Sunday, August 20, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

Gainesville, Florida is set for a gathering of white nationalists next month. Or as a gathering like that is usually called in Florida, “September.”

A report says in the past, solar eclipses were seen as calamitous and that people believed the Sun was being devoured and would go away. As opposed to modern times when people want to witness the event but to get there are terrorized by miles of traffic jams and $4,000 a night hotel rooms.

Steve Bannon is out at the White House. It’s getting so there are signs in the West Wing that ask the last person to leave to please turn off the lights.

 Steve Bannon is out at the White House. The reasons are he was a suspected leaker, was involved in staff infighting and mostly because he had the fashion sense of Michael Moore.

Steve Bannon is out at the White House. His job as chief strategist was felt to be no longer needed since Donald Trump has yet to reveal having a strategy for anything.

A study says women with eating disorders are four times more likely to be convicted of theft. Mostly because when you are that thin it is easy to find loose clothes that are perfect to use for shoplifting.

Nigeria’s leader has returned after three months of sick leave. White House staffers have a term for if Donald Trump took three months off. “Job security.”

Nigeria’s leader has returned after three months of sick leave. The good news is that his medical bills will all be paid from the millions of dollars he will be paid soon from a loan he gave to a prince from his own country.

A “free speech” rally in Boston by right wing extremists was overrun by counter protesters on Saturday. Some came out when they heard it was run by white nationalists, others the KKK, but most when rumors said it was Yankee fans.

Helena, Montana has removed a memorial to Confederate soldiers. The question being what was a state so far north that was admitted to the Union 34 years after the Civil War doing with a monument to the South in the first place?

Nevada is being criticized for using untested drugs for an execution. Why not give death row inmates access to opioids and let them just eventually overdose?

Nevada is being criticized for using untested drugs for an execution. Instead they could just give inmates passes to Las Vegas casino buffets and let them die a lot faster from clogged arteries.

A Washington, D.C. florist is celebrating 114 years in business. The store has already made a profit for the entire year just on flowers sent in memorial for the demise of the political careers of Donald Trump’s staff.

Indiana Representative Todd Rokita was revealed to have an eight page set of instructions for his staff on his daily needs, including no “unnecessary conversation.” Which means Steve Harvey is now qualified to run for Congress.

Indiana Representative Todd Rokita was revealed to have an eight page set of instructions for his staff on his daily needs, including no “unnecessary conversation.” To which even Naomi Campbell is asking what’s that guy’s problem?

Yale alumni are asking former classmate Steve Mnuchin to resign as Treasury Secretary because of Donald Trump’s handling of Charlottesville. They should know if they want him out of this White House, they just need to wait a couple of weeks.

A leader of the Palm Beach Chamber of Commerce is telling charities to “rethink” holding fundraisers at Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort. How bad have things gotten when the Chamber of Commerce is discouraging business?

A leader of the Palm Beach Chamber of Commerce is telling charities to “rethink” holding fundraisers at Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago resort. The only businesses still backing Trump are defense contractors, oil drillers and makers of Tiki torches.

All 17 members of the White House arts and humanities panel have quit because of Donald Trump’s handing of Charlottesville. Especially when it turns out the only art supported by Trump is statues of Confederate soldiers.

A report says the solar eclipse will cost American companies $700 Million in lost productivity. Mostly from people staring at the Sun instead of being in the office updating Facebook, sending out tweets and looking at Internet porn.

Scientists say white supremacists are not as genetically “pure” as they thought. Except all the ones tested from Alabama who are at the least still first cousins.

An Alabama woman with three children is now pregnant with sextuplets after going through fertility treatments. Mostly because Alabamans have a term for a woman with only three kids. “Barren.”

Doctors are bracing for an increase in ER visits because of the solar eclipse. Mostly the people who try to drive back home after becoming blind from staring at the Sun.

A study says DNA test results don’t get most people to change their health habits. What makes them think people will do anything different if they are susceptible to cancer or diabetes if they won’t even cut back on dessert when the scale hits 350?

A study says binge watchers have a 98% increased risk of poor sleep quality. All they need to do to fix that is to start binge watching episodes of “Downton Abbey.”

Some pregnant women are worried about the eclipse because of old superstitions. Apparently it comes from the fact that women remember it was also completely dark when they got in that condition in the first place.

Some pregnant women are worried about the eclipse because of old superstitions. Which means the difference between some people and the Sun is while the eclipse causes the Sun to go dim, at least it will eventually become bright again.

“Saturday Night Fever” singer Yvonne Elliman-Alexander was arrested for bringing drugs into Guam. How else is someone supposed to prepare for the possibility of being hit by a nuclear missile from North Korea?

A “Twin Peaks” actor was arrested for assaulting his girlfriend with a baseball bat at a novelty lingerie shop after she didn’t return after going out to buy him Kool-Aid. The question is was that from a police report or a plotline of the show?

Seth Rogen, talking about the movie “Superbad” says he started writing the show with Evan Goldberg when he was 14. Which anyone who has seen the movie would assume they finished it when they were 14 ½.

Seth Rogen, talking about the movie “Superbad” says he started writing the show with Evan Goldberg when he was 14. Which shows how clever they were to make a movie where the title was pretty much also the reviews.

Items from Colin Kaepernick will be on display at the Smithsonian. Not because of his protests over the National Anthem, but because he is one of the few living 49ers who has actually played in a Super Bowl.

Items from Colin Kaepernick will be on display at the Smithsonian. It will include a game-worn jersey, shoes and his special knee pads to prevent injury during the “Stat Spangled Banner.”

The Iowa State Fair is displaying a replica of the Solheim Cup made entirely of butter. There just wasn’t enough dairy product available for their original idea of a salute to golf and saturated fat with a sculpture of John Daly.

A survey says 11% of consumers would pay $1,000 for an iPhone 8. Although the other 89% would pay $2,000 to give their ex-spouse an exploding Galaxy Note 7.

A survey says 11% of consumers would pay $1,000 for an iPhone 8. But they would draw the line at waiting no more than four days outside an Apple Store to buy one.

Google is trying to help news publishers turn readers into paying customers. The bad news is the people who will only use counterfeit cash to pay for fake news.

A California state senator has introduced a bill to curb sexual harassment in the tech industry. One solution is to tell tech workers to watch “The Big Bang Theory,”  pretend all women are Penny and treat her like Leonard and not Sheldon.

A 70 year old Oregon man is warning people to avoid the eye damage he suffered during a solar eclipse in 1962. Although there is the possibility that the sight loss he has experienced is from the fact he is 70.

Parents are worried about an app that is like Tinder for teens. Don’t they already have that? It’s called “Myspace.”

The Electronic Frontier Foundation says Google’s stance against neo-Nazis online is “dangerous” to free speech. Although Google says if people want to read Nazi propaganda there is still Breitbart, Daily Caller and The Blaze.

A report says no frills “plyscrapers” made of wood are on the rise. Although the only problem in working in a high-rise building would be wondering if they should worry more about being attacked by terrorists or termites.

Mar-a-Lago has lost its 9th charity event in a week. What is sad is that three of the events were to help raise money for all the people who are out on the street after losing their jobs in the White House.

Donald Trump applauded the Boston protesters who spoke out against bigotry and hate. Mostly so he didn’t have to risk upsetting his base by saying it himself.

An animated series is in the works that will feature Barack Obama and Joe Biden as crime fighters. Apparently the premise is to have them both take on an entire crime syndicate by being hired as investigators by Robert Mueller.

Donald Trump sent out tweets saying the country must “heel.” To which even Dan Quayle tweeted back telling him to get a dictionary.

Donald Trump wished Steve Bannon well on his return to Breitbart, tweeting “Fake news needs the competition.” The question being is he saying that Fox News just can’t put out enough by themselves?

Donald and Melania Trump will skip the Kennedy Center Honors in December because they say they want the celebration to go on without political distractions. Which is just too bad Trump hasn’t seen fit to run the White House the same way.

Donald and Melania Trump will skip the Kennedy Center Honors in December because they say they want the celebration to go on without political distractions. People were surprised. Trump thinks his presidency will last into December?

Steve Bannon has returned to Breitbart, promising to “crush the opposition.” To which Democrats are asking how much they owe him for his work in helping them crush their opposition.

Experts are saying that Donald Trump’s alienation from Congress could be his undoing. Or his failure to condemn racists, or the economy, or healthcare…

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! Monday is the day of the solar eclipse. Make sure you wear the correct eye protection or I will have to figure out a way to put this blog out in Braille. That would be tough on a computer. Some of you think I am picking on Donald Trump because of the number of jokes I write about his administration. I just write the jokes, I don’t control the news. When most of the news stories I read are about the White House, it only stands to reason that will be my material. Aside from the fact that unfortunately, with this group in control the jokes tend to write themselves. But all I ever really care about is that you all read the jokes, and always remember to keep on sending the love!


Friday, August 18, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

Stamford, Connecticut is looking to outlaw “distracted walking” while staring at a cellphone. The plan would never work in New York City as without their phones, people would have to risk making eye contact with other strangers.

Stamford, Connecticut is looking to outlaw “distracted walking” while staring at a cellphone. A similar plan is not under consideration in L.A. where people are asking “what’s walking?”

Silicon Valley has escalated the war on white supremacy. Which means Google could be looking for a new city to locate its headquarters.

Spotify has banned all “white power” music tracks from its site. It’s getting so volatile that they are even worried about playing songs by the Average White Band.

Spotify has banned all “white power” music tracks from its site. The streaming service says its time to go back to playing songs that reflect more of what society should be promoting.  Sex and drugs.

TV’s next big experiment will be for interactive technology that allows viewers to control the story. As opposed to when the only time viewers had a say in programming was changing the channel during “Two Broke Girls.”

A report says Cleveland leads the nation in the number of homes where owners are underwater. Which will last only until the next big storm hits New Orleans.

A report says Cleveland leads the nation in the number of homes where owners are underwater, meaning they owe more than the house is worth. Not because of subprime loans, but because nobody wants to buy a home in Cleveland.

Donald Trump attacked the removal of Confederate statues. At this point, one thing Trump will never have to worry about anyone removing is a statue that would ever actually be built in his honor.

Thieves in Germany stole 20 tons of Nutella chocolate spread. The crooks are believed to be armed and morbidly obese.

A report says Millennials are financing everything from bed sheets to concert tickets. Mostly because no one is going to repo dirty sheets or used tickets.

A report says Millennials are financing everything from bed sheets to concert tickets. Mostly because they don’t have any cash left after they try paying off their college loans with a minimum wage job.

Mylan has finalized a $465 Million settlement from overcharging Medicaid for EpiPens since 2009. Which means company profits during that time will now drop down to slightly more than $2 Billion.

Mylan has finalized a $465 Million settlement from overcharging Medicaid for EpiPens since 2009. Fortunately for the company, they were still able to get away with the billions of dollars they made overcharging everyone else.

An author claims the “iGen,” people born between 1995 and 2012 get less sleep, have less sex and delay getting a driver’s license. Not like before when young people slept all day and needed a license so they could have sex in the back seat of their car.

OkCupid has banned a white supremacist from the dating service for life. Which is too bad for the women members who just can’t resist a man with a shaved head who is covered with swastika tattoos.

OkCupid has banned a white supremacist from the dating service for life. It seems he was just looking for hate in all the wrong places.

OkCupid has banned a white supremacist from the dating service. The good news is that he already found another dating site where people think more like he does over at TrumpSingles.com.

A study says Millennials are more willing than others to marry someone in debt. Especially the ones who were looking for a spouse with a college education.

Starbucks CEO Howard Schultz says he questions the country’s moral fiber. How bad is it when our integrity is called out by someone charging $8 for a large mocha latte?

An Arizona baby was hospitalized with botulism on its first birthday. To which the parents are now realizing they should have held the birthday party somewhere other than Chipotle.

A study says being fat but fit still increase the risk of heart disease. As opposed to fat but not fit, or gaining weight and not being able to fit into any of your old clothes.

A study says a powerful new cholesterol drug does not harm the memory. Which is good news for the people who got high cholesterol because they keep forgetting to quit eating nothing but junk food.

A study says adding water to whiskey enhances the flavor. Not of the whiskey but for the water, especially for people living in Flint, Michigan.

A study says adding water to whiskey enhances the flavor. Mostly for the people who don’t really enjoy the flavor accompanied with having your vocal chords feel like they have just been set on fire.

A report from the CDC says teen sex habits and contraception use hasn’t changed in the past decade. Just ask any 25 year old woman along with her 10 year old child.

A study has found options to opioids for people following knee surgery. Especially for the people who needed the surgery because their knees were damaged from falling down while they were high on opioids.

Rachel Bloom says fashion houses only give out sizes 0-2 for celebrities at events making it expensive for anyone wearing a larger size. Or as most Americans call size 0-2, a sleeve.

Rachel Bloom says fashion houses only give out sizes 0-2 for celebrities at events making it expensive for anyone wearing a larger size. Which explains why Amy Schumer has been missing in action at public appearances for the past three years.

Katy Perry has postponed her “Witness” tour because of production delays. It reportedly has something to do over contract negotiations with the left shark.

Katy Perry has postponed her “Witness” tour because of production delays. Not to be confused with the Chris Brown tour where “witness” means everyone in the audience.

Kim Kardashian has confirmed she is trying for a third child with Kanye West. This time she is using a surrogate mother which means between that and all the nannies, Kardashian is hoping to meet the new child before they start school.

Donald Trump went on Twitter to champion the “beautiful” Confederate statues. He was less compassionate to the people he fired on “The Apprentice.”

Kim Kardashian says Kris Jenner offered to stop her wedding with Kris Humphries. Apparently Jenner decided to let the marriage take its course and go the entire 72 days it was destined to last.

Kylie Jenner says she felt horrible after her split with Tyga, feeling her relationships are “blasted” all over the Internet. Instead of what she wants blasted over the Internet, like her fashions, makeup and other endorsements.

Marshawn Lynch gave odd responses when asked about protesting the National Anthem. Although a bigger question than asking about sitting out the National Anthem is why he was told to sit out the last play of the Super Bowl.

Red Sox owner John Henry says he would like a name change for Yawkey Way in light of the former owners’ racist past. Also because anyone saying “Yawkey” with a Boston accents sounds like they are talking about a small dog.

The NFLPA executive director says a work stoppage in 2021 when the current agreement ends is a “virtual certainty.” The good news for fans is that in four years, all the concussions will cause players to forget every word he said by then.

Serena Williams is eyeing the Australian Open following her pregnancy. Mostly because by then her daughter will be a few months old and already capable of being her hitting partner.

MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred says to not expect robot umpires anytime soon. Mostly because it probably wouldn’t go over all that well to have a player get thrown out of a game by Siri.

MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred says to not expect robot umpires anytime soon. Mostly because Watson could end up with a fried processor and power supply the first time a manager kicks dirt on him.

LeBron James says Donald Trump has made hate fashionable again. To which the people in Alabama are asking when it ever went out?

A security breach exposed the records of 1.8 Million Chicago voters online. The worst part is that some of them are actually still living.

Uber says it will continue to ban white supremacy from its platform. In fact, they made significant progress against the culture of hate just by firing Travis Kalanick.

Scientists say animals will be confused by the upcoming solar eclipse. Although not as much as the morons who will go blind by insisting it is OK to watch it without any eye protection.

Scientists say animals will be confused by the upcoming solar eclipse. Except for all the cats that will go ahead and sleep 20 hours like they would on any other day.

A report says July was the second warmest month ever recorded. And that doesn’t even include the temperature rise experienced at White House staff meetings.

Maine Governor Paul LePage says removing Confederate monuments is like taking down the 9/11 Memorial. To which even native Mainer Stephen King is saying “That guy really scares me.”

A prominent supporter of Donald Trump says he now regrets his vote. Although at this point he may have an even bigger regret in telling everyone he voted for Trump.

A prominent supporter of Donald Trump says he now regrets his vote. To which Trump says he just hopes he can get the 3-5 Million illegals who pulled the lever for Hillary Clinton to regret their votes.

A report says Donald Trump’s Confederacy fight is threatening the GOP agenda. Almost as much as the workings of the people inside the GOP.

A report says Donald Trump’s Confederacy fight is threatening the GOP agenda. Only Trump would think it would be a way to unite the country by starting up the Civil War again.

Republican Senator Bob Corker says Donald Trump has not demonstrated the “stability or competence” to be successful. Which should have been obvious when he couldn’t even skim enough to come out ahead with an Atlantic City casino.

Al Gore is advising Donald Trump to resign as President. Mostly because Gore is more concerned about global warming than ever now that the heat coming from the White House alone could raise the temperature of the planet another two degrees.

Donald Trump’s top defense and diplomatic chiefs insist there is a military option for North Korea. Which is the standard procedure of claiming they have weapons of mass destruction and using that as an excuse to try to blow them off the planet.

Donald Trump’s top defense and diplomatic chiefs insist there is a military option for North Korea. Although the way things are going for Trump, there could soon be a military option for Charlottesville.

The White House has killed Donald Trump’s proposed infrastructure council. How bad has it gotten when even our crumbling framework is in better shape than the government trying to fix it?

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! The weekend is here and not a moment too soon. I think we all need a couple of days to unwind, take a deep breath and then ask what in the world is going on? You know things are bad when the major news stories are too tragic to write jokes about. The small things are funny and give me a lot of material but the big ones are just plain scary and there seem to be a lot lately. So if we all just relax over the next couple of days maybe things will be better just in time for Monday to watch the Sun disappear from the sky. In the real old days that would have been enough to scare everyone into behaving properly. We should only be so lucky now. At least I always feel lucky when all of you remember to always keep on sending the love!


Thursday, August 17, 2017

Greetings, Oh Faithful Readers! From the most prolific joke writer on the planet...!

Donald Trump disbanded two advisory councils after CEO members publicly refused to work with the White House. Which is like dumping your girlfriend after you find out she has moved in with another guy.

Mike Pence ended an international trip early because of controversy surrounding Donald Trump. Apparently Pence wants to be there the minute Trump is declared unfit for office so he can move into the Oval Office as soon as possible.

Mike Pence ended an international trip early because of controversy surrounding Donald Trump. How bad is it when diplomacy issues are more critical at home than they are in other countries?

Hope Hicks has been named interim White House Communications Director. Mostly because every position in the White House at this point is considered interim.

New York City schools are set to install bullying detectors. As opposed to the traditional way of telling if someone has been bullied by seeing their underwear has been pulled over their head.

A report says cashier jobs may soon be a thing of the past. Mostly because it’s impossible to find anyone these days who can still actually count back a customer’s change.

Iran’s supreme leader mocked the U.S. over the events in Charlottesville, saying we need to tackle white supremacy. How bad has it gotten when we are being lectured on moral grounds by Iran?

Germany’s Martin Schulz says Donald Trump’s comments about Charlottesville are “highly dangerous.” Mostly because the last time Germans heard talk like that from their own leader they ended up losing a war over it.

A poll says one in four Americans will follow Donald Trump to the end. Which he seems to be committed to making that an imminent possibility.

The Interior Department says it will not remove Confederate monuments from national battlefields, saying it is an important part of history. On the other hand, how many trophies ever also list the names of the losers?

Donald Trump is accusing Amazon of causing damage to tax paying retailers. Especially how they are now making a fortune selling Tiki torches over the Internet.

Donald Trump’s statements about Amazon hurting retailers wiped $5.7 Billion off their stock value. He hasn’t been responsible for that much of a drop in value of an institution since he was forced to shut down Trump University.

So many Americans are suffering from political anxiety that doctors have coined a term for it, Post-Trump Stress Disorder. The interesting part is that millions of people could be helped if Trump would submit to going on the couch.

So many Americans are suffering from political anxiety that doctors have coined a term for it, Post-Trump Stress Disorder. The symptoms are fear of dark, enclosed spaces brought on by the trauma of what happened their last time in a voting booth.

A scientist says smartphone separation anxiety is a growing problem with people afraid of not having access to their devices. Mostly because thanks to staring at their phone all day they don’t have any human friends left to keep them company.

A scientist says smartphone separation anxiety is a growing problem with people afraid of not having access to their devices. What’s worse is that without their phone to send text messages with, they soon develop restless thumb syndrome.

A woman found the diamond wedding ring she lost 13 years ago while working in her vegetable garden. She had no idea she had even planted any karats.

Tom Cruise broke his ankle while performing a stunt for the upcoming “Mission: Impossible 6.” Apparently he took it just a bit too literally when someone on set told him to break a leg.

The Peter Pan Bus Company in Boston has settled a complaint about discriminating against people with disabilities. Federal regulators had threatened to send the company back to never-never land.

Senator Lindsey Graham told Donald Trump that his words are dividing Americans. Although that didn’t surprise most people who realize that is just a continuation of his entire campaign strategy.

A report says student loan borrowers owe more and need a longer time to repay. Mostly from needing to borrow money for five years of college to wind up with a degree that only gets them a minimum wage job.

A report says one in four people have injured themselves grooming the hair in their private areas. The other three were injured after they were caught by their spouse grooming themselves so they could send out some naked pictures.

Body scanners are being piloted at the L.A. subway system. The same idea won’t be tried in New York City because it would just serve as a way for perverts to get a preview of who they were going to grope.

A study says alt-right is another word for white supremacy. The study got all its information from Fox News, talk radio and Donald Trump’s Twitter account.

J.P. Morgan CEO Jamie Dimon says he parted ways with Donald Trump saying racism, intolerance and violence are always wrong. Which he avoids dealing with by spending his entire weekends at his exclusive private country club.

PayPal is cracking down on white supremacist accounts. For one thing, they are no longer allowing transactions by anyone using Confederate money.

Small Business Administration head Linda McMahon says small businesses are being held back because they can’t get loans or find the right workers. What do you call a business with no money and no workers on the premises? J.C. Penney.

A child contracted the influenza virus from a pig at the North Dakota State Fair. Although it was still not as detrimental to the child’s health than if they instead had contact with the pig by eating a plateful of bacon.

A child contracted the influenza virus from a pig at the North Dakota State Fair. No one had any idea you could get the swine flu from an actual swine.

A study says people age better if they have a purpose in life. Especially the ones whose main purpose is doing everything they can to keep from looking older so they can still manage to find work.

A study says wine tastes better to people when they think it is more expensive. Plus there is a noticeable difference in the flavor and aroma of wine when it is served from a can or a cardboard box.

A study says wine tastes better to people when they think it is more expensive. And the best way to convince them it is expensive is by getting them drunk first on a couple of bottles of the cheap stuff.

A study says wine tastes better to people when they think it is more expensive. And putting a high price tag on an item is also the way the art and jewelry businesses have managed to survive through the years.

A study says exercise can help people learn a new language. Like all the people who are able to learn English once they get into the U.S. by outrunning the border patrol.

Anna Faris gave relationship advice on her podcast following her split with husband Chris Pratt. Wouldn’t it be better for people to take relationship advice from someone in a relationship that is actually working?

A report says Liza Minnelli is planning a comeback. Which is big news for anyone still living in 1974.

A report says Liza Minnelli is planning a comeback. Not to say she is past her prime, but the performance will be called “Liza With a Zzzzzzzzzzz…”

A report says Liza Minnelli is planning a comeback. Apparently she feels she can face her public again now that most people forgot she actually married David Gest.

A report says it is “100% certain” LeBron James is leaving the Cavaliers next summer. Which means ESPN will be able to make a small fortune in just running repeat showings of “The Decision.”

The Chick-fil-A stand at the Mercedes Benz Stadium in Atlanta will keep up with the company policy of staying closed on Sundays when the Falcons play home games. Which is only fitting since the Falcons offensive line took the day off Super Sunday.

The Chick-fil-A stand at the Mercedes Benz Stadium in Atlanta will keep up with the company policy of staying closed on Sundays when the Falcons play home games. That’s as bad a business decision as opening a kosher kitchen in Charlottesville.

Conor McGregor says using lighter gloves will give him an advantage in his fight against Floyd Mayweather. But only if they are lighter because he has them filled with helium.

Tom Brady gave Houston Texans quarterback Deshaun Watson some tips at a joint team practice. The first thing he told him is to only use 7.2 gram needles when trying to go undetected while deflating game balls.

The New Orleans Saints have shaken up their medical staff after a player’s broken leg was misdiagnosed as a contusion. Mostly because the recommended NFL treatment for both injuries is the same over-prescribed dose of opioids.

The New Orleans Saints have shaken up their medical staff after a player’s broken leg was misdiagnosed as a contusion. Mostly because it didn’t matter since as long as it isn’t a concussion it’s OK to get right back onto the field.

Augusta National has bought some land they will use to lengthen the 13th hole. To which Jordan Spieth is saying why not just move the tees back and completely eliminate the 12th?

A company claims it is selling a drone that can walk dogs. Which for anyone who owns a dog knows it would be a lot easier to try to attach their leash to a running vacuum cleaner.

Google is testing a “Search Lite” app for countries that have slow Internet connections. Which pretty much means any men using something called search lite while looking for something online means they will end up looking at soft porn.

Frank Drake, who designed the maps to find Earth that were placed on the Pioneer and Voyager spacecraft says it was a bad idea that aliens could use to conquer Earth. People aren’t worried. Even alien men would never stop to ask for directions.

Frank Drake, who designed the maps to find Earth that were placed on the Pioneer and Voyager spacecraft says it was a bad idea that aliens could use to conquer Earth. People aren’t worried as any advanced civilization with GPS has no idea how to even use a map in the first place.

Donald Trump’s lawyer sent an e-mail saying there is ‘literally no difference” between George Washington and Robert E. Lee. Just like there seems to be no difference between Donald Trump and Richard Nixon.

Steve Bannon says he wants Democrats to keep talking about racism every day. Which they will as long as Donald Trump still continues sending out his regular morning tweets.

That’s it for now, Oh Faithful Readers! You know, my real job as a TV meteorologist can be a tough job. Writing jokes every day can also be demanding. But I am just lucky I don’t have the worst job in the world. Head of the Charlottesville Chamber of Commerce. It’s tough with their new slogan “Come for the charm, stay because you are afraid to leave your hotel room.” Oh, well. Hopefully things will calm down there as it is a nice town which I had the pleasure of visiting. Of course, that was before it became a hotbed of Nazi demonstrations. This country is really going down the toilet fast. I hope we can iron out our problems and get back to what really matters. Being able to work long enough to reach the new retirement age of 93. In the meantime, my problems all seem to disappear when you all remember to always keep on sending the love!