Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

Doug Jones upset Roy Moore in the election for Alabama Senator. After Donald Trump lost supporting Moore’s opponent in the primaries and Moore in the election, Alabama is nowhere near as red as Trump’s face.

Roy Moore was interviewed before the election by a 12 year old girl. Which reminded Moore of when he was surrounded by preteen girls as the last time America was really great.

A man biting passengers on a JetBlue flight forced the plane to be diverted to another airport. Which means maybe it’s time for airlines to stop holding back on handing out inflight snacks.

A man biting passengers on a JetBlue flight forced the plane to be diverted to another airport. The worst part was when the pilot kept coming on the intercom saying “If this doesn’t stop, I will turn this plane around right now!”

A report says Artificial Intelligence has been programmed to identify 2 Billion people around the world. Which is easy as the 300 Million who are overweight and wear funny clothes are automatically assumed to be Americans.

A study says patients treated by doctors over 60 are more likely to die. Mostly because the only people who trust a doctor over 60 are patients who are over 80.

A study says patients treated by doctors over 60 are more likely to die. Especially when the doctor suggests treating ailments with blood letting, leaches and putting the patient into an iron lung.

South Korea is conducting anti-terror drills ahead of the upcoming Olympic Games. Which pretty much consists of telling people to just run behind the downhill skiers.

A report says 90% of Donald Trump’s TV news coverage is negative. No one had any idea that 10% of all our news comes from Fox.

A report says 90% of Donald Trump’s TV news coverage is negative. The worst part is that report actually bumped it to 91%.

A former Facebook executive claims social media is “ripping apart” society, saying there is “no discourse, no cooperation and misinformation.” Which until now was just reserved for what goes on in the White House press briefing room.

A report says people are mortgaging their homes to buy Bitcoins. Which will put them in the middle of the biggest bubble that burst since they lost their last home in 2007 with a subprime mortgage.

A study says being stubborn with a good work ethic can help people live longer. Which will be proven untrue the next time I am asked if I want to buy an extended warranty play at Best Buy.

A study says being stubborn with a good work ethic can help people live longer. Which means that telemarketer who calls every night at dinner time is not going to be quitting anytime soon.

A study says being stubborn with a good work ethic can help people live longer. Which is good news for the hotel maid who knocks on the door every three minutes saying “Housekeeping?”

Major League umpire Dale Scott is retiring early to stop risking more concussions. It’s been tough enough doing the job all those years after losing his eyesight.

A study says one in four people in Silicon Valley is at the risk of hunger. Which is ironic in that most of the industry there is dedicated to making sure they see pictures of what all their friends are eating for breakfast.

A report says warming in the Arctic has been unprecedented over the past 1,500 years. Which is sad that the news of all that melting ice comes 100 years too late for those people who sailed on the Titanic.

Venezuela will investigate its oil czar over charges of corruption. Who would have ever thought that someone having to do with the oil business would not be on the up and up?

The New York pipe bomb suspect reportedly rode the subway from Brooklyn to Manhattan with the bomb strapped to his body. People became suspicious when he went that distance without once groping or flashing any of the other riders.

The 2017 Nobel Peace Prize winners are calling for the end of nuclear weapons. Which ironically wouldn’t have ever been possible without the discoveries by all the past winners of the Nobel Science Prize.

Oxygen masks deployed on a Southwest Airlines flight because of smoke from a coffee maker. Passengers were alarmed. They were afraid if the coffee maker was broken the pilots wouldn’t be able to sober up before they had to land the plane.

An Egyptian singer was jailed for “inciting debauchery” in a music video. To which Americans under 30 are asking “What’s a music video?”

An Egyptian singer was jailed for “inciting debauchery” in a music video. To which any Americans who have ever seen MTV are saying “That is so ‘80s.”

Scott Pruitt’s soundproof phone booth to prevent eavesdropping is being probed by an EPA watchdog. Pretty soon Pruitt will be known as the toxic waste whisperer.

Ambassador Woody Johnson says Donald Trump’s Twitter attack on the British Prime Minister was misinterpreted. Which is as easy to believe as Kim Jong-un saying his nuclear missile tests were just his kids’ school science project.

Saudi Arabia is going to allow movie theaters for the first time in 35 years. No one had any idea that the backlash in 1982 from “Heaven’s Gate” would last this long.

Saudi Arabia is going to allow movie theaters for the first time in 35 years. Although they have been without films for three decades, on the good side no one there has ever been subjected to an Adam Sandler movie.

Canada has ditched a plan to buy fighter jets from Boeing in favor of used aircraft from Australia. It’s mostly a money-saving move as it can be assumed the Australian fighter jets are still pretty much like right out of the box.

An analysis says the House and Senate tax bills treat disaster victims unequally. Mostly because each house of Congress is pretty much its own unique disaster.

A doctor helped deliver a patient’s baby at a gas station. The child was appropriately named Ethel.

A study says full moons spell extra danger for motorcycle riders. Which makes it a double hazard for both of the full moons sitting on the motorcycle seat.

India has banned ads for condoms from prime time TV. In a country of 1.3 Billion people, it’s obvious those commercials weren’t selling a lot of product anyway.

India says that Chinese construction on a river is dirtying the water. You know pollution has gotten out of hand when India is complaining about its water quality.

The LAPD is probing complaints that Roman Polanski molested a girl back in 1975. If convicted, he could be sentenced to run for the U.S. Senate.

A New Orleans Saints fan is suing the team over its players’ protest of the National Anthem. If baseball players ever joined the protests, that lawsuit wouldn’t happen at Dodger Stadium unless they performed the National Anthem in the 3rd inning.

Luc Robitaille’s wife says she was hit on by Donald Trump once in an elevator. Making a pass at a hockey player’s wife can be dangerous, and Trump is just lucky she didn’t use that elevator ride to go Solange on him.

Luc Robitaille’s wife says she was hit on by Donald Trump once in an elevator. All these reports of women being assaulted in elevators really shows there is something to the claims that it is much healthier to take the stairs.

Luc Robitaille’s wife says she was hit on by Donald Trump once in an elevator. All these reports of women being assaulted in elevators shows that many businessmen completely misinterpreted the entire concept of the “elevator pitch.”

Duane “The Rock” Johnson says he is seriously considering a run for President. He is trying to save his image by tracking down and buying every known copy of the movie “Baywatch.”

A fan paid $210,000 for a lesson from Tiger Woods. It turns out he didn’t want to learn to play golf, he just wanted Tiger’s best lines to use on waitresses.

The U.S. is investigating the awarding of the 2016 Olympics to Brazil. To which Brazil is saying to the U.S. how about instead investigation that election where the person who got the fewest votes became President?

Jose Canseco is being criticized for offensive tweets about sex molestation. To which even Donald Trump says “Dude, sometimes you just have to put down the phone.”

Gene Dias of the Houston Astros has won the Fishel Award for MLB public relations. He will really be put to the test with his next assignment. Trying to fix Jose Canseco.

Netflix is bringing back “The Punisher” for a second season. Which is not to be confused with an upcoming documentary about the Robert Mueller investigations.

A Bible taken on Apollo 13 will be auctioned off. The three astronauts on the flight say two things got them through the near disastrous mission. The Bible and the 50 boxes of astronaut diapers.

Scientists say they have found the fossil of an ancient giant penguin in New Zealand that stood six feet tall and weighed 220 pounds. Either that or their research vehicle ran over a nun.

Blood red skies over China have finally been explained 300 years later as the result of a magnetic storm. On top of that, science has advanced to where they know exactly why the skies are now the shade of mud brown.

Former House Speaker Dennis Hastert has been banned from any contact with minors by a judge. If someone had put the same restrictions on Roy Moore, he might now be the Senator-elect.

Melania and Ivanka Trump’s votes in the New York City Mayoral race were thrown out. Apparently in an attempt to get him out of Washington, D.C. they both wrote in the name Robert Mueller.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Well, the third sign of the apocalypse is now in place with the election of a Democratic Senator from Alabama. Not only did Roy Moore lose a cinch victory, every Chuck E. Cheese in the state has seen business drop by at least half. Rough time for Alabama. I didn’t see that one coming. Stranger things have happened. Like two Republican actors being picked to run California. I’m just glad I am not in the business of picking who is going to win these elections. I have a much easier job in just figuring out when it’s going to snow. I just hope I am right when I forecast all of you will remember to always keep on sending the love!



Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

North Korean leader Kim Jong-un says he can control the weather. Mostly in the fact he is trying to put the rest of the world under a nuclear winter.

A judge has told former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort to stop communicating with the media. If the Trump Administration were to stop talking to the media, Fox News would be running nothing but a test pattern.

The PGA says it will no longer accept input from fans over possible rules violations. That means those viewers will have to go back to keeping kids’ balls in their yard, writing angry letters to the editor and yelling at cable news channels.

A daredevil climber fell to his death in China. Although he made a longer career of it than the people there who really tempt the fates by criticizing the government.

A daredevil climber fell to his death in China. Although he still didn’t take as many chances as the people there who breathe the air, eat the food and drink the water.

A poll says Americans give Donald Trump higher grades with the economy than overall. Mostly because it is the one part of the country that is still in tact.

A poll says Americans give Donald Trump higher grades with the economy than overall. Which is ironic since the people who still support Trump are the ones who are always wearing overalls.

Churches across the country are coming up with special programs to bring back Millennials. Mostly by just finally giving them something to do to get out of their parents’ basement for a while.

A former Facebook executive says social media is “ripping society apart.” Mostly the people who take it personally when all their friends don’t “like” the pictures they posted of what they are eating for breakfast.

A former Facebook executive says social media is “ripping society apart.” Fortunately, the executive can take their millions of dollars and move to a bunker in New Zealand to await the apocalypse they caused.

Saudi Arabia has lifted a decades long ban against movie theaters. Apparently they were worried that too many people would get spoiled with the air conditioning and start demanding it everywhere.

The New York City pipe bomb suspect was reportedly a cab driver out for revenge. So apparently the biggest threat for terrorism isn’t ISIS as much as Uber.

Larry King is being accused of groping the ex-wife of Eddie Fisher back in 2005. Although King says that isn’t possible since that would have been the time right between heart attacks number five and six.

Larry King is being accused of groping the ex-wife of Eddie Fisher back in 2005. King denies the charges, saying all the women he has ever groped he ended up marrying.

Venezuelan President Nicolas Maduro is threatening to ban the opposition from future elections. To which Donald Trump is saying “You can do that?”

Vladimir Putin says Donald Trump’s recognition of Jerusalem as the capital of Israel could be the end of the Middle East peace process. Apparently the 3,500th disruption in the peace process could finally be just one too many times.

The Treasury issued a one-page analysis of the GOP tax plan that says it will pay for itself. In a related story, a high school book report was found by Steve Mnuchin about “Moby Dick” that says it was about a nut trying to kill a whale.

The Treasury issued a one-page analysis of the 500 page GOP tax plan that says it will pay for itself. Apparently Steve Mnuchin wouldn’t have made it through college if it weren’t for CliffsNotes.

Shoppers using American Express cards will no longer have to sign receipts. Apparently it is a move to attract Millennials who thanks to computers and cellphones have never actually learned to sign their names in cursive.

Shoppers using American Express cards will no longer have to sign receipts. Which is great news for Alabamans who will no longer have to bring along a witness when they sign their “X.”

The new movie “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” is being dedicated to Carrie Fisher. Which will be inspirational to the three women who will actually go and see the film.

Wal-Mart is widening its appeal to compete with Amazon without leaving low-income shoppers behind. Mostly by working to get the business of the middle-low and upper-low income shoppers.

A report says soon people will be able to watch NFL games free on their phones with Yahoo. To which NFL fans across the country were saying Yippee.

A report says soon people will be able to watch NFL games free on their phones with Yahoo. Which is great news for fans who can now actually see what is taking place on the field during the game from their $150 seats in the nosebleed section.

A report says soon people will be able to watch NFL games free on their phones with Yahoo. The question being why on Sunday are they not at home where they can sit on their own couch and watch the games on a big screen TV?

Two generic versions of Viagra will soon be available. Apparently the price is coming down because the market is the one thing about the pill that is going soft.

Two generic versions of Viagra will soon be available. Which is good news for men who will find the cost of getting up is going down.

A study says having older brothers increases men’s chance of being gay. Which doesn’t bode well for the youngest brother in the Duggar family.

A study says having older brothers increases men’s chance of being gay. Mostly because the oldest ones get to play with the GI Joe action figures leaving the younger ones to fight with their sisters over the Barbie dollhouse.

A report says opioid prescriptions may run in families. Especially during the holidays when it’s the only way they can all cope with being around each other.

A study says two kids a day are injured by window blinds. So far the only adult claiming any injuries is Harvey Weinstein when the women he is peeping at slam them shut on his nose.

A survey says 72% of Americans believe the U.S. healthcare system is in a state of crisis. The other 28% have no idea since they haven’t been able to afford health insurance or see a doctor since 1992.

A study says 1 in 5 U.S. kids face a mental health crisis. Which is less than the number of their parents who have been dealing with depression and anxiety ever since the November elections.

A study says one third of Virginia children are not ready for kindergarten. What’s worse is that 90% of the kids tested were already in the 8th grade.

A study says kids ask adults 73 questions a day. 72 of them being “Are we there yet?”

A study says kids ask adults 73 questions a day. Which parents are fine with until one of them is “Where do babies come from?”

A study says health warnings on individual cigarettes could deter people from smoking. Especially when the smokers realize how dangerous it is to inhale the fumes from the artificial coloring to make the messages.

A study says health warnings on individual cigarettes could deter people from smoking. What’s even more effective is when they sell the space for advertisements for funeral homes.

The Jacksonville Jaguars have banned four fans who threw objects at Seahawks players during a game. Chargers players were shocked at the news. There are teams that can sell four tickets to a game?

LiAngelo and LaMelo Ball say their father’s plan to have them play in Lithuania will eventually get them on the Lakers. If nothing else, they will have the jump on other college athletes who can’t even find Lithuania on a map.

LiAngelo and LaMelo Ball say their father’s plan to have them play in Lithuania will eventually get them on the Lakers. At least as long as the team’s schedule doesn’t take them anywhere near China.

The UK Gambling Commission is warning that 500,000 children gamble every week. No one had any idea there were that many British children taking their chances to serve as Catholic altar boys.

A Wall Street analyst says Microsoft could be worth $1 Trillion by 2020. That doesn’t even include the Windows line of products, which could add another $5.78.

A Wall Street analyst says Microsoft could be worth $1 Trillion by 2020. Bill Gates is considering celebrating the event by spending more than $8 on his next haircut.

The world’s greenest cruise ship is being designed to be powered by sails. The bad part for passengers is that on calm days, the only way to get to the next stop is by being chained to the galley and given an oar.

Former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer is set to release a book next summer. It’s the one that will be written in all caps.

Former White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer is set to release a book next summer. Although the book most the people in the Trump Administration are more concerned about is the one the judge may be throwing at them.

Donald Trump says he wants to send astronauts to the Moon and then Mars to “reclaim America’s proud destiny in space.” So now we’re even trying to make the other planets in the solar system great again?

Roy Moore says Alabama “won’t let people from other states control this election.” Except for the ones who are coming in to help read the ballots to the voters.

Roy Moore says Alabama “won’t let people from other states control this election.” People from other states are only welcome to pay the federal taxes that are needed to pretty much keep the state in business.

Roy Moore’s wife fended off charges of being anti-Semitic by claiming “One of our attorneys is a Jew!” Also their accountant, banker and favorite deli owner.

Roy Moore’s wife fended off charges of being anti-Semitic by claiming “One of our attorneys is a Jew!” She also said they aren’t racist because they have black servants, Hispanic yard workers and love Chinese food.

Donald Trump is reportedly furious with UN Ambassador Nikki Haley after she said the women accusing Trump of sexual misconduct “should be heard.” Mostly because Trump feels all women should only be interested in being seen and not heard.

A judge has ordered Alabama to preserve its voting records for today’s special Senate election. Although most Alabamans say that is a tough request as the time for preserves is in the spring and summer and not the middle of winter.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Well, today is the special Senate election in Alabama. Which anytime there is an election in Alabama we like to use the word “special.” Republicans are worried that Roy Moore may not be able to win in the wake of allegations about sexual misconduct, saying none of this would even be an issue if they had never gotten rid of that darn poll tax. Yes, Moore is on the record as saying that we should abolish every Constitutional Amendment after #10. Or was that the Commandments? I forget. Those other unnecessary amendments covered things that apparently should be more states’ rights, like that slavery thing and allowing women to vote. In other words, let’s make America antebellum again! I just don’t know what this world is coming to. But in the meantime I will just keep making jokes about it and be happy when you all remember to always keep on sending the love!



Sunday, December 10, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

A report says judges and lawyers in complex trials are dealing with a rash of sleeping jurors. Especially the older ones who associate it with taking a nap after watching afternoon reruns of “Matlock.”

A report says judges and lawyers in complex trials are dealing with a rash of sleeping jurors. Jurists have to ask themselves “WWPMD,” or “What would Perry Mason do?”

A survey says more than a quarter of Millennials would replace their human lover with a sex robot. The worst part is they would only consider it if the robot contained a video game console.

A survey says more than a quarter of Millennials would replace their human lover with a sex robot. Mostly because a robot wouldn’t nag them about living in their parents’ basement and working at a minimum wage job.

Charlie Sheen is suing the National Enquirer for defamation over allegations by actor Corey Haim. How outrageous have things gotten when even Charlie Sheen is offended?

Charlie Sheen is suing the National Enquirer for defamation over allegations by actor Corey Haim. His case will be heard between the woman who had Bigfoot’s baby and the man abducted by UFO space aliens.

California wildfires have destroyed much of the state’s avocado crop. That was made obvious when flags at all Chipotle restaurants across the state lowered their flags to half-staff.

California wildfires have destroyed much of the state’s avocado crop. Although at least for the first time ever, the development has given Millennials a reason to actually watch TV news.

The Trump Administration reportedly wants to move some government jobs out of Washington, D.C. Forget Jerusalem, now Donald Trump even wants to change the capital city of the U.S.

Donald Trump associate Roger Stone says lawyers are giving Trump bad advice. Which would be more newsworthy if Trump actually ever took anyone’s advice.

Donald Trump associate Roger Stone says lawyers are giving Trump bad advice. The question is why do we have a President who needs to get so much advice from lawyers in the first place?

Wolf whistling and sexist remarks on London streets could soon be labeled as a hate crime. Which apologies to Warren Zevon could bring an end to the “Wolf Whistlers of London.”

A truck carrying bottles of vodka overturned, closing a Pennsylvania highway. Now the Russians are even meddling in our traffic.

A Florida teacher was arrested for selling pot to middle school students. Which at least for the kids resulted in a promotion to what became more of a high school.

Iraq says the war against the Islamic State is over. Now they can concentrate on going back to fighting that war they never finished against the U.S.

Dustin Hoffman is being accused of a costar of a “horrific, demoralizing and abusive” experience in a 1984 Broadway production. Which anyone can sympathize with who ever bought a movie ticket to see “Ishtar.”

California has opened an online system to license the new pot industry. They have even made for an easy way to access the lines by just clicking on a special icon on the website at Dominos.com.

California has opened an online system to license the new pot industry. Trying to Register stoners online is going to make even standing in line at the DMV look like the world is moving in fast motion.

California has opened an online system to license the new pot industry. The bad part is the stoners who are trying to register online are complaining that their AOL hookup is going through the process too fast for them to keep up.

The Navy says a sailor staged racist vandalism on his bunk. The Navy is trying to do away with racism in the ranks, telling sailors if they need to make insensitive remarks, it’s only OK if it is about the Marines.

The EPA has listed 21 toxic Superfund sites that need “immediate and intense” cleanup. The worst part is that 14 of them are agencies under the Trump Administration.

A report says half of all U.S. workers are not taking vacation time. Unless it counts as a vacation to take time off their regular job to work at the other two jobs they need to make ends meet.

A study says Millennials are more cautious with their money following the recession. Meaning they will be like their parents and eventually lose everything they have, just at a slower rate.

The pharmaceutical industry is suing California over new drug pricing transparency laws, claiming they are unconstitutional. Executives say they take away their right to life, liberty and the pursuit of another vacation home in the Hamptons.

U.S. pending home sales were up 3.5% in October. The only problem is that the sales are pending on the buyers getting a job, saving up for a down payment and making enough to afford the mortgage.

A Chevron economist says the oil industry is not worried about electric cars. Mostly because executives are willing to eventually cope with taking only three trips a year to their Mediterranean vacation compound.

A Chevron economist says the oil industry is not worried about electric cars. Mostly because the oil industry is obviously not too concerned about anything if they are doing well enough to still pay for a corporate economist.

A hedge fund manager says Donald Trump asked if Amazon is a monopoly. Apparently Trump keeps confusing Jeff Bezos with Mr. Moneybags.

Delta says it will no longer offer free checked bags on flights to Europe. Apparently it is just costing the airline too much to first misdirect all those bags to Africa and Asia.

A norovirus outbreak was reported on the campus at North Carolina State University. No one eve knew they had gotten a Chipotle stand at the student union.

A New York woman is suing a surgeon she claims was taking a Spanish test on his phone during the operation. The surgeon’s lawyer, when asked for a comment only said “Ay, Dios mio!”

A New York woman is suing a surgeon she claims was taking a Spanish test on his phone during the operation. The good part is that at least during the surgery he wasn’t practicing his dance steps for the Macarena.

A New York woman is suing a surgeon she claims was taking a Spanish test on his phone during the operation. The worst part is that if she wins, he will pay off any settlement with Mexican pesos.

The Pantone Color Institute has named “ultraviolet” as the color of the year for 2018. Which is not to be confused with the Donald Trump rallies back in 2016 which were more of the tone of ultra violent.

“The Last Jedi” the newest Star Wars movie will open on Thursday. The good news is that theaters won’t have to deal with the problem of seating any groups of more than one.

“The Last Jedi” the newest Star Wars movie will open on Thursday. The good news is all the people going to see it will then be able to get back on with their lives after camping out waiting in line for tickets for the past year and a half.

Steve Harvey is being sued for charity fraud by a former employee. Harvey claims he paid the employee, the only problem is that he wrote the wrong name on the check.

Giancarlo Stanton was traded from the Marlins to the Yankees. At least he will get a good rate from moving companies who have five million trucks in southern Florida waiting for someone to finally schedule a move in the other direction.

Manny Pacquiao is reportedly in talks with Conor McGregor for a boxing match. The idea is to see if they can put them in the ring and see if they can do something different than in their fights with Floyd Mayweather. Like land a punch.

Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson used Google to get photos the Jacksonville Jaguars stadium. Instead of using Google Maps, wouldn’t it just be easier to get there by taking the team bus?

Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson used Google to get photos the Jacksonville Jaguars stadium. It’s just too bad that he didn’t Google “Marshawn Lynch” on the last play of Super Bowl XLIX.

A Massachusetts teacher uses a sign with Tom Brady’s picture on it to slow traffic at a crosswalk. If she really wanted to slow traffic, she could instead act like Tom Brady and let the air out of all the cars’ tires.

A Massachusetts teacher uses a sign with Tom Brady’s picture on it to slow traffic at a crosswalk. While New England fans might slow down for a picture of Brady, the men would come to a dead stop if she instead used a photo of Gisele Bundchen.

Former NBA player Russ Smith says LaMelo and LiAngelo Ball would be welcomed to play basketball in China. LiAngelo already showed he has a good defense by getting his shoplifting charges dropped.

Facebook has made its sexual harassment policy public. Which is ironic as women say they are sexually harassed the most when they log onto Facebook.

The federal government is starting to crackdown on fraud as the price of Bitcoin continues to soar. Or if they really wanted to cut back on fraud they could start by doing away with the whole idea of Bitcoin.

Fitness app data says a Northern Ireland town has the fastest runners in the UK. Mostly all the townspeople who are sprinting to make sure they make it to the last bar before closing time.

 Donald Trump says he was going to watch the annual Army-Navy football game Saturday. It’s his favorite military matchup other than that one that featured the Blues versus the Grays.

The AP and Fox say they are abandoning exit polls during elections. Instead, to predict the winners they are just going straight to the source and asking the Russians who they are backing.

Donald Trump reportedly asked RNC Chair Roma Romney McDaniel to drop the “Romney” from her name. Which is ironic in that her uncle might have won the presidency if he would have dropped the “Mitt” from his name.

Donald Trump is urging China to cut off oil supplies from North Korea. Mostly so  Kim Jong-un won’t be able to leave the house without having anything to put on his hair.

Donald Trump held a rally for Roy Moore in Florida. Mostly because Moore is running for the Senate in Alabama but really, what’s the difference?

A Roy Moore accuser says she added a note to her yearbook inscription. People knew it wasn’t written by Moore, because if it was it would have included the Ten Commandments.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Just two weeks until Christmas. Then after that, just six more months of paying off Christmas. But then, what better way to show your family you love them than to go hopelessly in debt so they can have a stocking full of cheap crap from Amazon? I know the Christmas spirit really exists when you all remember to always keep on sending the love!