Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

A group led by Al Gore wants $15 Trillion to fight global warming. The only problem is that the planet’s temperature could go even higher from burning all that cash.

A group led by Al Gore wants $15 Trillion to fight global warming. Apparently the money is needed as the third installment of “An Inconvenient Truth” is going to use all-union film crews.

Sean Hannity says liberals are trying to silence conservative voices with sexual harassment charges, to which he has assembled a team of the “finest and toughest” lawyers. Meaning he prefers to silence opponents the traditional way. With cash and intimidation.

ESPN is anticipating layoffs that could become a “bloodbath.” No one had any idea the consequences would be this serious just from Thursday Night Football.

ESPN is anticipating layoffs that could become a “bloodbath.” On one hand, anchors are afraid of losing their high-paying jobs. On the other, it appears to be the only way they will ever get out of Bristol, Connecticut.

Google has promised to alter its search results to punish websites that promote extreme views, fake news and conspiracy theories. In other words, you will just get a blank page when you type in “Breitbart.”

Google has promised to alter its search results to punish websites that promote extreme views, fake news and conspiracy theories. The good news for Fox is that even if people can’t access their web page, they still have their TV channel.

The U.S. Air Force is planning to launch a test missile off the California coast. Which is getting confusing when someone with a bad haircut orders an Intercontinental Ballistic Missile show of strength does it mean the U.S. or North Korea?

A Notre Dame University student accused of stalking, harassment and dating violence claims he was expelled because he is male. Which is like IRS saying people don’t like them because they are a part of the government.

Scientists say they have created an artificial womb. The bad news is that it could mean that Caitlyn Jenner could get hold of one to create even more Kardashians.

A popular antivirus program reportedly can mistakenly identify Windows as a threat. Which most users say isn’t that far off as long as it is calling out Windows 7, Windows 95 or Windows Vista.

A report says Donald Trump’s border wall request for funding represents .035% of federal spending. The problem is the other 99.965% is earmarked for the military.

A report says Donald Trump’s border wall request for funding represents .035% of federal spending. The real problem is that it also represents all the money that is left in the Federal Treasury.

Scientists say they are close to developing a muscle-building exercise pill. The only problem is that if people store the pills on a high shelf it could be too hard for them to put out the effort to get them down to take them.

Commerce Secretary Wilbur Ross says a U.S. trade war with Canada is “unlikely.” Mostly because he feels if it gets that serious, Americans can do without bacon and molasses if Canadians can give up their brats and cheese.

Nordstrom’s is selling jeans covered in dirt for $425 a pair. Or women could just give a $20 pair of regular jeans to a man and wait a week.

Nordstrom’s is selling jeans covered in dirt for $425 a pair. That way they can tell if the pants have been worn when they are returned cleaner than when they were bought.

A congressional panel says the Republican plan to cut corporate taxes would lead to massive revenue losses. To which corporate CEOs are arguing the finding, saying “Not for us!”

North Korea detained an American at an airport for unknown reasons. Which at least is better than the last time Kim Jong-un kept someone from boarding a flight.

A Scottish politician running for Glasgow city council says she wants to bring back the guillotine. How strict are the parking laws in that city?

John McCain has told Donald Trump to “get tough” with China about North Korea. Apparently he thinks Trump is weak in going a whole 100 days in office without starting a war.

John McCain has told Donald Trump to “get tough” with China about North Korea. He thinks China at the very least is close enough to yell at Kim Jong-un to get off their lawn.

McDonald’s has increased their revenue with their all-day breakfast menu. Which shows that expanding the menu leads to expanded profits by expanding waistlines.

Uber says it plans to test a fleet of flying taxis by 2020. Although some people not might not feel comfortable being flown around by an unemployed graduate student who has never been behind the wheel of anything more complicated than a Prius.

Uber says it plans to test a fleet of flying taxis by 2020. Although the last thing anyone who needs a ride wants to do is be flown around after drinking too much after a sushi dinner.

A report says consumer complaints have spiked 325% in 2017 over student loans. Mostly when borrowers realized they are going to be paying back 325% of the original amount.

A report says consumer complaints have spiked 325% in 2017 over student loans. How bad is that business when people are more satisfied after flying on United?

The release date for “Star Wars: Episode IX” has been announced for May of 2019. The only problem will be for people going to theaters who will have to step over the geeks camping out for a place in line for the next two years.

A report says home prices in the U.S. grew at the fastest rate in the past three years. Which just means the people who lost their homes in 2008 have even less of a chance of ever being able to afford to buy them back.

A report says home prices in the U.S. grew at the fastest rate in the past three years. Which is great news for the Chinese investors who are the only ones to still be able to buy them up.

House Republicans are targeting strict regulations put into effect after the financial crisis. Apparently the idea is that people have had nine years to get back on their feet so it seems like a good time to crash the economy again.

House Republicans are targeting strict regulations put into effect after the financial crisis. Which means it may be time to change the old adage to “Once bitten twice stupid.”

A report says the number of undocumented immigrants in the U.S. has dropped in the past year. Mostly because after seeing how the U.S. going, they are more afraid of the wall not keeping them out but keeping them in once they are here.

A romance novelist was injured at the Las Vegas airport when his e-cigarette battery exploded in his pocket. Even he couldn’t come up with a better romance novel line than “I feel an intense heat for you. In my pants!”

A poll says Russians are seeing a widening gap between the rich and poor. In fact, they are so much like the U.S. anymore they decided to pick our President for us.

Researchers say mindfulness and meditation don’t help with lower back pain. Especially when the person meditating throws their spine completely out of alignment by trying to twist themselves into the wounded peacock yoga position.

A study says heavy drinkers may not handle alcohol as well as they think. Which is probably how they became heavy drinkers in the first place.

Researchers say middle-aged people can empower their brains through exercise. The only problem is when their brains make them think they can still exercise like they remember doing 50 years ago.

A poll says 50% of Americans have little or no confidence in the GOP health care push. The other 50% have no confidence in the GOP’s policies for the border wall, economy, jobs, education, environment…

76 year old Faye Dunaway says she “felt guilty” over the Oscars Best Picture gaffe. Mostly because it was her first speaking part in 20 years and she felt embarrassed about having to yell out “Line!”

Kelly Wright, a black male anchor at Fox News is suing the network alleging racial discrimination. People were surprised. Fox has a black male anchor?

Elton John has cancelled some U.S. shows following a rare infection contracted in South America. Although he wasn’t upset that he finally can say he has something in common with last summer’s Olympic athletes.

The Writers Guild of America has voted to authorize a strike. They have no plans to walk out, it just gives them a good plot line for several series episode scripts some of them are working on.

“The Walton’s” star Mary McDonough says she starved herself after being told she was too fat for television. To which producers say they didn’t tell her to be thin to look pretty, but because their show was set during the Depression.

Clemson quarterback Deshaun Watson says he will enter the NFL draft with one goal, being as good as Tom Brady. Apparently he upped his standards from his old objective of being as good as Johnny Manziel.

Clemson quarterback Deshaun Watson says he will enter the NFL draft with one goal, being as good as Tom Brady. To which coaches are already holding him to that, asking him how well he can handle an air pressure gauge.

Jeb Bush will have controlling interest of the Miami Marlins if his group is chosen to buy the team. The only question is how did Jeb Bush come up with the most money in a $1.3 purchase while working as an employee for the State of Florida?

Jeb Bush will have controlling interest of the Miami Marlins if his group is chosen to buy the team. Apparently after his disastrous campaign in 2016 he is picking the route his brother used to get to the White House through baseball.

Spurs coach Gregg Popovich reportedly left a $5,000 tip at a restaurant in Memphis. How good was that server on the refill detail?

David Stern says he doesn’t miss being the NBA Commissioner. Neither does anyone else considering his greatest achievement was bringing a major professional sport to Oklahoma.

Maria Sharapova may have to qualify to get into the French Open. To win the championship that means she would have to get past almost as many opponents as if she had run for French President.

A Chinese entrepreneur is promoting insects as a source of protein for the country. Which shouldn’t be that hard of a sell to a people who don’t mind an occasional plateful of dog, fox and donkey meat.

Caitlyn Jenner says she would seriously consider running for public office. At least there is one person who would take that seriously.

Caitlyn Jenner says she would seriously consider running for public office. The only bad part would be dealing with opponents trying to label her as a “flip-flopper.”

A poll says most Millennials disapprove of Donald Trump. Which means for one of the few times in the nation’s history when it comes to politics there is no generation gap.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! As you know, I write this blog five days a week almost without fail. Which means as of Friday I might be open more days a year than the federal government. If they are going to do a shutdown, why couldn’t it have happened before Tax Day? There is just no sense of timing in Washington, D.C. If Donald Trump shuts down the government, that will be good news for the people who used that reason to vote for him. We’ll see how happy they are when they don’t get their Social Security check. I know all it takes to ever make me happy is when you all remember to always keep on sending the love!


Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

Donald Trump says he wants to send astronauts to Mars during his first term as President. Which could be his alternative as a way to get around to having to send any illegal immigrants back home.

A survey says Wi-Fi in the home is more important to people than having clean underwear. Although having a clean change of underwear is the first thing some people need when the Internet goes down right in the middle of binge watching “Doctor Who.”

DNC Chairman Tom Perez is being criticized for his frequent swearing in speeches. Apparently it has just been hard to stop ever since he saw the election returns on November 8th.

Alibaba founder Jack Ma says within 30 years a robot will be on the cover of Time Magazine as the best CEO. People were shocked at the prediction. Time Magazine will still be around in 30 years?

Alibaba founder Jack Ma says within 30 years a robot will be on the cover of Time Magazine as the best CEO. To which Bill Gates is saying he’s already been there nine times.

Alibaba founder Jack Ma says he sees decades of pain as the Internet upends the old economy. Mostly the pain from people looking at all the junk around their house they ordered from Alibaba, Amazon and eBay.

Alibaba founder Jack Ma says he sees decades of pain as the Internet upends the old economy. Which won’t be that much of a change for most people who have gone through the last nine years in pain from living with the old economy.

Prosecutors in Connecticut were able to use data from a Fitbit in order to bring murder charges against a dead woman’s husband. Investigators feel he should have known that giving someone an incentive to exercise could prove fatal.

North Korea media has issued a threat to “wipe out” the U.S. To which Wall Street bankers are saying they tried that back in 2007 and it is harder than it looks.

Chobani Yogurt is suing conservative radio host Ales Jones for spreading false information about the company. Which will be hard to prove any damages since it will be hard to find any radio listeners who actually eat yogurt.

Chobani Yogurt is suing conservative radio host Ales Jones for spreading false information about the company. The only problem is that it is the closest he has ever been to the truth after his claims about Pizzagate, the 911 “inside job” and Sandy Hook being staged.

A Washington State boy celebrated his 12th birthday by asking for people to donate shoes to the homeless. Mostly because 12 year old boys don’t ever need shoes since the only place they ever walk is from the couch to the refrigerator and back.

Egyptian tourism officials are insisting popular sites are safe. Which would be a different opinion from the one given by all the slaves who had to build those pyramids.

An immigration rights group has put together a video showing people how to avoid deportation. The first suggestion is by getting a job as a waiter or gardener at Mar-a-Lago.

A report says apprenticeship programs are putting workers on track to jobs in finance. Which will teach them how to make all kinds of money in a field that makes all its future employees to work for free.

A report says apprenticeship programs are putting workers on track to jobs in finance. Although the last apprenticeship program that people put their faith into has ended up pushing the country back into the 1950s.

The attorney for the United Airlines dragged passenger is now representing the woman in the stroller incident on American. If he ends up in court against Delta that means he will pretty much be resigned to doing all his traveling on Greyhound.

The attorney for the United Airlines dragged passenger is now representing the woman in the stroller incident on American. All it will take is a lawsuit against Southwest and he will qualify for the Frequent Litigators program.

A report says Wisconsin dairy farms are facing closings due to Canadian policies. Which is ironic as those dairies have stayed in business all these years because of the Canadian diet.

Donald Trump says he wants to cut the corporate tax rate to 15%. To which U.S. corporations say that is great, especially as long as they can still pay with pesos, rubles and Yuan.

Donald Trump says he wants to cut the corporate tax rate to 15%. To which the businesses are asking if he means cutting to 15% from the current 35% rate, or raising it to 15% from the zero percent they actually pay now.

Bill O’Reilly is back on a podcast after being taken off the air by Fox News. The cost to listen is $4.95 a month or $49.95 a year. Although listening to his private phone conversations with women coworkers costs $2.99 a minute.

Ontario, Canada has launched a guaranteed income program that will pay people a minimum $12,600 a year. Which is also offered in the U.S. but only if you can qualify for unemployment, disability or welfare.

A study says walking can improve a person’s brain function. The way to tell is for the people who go out for a walk and can actually find their way back home.

A brand of hash brown potatoes is being recalled because they may contain pieces of golf balls. You can tell when the waitress bringing you breakfast yells out “Fore!”

A brand of hash brown potatoes is being recalled because they may contain pieces of golf balls. It’s the one that is advertised as  “Tiger Woods’ Breakfast of Champions.”

A brand of hash brown potatoes is being recalled because they may contain pieces of golf balls. People are urged when they see someone choking on a piece of golf ball to make sure to perform the Heimlich maneuver using the Vardon grip.

A brand of hash brown potatoes is being recalled because they may contain pieces of golf balls. So far it has resulted in the most choking caused by golf balls since the 2012 U.S. Ryder Cup team.

A study says bright lights could help with waking patients out of a coma. Which is really bad when they have been in a sleep state for years because the whole time they thought it was still nighttime.

A study says obesity steals more years from people’s lives than diabetes, smoking, high blood pressure and cholesterol. The irony is that all of those problems could be wiped out by losing the junk food diet and the after meal cigarette.

Mississippi is trying to recruit homegrown doctors to cure the state’s physician shortage. The only problem is that the number one reason people there go to college and medical school is to make enough money to leave Mississippi.

Justin Bieber says he “Thanks God he is not where he used to be.” To which all the Canadians are saying “Back at ya!”

Former Fox News anchor Andrea Tantaros is accusing the network of illegal electronic surveillance. To which Fox is saying that was just Bill O’Reilly’s way of saying welcome aboard.

Kenny G gave an impromptu concert on a Delta Airlines flight. To which the passengers said the next time they would rather be dragged off United or hit with a stroller on American.

Kid Rock teamed up with Jack Nicklaus at a golf tournament to beat Gary Player and Lee Trevino. Mostly because every time they tried to putt, Kid Rock kept yelling “Shake the bogey, said up jump the bogey.”

Richard Simmons, following his hospitalization thanked the doctors, nurses, police officers, firefighters and the military. Just what did the guy have? Even Ebola didn’t require that much help.

Serena Williams wrote a letter to her unborn baby saying “I can’t wait to meet you.” Neither can the other players who want to thank the baby for keeping Serena out of the major tournaments the next nine months.

Red Sox reliever Matt Barnes has been suspended four games for throwing at the Orioles Manny Machado. If that was the rule in the old days, Don Drysdale and Bob Gibson wouldn’t have had more than three starts in a season.

Giants pitcher Madison Bumgarner says the dirt bike ride that caused an injury “was not the most responsible decision.” Now the team is just waiting for when he decides to tell how he really got hurt.

A New Jersey teenager has been accepted to all eight Ivy League schools. Although the application to Princeton was actually a mistake as the reason she wants to go to an Ivy League school is so she can finally get out of New Jersey.

A New Jersey teenager has been accepted to all eight Ivy League schools. Although the application to Princeton was actually a mistake as the reason she wants to go to an Ivy League school is so she can finally get out of New Jersey.

Marissa Mayer will make a reported $186 Million from the sale of Yahoo to Verizon. The money is a bonus for Mayer’s decision to relinquish control before her leadership took the company’s value down to zero.

Marissa Mayer will make a reported $186 Million from the sale of Yahoo to Verizon. Upon learning of the news she couldn’t think of any other words to describe her feelings about Yahoo other than “Yippee!”

A report says America’s shrinking middle class is now less than in all 11 countries of Western Europe. What’s even worse is that Europe’s lower class is now pretty much the same as the U.S. middle class.

Scientists say that global warming is to be blamed for record-breaking heat waves around the world. And vice versa.

A Russian man has received the longest prison sentence ever in the U.S. for hacking. Ironically, the sentence for any Americans conspiring with Russian hackers is four years in the White House.

An “anomaly” is being blamed for a railway ticket on a 64 mile route in the UK to be listed at $12,000. Mostly because the railroad knew they could get the money as the only alternative way to get there was to fly United.

A report says Sears tops the list of retailers mostly vulnerable to defaulting on their debt. To which most people were surprised. “Sears is still in business?”

A report says Sears tops the list of retailers mostly vulnerable to defaulting on their debt. What’s worse is that all the other retailers are tied for second.

A retired Marine General is expected to be named as the next director of the Secret Service. Mostly because even a retired person can remember to lock the White House doors before going to bed at night.

Chris Christie gave Donald Trump a “B” grade on his first 100 days in office. Which means Christie pretty much gets an “F” when it comes to knowing the only way to get on the list to be hired by Trump is to never give anything less than an “A+.”

Bill O’Reilly is returning on a podcast that he says will be a “genuine news program.” The problem is that the only genuine news that everyone is talking about is all the sexual harassment lawsuits filed against Bill O’Reilly.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions says after being criticized about his comments about Hawaii “Nobody has a sense of humor anymore.” For example someone took away his favorite speech props of a rubber chicken and white hood.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Since I am posting this it means we haven’t been destroyed yet by nuclear war with North Korea. Damn. If it’s going to happen I want it to be before I mail in my credit card payment. Some scary times we are living in. Hopefully, these jokes take away a little of the anxiety from the world situation. Or maybe they just make them worse. In any event, I just hope you are relaxed enough to remember to always keep on sending the love!


Sunday, April 23, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

An American Airlines flight attendant has been suspended after reportedly hitting a woman passenger with her baby’s stroller. The good news is if the flight attendant is fired they have already been offered a position in customer service at United.

A study says professional gaming could pass sports like baseball and basketball in popularity. For one thing, the only PEDs that gamers need to be tested for are Mountain Dew and M&Ms.

A study says professional gaming could pass sports like baseball and basketball in popularity. One difference is that instead of treating knee and elbow injuries, team physicians for gamers need to be more schooled in heart disease and diabetes.

A report says membership in the U.S. Communist Party is climbing. Mostly from people who feel they have gotten no results from supporting parties like the Republicans, Democrats, Constitution, Green Party, Tea Party, Socialists…

Drones are being used to search for hikers lost in national parks. That won’t even be necessary once technology allows those campers to use their cellphones to call Domino’s and use those drones to just bring them a large pepperoni pizza.

A study says springtime allergies are linked to increasing suicide rates. Mostly from people who can’t go through another sleepless night because their partner kept them up sniffling, sneezing and coughing.

A study says springtime allergies are linked to increasing suicide rates. The only problem is being able to buy enough Benadryl to be able to cause an overdose.

United Airlines says CEO Oscar Munoz will not be promoted to Chairman. Not only that, but his compensation will be tied to customer satisfaction. Which means his salary will drop from $14 Million down to around minimum wage.

United Airlines says CEO Oscar Munoz will not be promoted to Chairman. Not only that, but his compensation will be tied to customer satisfaction. Which is bad for him as most customers won’t be satisfied until he is fired.

United Airlines says CEO Oscar Munoz will not be promoted to Chairman. Taking the chair may not be a good idea, considering what happened to the last person who tried to do that on a flight with United.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions says he will take away millions of dollars in federal funds from sanctuary cities if they don’t comply with immigration laws. Now those cities are being forced to find sanctuary from Jeff Sessions.

The UK had its first full day without any electricity generated by burning coal since the 1880s. The ironic part is that they found half their street lighting was necessary to be able to see through all the soot.

Mike Pence made up with Australia’s Prime Minister following a spat with Donald Trump. Apparently Congress saw this coming and gave the Vice President carte blanche to an account of $3 Billion with 1-800-FLOWERS.

Mike Pence made up with Australia’s Prime Minister following a spat with Donald Trump. The Vice President cleaning up the mistakes of the President is exactly the opposite of how it worked with Barack Obama and Joe Biden.

The winner of the Best Barista championships says the best cup of coffee is a result of the blend, timing and presentation. Plus the nerve to look the customer in the eye while charging them $25 for it.

A report says 85% of all clothes end up in landfills. Which is a waste of material and time except for that swan dress worn to the Oscars by Bjork.

A report says 85% of all clothes end up in landfills. The other 15% belong there, but those are the ones ending up on the rack at Wal-Mart.

Mike Pence says peace with North Korea is possible through China. The only problem is keeping Donald Trump from starting a war with China.

Mike Pence says peace with North Korea is possible through China. Mostly because China wants to protect its investment in the U.S. for when they finally foreclose.

Sears says it will close 50 auto centers and 92 Kmart pharmacies. Mostly because people won’t need their prescriptions for headache remedies once they stop having their cars repaired by Sears.

Sears says it will close 50 auto centers and 92 Kmart pharmacies. Mostly because of all the unemployed people who lost their health coverage and no longer need a car to drive to work.

Smart credit card company Plastc folded without shipping any orders. It turns out the only credit cards they made were the ones they used to finance themselves.

Fitch has downgraded Italy’s credit rating to one notch above junk because of large debt, a stagnant economy and divisive politics. Which wont affect the U.S. credit rating since all those features are now pretty much part of the national culture.

A London bar serves a $23 shot of whiskey that goes along with the use of a virtual reality headset. Which the customer can use to pretend they didn’t just spend $23 for a shot of whiskey.

A London bar serves a $23 shot of whiskey that goes along with the use of a virtual reality headset. Which seems redundant since virtual reality is pretty much the whole point of drinking whiskey.

Exxon and Shell are teaming up with Ivanka Trump to convince Donald Trump not to pull out of the Paris Climate Accord. To which everyone else in the world is saying “OK, what’s the catch?”

Blood testing company Theranos is being accused of misleading company directors and used fake demonstrations to promote their product. It turns out the only blood they were using was every last drop they were squeezing from their investors.

A poll says Americans still favor real estate as the best long-term investment. Apparently “long-term” only goes back to 2007 when most those people saw their homes get foreclosed.

Obama-era Surgeon General Vivek Murthy has been dismissed. Mostly because the Trump Administration figures why have a Surgeon General when in another few months no one is going to have any health care anyway?

Scientists marched on the nation’s capital over the weekend to demand funding in an attempt to shake up D.C. Although if they really wanted to shake things up, the march would have just involved all the seismologists.

Scientists marched on the nation’s capital over the weekend to demand funding. Their point is to have knowledge win out over ignorance. Which they may need some luck with if they look again at the results of the November election.

George H.W. Bush was hospitalized right after the Super Bowl coin toss. Apparently it really upset him that they didn’t take his advice to call “tails.”

George H.W. Bush was hospitalized right after the Super Bowl coin toss. Which is ironic in that most Americans are faced with a coin toss when they get sick between getting treatment or holding onto some of their life savings.

A group of California doctors and pharmacists have been charged in a $40 Million kickback scheme. Who did they think they were, a pharmaceutical company?

A group of California doctors and pharmacists have been charged in a $40 Million kickback scheme. If they needed that much money they should have just done it legally and loaded their shelves with some of those $600 Mylan EpiPens.

The FDA says lethal injection drugs imported by Texas must be destroyed or exported within 90 days. To which Arkansas is saying “We’ll take them!”

The FDA says lethal injection drugs imported by Texas must be destroyed or exported within 90 days. Which is ironic as that is exactly the same guidelines Texas uses for illegal immigrants.

The FDA says lethal injection drugs imported by Texas must be destroyed or exported within 90 days. To which Texas is saying who needs imported lethal drugs when you can just as easily use domestic lethal bullets?

Banquet has recalled Chicken Nugget with Macaroni & Cheese frozen dinners because of the threat of salmonella. The bad part is the salmonella is the most nutritious part of the meals.

Dow Chemical is pushing the White House to ignore a study showing some pesticides are harmful to 1,800 endangered species. They say the problem can be solved by just reclassifying all those animals as “pests.”

A study says a slight charge of electricity can improve a failing memory. To which the CIA agrees, saying it’s amazing how much people can remember when you hit them with a shot of 120 volts.

Robert De Niro is set to receive an honorary fine arts degree from Brown. That is as long as the ceremony takes place before the regents have a chance to see a showing of “Dirty Grandpa.”

Kim Kardashian says Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna are “just not meant to be.” Which is a pretty tough call to ignore coming from someone who has been through three marriages, one of them for a whole 72 days.

Bill Nye says science “will make a comeback.” Although that is a brave prediction from someone whose show was beaten in the ratings by “The Kardashians,” “Real Housewives” and “Teen Mom.”

Bill Nye says science “will make a comeback.” Meaning from the beating it took from fear, superstition and irrationality that crushed it in the 2016 election.

David Ortiz says his Silver Slugger Award was delivered to his house by FedEx. The question is if Rick Porcello who won the Cy Young with fewer first place votes than Justin Verlander was given the award by the accountants who work the Oscars.

The Dodgers bullpen gave up 9 runs in one inning last week. Apparently the front office came up with their interpretation of “fireman” from reading “Fahrenheit 451.”

Giants pitcher Madison Bumgarner was injured in a dirt bike riding accident. You would think someone in his position would know how to navigate his way up and down some dirt mounds.

Nike executive George Ravelling says LaVar Ball is “the worst thing to happen to basketball in the last 100 years.” To which fans are asking if it has been that long since the NBA used those short shorts?

Nike executive George Ravelling says LaVar Ball is “the worst thing to happen to basketball in the last 100 years.” Although it is questionable for him to make that judgment after remembering his company gave us the Nike Air Rift.

Nike executive George Ravelling says LaVar Ball is “the worst thing to happen to basketball in the last 100 years.” He says that because Donald Sterling is only 82.

A new tool allows people to see if their computer is infected with NSA spyware. Or as most people find out, if the computer can be turned on the answer is yes.

A report says the French presidential election has been plagued with fake news. Which can be easily identified as any reports that describe the French as polite, helpful and with good personal hygiene.

McDonald’s stock has gone up with the news they will feature mobile ordering. Mostly because their customers will be able to go through their whole daily junk food experience without ever having to put down their cellphones.

A Dutch engineer is proposing making airport runways circular. Which is perfect for United Airlines wouldn’t have to make a special trip back to the terminal when they want to throw off any passengers.

A Dutch engineer is proposing making airport runways circular. To which Harrison Ford is saying “Already way ahead of you.”

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Sad news from the entertainment world with the death of Erin Moran, “Joanie” from the ‘70s hit show “Happy Days.” Another tragic end that came too early for the 56 year old actress. She went from one of the greatest shows in TV history to a weak spinoff called “Joanie and Chachi” to pretty much anonymity. Even worse about “Joanie Loves Chachi” is that it prolonged the career of Scott Baio, even if just for another year. It just shows how Hollywood can give and take away in a very short time. I only mention that as anyone who grew up in the ‘70s knew the show and all the characters as it was iconic for the times and groundbreaking in many ways. That was when most people had access to three channels and even in large cities might have had up to around seven. In many ways because of that those were indeed happy days. I just hope all of you take the time to appreciate what you have and remember to always keep on sending the love!