CEO of AT&T says the number of hours people watch video will increase from five to nine hours a day. Especially the people with AT&T Wi-Fi who will find it takes that long just to download a single half hour episode of a show on Netflix.

The CEO of AT&T says the number of hours people watch video will increase from five to nine hours a day. Mostly for the people who need to kill that much time waiting for one of their calls on AT&T to actually go through.

Sea World is laying off 350 workers as profits continue to drop. The saddest part is seeing Shamu staking out a place by a freeway onramp with a sign saying “Will work for fish.”

GM says its new nine-speed transmission will save 2% on gasoline. Mostly because eight of the speeds are either “park” or “neutral.”

GM says its new nine-speed transmission will save 2% on gasoline. Especially when the car is not using any gas at all while being towed back to the dealer for the latest recall.

Pork giant Smithfield Foods pledges to cut its greenhouse gasses by 25% in the next nine years. Although if people want less gas in the environment, they can start by cutting back on the amount of pork they eat every day.

IKEA is offering four months of parental leave to all their employees. Mostly because that is how long it will take them to figure out how to put together the nursery furniture they bought from IKEA.

The CDC says the number of smokers in the U.S. is down to 40 Million, the lowest in 50 years. The decrease is credited to better education, high cigarette taxes and that most the people who started smoking in the past five decades are now dead.

A study says menopause is tied to a faster decline in women’s lung function. Mostly from constantly screaming at their husbands to “Turn up the AC, it’s boiling in here!”

Phillip Morris is seeking U.S. approval to market an alternative cigarette. Which is a little late, especially for the cities and states that are already doing it for them by legalizing pot.

Phillip Morris is seeking U.S. approval to market an alternative cigarette that heats and not burns tobacco for fewer health risks. It’s for people who are afraid of lung cancer but don’t mind dying a little slower from pneumonia or emphysema.

A survey says that doctors are still overprescribing drugs. Mostly the ones who are prohibited from investing in pharmaceutical companies but can still put their money into rehab centers.

A survey says that most parents are glued to a screen for 9 hours a day. Mostly looking at their smartphones while trying without any luck to call or text their kids.

A survey says that most parents are glued to a screen for 9 hours a day. Mostly going online to check their kids’ accounts on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram to see what trouble they are getting into.

A study says 27% of medical school students are depressed. Mostly at the prospect of spending eight years in college and another 40 years paying off tuition bills to then live another ten years like a college student again to save enough to retire.

A study says 27% of medical school students are depressed. The other 73% just know they have a few more years before they can prescribe themselves anything they want to put them back into a good mood again.

A study says bikini waxing is tied to higher STDs. Especially for the women who risk picking up an STD along with several other possible infections when they go to get their bikini waxing done at the same place that offers piercings and tattoos.

A study says bikini waxing is tied to higher STDs. Especially for the men who go out with women who like to wax because they are tired of having to keep dealing with a semi-permanent case of the crabs.

A study says smartphone health apps often miss real medical emergencies. Which are mostly a result of people looking never getting off the couch because they are checking out their health apps all day.

A study says smartphone health apps often miss real medical emergencies. Apparently the app designers say that is what the “9-1-1” buttons are there for.

A study says smartphone health apps often miss real medical emergencies. Especially the ones caused by people looking at their health apps while they are driving right before they steer their car into a tree.

A study says driving while drowsy can be more dangerous than driving while drunk. Mostly because it is so much easier to text behind the wheel after having a few drinks than when you are too tired to focus on the keyboard.

A study says half of all teenagers think they are addicted to their cellphone. The other half couldn’t put the phone down for the necessary two and a half minutes needed to look away from Facebook and Twitter to take the survey.

A study says half of all teenagers think they are addicted to their cellphone. The other half say they still leave plenty of time during the day to put the phone down and instead use their iPad, laptop and home computer.

A study says many kids’ headphones carry the risk of hearing loss. Which is good news for parents who would rather have their kids go deaf than listen to any more Kanye West, Justin Bieber and Nicki Minaj.

A study says many kids’ headphones carry the risk of hearing loss. Mostly because parents today are afraid to point that out to their children at the risk of finally sounding like their own parents.

A study says selfless people who care about others have the best chance of attracting sex partners. So after all these years it has finally been proven that the best pickup line really is “Can I buy you a drink?”

A study says that exercise can lead to a higher sperm count. Which makes absolutely no difference to the people whose only exercise is done with the one hand not on the keyboard.

Naomi Judd says she has battled severe depression for years. Which is nothing like what her daughter Wynonna has gone through her entire life having every guy she meets say “Your mom is SO hot!”

Former “American Idol” runner up Justin Guarini has landed a role in the Broadway production “In Transit.” Which isn’t so much the name of the play as his description as the theater’s parking valet.

The Chicago Cubs will pick up a $369,000 individual share for winning the World Series. Which is exactly the same amount that would have been generated by now putting $2 in a mutual index fund the last time the Cubs won the ‘Series in 1908.

Donald Trump will attend the annual Army-Navy football game this weekend. Apparently he is more of a fan of Army since during the Vietnam war they gave him five draft deferments compared to the Navy only giving him four.

Researchers say that they have successfully allowed humans to play a video game with signals sent directly into their brain. Which means one day gamers will be able to play all day while still having both hands free to simultaneously shove pizza slices down their throat.

Google says it will run entirely on renewable energy by next year. Workers will be 100% renewable once they can convince the same commitment to going green from the companies that make Dockers pants, Polo shirts and Hush Puppies shoes.

A report from IBM says that Thanksgiving Day is becoming much more popular as a day to do holiday shopping. Mostly for the people who find it a convenient excuse to fill up on turkey and leave the family gathering before the fistfights break out.

Western Digital will offer a 14 terabyte hard drive next year. Which is good news for Kim Kardashian who will finally be able to have a computer to store a selfie that contains her entire backside.

New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has the lowest rating of any governor in the past 20 years. Which is ironic in that there are governors who are still more popular after burning all their bridges than he is for just shutting one down.

Vice President-elect Mike Pence says Donald Trump has a mandate to govern. Imagine how much he would feel the people are completely behind him if he ended up with a majority of them who actually decided to vote for him.

The Supreme Court ruled Samsung may not have to pay $399 Million for copying the look of the Apple iPhone. Mostly because it is still very easy to tell them apart once the Galaxy Note 7 phone blows up into a thousand pieces.


That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Only 18 more shopping days until Christmas. Which makes you wonder about the sincerity of people celebrating a religious holiday which is always preceded by how many shopping days there are until its arrival. If you want to give me the best Christmas gift, you won’t find it in any retail outlet. Just make sure to remember to always keep sending the love!

Tuesday, December 06, 2016

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

A website that was labeled as “fake news’ is suing the Washington Post. The worst part is that the Post got the tip about the story from Janet Cooke.

A study says eating nuts every day can make for a longer life. Although that is something to question the next time you see a squirrel flattened out on the roadway.

A woman delivered a baby on a Southwest flight to Orlando. The problem when that happens on United is by the time the plane lands the child is more than two years old and the parents have to buy the baby its own seat.

Prosecutors say a truck stop chiropractor falsified health exams. The question is how did they ever even suspect something wrong with health exams performed by a chiropractor working out of a truck stop?

The group American Atheists is urging people to “Make Christmas great again” by skipping church. Mostly just for the time they will save in skipping confession to admit all the sins they committed just while shopping on Black Friday.

Cereal maker General Mills says it will cut up to 600 jobs. Which will mean 599 pink slips and one stake through the heart of Count Chocula.

Cereal maker General Mills says it will cut up to 600 jobs. The sad part is Lucky the Leprechaun will have to find a way to pay for his diabetes treatment from eating seven bowls of a marshmallow and sugar-filled cereal every day.

New York City is requesting $35 Million from the federal government for security for Donald Trump. To which the government says they can cut the need for security by 90% by just keeping Trump away from his Twitter account for a few days.

A Chicago food truck owner has lost a four year fight over rules for mobile vendors. People were surprised. There are rules for food trucks?

A Chicago food truck owner has lost a four year fight over rules for mobile vendors. The good news is that the four year old food sitting in her truck is still more fresh than most the other food trucks out on the streets.

Marijuana industry entrepreneurs want Donald Trump to see them as job creators. Which he will as soon as he is given information about how many jobs they are responsible for, not with marijuana but with all the new pizzerias that have sprung up around the dispensaries.

The Pentagon says Russia is America’s “number one threat” as Vladimir Putin is presiding over frenzied defense spending. Although Putin claims the arms buildup is just a result of some great deals offered by defense contractors over the Black Friday weekend.

Doyle Owens, founder of the unclaimed baggage store has died at age 85. His funeral will be scheduled just as soon as the medical examiner can find where they left his body bag.

A report says fake news may have influenced Italy’s election. Which will be investigated just as soon as authorities are able to verify the authenticity of the report.

A report says the overload of deals on the Internet is making for the comeback of travel agents. Especially for people flying on United who need an itinerary along with a backup alternate Plan B, C and D just in case.

Under Armor has signed a deal to make Major League Baseball uniforms that will sport their logo by 2020. The one exception will be the uniform of Bartolo Colon who has his own deal to wear the logos of McDonald’s, Burger King and Pizza Hut.

U.S. consumer average daily spending in November rose to $98 a day. The increase was attributed to the extra money spent by most households for the injuries and bail expenses incurred during Black Friday shopping.

U.S. consumer average daily spending in November rose to $98 a day. Which is great news for the economy other than the fact their average income is still $57 a day.

A study says even one cigarette a day can increase the odds of an early death. Especially when that cigarette is smoked after having sex with the wife of a jealous husband.

A study says even one cigarette a day can increase the odds of an early death. Which means if that’s the case why not just go ahead and finish off the rest of the pack?

A woman in India had 12,000 stones removed from his gall bladder. After which the team of surgeons advised the patient “Hey, next time go a little easy on the chutney.”

A report says the rising price of drugs for sexual problems is putting sex out of reach for some couples. To which older couples are remembering when the price of sex was just the cost of dinner and a movie.

A report says the rising price of drugs for sexual problems is putting sex out of reach for some couples. The most popular sex drugs are Viagra and Cialis, unless you are Bill Cosby in which case it is still Quaaludes.

A study says football positions are linked to the risk of high blood pressure and heart abnormalities. Especially when playing center and wondering why the quarterback keeps putting his hands on your backside on every play.

The CDC says they have missed their goals when it comes to cutting back on obesity, food poisoning and infections. Although they say that reports on all three tend to cut back every time they close down a different Chipotle restaurant.

An Oklahoma company is recalling 2 Million pounds of ready to eat chicken that was undercooked. It will be repackaged and sold next time as “almost ready to eat.”

An Oklahoma company is recalling 2 Million pounds of ready to eat chicken that was undercooked. Next time they will label it as “ready-to-eat-and-go-to-the-ER.”

A study says open office plans are less productive for workers because of increased noise. Mostly as it makes it very hard to post on Facebook while trying to eavesdrop on someone who is two desks across the room.

Researchers say they have created an artificial red blood cell. Apparently the trick to replicating it was making it out of the same elements contained in most people’s blood supply, meaning a combination of fat, salt and sugar.

A study says the richest Americans live 7 to 10 years longer than the poorest. To which most millionaires are upset, saying “Do you mean I went to college and worked all those years behind a desk making a fortune and a lousy extra 10 years is all I get?”

A study says the richest Americans live 7 to 10 years longer than the poorest. Mostly because the richest people have a crack legal team that gives them those extra years by keeping them out of prison for how they made their money.

Justin Bieber says he will go on his first ever North American stadium tour next summer. Apparently it will start out by going to a Yankees game, then over to watch the Red Sox play at Fenway and the Cubs at Wrigley Field.

A full length trailer has been released of “The Mummy” starring Tom Cruise. Although some critics are saying they probably should have cut the scene where Cruise declares his love for his costar while jumping up and down on a sarcophagus.

Former porn star Jenna Jameson got into a Twitter battle with Klansman David Duke over Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu. How bad has it gotten when the real news is less believable than all the fake news going around?

“Dancing With The Stars” performers Maksim Chemrkovskiy and his pregnant partner Peta Murgatroyd were reportedly kicked out of their first Lamaze class. Apparently the instructors were worried the baby would be born before they were able to correctly write down the names of the parents.

Bud Selig talked about being commissioner of baseball during the steroid era, saying he didn’t know what else he could have done. Apparently he means the part where he looked away and pretended nothing was going on the first fifteen years or so.

Bud Selig talked about being commissioner of baseball during the steroid era, saying he didn’t know what else he could have done. Fans are more interested in what drugs he was taking when he let the 1994 season end without a World Series.

Philadelphia Eagles coach Doug Pederson says “not everybody played hard” against the Cincinnati Bengals last Sunday. To which his team members all say since it was the Bengals, they didn’t think they were supposed to play hard.

Former FIFA President Sepp Blatter has lost his appeal of a six year ban from the sport after being convicted of corruption. The worst part is the judges gave their decision by saying “Guiltyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!”

 A report says Facebook, Twitter, and Youtube are teaming up to curb terrorist content. Mostly by trying to find a way to keep Donald Trump away from his smartphone when he is in a bad mood.

Researchers in Egypt have found what they believe are the knees of Queen Nefertari. Apparently they were right next to an inscription that reads “I shaved my legs for this?”

Researchers in Egypt have found what they believe are the knees of Queen Nefertari. Since the mummy’s chest area was missing they knew it couldn’t be Queen Nefertiti. (Yes, immature, juvenile but worth a laugh…)

A world’s record was set when 72,000 candles were placed on the same cake. The achievement was then celebrated with everyone on hand singing “Happy Birthday” to Larry King.

Uber says it will create an AI lab to match riders with cars and set up routes. Which pretty much means having all the drivers in any city show up around the local bars around 2:00 in the morning.

Queen Victoria’s bloomers are up for auction in the UK. The undergarments are valuable as they remind subjects there was a time when Royals valued their privacy and modesty in the days before it became common to see topless pictures of Kate Middleton and naked photos of Prince Harry online.

Satellite photos show the Great Salt Lake in Utah is shrinking in size. Experts say it is a result of over irrigation and drought rather than the usual cause of shrinkage being blamed on the water being too cold.

A report says former Senator Bob Dole organized the call to Donald Trump from the President of Taiwan. Mostly so they can blame the misstep on a 93 year old dialing the wrong number while trying to order some takeout from a Taiwanese restaurant.

A secret Pentagon study reportedly found $125 Billion in wasted spending. Mostly the $125 Billion that was spent on hiring the team of researchers to conduct the study.

A secret Pentagon study reportedly found $125 Billion in wasted spending. Which was a relief as it was much less than the $1 Trillion that was wasted fighting the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan.

A secret Pentagon study reportedly found $125 Billion in wasted spending. The worst part is that the study found the best bargain the military ever negotiated is actually those $600 toilet seats and $400 hammers.

Jeb Bush has joined a law firm in Florida as a political adviser. Although it might not be such a good idea to take political advice from someone who was given $150 Million to run for President and ended up with three convention delegates.

Joe Biden says about 2020 that he is “not committed not to run.” Which means he must be considering it as that sentence actually makes more sense and is easier to understand than anything else he has said in the past eight years.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! I have to give a shout out to my NFL team, the Oakland Raiders. The team’s record is now 10-2. Ten wins lately was considered to be a pretty good decade. With only four weeks to go, they actually have a chance to win the division. It would be nice as a Raiders fan to be able to see them get into the January playoffs instead of spending October and beyond thinking about what position they will have in the draft. Now if there was just a way to keep the team in Oakland. The ‘Vegas Raiders? I don’t think so. Seeing the Raiders put some wins on the board makes me almost as happy as when all of you remember to keep on always sending the love!



Sunday, December 04, 2016

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

MIT researchers have developed a computer that can predict the immediate future by examining a photograph. Mostly by looking at a selfie taking by someone while driving and prognosticating the car will soon be colliding head on with a tree.

The Saudi national bank system was reportedly damaged by malware from Iran. Although the software was not very sophisticated as anyone trying to access an account found their computer taken over by a game of Pong.

A Manhattan man who lost his vision nearly 20 years ago has remarkably regained his sight. His first words after being able to see again were “So that’s where I put my glasses.”

Eight people were injured when a bus carrying cheerleaders crashed in Texas. The passengers were able to help rescuers by yelling out “2,4,6,8…who do we evacuate?”

Eight people were injured when a bus carrying cheerleaders crashed into a truck in Texas. Passengers described what it was like to hit the truck, saying “It pushed us back, pushed us back, waaaay back!”

A panel has made 16 urgent recommendations to Donald Trump on how to improve the nation’s cybersecurity. 15 of them had to do with not letting other countries see what he is posting on Twitter.

Golden State Warriors Coach Steve Kerr says he has been smoking marijuana to treat his back pain. He is the first coach to show his players how to avoid bricks while he tries to score one.

Rolling Stones keyboardist Chuck Leavell gave an interview where he says he is worried about the effects of climate change. Especially after he hears stories from Keith Richards about how different the weather was back in the Mesozoic Era.

A startup has developed an algorithm that can reportedly predict who will die in the next year. Mostly the people who haven’t yet traded in their old Samsung Galaxy Note 7 exploding phone.

A startup has developed an algorithm that can reportedly predict who will die in the next year. Which is pretty easy if you start off with the top three people on the “oldest in the world” list.

A survey says Elon Musk is the most admired leader in the tech industry. Mostly because he is the only person in Silicon Valley who actually sports a normal looking haircut.

A survey says that 5% of people still consider Steve Jobs the most admired leader in the tech industry. How bad is that for Bill Gates to come in behind someone who has been dead for five years?

Supersonic passenger planes are set to being testing next year. Which is great for people flying out of JFK who will be able to get to Europe in just an hour, not including the combined seven hours they were stuck in traffic going to the airport and sitting on the tarmac waiting for takeoff.

Sarah Palin says Donald Trump’s deal with Carrier to keep jobs in the U.S. is “crony capitalism.” Apparently she feels individual deals with companies is not as smart as policy changes to create employment, like starting three more unnecessary wars.

A study says the gifts from “The 12 Days of Christmas” would cost $34,363. Although that doesn’t take into account the farm subsidies that would be made eligible with the purchase of eight maids a-milking.

A study says the gifts from “The 12 Days of Christmas” would cost $34,363. Although most of that would be the medical bills from the injuries suffered in Black Friday riots while trying to get out the door with the ten lords a-leaping.

The CEO of Ford says the company is planning to move their small car output to Mexico. Which is still a victory for Donald Trump as small cars will only be able to sneak two or three people in the trunk when they are driven back across the border.

Domino’s in Japan is giving up on the idea of delivering pizza with reindeer. Mostly because people were finding that pizza was not the only kind of pie being left on their doorstep.

Domino’s in Japan is giving up on the idea of delivering pizza with reindeer. Mostly because the fat man in the red suit that was in charge of the reindeer kept insisting on bringing the pizzas into the house through the chimney.

The GOP is reportedly planning on repealing Obamacare immediately, then delaying the action for several years. They are also planning to immediately claim the national debt balanced, no more unemployment and the immigration issue solved effective in 2052.

A report says older Americans are still skipping their vaccinations. In fact, it was recently discovered a pair of octogenarians had just recently been diagnosed with a case of the cooties.

A study says 24 hour work shifts can be bad for the heart. Which is bad news for the six year olds just starting out at Nike who are finding out they may have trouble making it through their 20s.

A study says 24 hour work shifts can be bad for the heart. Although the study didn’t address what happens to the people who are trying to make ends meet working four six hour shifts at all their part time jobs.

A report says doctors are rethinking their advice for people who are sick to drink plenty of fluids. Especially those people who became ill in the first place drinking from the public water supply in Flint, Michigan.

Some flavored varieties of Trader Joe’s flavored hummus have been recalled because of possible listeria. Which is too bad because the listeria-flavored hummus was one of the favorites, but will still be available in E.coli, salmonella and botulism.

A study says two of three depressed teenagers benefit from therapy. The other one just continues being a teenager.

Experts say that bullying has become a public health problem. Which made it very difficult for the experts to announce while they were adjusting their pants to ease the effects of the wedgie they just received from their patients.

Experts say that bullying has become a public health problem. Although it will actually affect more Americans now that it has also become our new foreign policy strategy.

Former pharmaceutical CEO Martin Shkreli told Australian students who reproduced the drug he was charging patients $750 a pill for just a few dollars that in the 21st century, science and technology will solve our problems. Although what will make people feel even better is when Shkreli is eventually sent to prison.

A study says that boys who sit still have a harder time learning to read. Which is bad news for the parents of both of those young boys.

A study says that boys who sit still have a harder time learning to read. Mostly because they are easier targets to hit for the other boys who are throwing paper wads, pencils and books across the classroom.

Mandy Moore says therapy helped her through her divorce from Ryan Adams. That and knowing that it could have been a lot worse if she had gone ahead and married her old boyfriend Wilmer Valderrama.

Amanda Seyfried claims she can “smell the TV” while pregnant. Which a lot of people have been saying for years in any condition they were in while watching “The Kardashians.”

Madonna told fans at a performance that she hasn’t had sex in a long time. Which back in 1985, a long time for her was between costume changes during a concert.

Madonna told fans at a performance that she hasn’t had sex in a long time. Which is interesting as back in the 1980s a concert for her was pretty much one long simulation of having sex.

A Virginia school district has banned “To Kill A Mockingbird” and “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” after a parent complained about racial slurs. Also because neither book has been checked out by a student to actually read since 1993.

A Virginia school district has banned “To Kill A Mockingbird” and “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” after a parent complained about racial slurs. Not only that, but “The Three Musketeers” may be also be banned because it promotes eating a fat and saturated candy bar.

Russian President Vladimir Putin has vowed to protect artistic freedom in his country. Which means anyone has the freedom to paint pictures of him either with or without him wearing a shirt.

Dale Earnhardt, Jr. says he is ready to get back into racing and to get married. His car is pretty recognizable as the only one on the NASCAR track that is pulling along a string of tin cans.

39% of Americans say they would give up sex if they could be assured of cybersecurity. Which is ironic since they haven’t had sex ever since they started sitting in front of their computer screen for 18 hours a day.

39% of Americans say they would give up sex if they could be assured of cybersecurity. Mostly because they figure who needs to have sex with another person as long as they have safe access to watching Internet porn.

Microsoft’s “holoportation” allows the user to see, hear and interact with others remotely as if they were in the same room. Which means they have finally invented the perfect way for people to actually be able to enjoy having Thanksgiving with the rest of the family.

Microsoft’s “holoportation” allows the user to see, hear and interact with others remotely as if they were in the same room. Which means people can stay on their own couch while having the sensation they would have visiting friends and relatives and sitting on someone else’s couch.

Mark Wahlberg says celebrities should shut up about politics. Apparently most Americans don’t agree with him since they just elected one to be President.

A picture shows that Donald Trump uses Scotch tape to hold his tie together. Which is exactly the same strategy he has for the economy, foreign affairs and his relationship with Congress.

A report says New York City officials have intentionally ground traffic to a halt to make drivers so miserable they take public transportation and ride bikes. Which means after fifty years of failure, it might finally be time to try Plan “B.”

A report says New York City officials have intentionally ground traffic to a halt to make drivers so miserable they take public transportation and ride bikes. Which after not working all these years you would think Chris Christie could have found another idea to try besides “Bridgegate.”

A report says Anthony Weiner is so broke, he can’t afford sex addiction rehab. Apparently it’s hard for him to find work, not because he doesn’t have an impressive resume but because of what he is sending with his follow up texts.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! I hope you all had a good weekend. I want to thank all of your for checking out the blog and playing the daily game of “find the funny joke.” I know it might take a while but I’m sure it is worth the effort once you locate the winner. I just want you all to know that I get exactly the same sensation when you all remember to make sure to always keep on sending the love!